LafayetteLady
Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tnpainslut
Hello.
I'm fairly new to all of this as I was only discovered in the last year, hiding my desires from myself, by my first and only Sir. Our relationship has always been a secret because of his marital status. We have come to a point that it will soon be too difficult to maintain secrecy and Sir has expressed his desire that I find a new dom. While I know we can no longer give each other everything the other needs and keep it a secret, I am saddened. I know he wants what is best for me but I've grown to trust him so wholly that I can't stand the thought of serving someone else. Is this a normal feeling? Will I grow out of it with time?
As others have already pointed out, you got involved with someone who was married and wanted some "play" on the side. You were a toy. Now the shine has worn of of the new toy, the risk of his primary relationship with the person he committed to and truly cares about is at risk.
You think he wants what is best for you? Here's a reality check for you....you say that your "jobs coexist" so you have to see each other regularly. The whole "what is best for you" line of crap is so that you will keep your mouth shut.
quote:
ORIGINAL: tnpainslut
I'm not really sure why you are comparing the transfer of a slave to another dom to a vanilla "break up". That is not at all the same thing and I'm not asking about "break ups". I was simply trying to grasp whether it was normal for a slave to have this kind of lingering attachment and lack of desire to serve a new dom. I couldn't care less about your vanilla boyfriend that broke your heart. That's what Facebook is for. And yes I'm sure you meant well but I don't think you understood my question.
There is no "transfer," he told you to go find someone else. Has he asked you to bring all prospective new "masters" to him for approval? I doubt it. All he is concerned about is that you don't get ticked off and go telling wifey poo what kinds of things her husband is into, or worse yet, collegues you both are in contact with.
You want to know what is "normal?" What is normal is that when someone is brand spanking new to BDSM, D/s, M/s they don't have attitude with people who offer kind words to them. Actually, reasonable human being don't have attitude with people that offer kind words to them in an effort to help them with the pain they are feeling.
We all "understood" your question. You didn't have a "relationship" with this man. He was too busy having a relationship with his wife. You were a piece of meat that he used and abused for his pleasure, nothing more. He wasn't a partner for you, he was just someone who found someone he could order around the way he couldn't order around his wife. You bought the story hook, line and sinker and now you think you know all about being a "slave," and the rest of the people just don't understand.
You put all your trust in someone who wasn't honest with his wife (which means he ain't all that trustworthy to begin with), now he is feeding you a line of crap about "doing what is best for you," so that you don't go yapping about your affair and ruin his life. You talk about giving each other what the other needs. There was no give and take here, you gave, he took, and you convinced yourself he cared enough about you to do what is best.
So you want to know whether what you feel is normal? Yes, it is very normal for someone to feel pain, loneliness and even GUILT that they can no longer be someone's dirty little secret. It would also be normal, now that you are no longer with your first "sir" to take some time and learn what BDSM, M/s, and D/s is all about and stop bitching about the problem you caused yourself thinking that you could have some kind of lifetime of servitude with someone who was dishonest to begin with.
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RE: separation pains.... normal? - 
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.. especially when she was boinking a married dude... somehow I think his wife would get more support than she has even though she may very well be the vanilla in the situation
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