being true to who you are? (Full Version)

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dorsaisgirl1 -> being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 6:38:36 PM)

i have been told that im not being true to who i am becouse i  am not going to go on jerry springer and tell the world about my lifestyle choices. i have told the people in my life who i feel need to know and the ones who i feel would understand. however i dont feel as though everyone needs or for that matter wants to know. i dont feel as though i need to ofend people i respect .i have my own reasons for this if other people want to shout there lifestyle from the roof tops i respect and admire them for that. what are your veiws on it do you feel that once you make the desision to live a certin way you have an obligation to tell the world or do you feel that your choices are just that your choice?



starymists -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 6:48:28 PM)

I think the decision on who to tell is a very individual one. For me, I work with children. I have to testify in court. I think we have all seen evidence via television and newspapers what can happen when you live a lifestyle that can be controversial and face a particularly aggressive attorney. So I do take extreme precautions to protect my personal choices. It's a fine line. I work with abused women and their children, many of whom would view my lifestyle as abusive. It would hinder my ability to help them. My choices can also be used by a teen to justify their own choices.
 
My own personal view is this...my personal life is just that...personal. Just because I don't shout who and what I am from the rooftops doesn't mean that I am not being true to myself. If I knew I was a submissive and turned my back on serving, then I'd say I wasn't being true to myself. The only way not telling impacts my life is there are times I have to behave with my public personna. I still call my Dominant 'Sir' even in public, but our other signs are more subtle. Doesn't change who and what I am. Doesn't change what I do and what I don't do for my Dominant? Does it mean I am less than others who are free to be open all the time? Nope. To each his own.
 
At the end of the day there are three I answer to: myself, my Dominant and my God...and not necessarily in that order :)



Rayne58 -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 6:48:57 PM)

I've said in another thread that my lifestyle is on a need to know basis. My kids and mother have no need to know how I live my life, it has no involvement on them directly and besides they live in another country. My daughter will be coming to visit us next month and the toys will be put out of sight and we will be toning things down a bit, even though she's 18 years old[;)]

If she asks any questions I will be honest with her but if the subject never comes up then nothing will be mentioned[:)]



truesub4u -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 6:52:13 PM)

This is my life... my choice... I tell those that ask... and leave others out that I feel will not understand <parents> and I feel can't understand. I do not feel i'm obligated to tell everyone who I am. This doesn't mean i'm not being true to myself. It means i'm being true to myself to leave the choice up to me.

Over the past year I've told 2 friends of my life style. One is female... she asks questions all the time.. but can't open her mind enough to stop laughing about it. I did shut her up when I told her I see her as being submissive and explained why, and hit close to home on her and made her take another look at herself......  the other... he's taken to the Gorean Life style. And has found his true calling to himself.

So some grasp it.. some do not... it was them asking me... that lead to me being open.. I didn't just shove it at them.



scratchingpost -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 6:57:30 PM)

i think that each person should do what is right for them. if they choose to come out of the closet great if not that is fine too we are who we are and need what we need and no one has the right to decide that (except our owners)



truesub4u -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 7:04:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: scratchingpost

i think that each person should do what is right for them. if they choose to come out of the closet great if not that is fine too we are who we are and need what we need and no one has the right to decide that (except our owners)


Now see,, I agree with your post.. except for the owners making that choice. See I do not feel a owner should make one dislcose ones self of it makes them uncomfortable doing do to certain people. But then that is just me... if a Dom is going to insist I open up to my mom.. then perhaps it's time to take another look at this situation. Because he's going to know up front, my family and kids ARE NOT to know or see anything. If he feels i'm ashamed... or unsubmissive.. then i'm not the one for him. Coming out to just absolutely anyone and everyone.. isn't for everyone and if one tries to force the issue.... but then again.. this is only my personal opinion on this matter... not everyone elses.



