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RE: Female-led relationships: How does your D/s relatio... - 3/2/2010 6:14:24 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I have to admit, that since coming to understand many things better and having words to describe things, looking at men who say they are submissive, it has been harder to actually find a submissive man for a female led relationship.


This is a very interesting thing that you say. So far, in my experience, I have found that my most successful female-led relationships sprung from a vanilla setting. My last relationship is the perfect example of this. In fact, based on his origins, he most likely didn't have much exposure to D/s models. I integrated a few aspects of D/s to our relationship and they were well received. But in our day to day life, he was completely devoted to my happiness, from the very first moment I met him in fact, which was a very lovely spontaneous fluke.

quote:

Most who say they are submissive are really bottoms and focused on the sexual/kinky dynamic's more than a relationship. It sure has made me rethink a lot of things. lol


Most, but not all. And we have to remember that. And it is what I keep reminding myself because I would be best matched with someone who was not only into being in a female-led relationship, but also will bottom to me when I desire him to. ;-)

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Female-led relationships: How does your D/s relatio... - 3/3/2010 6:13:27 PM   
HeathenMa1am


Posts: 48
Joined: 1/29/2010
Status: offline 		Sometimes when I'm looking for a sub it's easier to quantify what I don't want, because I've had imperfect relationships that express those imperfections that I don't want again, but I'm still looking for the right relationship.

So here goes. I want a sub who enjoys serving and enjoys playing, and does both just for the fun of it. Not a doormat. Not someone who either genuinely doesn't know how to do anything or is pretending to be a helpless bimbo in order to be told how to do things (I once went out with a fellow who claimed to be a stock trader and apparently didn't know how to find out what movies were playing that night. I don't want a stupnagle.). Not someone who wants a mommy who punishes bad boys; I'm not a disciplinarian. (Disobeying won't get you spanked, it'll get you released. I once went out with a fellow who would promise to show up at an event for which I had booked a hotel room and then he would call every hour to say he was doing something else but would be there shortly, and would never show up. I don't want a flake.)

My model for a female-led relationship is based in heathen religious history. In heathenism, women wear the keys to their households displayed to symbolize their ownership of their households and lands, and men did not have keys to the houses they lived in. And people think the Vikings were a male dominated culture!

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Female-led relationships: How does your D/s relatio... - 3/3/2010 10:17:15 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		for me the most important thing is the happiness of my Mistress. the play is fun but like most relationships it is the rest of the time that most of the relationship occurs. i have found that i enjoy the time sitting at my Mistress feet just as much as play time. the hardest part for me has been my being deployed and maintaining my protocols while separated for long periods of time.

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LadyPact

(in reply to HeathenMa1am)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Female-led relationships: How does your D/s relatio... - 3/3/2010 11:18:23 PM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline 		for me, i wish to make Mistress proud of me and happy and seemingly what does that is me growing as a person and finding happiness for myself. So it works out for both of us =]

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your living nightmare

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Female-led relationships: How does your D/s relatio... - 3/4/2010 5:16:05 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you clip & fadedshadow for adding your thoughts. It is truly appreciated to hear your perspective on this.

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to fadedshadow)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Female-led relationships: How does your D/s relatio... - 3/4/2010 5:57:51 AM   
benevolentknight


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/23/2008
Status: offline 		Lady Angelika,
I have found that the most fulfilling part of my submisssive nature is to be in a loving female led relationship. Submiting, loving , adoring the Lady i have fallen in love with brings much security, honesty and communication that is difficult to attain in vanilla relationships. Women who understand themself well and hold a degree of knoweldge are much better at guiding a relationship then men. I remember traveling to Africa many years ago, visiting medical facilities, shanty towns, evelauting crimn statistics and coming away with the only solution to comprehensivly solve the regions incomprehinsible sufferings. Women ! the contenint needs a huge injection of competent women in many of the functions that run the countries. I recently went to a lecture with Deepak Chopra and he reiterated this saying that the number one way to immideatly improve the standards of living in the world was to empower women. I have managed many people and women are far more effective in broad and emotional areas then men.
Finding a female led relationship with someone with your knoweldfge is what i seek and hope to find. While a sexual component is part of this relationship just as a sexual relationship is part of any relationship. Abdicating control over to someone who is intelligent, loving, and has the judgment to understansd what is best for the relatiosnhip does not mean that she should have to carry the burden of completly running every aspect of the relationship. Beinbg completly supported, loved and adored further brings happiness to her giving her the ability to direct the relationship towards increased emotional intimacy void of negativce energy.
You sound like a very special Lady,
Kindly
Dennis

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Female-led relationships: How does your D/s relatio... - 3/4/2010 9:31:21 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: benevolentknight

Lady Angelika,
I have found that the most fulfilling part of my submisssive nature is to be in a loving female led relationship. Submiting, loving , adoring the Lady i have fallen in love with brings much security, honesty and communication that is difficult to attain in vanilla relationships. Women who understand themself well and hold a degree of knoweldge are much better at guiding a relationship then men. I remember traveling to Africa many years ago, visiting medical facilities, shanty towns, evelauting crimn statistics and coming away with the only solution to comprehensivly solve the regions incomprehinsible sufferings. Women ! the contenint needs a huge injection of competent women in many of the functions that run the countries. I recently went to a lecture with Deepak Chopra and he reiterated this saying that the number one way to immideatly improve the standards of living in the world was to empower women. I have managed many people and women are far more effective in broad and emotional areas then men.
Finding a female led relationship with someone with your knoweldfge is what i seek and hope to find. While a sexual component is part of this relationship just as a sexual relationship is part of any relationship. Abdicating control over to someone who is intelligent, loving, and has the judgment to understansd what is best for the relatiosnhip does not mean that she should have to carry the burden of completly running every aspect of the relationship. Beinbg completly supported, loved and adored further brings happiness to her giving her the ability to direct the relationship towards increased emotional intimacy void of negativce energy.
You sound like a very special Lady,
Kindly
Dennis


Would it be safe to say you are a female supremacist, benevolentknight? If so, is your aim to be in a relationship with a woman that believes that women are superior, also?

