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MasterSlaveLA -> RE: in need of an opinion please.. (2/19/2010 1:31:34 PM)
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1) How long did you know each other prior to becoming his slave... and is this your FIRST power exchange relationship?
a few weeks. and yes.
To be blunt, you didn't know each other long enough, as exemplified by the problems you're having now.
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2) Are you a 24/7 "live-in" slave or do you both live apart from each other?
online. offline. move in within the next few months
Wouldn't suggest the move-in thing... BIG MISTAKE!!!
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3) We know you're 18... How old is he?
18
You're both young... nothing wrong with that, but I'd seriously doubt he has the experience he's led you to believe he has, and it's showing.
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4) What is his current employment/financial status... and is it different from when you were first getting to know each other? (financial stress is a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE deal for men)
He has a job, nothing has changed in that aspect.
Okay... good to know... so no stress there.
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5) Have there been any major "life events" recently -- i.e., death of a family member, loss of job, or ???
not with Him
What happened with YOU, and did you notice any change in him because of this?
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6) What is YOUR current employment/financial status... do you support yourself, or is he supporting you?
separate support systems
Okay... also good to know. Rules out any supposed "financial pressure".
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7) What are each of your current emotional/mental states... are there any ongoing issues (such as depression, anxiety, etc.) that both of you are tending to, and were these issues (if any) addressed prior to your ownership?
i have mood swings, and He has DID
Most people have a certain amount of "mood swings"... that's not too unusual. However, if he has been diagnosed with DID, this may hold the bulk of the answer to what's been going on. Knew nothing of DID, so found this online:
Dissociative Identity Disorder
(Multiple Personality Disorder)
Dissociative identity disorder (previously known as multiple personality disorder) is a fairly common effect of severe trauma during early childhood, usually extreme, repetitive physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse.
What Is Dissociative Identity Disorder?
Most of us have experienced mild dissociation, which is like daydreaming or getting lost in the moment while working on a project. However, dissociative identity disorder is a severe form of dissociation, a mental process, which produces a lack of connection in a person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of identity. Dissociative identity disorder is thought to stem from trauma experienced by the person with the disorder. The dissociative aspect is thought to be a coping mechanism -- the person literally dissociates himself from a situation or experience that's too violent, traumatic, or painful to assimilate with his conscious self.
Is Dissociative Identity Disorder Real?
You may wonder if dissociative identity disorder is real. After all, understanding the development of multiple personalities is difficult, even for highly trained experts. But dissociative identity disorder does exist. It is the most severe and chronic manifestation of the dissociative disorders that cause multiple personalities.
Other types of dissociative disorders defined in the DSM-IV, the main psychiatry manual used to classify mental illnesses, include dissociative amnesia, dissociative fugue, and depersonalization disorder.
What Are the Symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder?
Dissociative identity disorder is characterized by the presence of two or more distinct or split identities or personality states that continually have power over the person's behavior. With dissociative identity disorder, there's also an inability to recall key personal information that is too far-reaching to be explained as mere forgetfulness. With dissociative identity disorder, there are also highly distinct memory variations, which fluctuate with the person's split personality.
The "alters" or different identities have their own age, sex, or race. Each has his or her own postures, gestures, and distinct way of talking. Sometimes the alters are imaginary people; sometimes they are animals. As each personality reveals itself and controls the individuals' behavior and thoughts, it's called "switching." Switching can take seconds to minutes to days. When under hypnosis, the person's different "alters" or identities may be very responsive to the therapist's requests.
Along with the dissociation and multiple or split personalities, people with dissociative disorders may experience any of the following symptoms:
Depression
Mood swings
Suicidal tendencies
Sleep disorders ( insomnia, night terrors, and sleep walking)
Anxiety, panic attacks, and phobias (flashbacks, reactions to stimuli or "triggers")
Alcohol and drug abuse
Compulsions and rituals
Psychotic-like symptoms (including auditory and visual hallucinations)
Eating disorders
Other symptoms of dissociative identity disorder may include headache, amnesia, time loss, trances, and "out of body experiences." Some people with dissociative disorders have a tendency toward self-persecution, self-sabotage, and even violence (both self-inflicted and outwardly directed). As an example, someone with dissociative identity disorder may find themselves doing things they wouldn't normally do such as speeding, reckless driving, or stealing money from their employer or friend, yet they feel they are being compelled to do it. Some describe this feeling as being a passenger in their body rather than the driver. In other words, they truly believe they have no choice.
In short... lots to deal with, and may very well be the issue; and which has NOTHING to do with you.
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8) You stated you'd gotten into a huge argument a few weeks ago... what was that "argument" about?
