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If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 9:21:44 AM   
antinomy


Posts: 124
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline 		If You love Your doormat....does it change how You use it?

The threads from the last few days have got me thinking, combined with a conversation with a Dom who feels that love could impede His ability to fully utilize a woman He owned in the fashion he wanted. A lot of people here stuck up for being doormats, Others for owning them. They pointed out, and rightfully so, that doormats can be appreciated for both their functionality and beauty. Some proclaimed their love for their doormats- literal, and figurative.

So, my questions are these: If You own a doormat that You love, does it change how You use it? Are You more likely to tread with care on a beloved doormat- OR does Your love of the doormat make You even more prone to hard use? After all, most things are happy when they are being used as designed....so, a well used doormat would be a happy doormat, no?

I'm not sure if I'm getting where I want, but I'm hoping this leads to discussion that might get me there.


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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 9:26:48 AM   
DarlingSavage


Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline 		I SO feel the love here!

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 9:32:47 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antinomy

If You love Your doormat....does it change how You use it?

The threads from the last few days have got me thinking, combined with a conversation with a Dom who feels that love could impede His ability to fully utilize a woman He owned in the fashion he wanted. A lot of people here stuck up for being doormats, Others for owning them. They pointed out, and rightfully so, that doormats can be appreciated for both their functionality and beauty. Some proclaimed their love for their doormats- literal, and figurative.

So, my questions are these: If You own a doormat that You love, does it change how You use it? Are You more likely to tread with care on a beloved doormat- OR does Your love of the doormat make You even more prone to hard use? After all, most things are happy when they are being used as designed....so, a well used doormat would be a happy doormat, no?

I'm not sure if I'm getting where I want, but I'm hoping this leads to discussion that might get me there.




Only in the sense of affection but as a human being..No

I would treat them with respect....They may get dirty sometimes but I AM there to brush the dirt off when that happens..It's called keeping a happy home.

Doormat conjures up all types of abuse scenarios but the only scenario that would ever work for me is that of love and respect for what that person would be willing to do for others and me..It's the selflessness of her spirit that I prize so highly..Not the chance to "walk all over her" but a chance to be with someone who has that much warmth to give.


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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 9:42:00 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I don't actually tend to use the word "love" at all, but from an emotional angle, part of what I want (in the "use" department) is a partner with whom I can share that element.

So, the emotional facet doesn't really interfere with my using her since that is part of the use I want.

Perhaps this is another instance where the differing views and definitions of the word are going to cause communication issues, but I don't think that the terms "doormat" and "objectification" need to be perfectly overlapping. There is a subtle distinction, in that sense, between the s-type being a doormat and the D-type treating her like  a doormat.

Pets, for instance, are effectively just like any other non-human animals, but we don't actually treat them that way.


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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 9:49:00 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		Here's a post I made 4/4/2007 under my scarecrow account...

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1925211



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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 9:51:33 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		I love my car too but I believe in using my property. I never understood a man that owned a classic car but was timid about driving it. If doormats are slaves, and the property analogy holds, then:

I hop in it whenever the urge strikes me …
I pump it full before I drive it long and hard ...
I keep the top down as often as possible ...
I stick my key in the ignition regularly ...
I Oil it regularly ...
I wash and wax it well ...
I check the fluids frequently …




< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 2/25/2010 9:52:22 AM >

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 10:18:27 AM   
antinomy


Posts: 124
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks, all....definitely getting some food for thought here. It's appreciated.

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 10:22:51 AM   
antinomy


Posts: 124
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

I love my car too but I believe in using my property. I never understood a man that owned a classic car but was timid about driving it. If doormats are slaves, and the property analogy holds, then:

I hop in it whenever the urge strikes me …
I pump it full before I drive it long and hard ...
I keep the top down as often as possible ...
I stick my key in the ignition regularly ...
I Oil it regularly ...
I wash and wax it well ...
I check the fluids frequently …





I think that the part in bold is very relevant to my train of thought here. Because, there ARE guys like that...and they probably don't understand guys like you. Which, is in NO way a put down. They just seem to value those cars in a different way. Both are equally property owners- but, they get a different sort of satisfaction from using their property in a way that best suits their personality.

