Phobias and fears

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Phobias and fears

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Phobias and fears

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Phobias and fears - 3/28/2006 6:32:43 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

I have a terrible phobia about crawling insects and spiders. Ever since I can remember I have had this fear. Anything bigger than a fingernail sets me into a state of terror.

I react badly to the sight of cockroaches. These are not little tiny brown ones that I used to see in NZ, these are horrible big black ones. There was one in the kitchen last night and I could not bring myself to get within two metres of it let alone stomp on it

I even feel sick if I have to sweep up a dead one, the fear is that bad.

Master has now said that it's my responsibility to get rid of any cockroaches, and also thinking of catching a few and confronting me with them. Now I'm not sure of He was joking or not but I did tell Him that it would probably make me hysterical with fear and that would not be a pretty sight. I even ended up having bad dreams last night about it. I've tried to explain the fear I feel but He just thinks I am over-reacting.....any thoughts please would be much appreciated

Post #: 1

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/28/2006 6:43:34 PM

KittenWithaTwist

Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I think this is ridiculous-that is, his desire to rid you of your fear by confronting you with it. I had a friend who wished to confront me with my fear of the dark. He turned out all the lights in a hotel room and locked the door. I was so terrified that I sat near the locked door (where a tiny bit of light from the hall peeked through) and tried to injure myself with broken glass. I cried and cried until, at last, he turned on the lights. It was a horrific experience.

I'm very fearful of bugs (and will kill them onsite with windex or raid so I don't have to go near them), so my partner will usually scoop up the carpenter ants that end up in our house during the summer and put them outside. He doesn't thrust them in my face or try to break me of my fear, thank god.

I think that the only way to get over a phobia is to do it when YOU want to, on your own time, and in your own way. Everyone is afraid of something. If you were scared of heights, would he force you up a ladder or make you jump off a building? Sheesh.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 2

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/28/2006 6:56:04 PM

starymists

Posts: 139
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline

I think you need to take the issue back to your Dominant. It could be that he was joking, or thought that you were joking. It may be something that he wants to help you with, or he could be dead serious. Fear is irrational. It doesn't respond to rational talk, or confrontation. It its a wholy emotional response that defies and overrides even our desire to serve. What confrontation can do is make the fear worse, make the feelings and the responses stronger instead of making them easier. A Dominant's responsibility is to not harm his submissive. To not abuse her trust. To not cause her damage, or leave her worse off than she was when they started. That's why we have limits and safe words. Good luck!

Tessa

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 3

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/28/2006 7:02:35 PM

scratchingpost

Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

desensitization and confrontation of ones fears works wonders WHEN it is done properly as in a therapists office. make sure that your dominant understands this and if he desires for you to get over this fear then by all means seek treatment in a safe setting. i have a fear of the dark and enclosed spaces and heights. if it infringed on my life i would seek therapy but since they are not fears that impede me why bother adressing the issue?

_____________________________

be safe and smile
purrrs kitty
(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 4

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/28/2006 7:31:48 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

To the OP...I have a terrific fear of heights..not like heights in an elevator,but heights like a ladder something that is dependant on me not to klutz myself into an injury.If a Dominant decided to help desensitize me to this fear he would have a headful of vomit dripping to his face and a trembling, white faced,submissive with a grip on said ladder that he would not be able to pry loose.Shoot! he could be Hulk Hogan and the grip would be immovable!..So with saying all that,your Master better be carful on his need for you to confront your fears,he may open a can of worms he may wish he had'nt.And IMO and for me personally phobias as someone said should be addressed by a professional and any Master that would try such with me would have me doubting if he truly had my best interests at heart or was just enjoying his sadistic side at a great expense....be well...tempting

(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 5

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/28/2006 7:52:07 PM

MsMacComb

Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline

Doms and Dommes should perhaps stick to most things physical, some things emotional and few (if any) things psychological. In my opinion someone suggesting or ordering something along the nature of what was mentioned doesnt have the faintest idea what issues they could be making more complex, rather than simplifying.

_____________________________

Not looking for anyone for anything, any time.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 6

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/28/2006 8:06:10 PM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

Rayne:

I do hope he was joking, I would address it with him as soon as I could. The anticipation can intensify things for you, like your bad dreams. I can't add anything more to what others have said about phobias being irrational and can't be
* Dommed away*.

I have a deadly fear of snakes. I can barely look at them at the zoo or on Discovery Channel. When I was in my 30's a friend, unbenounced to me, thought that confronting a snake would be a really good idea for me to get over the fear. we were at a mall, and she went into the pet store, I assumed to look at kittens or something cute and cuddly. She wandered off and I was looking at the puppies when she appeared with a boa wrapped around her arm, holding her arm out at me. I ran, screaming, hyperventalating out of the store... fell onto the floor, barely able to breathe, the mall called 911 and I was taken to the hospital with a severe panick attack.

