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How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/29/2006 1:49:29 PM

shadowwolf272

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/1/2004
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I thought i found a Mistress till i blew it and now not talking to me

So my Question is how do you know if the Mistress is right for you ?

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/29/2006 1:53:40 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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You keep looking and talking and meeting until you both feel that it's right.

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Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/29/2006 2:01:20 PM

Maam4slavegirl

Posts: 40
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: Iowa
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowwolf272

I thought i found a Mistress till i blew it and now not talking to me

What did you do to blow it and make her stop talking to you? Maybe that is what you need to look at before asking how do you know if she is the right mistress. Maybe you should hone up your submissive skills if something about them was the cause for her to quit talking to you.

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You must be true to yourself before you can be true to anyone else. If you play games do not play them with other people's time. It is not fair to those truly seeking.

Mz Patti or Patti...depends on who's asking...

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/29/2006 3:44:50 PM

shadowwolf272

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Joined: 11/1/2004
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was ask what i did
well i was up front and honest i seen something i didn;t like things she did
like calling and hanging up on me after something never called back she got online set to away never said a word not sorry for hanging up anything i tryed to talk to her nothing back so i told her that am not here for a sertin thing not in them words but little better worded
thats one

well i didn't know about the auto replye message so i got one thought it was from her so i was trying to do the right thing and leave her along deleated her from messenger so i wouldn't bother her

thats what i did

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/29/2006 6:15:20 PM

Aimtoplease101

Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
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Is it any different than determining whether any relationship is really right for you? You ask questions, spent time together, get to know each other, and experiment. Relationships are 2-way streets-- even if she's right for you, you may not be right for her (sadly).

Regards,
ATP

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/29/2006 6:38:29 PM

Beatmehrdr

Posts: 61
Joined: 8/18/2005
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You know she's Mistress Right if you want to be around her even at those times when you are so hard you can cut diamonds with your penis. BDSM relationships aren't all that different than vanilla, really. If you don't connect at a deeper level, don't expect the relationship to progress very much.

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/29/2006 6:48:47 PM

Beatmehrdr

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BTW, if she won't talk to you woman to man as well as Domme to sub, expect a crash to come sometime in the future. For all the talk about "being there to serve," "My wants not your needs" yada yada yada, the reality is that if you as a sub are unable to convey your needs/wants/aspirations/dreams with the Domme in question, then there is something wrong. IMHO, if a D/s relationship starts in subspace, it ends in disaster.

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/29/2006 7:21:19 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowwolf272

I thought i found a Mistress till i blew it and now not talking to me

So my Question is how do you know if the Mistress is right for you ?

What do you mean but "right"?

For a scene, for a week, for a year, for a lifetime?

For this activity, for these activities, for only BDSM, for vanilla stuff too?

I can't really answer your question until I know what exactly you are trying to determine.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/29/2006 8:26:17 PM

shadowwolf272

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for all in the lifestyle and out of the lifestyle

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/29/2006 10:01:25 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Beatmehrdr

You know she's Mistress Right if you want to be around her even at those times when you are so hard you can cut diamonds with your penis...

But those are the good times! lol

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~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/29/2006 10:05:19 PM

Misstoyou

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Beatmehrdr

...the reality is that if you as a sub are unable to convey your needs/wants/aspirations/dreams with the Domme in question, then there is something wrong...

I agree, but add it's the Domme's decision as to what to do with that information. How you feel about her decisions determines whether she's right for you.

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~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/30/2006 5:39:39 AM

LadyJulieAnn

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I think you know it's right when you don't have to ask the question, "Is this person right for me?"

Be well,
Julie

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/30/2006 5:59:19 AM

Nahemah

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Joined: 6/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Beatmehrdr

You know she's Mistress Right if you want to be around her even at those times when you are so hard you can cut diamonds with your penis. BDSM relationships aren't all that different than vanilla, really. If you don't connect at a deeper level, don't expect the relationship to progress very much.

I completely disagree. Knowing whether or not the Mistress in question is right for you or not has nothing to do with how hard your penis is. I understand completely that it wasn't meant to be taken literally, but the implication that She's the right one for you if you want to be around Her even when your cock is rock hard is just silly.

To the original question: you know She is the right Mistress for you when you can trust Her, with everything. With your life, your heart, your complete submission. When you feel as though there is absolutely nothing in the world that you want to hold back from Her. your dreams, fears, desires -- all of it. When you find yourself at the point that She is all you can think of, that the thought of pleasing Her when it is unpleasant for you, then I think you'll know. When you can find yourself devastatingly humiliated and feel safe in Her presence, without fear of rejection, I feel that is when you know She is the right one for you. And chances are, if you've established the kind of relationship that these actions, desires, and trust merit, She probably thinks you are the right one for Her as well.