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 10:37:45 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: antinomy

If You love Your doormat....does it change how You use it?

The threads from the last few days have got me thinking, combined with a conversation with a Dom who feels that love could impede His ability to fully utilize a woman He owned in the fashion he wanted. A lot of people here stuck up for being doormats, Others for owning them. They pointed out, and rightfully so, that doormats can be appreciated for both their functionality and beauty. Some proclaimed their love for their doormats- literal, and figurative.

So, my questions are these: If You own a doormat that You love, does it change how You use it? Are You more likely to tread with care on a beloved doormat- OR does Your love of the doormat make You even more prone to hard use? After all, most things are happy when they are being used as designed....so, a well used doormat would be a happy doormat, no?

I'm not sure if I'm getting where I want, but I'm hoping this leads to discussion that might get me there.




Only in the sense of affection but as a human being..No

I would treat them with respect....They may get dirty sometimes but I AM there to brush the dirt off when that happens..It's called keeping a happy home.

Doormat conjures up all types of abuse scenarios but the only scenario that would ever work for me is that of love and respect for what that person would be willing to do for others and me..It's the selflessness of her spirit that I prize so highly..Not the chance to "walk all over her" but a chance to be with someone who has that much warmth to give.



Amen.

That was the point I was driving at in the other thread.  On the literal side, my mother has owned the same doormat for 20 years.  It looks brand new and is in pristine condition.  Then again, she brings it in out of the rain when guests are not due in.  She washes it per the instructions with high quality laundry soap, air dries it so it doesn't get those little fuzz balls on it, and has mended the occasional nick it has received in performing it's function.  I remember when she bought that doormat.  She found it absolutely stunning and loved all the special extras it had and took it home to find it did it's job very, very well also.  I think she will literally cry if she ever has to let go of that doormat.  That is one well loved doormat.

The thing is though, it still gets used just as it was designed to and is expected to withstand it.  She does a lot to protect, maintain, and care for it, but still it has to be able to endure the rough scraping and stomping of feet, repel the stains from unexpected filth, and not hold on to the dirt it is meant to catch.  It is used hard.  It is cared for with equal effort, however.  If this doormat were a living thing, I'd say it would be pretty happy.  It is doing exactly what it was purposed to do and doing it well and for a good long time under the care of responsible and attentive owner.  It could have just as easily been purchased by some other owner and by now it would have been good for nothing more than the trash heap.  That's the difference.  Both owners had what it took to acquire the doormat, but only one had what it took to own that doormat for the long haul.  There's a world of difference between getting someone and keeping them and there is definitely a difference between keeping someone and keeping them in good condition.  There is a huge gap between using and abusing, but it is one that really isn't something that can be defined.  I expect to be used.  I don't expect to be abused.  All of that is tied up in who my owner is and what kind of owner he turns out to be.

lovingpet

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 12:06:34 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

So, my questions are these: If You own a doormat that You love, does it change how You use it? Are You more likely to tread with care on a beloved doormat- OR does Your love of the doormat make You even more prone to hard use? After all, most things are happy when they are being used as designed....so, a well used doormat would be a happy doormat, no?


I had to think about this, in the context of my servants over the years, and I have to say, I don't think that it makes much difference in how I treat the servant or what I expect from hir. The difference, for me, is in the attitude with which that servant approaches hir assignments and hir willingness to -do-. I also have to say that my perspective may be skewed by the reality that I don't have romantic relationships with people that I am in an authority-exchange relationship with... so I can't really say that I -love- them... but I -do- cherish them profoundly.

I suspect, though, that over the years, my servants who would, perhaps, be considered 'doormats' by the outside world may, indeed, have had more work in my household... usually directly preceding and directly following the dismissal of one or more servants who "served" with either -overt- defiance, passive-aggressive defiance, or tangible resentment . In those cases, I often went to my tried-and-true "doormats" and gave them the projects left in disarray, with the peace of knowing that my 'doormat' would get the job done with a smile on hir face.

