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Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the sand - 3/29/2006 6:43:40 PM

MstrFury

Posts: 77
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline

let me first state that this is not a rant or bash em smash em post...I really just want honest thoughts on this reguardless of who you are...

recent events in my life spun from this site...have given me great pause...within my local community an even higher level of question on the subject of race verses preference...

seems as if I've been practicing this lifestyle since the earth was nothing but dust..I had a very knowledgable mentor...and as time passes...I still know I don't know everything as I'm still learning everyday...example..this question...(there's no right or wrong answers...you won't win a kewpie doll or grand prize)

without seeing it..( not blind just trusting in the general nature of a person) events happened whereby so many people viewed my old profile and responded to something with so much negitivity and venom I was left reeling with wonder and surprise...then someone wrote me and said...it's because you're black...my response was...what's that got to do with anything....reality set in when I had explained to me that even though we may share the same lifestyle...we're still subject to all that we've learned..seen..or feel about the races....I questioned this in my local community and with great surprise got a very similar answer....looking around I saw only two blacks in the group (me being one of them)...I do know there's another group within my traveling distance that's comprised on the other end of the scale...my choice was a matter of distance not the color make-up of the group...so that thought never came to me...my opinion was people know you as a person and they take you as you are...a Dominant is that...a Submissive is that period...I never saw a color just a submissive....

as I say...I'm learning every day...so I'm taking my head out of the sand and asking the question since this site represents the same cross section of the faces I see everyday...what are your thoughts on this...

please don't grandstand to get the attention of everyone else here by giving the standard ...That's not me...I don't think or see things in black and white...most give their best and most honest part of themselves on here...we open up...we ask questions and we give opinions...can this one be just as blunt and honest as the rest you give....I'd really like to know the true pulse of the lifestyle in which we all live...

Fury

Post #: 1

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 6:54:58 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

When I look around at the people that I'm attracted to I see all kinds of people. Tall, short, thin, fat, green eyes, brown eyes, blue eyes, bald, long hair, spikey hair, a few shades of white, and a few shades of brown. I see all of these things, I'm not blind, I see the difference in eye, hair or skin color just as I see the difference in height and weight. There isn't one or another of these things that will cause me to think or feel anything about the person I'm looking at other than to register what they look like and store that somewhere in my brain.

I enjoy and revel in the diversity of our appearances. I don't ignore them. But I don't make a judgement of a person because their hair color is different than mine, why would eye color or skin tone be any different?

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to MstrFury)

Post #: 2

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 6:58:43 PM

artglfr

Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline

MstrFury, I am sorry to hear there are still people that stupid as to let color affect how they treat another human being. For anyone to say that to You is just wrong imo.

I read Your Profile and all You are asking is to meet Friends and I think it is a good but very short one, I showed it to a submissive and she said she could see no reason for anyone to get upset by it.

I had a Black submissive for a while and she was very good. In My Groups there are Blacks and even Groups run by Black Dommes and I am sorry to hear things are not the same there.

Hang in there and Good Luck

_____________________________

Kink Forever
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Docents_of_Museum/

(in reply to MstrFury)

Post #: 3

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 7:05:26 PM

MstrFury

Posts: 77
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline

thank you for your reply...I'm not new on this site ..just a new profile...I removed everything about me even my pic...this I thought when coming back would make me just another person on this site...I'm no longer looking to find anyone...just continue friendships made...and new ones to come...

Fury

(in reply to artglfr)

Post #: 4

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 7:06:33 PM

wytchywoman

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

I find it very disturbing that these kinds of distinctions are still being made by some people. Especially in a "community" that likes to pretend to be accepting and open-minded.

Don't get me wrong...I in no way mean to say that the people on CM are "pretending". Seems to me the real life groups you've been involved with were, though. I know right now it must seem to you that everyone is making some kind of judgment because you're black.I can honestly say I don't blame you! I don't want to step over the line here by being (gasp) politically incorrect, but I do have an opinion on why you've run up against this kind of attitude.

If you'd like, message me on the other side and I'll give you a bit more detail on my own personal opinion.

(in reply to artglfr)

Post #: 5

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 7:06:35 PM

dorsaisgirl1

Posts: 156
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

i treat a person based on the way they act treat others and project themselfs not on there looks .

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 6

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 7:08:04 PM

SirLordTrainer

Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline

I personally dont judge by color but rather the demeanor and knowledge the individual brings to My attention..