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/30/2006 6:15:29 AM

MsSophie

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Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
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The day you meet someone who you want to be with so much that it wouldn't matter if she was able to top you or not is the day you know that you have, without a doubt, met the person with whom you will be able to share a life time.

So much can happen in life. We may get ill, may have accidents, may have a bad hair day... If all there is between you is the fact that you are slave and she is mistress your relationship will fall plat on it's face the day she wakes up in the morning and feels she is just unable to be Mistress.

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/30/2006 6:26:27 AM

FLsubmalecd

Posts: 143
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSophie

The day you meet someone who you want to be with so much that it wouldn't matter if she was able to top you or not is the day you know that you have, without a doubt, met the person with whom you will be able to share a life time.

So much can happen in life. We may get ill, may have accidents, may have a bad hair day... If all there is between you is the fact that you are slave and she is mistress your relationship will fall plat on it's face the day she wakes up in the morning and feels she is just unable to be Mistress.

Very Good answer Ms Sophie!

I know I had that once. I'd give anything to find it again. I had never loved anyone as much as my last Mistress. But that ended and left me alone and wantnig and needing the love that we once shared. Yes, I agree with you. She once even said that she would leave the lifestyle to be with me if need be. Of course I woudl have done the same for her. The love came first and foremost between us. The D/s relationship just made it deeper and better.

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/30/2006 9:15:51 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
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From: Arizona
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowwolf272

for all in the lifestyle and out of the lifestyle

Of course I come from the perspective of a Domina seeking a slave. But I see this sort of comment often regarding "in and out of the lifestyle", or a mixture of vanilla and lifestyle.
For Me, and for many I know, even if they do not seek a slave, there is no "out of the lifestyle", There are often times when both, together or apart, must interact with the vanilla. It is a part of life. that doesn't mean that you are no longer submissive. I don't mean to everybody, but that mindset should always be running through the relationship and everything you do, "in and out of the lifestyle". At the very least I expect a boy in whom I would have any interest, to be polite, engaging and respectful to all. I expect a boy in whom I would be interested to know when something is worth a polite debate or arguement and when it is time to smile and walk away, knowing that you are dealing with an asshole and there is no reason to waste your time and energy. There is not a time when the Dominance and submission in the relationship does not apply. It is simply expressed in a less overt way.
I only have vague reference to the fact that you were angry that she hung up on you, did not apologize for something or anything and refused to discuss something or anything that was bothering you. Some boys love this attitude, and want the Domina/Mistress to be mean and unfeeling. Apparently you don't. Is this her style? Did you know this going in? Did you ever meet r/t? I read about phone and messenger, but nothing about r/t.
How did you choose her for exploration in the first place? How long were you "together"?
How did you approach her?
If you feel good about the way you presented your questions and your objections, and she was a *bitch*, she was not the right one for you. If you feel there should be times when all D/s is thrown away because it doesn't apply, (you can just be demanding and whiney and disrespectful) then you need to look to yourself. I do hear "that's not fair" too much for My personal taste. Who said the D/s or M/s relationship is supposed to be fair? It is fair in the sense that both parties get what they want and need. To the outside world, if they were privy to all the sordid details, they would think the submissive was nuts.
Or, your other option, to help make sure this doesn't happen again, is to find find the Lady who is willing to do D/s part of the time, and vanilla the rest of the time.
Just a different perspective.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 3/30/2006 9:18:10 AM >

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They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
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Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/30/2006 10:03:03 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowwolf272

for all in the lifestyle and out of the lifestyle

So you're looking for a lifetime partner?

If that is the case, I'd say you need to really do some basic level talking and dating as you would for any vanilla relationship then you add on the BDSM interests and limits discussions.

Lifetime relationships can grow from kinky ones but if your intent is lifetime from the start I think you need to cover everything not just the kinky connections.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/30/2006 10:25:36 AM

Beatmehrdr

Posts: 61
Joined: 8/18/2005
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quote:

I completely disagree. Knowing whether or not the Mistress in question is right for you or not has nothing to do with how hard your penis is. I understand completely that it wasn't meant to be taken literally, but the implication that She's the right one for you if you want to be around Her even when your cock is rock hard is just silly.

Oops, had that backwards. I meant even when your penis is not so hard it can cut diamonds. The point is that sexual attraction only goes so far.

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/30/2006 10:48:34 AM

Moloch

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Well I look for the "Made In Germany" tag on the back of the neck! Thanks how I know

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RE: How do you know if its the right Mistress - 3/30/2006 11:07:41 AM

tgrss

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Joined: 11/4/2004
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I have read a lot about proper manners for a sub.. but what about proper manners for a Dominant.. I am a Dominant and would never consider shutting out a sub completely without at least letting he/she know what it is that was done wrong... how else do We expect the sub to grow and learn? Just because We are Dominant does not mean We should forget how to be respectful People (unless that is the desire of B/both). Submissive does not mean sub-human.

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