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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/22/2010 8:17:49 PM

Smutmonger

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A good portion of my past subs checked into my background,both in the kink community and otherwise. And were quite honest about having done so. Did I mind? Of course not-there was nothing to hide.

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/22/2010 10:55:33 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've heard of some Doms that refused to give references. It's not only the references themselves, but how someone handles the request.

Being afraid to meet in the kink community could be a sign of bad character.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

I've never known anyone to give a bad refference from a past partner. Being part of a kink community is no judge of good charachter.

Ask around.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Ask for references. Ask for the first meet to be at a local BDSM club. Good chance if he's a fraud that he'll refuse to meet where he's known.

I would not necessarily want a man with a bunch of references... and it isn't like they are going to give you the names of the people they screwed over anyhow...

The best the OP can do is continue the way in which she was discerning who was lying...

Date several times at least

Meet friends, coworkers, and/or family members

Know where they live, go over to their house and see if they try to hide anything.. and yes, look in the medicine cabinet. If there is another female around her shit will be in there. I wouldn't do this unless they told me to make myself at home, but then again I do not want to be involved with a man that doesn't have the attitude that I should make myself at home when I am with him at his place... if I am fucking them they can make themselves at home at mine.

If they are able to hide the fact they are taken given all the above precautions more than once I would seriously ask what you are doing to attract such assholes.. then it becomes a pattern that you need to figure out, so far it maybe a coincidence, thrice is a pattern

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/22/2010 11:06:20 PM

JonnieBoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

look in the medicine cabinet. If there is another female around her shit will be in there.

Female "shit" has and will exist in my pad, single or not, not because I'm untrustworthy, but because women who may be there for perfectly trustworthy reasons ... need "shit" in a hurry sometimes ...

Your observations on the above ?

Pirate

< Message edited by JonnieBoy -- 2/22/2010 11:08:59 PM >

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/22/2010 11:10:09 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JonnieBoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

look in the medicine cabinet. If there is another female around her shit will be in there.

Female "shit" has and will exit in my pad, single or not, not because I'm untrustworthy, but because women who may be there for perfectly trustworthy reasons ... need "shit" in a hurry sometimes ...

Your observations on the above ?

Pirate

If I am involved with someone to that degree, it will be my shit that will be there...not someone else's... my shampoo, my toothbrush, my womanly things...

There is a diff between having extra unopened toothbrushes for guests and having special shampoos for color treated hair, particular perfumes that a certain person likes, makeup in certain shades, curling irons, etc.

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/22/2010 11:10:57 PM

WyldHrt

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quote:

because women who may be there for perfectly trustworthy reasons ... need "shit" in a hurry sometimes ...
Your observations on the above ?

Keep the toilet seat down. Women don't always look if they are in a hurry.

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/22/2010 11:17:22 PM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissBeautiful2U

it's not the loss of the relationship I am mourning, it is the loss of the image I had of him. Clearly he was not who I thought he was and therefore not really who I wanted, no matter how good he smelled or how much I thought I wanted him.

This. In spades.

Cali

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/22/2010 11:28:14 PM

JonnieBoy

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From: Cymru
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: JonnieBoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

look in the medicine cabinet. If there is another female around her shit will be in there.

Female "shit" has and will exit in my pad, single or not, not because I'm untrustworthy, but because women who may be there for perfectly trustworthy reasons ... need "shit" in a hurry sometimes ...

Your observations on the above ?

Pirate

If I am involved with someone to that degree, it will be my shit that will be there...not someone else's... my shampoo, my toothbrush, my womanly things...

There is a diff between having extra unopened toothbrushes for guests and having special shampoos for color treated hair, particular perfumes that a certain person likes, makeup in certain shades, curling irons, etc.

Errrrm ... I read the OP and took it to mean she's seeking, and not for someone she's already involved to that degree with.

I wasn't talking toothbrushes, I meant tampons, pant liners etc.

And ... I'm not buying a fresh box every time just to appease the sort of nutter that doesn't get to know me better in less stalkie ways.

Pirate

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/22/2010 11:31:28 PM

JonnieBoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

because women who may be there for perfectly trustworthy reasons ... need "shit" in a hurry sometimes ...
Your observations on the above ?

Keep the toilet seat down. Women don't always look if they are in a hurry.

Yes ... they do ... even if it's on the way out

Pirate

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Post #: 28

RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/22/2010 11:33:42 PM

WyldHrt

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quote:

Yes ... they do ... even if it's on the way out

You mean after you've pried their arse out of the toilet?

[/hijack]

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/22/2010 11:44:44 PM

JonnieBoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

Yes ... they do ... even if it's on the way out

You mean after you've pried their arse out of the toilet?
[/hijack]

I couldn't comment ... I'm not too familiar with fat arses ... on women ... (or drag queens for that matter

)

Pirate

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/22/2010 11:45:52 PM

WyldHrt

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quote:

I couldn't comment ... I'm not too familiar with fat arses ... on women ... (or drag queens for that matter )

The fat ones don't fall all the way in

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/22/2010 11:52:59 PM

JonnieBoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

I couldn't comment ... I'm not too familiar with fat arses ... on women ... (or drag queens for that matter )

The fat ones don't fall all the way in

I suppose copious quantities of lube and / or a winch within reach of the "throne" might be a polite

solution ?

