Aneirin
Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
For whatever crazy reason, I have never worried about someone cheating. Quite honestly if I am involved with a person and they do, it is their problem, not mine.
I do not do any sort of background check on people, I do not snoop, I do not give them the 3rd degree about the other people in their life. I quite simply listen to my instincts. I do not expect that people will cheat......yet........I expect them to be human and have human weaknesses. I find that if I allow them to be human, they will almost always, willingly, show me their weaknesses. I expect them to be them, no pedestal, no perfect 'the one', just them.
If I do the above, I am never disillusioned, or disappointed.
If a person is the type to cheat, chances would be they would be attempting to cheat on someone, with me, when they met me. If I do not easily give them what they want, chances are they will move along to an easier target. Much easier. If they are serious, and interested in getting to know me, making the effort to spend time with me, chances are they are sincere and will be the type of person I want in my life.
I think a lot of these problems would be solved if people were not in such a rush. People want instant gratification, instant relationships. They act as though there is some big clock of doom ticking somewhere. It's silliness and causes more trouble than not. I prefer to take my time, get to know people, let things unfold organically.
Yeah, I tend to agree with you here, for I have perceived the big clock of doom with some people and for that reason I back off, as I cannot move that fast, for me also I prefer natural development.
Thinking back to when I was married, I think, quite possibly, my then wife had an affair, not because I suspected something, but because she was at pains one day, seemingly scared if I should see of get to hear about some man she knows, who gives her a lift to work in the morning, an old flame from the past. Her character was so out of order it was strange, but I just dismissed it and said I trusted her, so why would I suspect, but the real reason for saying this was I wasn't bothered if she had, I do not see it as a slight on me at all and I am prepared to allow people to be human. I thought then as I do now, perhaps I am a bit polyamouros in my beliefs, I haven't engaged in polyamoury, but I find it very human in others and so have no problems with it.
I think perhaps what we are as humans has been trained by external forces from what we were to something maybe unnatural for our existence the notion of find one mate and stick with that mate until the end of your days, various religious persuasions have stated this and people in the past followed, but is it right, granted it is right for some, but is it naturally right for all ? Myself, I think not, as relationships with different people be that purely platonic or more intimate teaches us, and we develop with experience.
Perhaps if polyamoury was more accepted, there would be less need for lying and deceit and if someone is seeking a mate, they really have to be honest with themselves, as to what they want, are they looking for a ,til death do us part situation or are they looking for anything other, as to me, I find also that people are in so much of a rush to adhere to a supposed ideal of find a mate, build a nest, have a family, grow old watching the offspring take your place, is that life, if it is, it does not strike me with much interest.
I wonders, could it be because of the loss of grip by the once powerful religions, it is as if we have been cast out to find and fend for ourselves, devoid of religious rules, we are learning to be human and are in fact infants at that, so we don't know what we really want in life, but feel we have to tow a past line which has become ingrained in our conscience by societal expectation.
All I know, is I do not need to possess someone and if someone seeks to be possessed, I have difficulty with that. I can love, live, nourish, shelter, protect, help and whatever, but not possess as I believe everyone is themselves before anything else, they are free to please themselves.
_____________________________
Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha
Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone
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