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Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to scenes? - 2/18/2010 1:03:27 PM

WanderSub

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I'm hoping this isn't a new trend, but several times of late some of my scenes have ended abruptly. I have been attempting to analyze the issues and commonalities of these particular scenes to (1) try to cope with the drop and (2) in hopes of preventing the same situation of presenting itself in the future. I don't get drop often and I have pretty well pinpointed the triggers for drop under usual circumstances. I also tend to be a self-soother, sometimes having to have aftercare forced upon me or done for the top's benefit more than mine. Which is what surprises me so much about these instances. When a scene ends abruptly, the drop sets in almost immediately, within minutes. It has ranged from, "wow, super sad" for a while to nearly crying myself to sleep as an attempt to escape it. Unlike when I've gotten drop before, where I can feel it coming on and can take action (usually a trip to the gym works most efficiently), this drop (if that's even the right term for it?) comes on so immediately, I have no chance to do anything. And never is it at a time when I can hit the gym for some leveling out.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is it drop? Or something else altogether? And do you have any tips or suggestions for coping with it when it does happen?

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/18/2010 2:24:21 PM

elleX

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...that must be hard on you,,, i dont know the reason why it dropped,,, you know ,,, but i am afraid you will have some growing apprehension about it if it happens again and ended by not letting yourself relax enough through a scene because of that ,,,
i dont know about tips,,,i am sorry... does it make sense that you avoid a scene if you beleibe this might happen again ? ,, i dont know ,,, just asking

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/18/2010 3:11:27 PM

DesFIP

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Go back to easier scenes that won't have to end abruptly?
Honestly, if we were doing stuff that consistently had to end because it was causing problems then we'd stop doing those things.

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/19/2010 4:02:15 PM

OriginallyFromLA

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Check into seasonal affective disorder. The last few years I've turned into a freaking basket case with emotional swings that just hit me for no reason, but it only happens from December -~March time frame. Once spring hits I'm "normal" again.
I have found extra vitamin D is a big help, but you may want to see and endocrine specialist. I checked your profile and I would think being in Sacremento you would be safe from SAD, but you never know.

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/19/2010 8:34:06 PM

WanderSub

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Thanks everyone for your replies. The scenes ended abruptly not because of their intense nature (in fact, only one of them hedged on even being intense), nor were they ended because of the play itself, but due to the tops in more than one instance simply ending it without the usual descent or just no longer being in control of the situation. In those instances, should I ever play with those people again, I would need to carefully communicate the need for a smoother "landing" and/or realize the extra risk with them.

@ elleX - I know I'll certainly be avoiding scenes that I know will be challenging if there's a possibility of interruption. And I won't even be attempting them in a place in which I don't feel secure to begin with.

@ OriginallyFromLA - Since the drop occurred as a direct result of the play ending, it wouldn't be SAD. Though we're not immune from such things in Sacramento.

I realize, of course, that drop and other after effects of WIITWD are the risk for the reward. I was just looking for some ideas for coping with drop when you're already in the thick of it as the methods I'm used to employing to deal with drop either don't work or are impossible by that point.

< Message edited by WanderSub -- 2/19/2010 8:35:47 PM >

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/19/2010 8:38:01 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WanderSub

Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to scenes?

Ask the Police Officer if he'd like to join in... BAM, you're back in business!!!

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/19/2010 10:21:43 PM

velt

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Ah, much clearer after your 2nd post and my initial response isn't relevant. No suggestions other than to prevent it from happening again if at all possible.

< Message edited by velt -- 2/19/2010 10:34:29 PM >

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/19/2010 10:38:55 PM

WanderSub

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@ MasterSlaveLA - Hahaha! Next time, next time!

@ Velt - I've read through numerous posts on dealing with drop, found what worked for me then and have stuck with it. Dealing with the abrupt endings have proven to be a challenge, so I've begun reading through posts on drop again. Great minds!

You also make a really good point about the aftercare matter. It's not specific to this thread really as by nature of the abrupt ending there is no aftercare from anyone other than myself. I know that I always get cold and that my blood sugar is low, especially after something intense, so I know to bundle up a bit and get something with protein in my system. Then socializing is the best thing for me. So, in terms of those needs, I generally (but not always) handle that myself. It's not that I reject cuddling or affection from tops. But, as I said, I think you're on to something there and that is something that I do need to examine further. Thank you!

(in reply to velt)

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/19/2010 10:40:02 PM

WanderSub

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@ velt - Darn, I should have quoted your original post. You had good things to say in there!

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/20/2010 6:46:41 AM

SimplyMichael

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I know you mainly play in private but have you watched these tops play with others? Did you specifically negotiate aftertercare?

