RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant?

RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (Full Version)

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LafayetteLady -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (2/27/2010 3:08:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 Sorry to be so late entering this discussion. While i identify as a sub, LafayetteLady (who is a Domme) best captured my thoughts on this issue. Actually, I identify as a switch and in my relationsihip, I am primarily submissive (just sayin). quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 i think that sometimes subs go a bit overboard in romanticizing submission. i view it a bit differently. To me, D/s relationships are no different than vanilla relationships. We adjust our lives to accommodate our partner. Some people might call them "sacrifices" others might call them "compromises", but it is simply what people do who care about one another. This was pretty much the point I was trying to make. There seems to be a lot of blustering about "sacrifice" and several other terms around these boards when talking about D/s relationships. It makes it sound as though many people seem to think that D/s relationships are much more special and/or "real" than boring old "vanilla." They aren't more real or more special, just different. When you love someone, you want to make them happy, it is really that simple. Even if you are the "D" in the relationship, if you aren't going to make your "s" happy, that "s" isn't going to stick around. It doesn't matter if the making them happy consists of spankings, CBT or hugs and kisses. Because let's be real here, folks, you aren't submitting because it makes you miserable. You do it because it makes you feel happy and fufilled. So many like to answer that with how many things "master" has them do that they don't like. Well, many times in a relationship we do things that we don't like. Many times in life we have to do things that we don't "like." That's how the game of life works. quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 i understand that those who identify as slaves might be more likely to make "true sacrifices" (e.g. giving up career, family, income, or even violating their own priciples). However, i did acknowledge that i identify as a lifestyle submissive, and not a slave, so my answer is reflective of that. Even in trying to define the differences between submissive and slave, the word "sacrifice" is nothing but playing with terminology to get the desired effect. Because honestly if one is willing to give up their family, career or violate their own principles, they weren't all that attached to them in the first place. The biggest problem with the term "sacrifice" is that it is a word that is easily turned around in times of disagreement and strife. Yea, sure, so many people here will counter with "well, I'm an s-type, so I just obey, my disagreement doesn't matter, the D-type is in charge. Yep, sure until there are larger problems in the relationship where the couple needs to sit down and discuss what's going wrong. Then all of a sudden, there is talk of all that was "sacrificed" for the sake of the relationship. Ultimately, if you are in a relationship where see youself as "sacrificing" instead of compromising, you are either playing with the terms because it makes for "fluffy" and "romanticized" D/s, or your relationship is not as good as you think.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (2/27/2010 3:39:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady Actually, I identify as a switch and in my relationsihip, I am primarily submissive (just sayin). Thanks for the correction. i obviously didn't check your profile before writing my post. Sorry about that. [:)] quote: Even in trying to define the differences between submissive and slave, the word "sacrifice" is nothing but playing with terminology to get the desired effect. Because honestly if one is willing to give up their family, career or violate their own principles, they weren't all that attached to them in the first place. The biggest problem with the term "sacrifice" is that it is a word that is easily turned around in times of disagreement and strife. Yea, sure, so many people here will counter with "well, I'm an s-type, so I just obey, my disagreement doesn't matter, the D-type is in charge. Yep, sure until there are larger problems in the relationship where the couple needs to sit down and discuss what's going wrong. Then all of a sudden, there is talk of all that was "sacrificed" for the sake of the relationship. Ultimately, if you are in a relationship where see youself as "sacrificing" instead of compromising, you are either playing with the terms because it makes for "fluffy" and "romanticized" D/s, or your relationship is not as good as you think. Very well stated. i agree completely.

lobodomslavery -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (2/27/2010 3:42:29 PM)
Im willing to give love affection, kindness, compassion and bucket loads of service. But money? I dont wish to be with money minded individuals. They are shallow to me Kevin

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (2/27/2010 3:47:22 PM)
Everything, my whole life here. Except it wouldn't be a sacrifice just what is necessary to be with him. Being with him means more to me than my job, apartment and the "stuff" I have collected. He is everything to me, the rest is replaceable. zeph

LafayetteLady -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (2/27/2010 7:41:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery Im willing to give love affection, kindness, compassion and bucket loads of service. But money? I dont wish to be with money minded individuals. They are shallow to me Kevin I'm not sure where I ever mentioned money in my post (perhaps you weren't really responding to me). However, I will say that when two people are in a relationship and decide to live together, at least a portion of each person's money will be used jointly for the benefit of the home. I know that my partner has at times helped me out if I have come up short towards the end of the month, and I have helped him with things as well, although we don't live together. Again, that is nothing more than each of us doing things to help the other out. He fixes my car, I do his laundry. Relationships, regardless of the dynamic involved need to be give and take to succeed. If there is no give and take, then you aren't really in a good relationship. I'm sure there are more than a couple of people on both sides of the kneel who think otherwise, but then again, they aren't really in "relationships" with each other, they simply serve or are served. If one wants to go through life without a loving relationship, that's up to them, but I won't change my opinion that they are not allowing themselves to have a completely fufilling life if they make that choice.