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

(in reply to MstrFury)

Post #: 7

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 7:21:08 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Well I think you should add a pic to your profile, I really like seeing the faces of the people who contribute to the forums.

I dont really understand what responses you are after.

You have removed your picture from the bio so that you are just another person on the site, yet, in one of your first posts, you have made an issue of it, brought it out for all to see.
What this means to me, is that its important for you to be accepted for who you are, and thats how it should be, so get that picture back up there. If people treat you differently because of the color of your skin "to hell with them" they arent worth chatting to anyways, they are probably the same people who send horrible emails to other people for other reasons.
One time when I went to India i dyed my hair black cuz I was sick and tired of people gauking at me, I can appreciate what your saying. Then there was the issue of my eye color. They would look at me like I was a freak, they thought had "cat eyes" cuz they were blue and not brown like everyone elses. Well there was nothing I could do about that.After awhile it just didnt matter, I realised that people are people and some are gonna be weird around things that are different than themselves or what they know, and others arent, thats life. Cheers

< Message edited by slavejali -- 3/29/2006 7:34:58 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to MstrFury)

Post #: 8

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 7:28:54 PM

emeraude

Posts: 31
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

It's a shame that this issue is still around in this day and age.

That said, I have attended a number of events in Ontario, Canada, and have noticed that there are very few black subs or Doms who attend. I'm not certain why. Truthfully, I've never asked. It just never came up. At no time did anyone say anything negative about race. It's like it was never an issue and so was never discussed.

My former Dom and I were incredibly lucky with the all the people we met. We were never made to feel that race was an issue and it never should be. It did however, make it easy for me when describing ourselves to people we were meeting in r/l from IRC. I'd just say...look for the black Dom and then look down. I'm the one at his feet. :) (Most of the time he was the only black man there.) In my opinion, no one should be judged on their colour. Behaviour, attitude, and a willingness to share knowledge are far more important.

(in reply to MstrFury)

Post #: 9

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 7:29:08 PM

SpaceForMore

Posts: 32
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline

Fury, I think this site is just like any cross-section of society. All kinds of people here, as everywhere. I wouldn't let it bother me too much. Working on your self, your mind, I think is the best thing to do, as that is the one place you can have total control, atleast until you get a good slave/sub.

I think most people will outgrow racism in the near future. Same goes for religion.
They are both, in my view, artifacts of -- shall we say, not having enough knowledge (not to use a harsh word and ignite a religious war.)

_____________________________

Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope,
not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.
--Napoleon Hill

(in reply to artglfr)

Post #: 10

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 7:33:06 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

Original Quote: SpaceForMore
I think most people will outgrow racism in the near future. Same goes for religion.
They are both, in my view, artifacts of -- shall we say, not having enough knowledge

Thats so true and I completely agree.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to SpaceForMore)

Post #: 11

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 8:00:09 PM

DoNotDisobey

Posts: 14
Joined: 8/29/2004
From: Perth, Western Australia
Status: offline

I don't want to throw this thread off-topic because MstrFury deserves answers. I'm not really in a position to provide them, because Australia has an appalling record on race and blacks here - Aboriginals - are virtually invisible, the majority living in the Outback in appalling conditions while the cities are occupied primarily by white and Asian people. Coming from a country (New Zealand) where the indigenous peoples' culture (Maori) is acknowledged and celebrated and interwoven into most aspects of day-to-day life in a natural way, I was astounded on arriving here. So having experienced a culture where race isn't an issue (other than to a handful of white rednecks and Maori radicals) because the culture is an amalgam of everyone, to one where it's not an issue because of a defacto policy of segregation means you'll rarely meet a black person, I'm at a loss to comment. I'll just say I find it astounding, irrational, disturbing and counter-productive. And wish MstrFury well.

What caught My attention in this thread was wytchywoman's comment about this "community" (BDSMers generally, not CM, as she explained) liking to pretend to be accepting and open-minded.

What increasingly disturbs Me is the intolerance shown by people of one "kink" to those of another. I have been abused (and reported to Yahoo, no less!) for discussing BDSM in a general "anything goes" sex chat room... the complaints were two cross dressers who, in the same room, were seeking anal sex with males. Equally, I've been at swingers clubs where a transexual who wasn't particularly passable was ridiculed and made to feel unwelcome. And that's just two of many, many examples.