What were your feelings for these tops going into the scene, chemistry and energy can have a lot to do with a scene feeling "different" than another although the commonality of the abrupt ending would seem to point to that being the source rather than anything else.

You have lots of friends, you could always have an "aftercare" buddy who instead of a booty call could get an "aftercare call"....

(in reply to WanderSub)

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/20/2010 7:19:16 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
...you could always have an "aftercare" buddy who instead of a booty call could get an "aftercare call"....

This is what I did in my last relationship. Very intense (and often difficult) play would end abruptly and I would be left to recover. This often resulted in a very deep and hard "drop" that would last days. So my very dear friend and I had an agreement - I would go to her house and spend the night, and she would care for me - cook dinner, massage me, snuggle with me, and just love on me. She loved giving this as much as I loved receiving it. We'd watch movies and her kids (toddlers) would jump all over me - it was a great distraction and put me in good spirits.

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/20/2010 3:44:06 PM

WanderSub

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@ SimplyMichael - I don't play with people I don't know pretty well as I have trouble with that whole "insta-trust" factor and play where I cannot let go is rather unfulfilling. I had watched these tops play with others, knew them well, and in all but one case, had played with them before. In thinking about it now, that might have contributed to my inability to roll with the abrupt endings as I was used to another pattern of behavior from them. If I played with someone where our scenes were consistently ending abruptly, I could plan ahead accordingly and be prepared. (Though I think that would deter me from playing with someone as I'd again have trouble letting go.)

You're spot on in touching on chemistry making a difference. It was certainly a factor in the most intense case of drop I referred to.

I like the idea of an aftercare buddy that both you and NuevaVida discussed. Very good advice. When it comes to the drop from abrupt endings, I tend to fall so fast I'm pretty quickly beyond the point of asking for help. But perhaps if I set it up like a safe call/aftercare call.

Thank you both for your comments.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/20/2010 4:07:37 PM

UniqueRaven

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From: Austin, TX
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Yoga. Yes, i know it sounds like a simple answer, but it's true. i experience much the same as what you describe in your post.

As you mention, hitting the gym helps you - but you can't always get to the gym quickly enough. Yoga is an activity that you can do at home, or wherever you're at - even just on the floor after you've been released from the scene (like child's pose - a wonderful and very submissive soothing position).

In addition to experiencing this in my personal practice, i'm also a certified yoga teacher who works in yoga therapy, and a Biologist. As you've experienced, sub drop is a physical and chemical reaction created after a physical scene, and it isn't "fixed" in the mind. You need to process this out of the body, not just try to "soothe it away" - which in my experience rarely works.

It's as simple as this: Fix the body, and you can fix the feelings - especially "icky" ones. After particularly heavy sessions (physically and/or emotionally) i find that i must do yoga afterwards, to get re-centered and ready for the next time. It helps, it really does, especially as a regular practice.

A great and simple practice that you can do from a book is "Yin Yoga" by Paul Grilley. It is basically a series of deep stretches. Do them at night, before bed, relaxing into them, and take your time and go slow......and take some time to journal your thoughts and feelings afterwards if you like. You'll find that a LOT of thoughts and emotions are released as you practice. This is good - let them flow! And stay with it, nightly, and mornings too if you like - the best results are cumulative. And again, you can take one or two and just do them after your scene - this isn't rocket science, it's just being gentle with your body and transitioning back to a more centered place.

If yoga just really isn't your thing, then may i suggest any other form of physical movement where you can get some good deep stretching and core work (pilates, for example). Regardless of what you do, be gentle with yourself and work out what your body needs, and you just might find yourself feeling much better.

< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 2/20/2010 4:10:20 PM >

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(in reply to WanderSub)

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/20/2010 4:21:08 PM

WanderSub

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@ UniqueRaven - It is a simple answer. I cannot imagine why it didn't occur to me sooner! I love yoga and have been practicing for more than two years now. I know how centered and calm it can make me. Why I've never thought of it as an alternative for a hardcore workout when it comes to aftercare is utterly beyond me. It's perfect in the way that it requires mental engagement and focus with the addition of a physical release. And it really can be done anywhere. I think it's the PERFECT solution. THANK YOU!!!

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/20/2010 4:38:07 PM

LanceHughes

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I always wrap up my bottoms for warmth. I always give them water and make sure they A) don't drop it and B) drink some. Maybe some water to the side can help you. Most of my bottoms are so deep into sub-space /Lance bows, acknowledging light applause/ that they CAN'T socialize for quite a while. I'll say, "Come back, <insert name here>." Maybe some strokes, fairly firm ones to the arms, chest, sometimes legs. Repeat call to them.