lobodomslavery -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (2/28/2010 2:47:45 AM)
Im not saying I would not give any money. Absolutely give and take and I would pay board. But I would not give ALL my money or a large proportion thereof to a Domme. No. Why and leave myself impoverished. No way Kevin

LafayetteLady -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (2/28/2010 11:07:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery Im not saying I would not give any money. Absolutely give and take and I would pay board. But I would not give ALL my money or a large proportion thereof to a Domme. No. Why and leave myself impoverished. No way Kevin I agree totally with that concept. While some may counter with how it is the trust they have in their master and dominant that allows them to do that, there are too many variables that can leave the sub/slave destitute at the end of the relationship, whether it be by death or break up. While I would never do it myself, the same "feeling" of giving up everything can be reached by having all those funds and assets put into an account under the sub/slave's name with the dominant/master holding the account information. At the end of the relationship, the sub/slave has all those funds back. In any case where a dominant/master has the desire that the sub/slave doesn't work outside the home, they need to be responsible and make arrangements for their sub/slave's financial welfare at the end of the relationship. It is easy to romanticize the whole thing, but reality is that relationships end and people die.

lobodomslavery -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (2/28/2010 12:00:46 PM)
Yeah if the funds are not spent by then. Nah its too risky. Maybe its just me but to be honest I would not even trust my own Mammy with my bank account so I could not possibly trust a stranger with my finances and a Domme is a close stranger to me in that I and She do not know each other that well Kevin

LafayetteLady -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (2/28/2010 7:06:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery Yeah if the funds are not spent by then. Nah its too risky. Maybe its just me but to be honest I would not even trust my own Mammy with my bank account so I could not possibly trust a stranger with my finances and a Domme is a close stranger to me in that I and She do not know each other that well Kevin You misunderstood what I said. I said the accounts would be in YOUR name, meaning she would not be able to withdraw money and not be a signator on the account. The "feeling" of control over your funds would come from needing her permission to use the money. Personally, I don't believe it is reasonable when not legally married to let anyone have control over your finances, and even then both names need to be on the account.

juliaoceania -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (2/28/2010 9:28:07 PM)
The word sacrifice is related to the sacred... it is something one gives up to the god(s) in order to gain something... it could be favor, or fertility, or for fear's sake... but people sacrifice something they value to get something that they value even more than that they gave up.. otherwise it isn't a sacrifice. I already gave a lot already. What did I get in return for my sacrifice? Not what I thought I would be getting... I got something in the long run I value even more. I am on my own for the first time, and I feel safer for being alone than I ever did counting on others. I do not know if that makes sense or not...I do not need my family or friends the way I thought I did. I can do it without anyone else. For the first time I created my own support group of friends, etc... all alone... no help from anyone, and that is entirely freeing. What would I sacrifice now for my Daddy? Not another thing. I already gave him the best parts of me. I left my support system behind, I started a new life to pursue one with him, and that did not work out the way I hoped it would. I will not give up anymore, especially my sense of security and safety I have built for myself from scratch. I will share what I have with him, anything I have with him, but sacrifice it, no way no how... end of story... he doesn't want me to.

lucylucy -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (3/1/2010 8:17:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady If there is no give and take, then you aren't really in a good relationship. I'm sure there are more than a couple of people on both sides of the kneel who think otherwise, but then again, they aren't really in "relationships" with each other, they simply serve or are served. If one wants to go through life without a loving relationship, that's up to them, but I won't change my opinion that they are not allowing themselves to have a completely fufilling life if they make that choice. My Owner has joked that our relationship is all give and take--I give and he takes. Of course it's more complicated than that, but on a day to day basis, I do a lot of giving and he does a lot of taking. Equality and fairness don't figure into our relationship. It seems that according to your comment above, my relationship with my Owner doesn't measure up to being a real relationship or even "loving." Nothing could be further from the truth. We love each other deeply and have an extremely stable and committed relationship. It may not be the kind of relationship that would work for you, but it works for us.

cloudboy -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (3/7/2010 9:23:19 PM)
OK, we'll pencil you in to tide all your income to your dominant, saddle you with all the chores, and have you sit in the corner while your dominant cucks you for domiguy. O, we may as well stick you in a chastity belt too.

Elisabella -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (3/7/2010 10:22:24 PM)
-FR- I don't want to get into the theoretical aspect of "how much would you sacrifice" but I have sacrificed a lot. I moved from Chicago to Sydney to be with him, giving up my hometown, my familiar surroundings, weather I love, living near my family, being able to see my friends, going to parties and clubs...I also quit smoking cigarettes for him, and doing illegal drugs - gasp! I know a lot of people will say those last two are better not to have, but I enjoyed doing them on occasion. I have made a lot of sacrifices in other areas, but leaving my friends, hometown, and lifestyle behind are the hardest. Especially at Christmas, cuz you know, it doesn't snow in Sydney.