MHOO314 -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 7:05:03 PM)

Being true to yourself, is just that--not true to other's ideas.



dorsaisgirl1 -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 7:05:13 PM)

thank you all . [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m21.gif[/image]  



Merritt27 -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 7:09:01 PM)

Being true to who i am is deciding who learns any details of my private life and when.  Just because i choose this as a lifestyle, does not mean that everyone around me will embrace it....and explaining to my family or colleagues that i enjoy activites that might appear to them as perverse --  not exactly my idea of a good time. 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 7:11:30 PM)

How "out" you are is your own choice and has nothing to do with how true to yourself you are.  As long as the people in the relationships knows, you're solid.

I personally feel I could not be friends with people if they did not know who I really am- this includes major things about me like being poly, into kink and so on.  But I'm not out at work, and I'm not out to my entire family.  I know what my comfort zone is.

Coming out is a personal choice and process- and certainly not about not being true to yourself.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 7:18:55 PM)

Being true to yourself means doing things that feel right to you...even when others say it isn't. This includes coming out in a public way.

Fire




TemptingNviceSub -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 7:21:18 PM)

As Lucky A and many have said, it is a personal choice..we all know who in our lives that we wish to be "out" to and who we do not.It is an individualistic thing, not up to any one but yourself.So I too agree with truesub...none should force you to come out be it Master or whomever until you are ready or time is right or never....be well...tempting



Slipstreme -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 7:58:51 PM)

I tend to surround myself with rather open minded people, and I am beginning to wonder if I have a BDSM radar: thinking back on my friends prior to finding the lifestyle. Most are pursuing a similar lifestyle. Go figure. Heck I found out my best friend of 8 years is proficient in flogging (My back loved it). I've also noticed lately that I even tend to somehow pique interest in BDSM in many of the people I have met as of late and non-lifestyle friends.

Yes I tend to be rather open with the people around me, but careful of those I seem to notice would not be able to understand or accept who I am.  



littlesarbonn -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 8:00:56 PM)

If you're happy with how you live your life, everyone else is irrelevant.



BitaTruble -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 8:47:28 PM)

quote:

i have been told that im not being true to who i am becouse i  am not going to go on jerry springer and tell the world about my lifestyle choices.


I'm out and I wouldn't go on Jerry Springer either. ::chuckles:: I would do Oprah though. ;)

Celeste



ownedgirlie -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 8:54:03 PM)

Who knows you better than you and your owner?  Anyone who is telling you that has their own issues they're not facing.



Level -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 9:05:35 PM)

I agree with you. My business is just that........MY business. I couldn't care less about who thinks I'm "real" or not.

I know. *smiles*

Level



Vendaval -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 9:13:13 PM)

I am open with certain people, usually college friends that are not Lifestyle but
free thinkers.  In academia and career circles, it is not appropriate to out oneself.
 
 I am totally closeted with My family because most of them are severly religious in one way or another.  There is no need to create extra family drama.  Most of them do it quite well without Me participating.
 
Regards,
 
-Vendaval-
 



amayos -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/28/2006 11:47:09 PM)

Secrecy is one of the noblest qualities in life; it enriches what we hold dear. Talking openly too much about a cherished thing can sometimes kill it.



RavenMuse -> RE: being true to who you are? (3/29/2006 1:33:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dorsaisgirl1

i have been told that im not being true to who i am becouse i  am not going to go on jerry springer and tell the world about my lifestyle choices. i have told the people in my life who i feel need to know and the ones who i feel would understand. however i dont feel as though everyone needs or for that matter wants to know. i dont feel as though i need to ofend people i respect .i have my own reasons for this if other people want to shout there lifestyle from the roof tops i respect and admire them for that. what are your veiws on it do you feel that once you make the desision to live a certin way you have an obligation to tell the world or do you feel that your choices are just that your choice?


I don't hide what I am but neither do I have any great need to climb on the roof with a 50' neon sign and a bull horn to draw attention to the fact. Those I call friends all know and most of them have discussed D/s issues, Poly issues, Pagan issues and many other things over many conversations. The great unwashed masses out there... I don't know them and frankly couldn't give a damn what they think, so why would I go out of my way to draw their attention.

I have no reason to hide it so for anyone who knows what they are looking for then it isn't hard to spot I don't think... and I'm talking about day to day rather than when I'm in a club with a girl leashed to my belt! If someone notices and asks, then they will get an answer.... what kind of answer will depend on how they ask [;)]



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