I'll be frank. My general preference is a servant to whom I can give a project, and know it will get done, with a pleasing demeanor and a smile, and without that air of resentment for actually -asking- for something. If I -do- use my doormats harder, it's because they've proven themselves to me as being valuable enough to trust with the work they're given -- and being joyful in their service... and when you have that, you have an amazing servant, even if the rest of the world -does- consider that person to be 'beneath their feet'.

Calla




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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 1:39:04 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline 		As is often the case, many have NOT kept their eye on the ball when it comes to the "doormat" dynamic. While some are free to view it as "abuse", or debate whether "love" should/shouldn't be part of the dynamic, or how the presence of "love" in the dynamic affects said dynamic, THIS MISSES THE POINT; so let me state it here... THOSE INVOLVED IN A "DOORMAT" DYNAMIC HAVE CONSENSUALLY ENTERED INTO A "DOORMAT" DYNAMIC BECAUSE THAT IS THE DYNAMIC THEY SEEK/ENJOY. PERIOD.

If they'd wanted the squishy, softer type of dynamic that others prefer, they would have SOUGHT that type of dynamic.  In short, calling a "doormat" dynamic that's void of "love" or whatever "abuse" is NO DIFFERENT FROM WHEN VANILLA PEOPLE REFER TO BDSM-BASED DYNAMICS AS "ABUSE".  It's insulting.

Moreover, if a D-type has an s-type under a "doormat" dynamic, OF COURSE they're going to take whatever steps they feel they need to take to help ensure their property (slave) serves them for many years, just as they'd take the proper steps to ensure ANYTHING they own does; be it a car, a toaster, or a home.  Why?  Because it often takes years to find the "right" slave for such a dynamic, so it's not in anyone's best interest to destroy/neglect their property (slave) if they expect years of use/service from their property.  So call it "love"... "care"... "maintenance" or whatever.  It "changes" nothing... everyone does whatever they need to do to ensure use of their property, or they KNOW they'll lose it. Period.



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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 8:24:28 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

THOSE INVOLVED IN A "DOORMAT" DYNAMIC HAVE CONSENSUALLY ENTERED INTO A "DOORMAT" DYNAMIC BECAUSE THAT IS THE DYNAMIC THEY SEEK/ENJOY. PERIOD.


On this i have to disagree. a doormat doesnt consensually enter anything. they have no resistence to anything, agree to everything, and it doesnt matter who tells them. doormats are lead, not just by one person, but by everything around them. they often suffer emotionally, physically and psychologically. doormats do not make decisions, they merely are... they just do as they are told, regardless of who tells them.

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 8:27:35 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

THOSE INVOLVED IN A "DOORMAT" DYNAMIC HAVE CONSENSUALLY ENTERED INTO A "DOORMAT" DYNAMIC BECAUSE THAT IS THE DYNAMIC THEY SEEK/ENJOY. PERIOD.


On this i have to disagree. a doormat doesnt consensually enter anything. they have no resistence to anything, agree to everything, and it doesnt matter who tells them. doormats are lead, not just by one person, but by everything around them. they often suffer emotionally, physically and psychologically. doormats do not make decisions, they merely are... they just do as they are told, regardless of who tells them.


Here is the thing tazzy, some people have redefined doormat to mean something other than what we would consider it to mean... it is their world, they can rock on with it...

As long as no one calls us a doormat or tries to treat us like one, who cares if others want that word applied to them?


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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 8:30:22 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		of course they can rock on. but my perception of that term wont change just because a few decided to rock on with a new drfinition. they can view themselves as doormats if they wish. but many of us will view them with the definition we know the best. taking a word and twisting its meaning doesnt always change how people view it, ya know?

edited

actually, on further reflection, its no different than the slave vs submissive debate. i dont view them as different... just one is deeper than the other. anytime you have the option to walk out, the option to question, the option to consent, the option to determine... then you are not a doormat. no matter how much it turns you (and not you directly julia) on with a demeaning term.