NefertariReborn -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (3/7/2010 10:27:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy OK, we'll pencil you in to tide all your income to your dominant, saddle you with all the chores, and have you sit in the corner while your dominant cucks you for domiguy. O, we may as well stick you in a chastity belt too. That would be "tithe." Just sayin' because putting money out on the water would just be insane. Domi does cucking????? He never tells Me anything...basterd (sorry Basterd.)

cloudboy -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (3/8/2010 6:54:49 AM)
quote: "tithe." Just sayin' You're correct. Don't you just love the single, and "you should be willing to anything" crowd.... Domi's got your back covered.

LafayetteLady -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (3/8/2010 11:10:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lucylucy quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady If there is no give and take, then you aren't really in a good relationship. I'm sure there are more than a couple of people on both sides of the kneel who think otherwise, but then again, they aren't really in "relationships" with each other, they simply serve or are served. If one wants to go through life without a loving relationship, that's up to them, but I won't change my opinion that they are not allowing themselves to have a completely fufilling life if they make that choice. My Owner has joked that our relationship is all give and take--I give and he takes. Of course it's more complicated than that, but on a day to day basis, I do a lot of giving and he does a lot of taking. Equality and fairness don't figure into our relationship. It seems that according to your comment above, my relationship with my Owner doesn't measure up to being a real relationship or even "loving." Nothing could be further from the truth. We love each other deeply and have an extremely stable and committed relationship. It may not be the kind of relationship that would work for you, but it works for us. Actually, I think you are taking the "give and take" a bit too literally. It's the "more complicated than that" portion where there is the "equality" of give and take. You are taking the positon that domination and submission are not equals. But one doesn't exist without the other, does it? "Give and take" doesn't necessarily add up to tangible things. In my own relationship, I will wait on my partner hand and foot. The way you present things above, that would be all me doing the giving, while he takes. But he is giving to me in intangible ways.

antinomy -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (3/8/2010 11:14:47 AM)
What would I be willing to give? Wow, I once pondered that very question, and it astounded me the things I was contemplating. It never ended up happening, but I learned a lot about myself, and what I valued. Because, when it comes down to it- isn't that REALLY the question? What do you value most? Where your heart is, that's where you end up going. Whether you call it a sacrifice, a compromise, or a privilege is pretty much dependent on your point of view. It comes down to choices, as whenever we make one, we decide (often subconsciously) where our priorities are. Edited, because I meant to reply in general, and not to any one individual.

NefertariReborn -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (3/10/2010 9:00:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy quote: "tithe." Just sayin' You're correct. Don't you just love the single, and "you should be willing to anything" crowd.... Domi's got your back covered. Hmmmmmmmm not so sure that last part is a good thing....I think I'll stand up

lally2 -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (3/11/2010 3:23:22 AM)
to give everything up, all that youve worked for, youre family, friends, hobbies and interests is a massive request. if it were possible right now to transfer my son from his school and relocate i would, but i would also have to bring my horse, and keep my hobbies and interests and i would not be with a man who expected me to give all of those things up, they are too intrinsic to my well being. why would anyone wish to take away something valued from someone they are supposed to care about. i would never ask it or expect it from anyone else and frankly, i dont see that it has anything at all to do with us being submissive or Dominant. its about looking at the whole person and realising what is best for them in the long run. the whole 'you should do it for me' reeks of manipulation and selfishness. i realise that finding someone so special that leaving home and even country is the clear choice. but why would you have to give up on the things that you love to do and that make you happy. i would go anywhere in the world if i knew it was the right path, but if i had to give up horses, paganism, walking in the wilds, my son - i would curl up and die to be honest. but i guess thats me and not everyone feels the same way. .

wisdomtogive -> RE: How Much are you willing to sacrifice to be with Your Dominant? (3/11/2010 4:24:55 AM)
I made my leap 5 wks ago, and never considered doing this as a sacrifice. Yes, the 5 weeks have been heavily laden with the ups and downs related to adjustments. These adjustments consist of a new state, where I know no one,plus colder weather then south Florida. The key factor for me though is what I have gained. Yes, instead of being alone/single, which I really did plan on doing, now my daily life has been filled with someone whom I have great respect for, and one I do love to serve. Sir already had gained my respect, which isn't an easy feat, along time ago. He also understands my lack of experience in living 24/7 in BDSM, as well as M/s, so he is slowly reeling me into His lifestyle. Letting me get use to each new step(s). All I came here with was my cat, my work tools and the few clothes that could pass as winter clothes. In June, I will get the rest of my things from Florida to bring here. I didn't sacrifice anything. All I did was release one way of living for another.He feels the same way about moving me here. He is not sacrificing a thing.

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