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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/26/2010 2:18:14 PM

lally2

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what about the slaves that dont want to say no - its not that they cant, they just dont want to - the whole word 'no' is anathama, it takes away the TPE, the control and power they gave away, the freedom to choose. by saying no they undermine everything they believe in and more. are these people doormats by definition.

i am someone who will preserve my TPE relationship to the point of not saying 'no' when everything is screaming 'no' - my struggle with whatever it is id prefer to say 'no' to is genuine and real, its felt viscerally and my inner resolve, strength, personality deals with it. in those moments my 'doormat' silence is no such thing. its a power struggle within myself drawn from a great deal of inner strength and personal pride and determination. it takes personal strength, personal knowledge, personal power.

im not arguing the point that there probably are people out there who have no such struggle and get washed up on some bleak and lonely shore more often than not.

but i would argue that many who are seen to be doormats are no such thing. even in their silence they are showing considerable personal strength and conviction to hold themselves in place for the dynamic they believe in.

im not sure why i keep writing on these threads to be honest. i still dont see the relevance of 'doormat' here - its just not a word that accurately describes 'us'.

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/26/2010 10:38:17 PM

tazzygirl

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nor was it a word i was using to describe anyone on these boards. others used this word to describe themselves, stating they were, in fact, a doormat.

lally, the difference between the two are obvious, at least to me. you chosing to say no, or not to say no, if your own choice. a doormat doesnt make choices.

nor do i believe a doormat can enter a TPE relationship, unless she is never allowed contact with anyone but the one holding her. how can one be in a total power exchange with one, yet yield to anyone who comes along? it just doesnt work that way. and the minute you say... no i cant because... you are no longer a doormat.

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/27/2010 9:32:25 AM

OrionTheWolf

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So slaves that originally agreed to be trained using internal enslavement methods become doormats? Interesting. I have seen most thrive and become more obedient and pleasing.

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When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/27/2010 11:03:20 AM

Dominasola

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It still makes me wonder why the word "doormat" can't just be used as descriptor labeling a conscious choice in addition to labeling those who really do let everyone "walk all over them."

What would be wrong with me saying that I am making the active choice to be a doormat for my Master?

It's like someone who is naturally an asshole, versus someone who actively chooses to be one because it gets him what he wants. They're both assholes in my mind.

Unless we're equating doormatishness to something like socio/psychopathy, where there is actually something wrong with the individual biologically.

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/27/2010 11:23:28 AM

tazzygirl

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Many health care professionals do believe there is something psychologically wrong with people who are doormats. Why associate something good with a bad term?

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RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/27/2010 11:26:02 AM

tazzygirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

So slaves that originally agreed to be trained using internal enslavement methods become doormats? Interesting. I have seen most thrive and become more obedient and pleasing.

no Master Orion

one can be a doormat and not enter into a TPE relationship. I do not believe a doormat can enter into TPE. surrendering power to one, or a dynamic, undercuts the doormat belief that they must please everyone. in TPE, the only dynamic that must be pleased is the person you are shaing it with.

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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Post #: 126

RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/27/2010 1:44:52 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

So slaves that originally agreed to be trained using internal enslavement methods become doormats? Interesting. I have seen most thrive and become more obedient and pleasing.

Apparently they only become doormats if outdoors, Master Orion. If they are indoors they become area rugs.

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/27/2010 1:54:29 PM

Musicmystery

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

So slaves that originally agreed to be trained using internal enslavement methods become doormats? Interesting. I have seen most thrive and become more obedient and pleasing.

Agreed. And freer, more relaxed, calmer, happier people.

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RE: If You Love Your Doormat... - 2/27/2010 2:11:45 PM

Andalusite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth
Apparently they only become doormats if outdoors, Master Orion. If they are indoors they become area rugs.

Or bathmats?

NZ, I disagree that it isn't abuse if someone doesn't feel able to leave yet. It doesn't magically become abusive when the "final straw" kicks in and they go. If they verbally withdraw consent (outside of a consentual non-consent scene), then continuing counts as abuse. If they *do* willingly consent, and are not disabled to the point of being unable to legally consent (retardation or psychological disorders that are enough to require a guardian), then it isn't abuse, even if a different person would consider it to be. Also, parents aren't the ones who are allowed to determine whether or not something is abusive. Child Protective Services, the police, and the courts generally work together to make that determination. I do agree that there are some shades of grey. Bathing a 2-year-old child isn't sexually abusive, but bathing a 13-y/o who isn't developmentally delayed or otherwise capable of bathing themselves probably would be.

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Post #: 129