If I lived in snake country.. I suppose it would interfere with my life, but as is, I can live OK with the fear.. If I happen to see one in the grass, I lock myself inside until I can get some one to come over and make sure it's gone or shoo it away.
BTW, I lock the door because we all know the snakes can get thru unlocked doors... LMAO @ myself.. absolutely not rational, but it is what it is.
mbmbn

_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to MsMacComb)

Post #: 7

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/28/2006 8:57:19 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

What you are describing here, Rayne 58, is a phobia, not common fear. Do talk to your Dominant and find out if He is serious about trying to de-sensitize you. That is
a process best surpervised by a psychologist trained in phobias and panic attacks.
If your Dom was just playing His sadistic side, then you can relax, but keep
a can of bug spray stashed in a nearby cabinet.

Hope this helps,

-Vendaval-

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 8

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/28/2006 9:01:28 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I am reminded of a passage in Isaiah (I think).........

Worms shall be your bed, and maggots shall be your coverlet.

I thought it was kinda cute...........

Ron

(p.s.: so it ain't new......)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 9

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/28/2006 10:52:56 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Im a behavioural therapist, and can vouch, that most phobias, (irrational fears) are easily treated in 10 sessions.
Firstly, i take a thorough history of the phobia. Clues can sometimes be found of core belief systems that defy logic and require challenging.
2. Ensure the client has been taught relaxation training
3. Draw up a hierarchy of difficult situations and number them one to ten. 10 being the most intensely feared situation.
4. Once the client has sufficient education and proof that they can control their panic, using the relaxation techniques learnt, start with number one on the heirarchy of difficult situations. This maybe as small as saying the word cockroach for some. It is the clients heirarchy, NOT mine that i adhere to. We repeat the exposure over and over again, until its 'boring' for the client, then we move to step two.
5. You must watch out for phobic avoidance behaviour, and negative thoughts that reinforce these beliefs and be qualified to challenge these successfully as you go.

I do actually think this recipe could be tried at home folks, but if its goes wrong because your Dom lacks the cognitive behavioural training required to counteract the blocks the phobic will put up, both behavioural and cognitively, then the phobia is re-inforced, and often at a higher intensity than before. Doing more damage than good.

Personally, i think he's giving you his arrogant and ignorant idea of a head fuck? Which in this circumstance is very poor judgement shown on his part. So communicate together that this is a hard limit, and he should sod off and brake another toy of his, not you.

littleone

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 10

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/28/2006 11:18:12 PM

starymists

Posts: 139
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline

As a therapist, I agree with you littleone...its simple enough to be tried at home, but just like on tv...done by a professional...do not attempt to do this on your own...too much can go wrong :)

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 11

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/28/2006 11:31:01 PM

NeedToUseYou

Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot

Rayne:

I do hope he was joking, I would address it with him as soon as I could. The anticipation can intensify things for you, like your bad dreams. I can't add anything more to what others have said about phobias being irrational and can't be
* Dommed away*.

I have a deadly fear of snakes. I can barely look at them at the zoo or on Discovery Channel. When I was in my 30's a friend, unbenounced to me, thought that confronting a snake would be a really good idea for me to get over the fear. we were at a mall, and she went into the pet store, I assumed to look at kittens or something cute and cuddly. She wandered off and I was looking at the puppies when she appeared with a boa wrapped around her arm, holding her arm out at me. I ran, screaming, hyperventalating out of the store... fell onto the floor, barely able to breathe, the mall called 911 and I was taken to the hospital with a severe panick attack.

If I lived in snake country.. I suppose it would interfere with my life, but as is, I can live OK with the fear.. If I happen to see one in the grass, I lock myself inside until I can get some one to come over and make sure it's gone or shoo it away.
BTW, I lock the door because we all know the snakes can get thru unlocked doors... LMAO @ myself.. absolutely not rational, but it is what it is.
mbmbn

hmmm, my nearest thing to a phobia is snakes, not as bad as your saying, but if someone did that, there would be a very good chance they wouldn't be walking for awhile. (As soon as the snake was gone of course). Not funny at all.

But unlike most I guess I know the exact point this fear began. We had a old oil tank in the woods behind our house and I opened the top of it as a kid, and there were literally hundreds of snakes in there in a mating frenzy. They knot around each other trying to get to the females and such. Well, I flipped out and ran as fast as I could home. That image though has stuck with me, and the thought of falling in. I still get that uneasy feeling just thinking about. All of my nightmares involve snakes sneaking up on me. Funny thing is I saw a similiar mating process of snakes on discovery channel and they were just gardner snakes, harmless really, but it doesn't matter, still screws with me.

