mistoferin
Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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Thank you all for the wonderful replies. You know, I never took the time to look at if from some of the viewpoints that have been expressed here....especially the one of being selfish for not letting others give back to me. I have seen so much wisdom in the replies here....and so much from the heart. I have printed these pages and plan to continue referring back to them as I go along in my recovery. Thank you all.
While I was in the hospital, my son and his girlfriend came to my home and did a thorough spring cleaning. They did all kinds of special little things that made it feel sooooo good to come home to....a little rearranging, some very creative decorating ideas....fresh potpourri and flowers. I walked in and I just cried for all of the trouble they had gone to for me. I felt as though I had burdened them with worry and work and I know that their lives are busy and full.
My son's girlfriend came this morning to visit and share with me an idea for some new curtains that she would like to make for me out of spare sheets that match my bedding. I told her how I felt and apologized to her for taking up so much time and trouble right now and promised that I would soon be on my feet and doing once again for them and everyone else. She looked at me and said "Did you ever think that just maybe we did this because we WANTED to give you back just a little of what you've given....and that it made us happy to do it?" She went on to say that when times are good we all have a tendency to take what we have for granted...and expect it will always just be there. She said that everyone had to look right into the face of the very real possibility that I was no longer going to be right there and that when that happens....it wakes you up and you take a hard look at what you have and suddenly appreciate it much more.
So many instances like that right now....friends and family members who have gone far out of their way to be supportive and comforting to me. Everyone with busy lives of their own to live who have taken out precious time to be here for me. I don't know how I can ever thank them all enough...and all they really seem to want is for me to get well and continue to be a part of their lives.
So yes, you folks are right and it is I who is coming from the flawed perspective. It is going to take some real adjustment on my part but I am going to try to accept things for what they are right now and realize that it's ok when there are things that are beyond my control or abilities. I am going to learn how to let go and appreciate the smiles of satisfaction that giving of themselves brings to the faces of others.
quote:
It would maybe be nice mist..you have someone warn us something is wrong and you are in the hospital and now you are here writing of your plight . Maybe explain to us... the people who you supposidly trust enough to lock their brain into your bait.... to be forth coming and let us now what is going on.
Don't Cha' Think?
*Brightspot
You're right Brightspot...an answer to the mystery is most likely deserved. I can assure you though, that I was not trying to engage anyone's brain with my bait...or gather sympathy or pity from the throngs here on the boards. When all of this unfolded I mentioned to my girlfriend that I was in conversation with several people here on the boards and was concerned how my lack of response would appear to them. To be honest, I am not certain which of us came up with the idea of the fairly generic post....but she is a very good friend of mine and I ultimately left it in her hands and am pleased with how it ultimately played out....it was heartwarming and comforting to know that I had the prayers of others.
I have not gone into great detail about what is wrong for several reasons. First and foremost, this has been a monumentally life changing event for me and quite frankly, I am still adjusting to it. Secondly, I have never been the type who needs to know all of the intimate details of a person's illness....just knowing that they are sick is good enough reason for me to say a prayer for them...so I guess that I just didn't realize that others may need more. Third, it really is something that feels very personal to me, although if sharing it may save someone else from the same fate than it is certainly worth the embarassment of relating.
Just over three months ago I had a bout of what I thought was a stomach flu. All of the usual plus pain in my lower left and some fever. It resolved in three days so I didn't put much thought into it. About a week to 10 days later I developed an abcess on my abdomen directly over the spot where the pain had been. To be honest, I didn't really connect the two events.
About a month and a half ago I once again seemed to have the same bug...same symptoms...same pain. Resolved in three days time. Once again, 7 to 10 days later...abcess on my abdomen. This time I admit I wondered if the two could be connected and most likely should have gone to see the doc....but the fear of what bad news it might be kept me from going. Stupid I know, but all I could think was that I don't have the luxury of time to be sick....who would take care of my folks if I had to take time?
A couple of weeks ago...same illness...but instead of resolving it just gradually got worse. After six days of it not getting any better I finally gave in and went to get checked out. I really expected an antibiotic and a stern warning to not neglect symptoms in such a manner. Instead I got emergency surgery. It appears that illness three months ago was caused by a perforated colon. For three months the toxins have been leaking into my system and brewing a mega infection.
The doctor told me that he estimated that by the time that I got to him I most likely had no more than 48 hours before death. He had to basically fillet me like a fish, take all of my internal organs out to clean and clean my abdominal cavity. There was little left of my sigmoid colon...it had basically disintegrated. The infection was far too severe to just simply put it all back together so I am blessed with a colostomy now....thank goodness they assure me it is reversible and something that I only have to deal with for the next 6 months...or until they are sure the infection has been adequately dealt with and that there has been enough healing. At that point they will go back in and reverse the entire process.
Lesson? It doesn't pay to procrastinate when it comes to medical issues. I have always done this thinking if I just give my body time to heal itself it will....let nature take it's course kind of thing. I have used the excuse of not liking doctors or hospitals...but who does right? Well, as I have just learned....sometimes it won't resolve itself and waiting can be extremely dangerous.
< Message edited by mistoferin -- 3/29/2006 10:20:51 AM >
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Peace and light,
~erin~
There are no victims here...only volunteers.
When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.
"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"
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RE: Downshifting....suggestions???? - 
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So, again, take care and hope you feel strong again soon.
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