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lovingpet -> RE: Stepping outside the norm: degradation (2/24/2010 11:24:45 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: malephedre
quote:
My initial thoughts were a huge swirl of how can I do this to someone I love...
Missbeautiful2U,
As someone who loves humiliation/degredation play, my feeling is how can Someone do this type of play with someone that they do NOT love. For humiliation play beyond "you have a small useless XXXX" it takes knowing your partner and his/her buttons. It comes down to what can be pushed, what shouldn't be pushed and when to back off.
It takes a huge amount of trust on both partners. Trust on the part of the bottom to be able to sink into that headspace without being damaged psychologically beyond the scene and trust on the Top that they will be able to stop and gauge when it is time to slowly bring the bottom back and "rebuild" them.
For me, it is about stripping away ego and all of the false layers built up through out ones life and to peek under the covers and see what exists. It is also extremely important for me to know that I am a strong individual and am in the frame of mind to come back safely. If I happen to be "off" for whatever reason, it isn't a good idea for me to engage in that sort of activity.
It takes a huge level of trust, knowing your partner and communication to engage in this. I think that he exhibits his trust in you by even talking about it.
Respectfully,
Jason
Another amen added to this post.
The bolded part is what I wanted to comment further upon, however. In all this there is also a need to know what territory is fair game and what is not. Some things will, in fact, damage the submissive regardless of how much love and trust is underneath it all. For example, taking a simple task that most people can accomplish easily but that is difficult with my health issues and berating me for not being able to do it (say standing over me and laughing, namecalling etc while making try to clean a bathtub, or some thing) would be very destructive for me right now. That has to do with my own issues surrounding my health and wanting to be able do and contribute what I can't.
In time, I may come to accept things better and it wouldn't be an off limits button right now, but for now my partner stays well clear of anything that's going to set off that kind of line of thinking because it is in no way going to produce a positive result. Humiliation play may also wind up being one of the ways I come to terms with this, but I am nowhere near ready for it yet. What is destructive today, is humiliation play fodder down the line, and what used to work to hit those buttons one day will no longer be effective and he will have to have something else to use.
That means he is going to have to always be learning about me. He will be observing small changes over time in my life, thought patterns, beliefs, etc. Someone who doesn't love me and respect me is not terribly likely to do this. Yes, there are some highly sociopathic types who will, but even they are not all that common. There is a whole lot of attention and focus and in depth exploration of the submissive needed in order to pull off humiliation well. It is not just knowing what will humiliate, but if it is safe to use, and how to use it, and when it is no longer humiliating. That sounds like a very deep and intimate relationship to me.
lovingpet
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