I think this is an important distinction.  I am in a female-led relationship, but I am NOT a female supremacist.  My husband isn't either.  I don't think I could connect with a man who was - that's a very different POV.  I want a man who worships me; not a man who worships women, and I am a woman. If that makes sense.

What if we broke it down as such:

Men seeking female led relationships with women, but neither of them are female surepmacists
Women seeking men for female-led relationships, but neither of them are female supremacists
Men seeking female-led relationships with female supremacists
Female supremacists seeking men who believe in female supremacy for female-led relationship

..And finally, the biggest category, "Men seeking female supremacists for female-led relationships, who say "oh I am not really a female supremacist either" when the lady says she doesn't believe in it."

Akasha


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(in reply to benevolentknight)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Female-led relationships: How does your D/s relatio... - 3/4/2010 3:48:27 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: benevolentknight

Lady Angelika,
I have found that the most fulfilling part of my submisssive nature is to be in a loving female led relationship. Submiting, loving , adoring the Lady i have fallen in love with brings much security, honesty and communication that is difficult to attain in vanilla relationships. Women who understand themself well and hold a degree of knoweldge are much better at guiding a relationship then men.


I'll refer to Akasha's post above and I'll say that I can see how she can perceive you to be a female supremacist based on this. I think that some women who understand themselves quite well will discover that they are drawn more to submission than dominance. I would also say that I know men who know themselves well who are fabulous dominants.

Knowing ourselves well simply permits us to live more in harmony with our true desires. You seem to know what you want and the way you describe it shows that you have given it much thought and consideration.

quote:

I remember traveling to Africa many years ago, visiting medical facilities, shanty towns, evelauting crimn statistics and coming away with the only solution to comprehensivly solve the regions incomprehinsible sufferings. Women ! the contenint needs a huge injection of competent women in many of the functions that run the countries. I recently went to a lecture with Deepak Chopra and he reiterated this saying that the number one way to immideatly improve the standards of living in the world was to empower women.


I'm going to agree with this not because I think women would do a better job than men, but because I think that when a whole gender is silenced in a society, the society cannot evolve. The company that I work for does a lot of business with several African nations and I was pleasantly surprised to discover that there were so many women with high positions of power, especially in the south, but really everwhere. Obviously, like everywhere else, there is still quite a gap to be filled.

quote:

I have managed many people and women are far more effective in broad and emotional areas then men.

I wouldn't reduce this to a such a broad sweeping statement. I have met men with great emotional intelligence and women who had absolutely no empathy or compassion. Sure, in general, women can be more nurturing in the work force, but in all honesty, I've experienced enough of the opposite to stop believing this stereotype.

quote:

Finding a female led relationship with someone with your knoweldfge is what i seek and hope to find. While a sexual component is part of this relationship just as a sexual relationship is part of any relationship. Abdicating control over to someone who is intelligent, loving, and has the judgment to understansd what is best for the relatiosnhip does not mean that she should have to carry the burden of completly running every aspect of the relationship. Beinbg completly supported, loved and adored further brings happiness to her giving her the ability to direct the relationship towards increased emotional intimacy void of negativce energy.

Sounds like a great goal :-)

quote:

You sound like a very special Lady,
Kindly
Dennis


Thank you for the kind words Dennis. They are truly appreciated.

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to benevolentknight)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Female-led relationships: How does your D/s relatio... - 4/17/2010 6:08:09 PM   
SlaveSubtoserve


Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline 		Aakasha,

re the Female Supremacy issue, i have always been flummoxed a bit by it as i never believed in general FS but rather that the woman i happened to be smitten with or in an D/s relationship with, i was in such awe of Her that i have always felt Her essence supreme to me somehow= really more individual woman specific FS.........not sure how that fits in as its an underlying natural sense of Her (specifically) power over me and my desires to please Her .......(so gosh no i do not buy the ESutton rubbish re growing general Female supremacy in the world) as this still really is an individual couple connection......

j

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Female-led relationships: How does your D/s relatio... - 4/17/2010 6:25:17 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
When guys approach me all aloof and casual and aren't showing me signs of submission, I know that they don't have it in them. Every man who deep down wants to find a woman to submit too will always approach a woman wanting to do things for her. I'm not saying he should be a sap, nor should she take advantage of this. I'm just saying that the potential dynamic is there immediately.


When I've met submissives, I didn't expect them to submit to me on the first date, and I rarely reacted that way to a Dominant until we'd interacted more. Being polite and willing to do things for the other person is a good characteristic for anyone to have, regardless of D/s orientation. I posted last year about a Dominant who helped me out with something I was volunteering for as our first date. For some reason, the search engine here doesn't want to cooperate with me. :(

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 30
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