< Message edited by tazzygirl -- 2/25/2010 8:35:06 PM >

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 9:11:44 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline 		tazzygirl & juliaoceania

I'm genuinely curious of two things:

1) What are each of your personal definitions of a "Doormat"???

2) How is a slave under a Total Power Exchange (TPE), Internal Enslavement (IE), and/or "Property" dynamic different from a "Doormat"???

Thanks in advance!


< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 2/25/2010 9:16:05 PM >

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 9:20:19 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

tazzygirl & juliaoceania

I'm genuinely curious of two things:

1) What are each of your personal definitions of a "Doormat"???

2) How is a slave under a Total Power Exchange (TPE) and/or Internal Enslavement (IE) dynamic different from a "Doormat"???

Thanks in advance!




quote:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/doormat

Main Entry: door·mat Pronunciation: \-ˌmat\Function: noun Date: 1665 1 : a mat placed before or inside a door for wiping dirt from the shoes
2 : one that submits without protest to abuse or indignities
3 : a team that regularly finishes last


I would say that submitting without protest fits TPE, I would say that submitting to "indignities" would fit TPE. I would not consider submitting to abuse to be TPE...not healthy TPE anyways. Abuse is nonconsensual.

That is my opinion... yours differs...I respect your opinion and your right to have it




_____________________________

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 9:20:22 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

On this i have to disagree. a doormat doesnt consensually enter anything. they have no resistence to anything, agree to everything, and it doesnt matter who tells them. doormats are lead, not just by one person, but by everything around them. they often suffer emotionally, physically and psychologically. doormats do not make decisions, they merely are... they just do as they are told, regardless of who tells them.


So let me ask you a question, tazzy... with the understanding that people like this -do- exist... would it not be better that they be with a person who understands and appreciates their nature, and who will provide some balance and some boundaries -for- them?

I tend to prefer "doormat" types -- the ones who can never say no to anyone, and will yield to anyone, anywhere... I honestly enjoy having a servant who is capable of yielding to that extent -- and I have absolutely no problem -being- that person's "NO". I think that my 'doormats' have had a good home with me, and some of them have actually developed a sense of their own dignity over time. It seems like a win-win for me.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 9:29:02 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I would say that submitting without protest fits TPE, I would say that submitting to "indignities" would fit TPE. I would not consider submitting to abuse to be TPE...not healthy TPE anyways. Abuse is nonconsensual.



I guess it's simply a matter of how someone defines "abuse", then?



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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 9:31:58 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I would say that submitting without protest fits TPE, I would say that submitting to "indignities" would fit TPE. I would not consider submitting to abuse to be TPE...not healthy TPE anyways. Abuse is nonconsensual.



I guess it's simply a matter of how someone defines "abuse", then?




I define abuse as hurting someone against their will and without their consent. In my opinion consent is what separates what we do from what sexual predators and criminals do...

We have to have words mean something at some point... when we start redefining what "abuse" means, well that is when I check out of the conversation and WIITWD


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/25/2010 9:32:16 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		hi Calla

the moment you give them the voice to say NO, you have removed the doormat status. they now have boundaries, even if those boundaries are set by you. a doormat has none. so while they may still be a "doormat" for you, they arent a doormat for anyone else due to the boundaries you have set for them.

MasterSlaveLA

i gave my definition. i think i was quite clear in that. TPE is not the same, its a consensual act, removing the doormat status by that very process. a doormat doesnt consent, they dont care. i believe everyone is caught up in the lifestyle definition that many are not realizing there is a real world definition for the same word. a doormat would not make for a very good slave, or submissive, simply because they cannot say no to anyone. If their owner sets a limit, this is the kind of person who will make a million excuses for not obeying that command and doing as the next person asks with no regard for their owners boundaries. as far as self boundaries, they have none.

< Message edited by tazzygirl -- 2/25/2010 9:33:42 PM >

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 20
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