RE: Creating balance in a bdsm relation.

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RE: Creating balance in a bdsm relation. - 2/28/2010 3:23:35 AM

dario8

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline

no, if my Mistress calls me an idiot i will lower my head, drop my eyes to the floor and quietly accept my humiliation.
the only one creating a hurricane will be HER.

(in reply to seasvoice)

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RE: Creating balance in a bdsm relation. - 2/28/2010 4:01:07 AM

Bondagelove1978

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

This is because being called an idiot is not a hard limit for you, everyone is different and we have different limits. Please share with me how you react if she doese cross a limit? How to keep peace and show her in a good way you cant take it?

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RE: Creating balance in a bdsm relation. - 2/28/2010 4:28:40 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bondagelove1978

This is because being called an idiot is not a hard limit for you, everyone is different and we have different limits. Please share with me how you react if she doese cross a limit? How to keep peace and show her in a good way you cant take it?

If someone is crossing hard-limits without your consent it is generally considered abuse. I say "generally", because some people operate under a consensual/non-consent basis. However, even in that type of relationshp, initial consent has been given. *Once consent is removed the activity becomes abuse.

*Disclaimer: I don't think every activity under the sun needs consent from both parties (IE: I do not need my guy's consent for me to cook a meal that I intend to eat, so with or without his consent, that is not abusive...lol...and if he claims it as such, well damn it all to hell, let him sue me!)

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RE: Creating balance in a bdsm relation. - 2/28/2010 5:46:21 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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OP, I do have to ask why you're being so insistent with your question. If this is hypothetical, time to quit asking questions and go meet people. If it isn't, then it's time to leave your Domme and go meet people.

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RE: Creating balance in a bdsm relation. - 2/28/2010 10:01:53 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Bingo!

We have a winner.

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RE: Creating balance in a bdsm relation. - 2/28/2010 4:10:58 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: seasvoice

hello, In the first place I called him stupid and uneducated and thats it. I bet I can find a sexy hot genius guy who would have a hard on calling him stupid. Lets be serious some dominant people spit their slaves. Is not that more humilliating?

I'd rather be spat on than called stupid, personally, but neither is a limit for me. If you call someone stupid and uneducated, when they have poor spelling and grammar, they're more likely to take it to heart. If you call an intelligent man stupid, he'll probably laugh it off rather than feeling humiliated or getting turned on. *shrugs*

bondagelove, it really sounds like the two of you just aren't compatible. A Domme should be willing to respect your hard limits, but you need to communicate and let her know what is bothering you, and why.

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Post #: 26

RE: Creating balance in a bdsm relation. - 3/1/2010 1:25:11 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

The qualities of a dominant are shown in how they read their slave/sub.
If you watch too much BDSM porn then your going to believe that all slave/subs are alike and putting them down is going to work every time! That does not make you dominant, it makes you ignorant.

Tell someone they are stupid and eventually they will believe it, just like the abused wife believes nobody else would have her because she's too ugly.
If someone wants to be put down then they need to find the sort of person that desires to do that but in the main subs/slaves that talk about humiliation are not talking about degradation... huge difference.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 3/1/2010 1:28:04 AM >

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RE: Creating balance in a bdsm relation. - 3/2/2010 8:24:19 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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Many, many things are quite different between a Scene and Relationship that is 24/7 or a lifetime even.

SM of any type (physical, verbal or emotional) may be hot in a scene but for operating day in and day out tends to be draining on both people.

My best short advice (this is a section of our book) is to set aside play time to do intense activities and focus on positive feedback for every day interactions. Trying to do the intense stuff all the time either lessens the impact of it may trigger negative reactions. Negatives rarely help a relationship thrive.

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Post #: 28