Pirate

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/22/2010 11:58:36 PM

WyldHrt

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Yep!

[exits thread before Mod 7 tans my ass for hijacking}

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/23/2010 1:18:25 AM

allthatjaz

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In my opinion there is a huge difference between someone who does a one night opportunist act and someone who can have 2 secret relationships with skill and precision.
The guy that just couldn't keep his cock in his pants after a few drinks and a bit of a come on by some pretty blonde, is probably going to wake up in the cold light of day and understand that he has put his relationship at risk and all for a selfish one night stand. He's also going to be terrified that his mates might slip up and say something or god forbid, he bumps into this woman whilst out with his lover.

That in my opinion is a far cry from the man that can and does sustain secret relationships with other women.
He gets off on having a secret lover. Even if he was in love with one of you he would still be doing it because thats his high.
He can lie with precision and will have the ability to make you feel guilty if you ever doubt his lies.
He feels confident that he always has back up if his relationship with you fails.
He enjoys a complicated lifestyle and looks on it as a challenge.
If he gets caught he will show sorrow and be full of self pity but the only thing he's sorry about is being caught
If he uses the internet he probably has a dozen women he's grooming.

These men are often hard to detect because they have become experts in deceit. If you could look back on their lives you would see a wake of victims in their path.
So how do you avoid such a person and how do you stop yourself becoming paranoid because of past experience?
Like others here have already said, get to know his family and friends. Pay attention to how he talks about past lovers. Listen and see if stories change or remain consistent. Pay serious attention if he tells you he can't make it round because of business but suddenly he's unreachable by mobile phone. Does he always keep his mobile in his pocket and never let you see it? does he appear to be secretive around his computer? Use your instinct if things don't add up. If it doesn't feel right it probably isn't.
You can check up all you want on people but that doesn't mean anything if its not a past lover because friends stick by friends and they are not going to tell you anything that would jeopardize their friendship and the chances are they won't know what he's really like anyway.

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/23/2010 1:29:41 AM

allthatjaz

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So he gives me permission to check into his life. What exactly do I check?
His name is genuine and he does work for the company he told me about.
He really does own his house and his car is nearly paid for.
His granny really is called Felma and he's her blue eyed boy.
His drinking buddies think he's great.

What if he tells me his past relationship ended badly and they no longer talk? I would never want to approach a past lover and ask questions anyway. I'm friends with my ex husband but I would be bloody fuming if S took him out for a drink so he could ask questions about me!
Past lovers are a very unreliable source for information because a certain amount of contamination could be fed into that.

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/23/2010 3:23:41 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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I'm trying to think who makes this, think it's
by a company called DomiGuy Industries, Inc.
It's a slick little device known as the
"DomiGuy Bullshit Detector 2000", It combines
state of the art polygraph and electronic
cattle prod technologies. I think somebody
on here can point you in the right direction. :-)

< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 2/23/2010 3:29:18 AM >

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/23/2010 3:46:45 AM

Aneirin

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Strangely, the suspicion of women was the cause of the end of my marriage, but what she never accepted was, that I don't cheat, have never cheated, and because of my personal beliefs will not cheat. Oh, I was a liar also, because I would not own up to cheating.

But I suppose she was not to blame, given all others she had known in her life had cheated, I just wished she had not judged me by others standards that's all.

But the bottom line is whilst there is so much dishonesty and deceit in the world, what there is there will always taint human relationships.

It makes me wonder if humans were ever meant to live together, just do like other animals, meet shag and go just to keep the species alive, or is it the need to live together in harmony for the rest of our natural days is the pennance we must pay for not having a once a year shag.

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/23/2010 4:03:46 AM

LaTigresse

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For whatever crazy reason, I have never worried about someone cheating. Quite honestly if I am involved with a person and they do, it is their problem, not mine.

I do not do any sort of background check on people, I do not snoop, I do not give them the 3rd degree about the other people in their life. I quite simply listen to my instincts. I do not expect that people will cheat......yet........I expect them to be human and have human weaknesses. I find that if I allow them to be human, they will almost always, willingly, show me their weaknesses. I expect them to be them, no pedestal, no perfect 'the one', just them.

If I do the above, I am never disillusioned, or disappointed.

If a person is the type to cheat, chances would be they would be attempting to cheat on someone, with me, when they met me. If I do not easily give them what they want, chances are they will move along to an easier target. Much easier. If they are serious, and interested in getting to know me, making the effort to spend time with me, chances are they are sincere and will be the type of person I want in my life.

I think a lot of these problems would be solved if people were not in such a rush. People want instant gratification, instant relationships. They act as though there is some big clock of doom ticking somewhere. It's silliness and causes more trouble than not. I prefer to take my time, get to know people, let things unfold organically.

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/23/2010 5:53:39 AM

graceadieu

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Like others have said, meet their friends and family. And then, of course, you could always check their Facebook. If they have some other woman listed as being "in a relationship with".... they're probably seeing someone else.

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RE: Detecting Liars? - 2/23/2010 5:59:34 AM

graceadieu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

There are also people of good charachter who have simply burned out on the political bs in a particular area.
Not everyone has a desire to be "out"

And some people of good character have things in their life going on at night (work, school, partner, children, hobby, etc) that take priority for them over going to munches and play parties.

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