Drop is more a chemical reaction than anything else. Adreniline plus endorphins plus hormones = TOXINS..... Drop is simply the body trying to rid itself of those drugs and whatever crazy mixture/bizarre compounds might have formed. That's why warmth, that's why water - MORE than 10 ounces minimum. That's why yoga and exercise "work" - they help the body rid itself of toxins. But given the constraints on the question, try those things.

Socialization - your choice.

Now, as to my drop - I need some reassurance that the scene went moderately well. In general, Tops have fragile egos. Topping from the bottom kinda messes with MY head. Of course, "playing" with my body causes some of those same toxins. I'll often call the next day to see how the bottom is doing, and see what went well, what was xer favorite thing, and ONLY THEN ask if there was something that could be improved.

Why is your drop suddenly more intense? Simply, maybe your body has changed its reaction to the toxins. Might have become more sensitive. "We" humans just haven't done the research into this all just yet.

Graduate students in Biology, where are you?

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/20/2010 4:58:01 PM

UniqueRaven

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Yes, yes, yoga is the perfect solution for everything - hee hee!

(well maybe not *everything* but don't burst my bubble)

Glad to help. Child's pose, very submissive, great energy release, centering......and as you mention the mental and spiritual components make it that much more "complete."

And as Lance says, don't forget the water.

Hugs!
julie

eta one other thought

< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 2/20/2010 4:59:08 PM >

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to WanderSub)

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/20/2010 5:56:13 PM

WanderSub

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@ LanceHughes - Thanks for the information! The reason the drop is maybe not necessarily more intense, just more immediate is that the scenes ended abruptly. The fact that I'm not able to jump in an counter it as I usually am because the onset is so swift it can make it feel more intense since I'm already in the middle of the arc (so to speak) than at the beginning of it.

Also, the reminder about hydration is a really good one. I KNOW it, but in looking back on these instances, that was something that I forgot.

And thank you for bringing up top drop.

@ UniqueRaven - I'm inclined to agree that yoga will cure anything. I'm kind of a pusher like that. Which is why I cannot believe that I hadn't thought to use it for drop. Thanks again! (And for the book recommendation.)

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/21/2010 9:02:16 PM

afkarr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

I always wrap up my bottoms for warmth. I always give them water and make sure they A) don't drop it and B) drink some. Maybe some water to the side can help you. Most of my bottoms are so deep into sub-space /Lance bows, acknowledging light applause/ that they CAN'T socialize for quite a while. I'll say, "Come back, <insert name here>." Maybe some strokes, fairly firm ones to the arms, chest, sometimes legs. Repeat call to them.

Lance, when you decide you want to give us girls a try, count me in *sigh*

Wandersub- I discovered the hard way I don't deal well at all with sudden endings; it's rougher for me than not even starting. Maybe find a steady playmate who can end things smoothly?

(in reply to LanceHughes)

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/22/2010 9:34:19 AM

Pudicitia

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Abrupt ends to scenes are difficult because often there is some degree of winding down - even if all that it is removing the bondage - that hasn't been able to happen. The usual warm blanket/warm drink/sugar/snuggles (or whatever works for you) can still happen and are perhaps more necessary than usual. Give your body a chance to recover and adjust itself back to reality.

I usually play away from my own home either at a club of someone else's place so I find there is a second wave of drop when I get back- even when that is a day or two later. I plan in advance for that ... clean sheets, some tasty somethings in the fridge (comfort food that is easy to prepare) and a couple of good movies stacked up. As Michael suggests having a drop buddy is a good idea - I have one, we usually go to the movies and gorge ourselves on sweeties/popcorn/icecream. Also doing something really normal (like the grocery shopping) helps me get back to reality if it was something that spaced me out.

One thing I would say though ... if you are finding this problem continues it would be worth looking at how you are playing. It might be that something you are doing in the scene is bringing up stuff you need to look more closely - humilation/degredation play is a classic for this.

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RE: Tips for dealing with drop from abrupt endings to s... - 2/22/2010 9:58:25 AM

SimplyMichael

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Wander,

You know the chenille blanket I use? I was thinking that perhaps having one of your own that you require anyone playing with to wrap you with as part of your aftercare would imbue it with all that love and care and so if you were dropped suddenly, you could wrap yourself in your own blanket and feel all the love and care that it posseses.

In short, create some rituals that YOU own and that your tops participate in so even if they can't, YOU can use that same ritual to help you back to a good place.

(in reply to WanderSub)

Post #: 20

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