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 12

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/29/2006 12:20:58 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

One of my great fears is dying in my sleep. It's not the thought of physical death that shakes me, but the idea that I pass in the murk of a dream. I have often contemplated the horror of being trapped somewhere between the half-light of dreams and the spiritual stratum, if something does indeed live on after the flesh.

When I die, I want to know it. I want it to be violent. I want to be choking on my own blood under the open sky, saying to myself this is it.

< Message edited by amayos -- 3/29/2006 12:27:38 AM >

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 13

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/29/2006 9:31:12 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

My biggest fear as stupid as it may be are bluebottles..I freak out if I see them or hear them..bees no problem just name it it's no biggy but bluebottles..oh my goodness somebody call the army! Then I'm also terrified of those little spiders who can just poof..I'm more comfortable with the bigger ones..then I'm scared of most insects..but not phobic to them..even though I once spent 10-20 mins with my nose in the ground following this ant who was stumbling to its home with this leaf..I admire those creatures but spiders..the ones small enough to disappear all of a sudden..no thank you very much I prefer the bigger ones even though they can disappear too.. but other than that..then I'm pretty phobic free...at least I can't recall any phobias other than the one for the bluebottle..

< Message edited by MissyRane -- 3/29/2006 9:32:58 AM >

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 14

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/29/2006 9:44:30 AM

yourbadgal

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/28/2006
From: Germany
Status: offline

Well, I am claustrophobic. I can't use (?) elevators, go to public toilets etc. But being in a dark, small room without window and locked door, I just go mad.
I also have another fear, it might sound strange to you, but I am afraid of streetlamps. But not of all kinds. Pity that the ones I'm afraid of are just all around me..

When I walk past them, I think the light suddenly goes on/off, I am shocked and the ones who see me think I'm crazy because I react like this to such a little thing.
I hope you can understand my reply :)

_____________________________

thank Y/you for Y/your attention.
bad gal.

(in reply to MissyRane)

Post #: 15

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/29/2006 9:56:27 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I am reminded of a passage in Isaiah (I think).........

Worms shall be your bed, and maggots shall be your coverlet.

I thought it was kinda cute...........

Ron

(p.s.: so it ain't new......)

I thought we cured you last night?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 16

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/29/2006 10:21:43 AM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

Being claustrophobic myself, I am empathetic to your fears.

What your Dom is proposing isn't desensitization but what is refered to as flooding--where a person is exposed to their most dreaded fear and made to realize that no actual harm resulted.  Provided you don't find yourself having a panic attack, it sounds plausible in theory.

Desensitization requires slow exposure to your fear in addition to learning relaxation techniques that can be used.

What i have found works best for me is more along the lines of cognitive behavioral therapy.   I am aware of what will trigger my anxiety and the pattern of reactions that follow. I have had much personal success in changing my thought process at the onset. Although i am no where near being able to be caged (not that i want to) i am now at the point i love bondage and the mental challenge if provides me. At one time, it would have caused me to feel confined and bring about a panic attack.

Talk with your Dom. Do some research on different methods of treatment and see if there is one that you might feel comfortable with trying. Find a qualified therapist in your area that specializes with this type of treatment if you are not comfortable with tackling your fear on your own.

Don't let the little buggers stand in your way!

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 17

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/29/2006 11:17:23 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

My phobia is answering my messages in voice mail. Not kidding.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to champagnewishes)

Post #: 18

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/29/2006 11:49:31 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

I can't get used to this..I keep pressing the "report button" 'cause it has those "reply button" affects on me lol...I love this topic :P gives me ideas since I'm working on an essay about phobias right now

but ..this's kind of an interesting phobia you have there..answering voice mail messages? I know I'd be nervous..but you're phobic to it??? Have you ever been able to do it then? ...and in addition... I just want to ask if there's a scandinavian here who can translate The National Institute of Mental Health into their own mothertongue so it might be easier for me to find a word for it because even though I know what it means I can only think of freaky words which just don't fit..so maybe the scandinavian translation can help me

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 19

RE: Phobias and fears - 3/29/2006 12:23:33 PM

IndigoDadesi

Posts: 185
Status: offline

When I was in therapy last year my therapist and I worked on my fear of water and boats.

We did this process called EMDR which is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprogramming. I honestly couldnt tell you how it works, but it helped me. I still cant put my face in the water when Im swimming, but I dont have an anxiety attack when I get water on my face in the shower when Im not expecting it.

Basically we pin pointed a memory that was very traumatic and went through it using these EMDR techniques. I found it very helpful.

(in reply to MissyRane)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Phobias and fears

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109