my thesis on my own personal slavery

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my thesis on my own personal slavery - 3/29/2006 6:38:54 AM

RadioFlyer

Posts: 10
Joined: 3/28/2006
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hello everyone :) i have joined collarme at the request of my Mistress (MistressCyn127) so that we can become active in the community. i have written a sort of thesis on why i am a slave and we are interested in any thoughts you all might have on it, so here it is.

All my life, i've been very into the idea of having a relationship. i may not have always thought of it like this, but i always wanted someone whom i could just throw myself at the feet of and live for. Now, of course i didn't realize that this was even possible, because in the vanilla world i grew up in, that sounds ridiculous. However, i do remember being a bit more...helpful with my girlfriends throughout high school than most of the other guys were. More helpful than the other guys who always seemed to have girlfriends and always seemed to be able to keep them for a hell of a lot longer than me. They didn't hold the door, or carry the girl's books, or do any of the things that just came naturally to me but i guess in hindsight sound pretty ridiculous. Whenever i did manage to get a girl to give me a shot, it was usually over in a week. You could clock it. One week. They would never tell me why, just that it wasn't working out. i guess the fact that i always wanted to make them happy or serve them (though there's no way of thought of it as servitude back then) was seen as clingy or needy to them, and they didn't want to have anything to do with that. It felt so natural to me, but apparently it was not what most girls my age were looking for. After High School, the only sort of relationships i went after were with girls with low self-esteem who i was pretty sure would be receptive to the way i wanted to treat them because they had been treated badly in the past. They were more receptive to the way i wanted to serve them, but there still was no BDSM environment, and i still felt something was missing. So that went on for a while, and actually, in most of those sorts of relationships i was the one who did the breaking up because i felt that missing space in the relationship. And then i met You. You told me about the whole BDSM thing and i knew almost instantly that this was what i had been looking for. o be allowed to totally devote myself to one person with no fear of them thinking that i am weird or needy or anything like that sounded too good to be true, and it still does. It keeps getting better every day, and i feel like i am growing and becoming more and more at peace with myself and with everything around me (including elements of my life i was not always happy with, like the fact that i have to have a job), and it's all because of You. i have had doubts that i could ever get to where You are, but now i really do believe that it's possible.

any thoughts or comments would be appreciated :)

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RE: my thesis on my own personal slavery - 3/29/2006 6:41:10 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Women definitely tend to want men who are half barbarian, half falling over themselves to spoil their women. Finding a good balance with yourself can be hard on the guys who always end up being "too nice" or "too much like a friend."

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RE: my thesis on my own personal slavery - 3/29/2006 6:43:25 AM

tixarah

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Joined: 11/10/2005
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Wow, i totally understand where you are coming from with that. i think its very well written and probably so close to many submissives hearts...thanks for sharing :)

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RE: my thesis on my own personal slavery - 3/29/2006 6:52:12 AM

Jasmyn

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From: New Zealand
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Radio nice :) it's a heady moment when all that was a muddled life begins to make sense ... good luck to you and yours :)

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RE: my thesis on my own personal slavery - 3/29/2006 7:14:11 AM

MasterFireMaam

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Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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*chuckle* I think this is the second or third time I've posted this link today. When someone else says something in a way that is profound to me, I use it. Have a look at "Heart of Slave"...it might speak to you.

http://www.arizonapowerexchange.org/academy/slave.htm

Fire

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RE: my thesis on my own personal slavery - 3/29/2006 7:20:34 AM

cloudboy

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Joined: 12/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Women definitely tend to want men who are half barbarian, half falling over themselves to spoil their women.

Sounds like you mean a cross between Titus Pullo

http://www.hbo.com/rome/cast/character/titus_pullo.html

and

Lucius Vorenus

http://www.hbo.com/rome/cast/character/lucius_vorenus.html

the arguable YIN & YANG of the male character.

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RE: my thesis on my own personal slavery - 3/29/2006 8:18:23 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Women definitely tend to want men who are half barbarian, half falling over themselves to spoil their women. Finding a good balance with yourself can be hard on the guys who always end up being "too nice" or "too much like a friend."

The way it ends up working for us in terms of my owners personality is that I wouldn’t say he falls over himself to spoil me, but simply life runs smoothly when he gets what he wants. On one hand I don’t consider myself spoiled, on the other hand if I compared myself to some models of slavery, especially non-consensual ones, I consider myself hugely spoiled.

But I do agree overall that is the catch 22 that happens to guys.

C~

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RE: my thesis on my own personal slavery - 3/29/2006 8:39:12 AM

RadioFlyer

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Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replies, especially LA for hitting my frustrations during the times i tried vanilla relationships right on the head and MasterFireMaam for that amazing link.

-RF

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