His sister said He was seeing an ex sub again; turns out it was miscommunication and confusion on her part -.-
So you've got TRUST issues with him... and likely accused him instead of talking to him. You've got some maturing to do as well. And ask yourself this... why would his "sister" be trying to cause drama?
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9)
You'd stated you asked to be "released" THREE TIMES... why did you feel compelled to take such a drastic position a "few weeks ago" when things were better then than they appear to be now?
read number 8 please
No reason for your behavior... you should have gotten the FACTS prior to acting so immaturely/stupidly; you probably know that now.
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10) Since becoming involved with your Master, what things have you been "punished/disciplined" for (if any)... and can you honestly state that you've not REPEATED the things you were punished/disciplined for, or are these things (if any) ongoing and being repeated?
the only thing has really been forgetting my place by questioning Him at times and forgetting to call Him Sir or Master at times as well
Minor things... again, the DID thing may be the real issue; and again... that's NOT your fault, and he may need help in this arena prior to taking on responsibility for another/a slave.
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11)
Can you HONESTLY state that you don't "hound/badger" him... have you made him the center of your universe, and possibly become a "burden" of sorts at times possibly calling, IMing, emailing, talking or whatever excessively?
i used to act like that, but i didnt wasnt to annoy Him, so ive cut back immensely
Having "cut back immensely", this shows this was a problem (with you) and one possible reason for his not wanting to talk/communicate as you used to.
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12) MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION HERE: if your Master was in this forum now... WHAT WOULD HE SAY ARE HIS ISSUES WITH YOU/YOUR CURRENT DYNAMIC? And please don't state "I have no idea"... you're involved with him and he's likely not been a "mute" the entire time, so you absolutely have SOME IDEA of what he's stated/been dissatisfied with in the past. Be honest or it's IMPOSSIBLE to help you... and it appears as if you'd genuinely like to make things work.
He would say that im worried too much, but its all about my future. i dont cling to Him as much as i used to because He said it was slightly bothersome
Don't know how much you "used to", but a certain amount of "clinging" is normal... happens when people are PARTNERS and need to rely on each other. Excessively "clinging" is too much for anyone to handle. Not stating you were, just stating.
My personal advice?
1) Forget about moving in with each other for now... take that off the table.
2) Stop calling, emailing, IMing, etc. MEN CHASE THE WOMEN THEY WANT... if he's not chasing you, he doesn't want you beyond anything but play/sex. If he comes around, then DATE for a while and see how things go. It's a knee-jerk reaction to want someone back when they're not responsive... so keep that in mind should he suddenly change. DON'T IGNORE RED FLAGS.
3) I don't know if he's doing anything about his DID, but that's NOT, NOT, NOT something YOU are equipped to deal with. If he doesn't deal with it (i.e., is actively seeking help/counseling), neither should you; this ain't going away and will ALWAYS be a "wall" of sorts between you.
Summary: Neither of you are ready for a 24/7, "live in" dynamic. He has some SERIOUS issues to deal with and you BOTH need some maturing. Again... just take the pressure off by telling him you love him and would like to make things work, but not to worry about moving in together right now. Tell him, if he wants to work things out, that you'd love to wipe the table clean and start over again, but WITHOUT making any long term plans till you BOTH are SURE you want to be with each other long-term and are BOTH prepared to be RESPONSIBLE TO, and ACCOUNTABLE FOR, each other. And once more, if he's NOT actively getting help/counseling for his DID, it ain't NEVER gonna work... WITH ANYONE!!!
So, give him the space he wants... and should he contact you, WATCH FOR RED FLAGS, while also telling him it's likely best for both of you to just to see how things go for a while before making any long-term plans and ensure he's seeking the help/counseling he may need. TIME will resolve this for you... THERE'S NO URGENCY HERE... if you're as concerned about your "future" as you've stated you are, then take the TIME to ensure this is the right relationship for you. You'll see... it'll NATURALLY go one way or the other; just like ANY relationship does. When it comes to the "relationship" portion of BDSM Dynamics they are no different from Vanilla ones... always remember this. If the "relationship" is not strong, the BDSM portion of it is DOOMED!!! Forcus on the relationship first (treat it no differently from getting to know a Vanilla partner), and if that's good/strong... only THEN move on to the BDSM stuff.
Most couples ('nilla or of the BDSM sort) face challenges in their relationships, as NO relationship is without its problems... the issue is NOT whether you've been presented with challenges/problems, but HOW YOU ADDRESS THOSE CHALLENGES/OBSTACLES. Where there's love and commitment, BOTH PEOPLE will work towards a resolve. Where there isn't (and only one person is doing all the work), then it's ultimately doomed to failure... GUARANTEED!!!
My Best!!! [:)]
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