There are many lifestyles I would not choose to live, but in choosing to live outside what most would see as the mainstream I have learned the importance of tolerance. Not that I wasn't before, but from passive "I don't care what others do" tolerance, I've become what I suppose you'd call a "tolerance activist"

Maybe I'm naive... but have others noticed that people of one kink are less tolerant of others than the majority of vanilla people (excluding the obvious right wing / religious nutters, of course)? And if so, why???

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 12

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 8:23:32 PM

SoulfulSadism

Posts: 53
Joined: 9/3/2005
Status: offline

Fury, My Personal Preferences as a Dom man:
If the girl was cute - I never cared what her ethnicity/color was.
When the girl was not cute, things still grew to great heights, but the initial acceleration was slow.

Which means - I am not a color-based or religion-based racist; but that does make me a looks-based racist. Even if it's mild, and extremely common, it is a prejudice and has the same effect as racism.

Overall experiences based on life in Los Angeles : Given the same amount of money/power etc, White is the best color to be, Black is next, and all other colors you can pretty much lump together. Of course, LA is not exactly the model of reality.

(in reply to DoNotDisobey)

Post #: 13

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 8:53:43 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Oh hell.. I wear blindfolds so who gives a shit what your skin looks like.. it's your MIND that matters. Now for the mind.. I'm all over dark and sexy. ;)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to MstrFury)

Post #: 14

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 10:26:07 PM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulfulSadism

Overall experiences based on life in Los Angeles : Given the same amount of money/power etc, White is the best color to be, Black is next, and all other colors you can pretty much lump together. Of course, LA is not exactly the model of reality.

Living in Hollywood/LA area, i have to disagree. There are three types in Hollywood--those with money, those who want what those with money have and those who are happy being themselves...irrespective of race. But this has little to do with the OP.

If it's one thing that sets me off, it's those who feel the color of a person's skin is the basis for entitlement yet this seems to be a standard of consideration that is rarely questioned. When I owned my own business, i was given a tax break for being a minority run company. (and yes as a woman, i was deemed a minority but also due to the fact that only 10% of my employees were caucasian) I hired based on people's ability...not on their race... yet a government agency was granting certain exclusions based on the color of my employees skin. My ex father-in-law belongs to a country club in Palm Springs that does the same...you can be the biggest SOB but as long as the color of your skin meets their standard and you can afford the membership, your in. My g/f daughter attends a private school. Having just gone through a divorce and having to quit her job in order to have chemo treatments, she attempted to apply for a scholarship to the school. She was denied as the scholarships were granted to minority families. I can pull up any school within my public school district and get a breakdown of the student population based on race as i am sure everyone else can for their district. What should it matter, yet the district feels a need to publish this information.

It comes as no great surprise, as sad and wrong as it may be, that this mentality carries over into this lifestyle. But it's good to remember great strides can be accomplished one step at a time.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to SoulfulSadism)

Post #: 15

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 10:33:34 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

MstrFury,

I am very sorry you are having these experiences. Unfortunately there are people in The Lifestyle who have racial prejudices. Have you gone to the other group that is
a bit further away that has a different ethnic mix?

In the San Francisco Bay Area there is an African-American Domme who has been
very active in the past few years working on the Bay Area Women of Color BDSM Photo Project. Her name is Mistress Heart and you can check out that project here -
http://www.mistressheartsf.com/

Be well,

-Vendaval-

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to MstrFury)

Post #: 16

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 11:40:39 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Every one has their own style and agenda. I can’t hope to speak for any except those who I own or the one I’m married to and even then I prefer to others speaking about themselves.. I meet new people in and out of the lifestyle every day. Race, colour, creed and sex is nothing. I prefer not to judge people with few exceptions. I do access people though. If I’m drawn to a woman I ask why? Is it sexual, physical looks personality or a mix of all the above. In this I have to be brutally honest. I want to see how I interact with them and how they interact with me.. (This tells me a great deal). It is always an ongoing process and if I’m not sure, I don’t turn my back but rather study them by observing what they do and how they do it; who they interact with, how they interact and who they seem to be attracted to.. I have some really wonderful people I feel proud to call friends who at first I kept at bay until I had them sorted out in my mind enough to want to get close to.

Generally I am a cautious chap who prefers to remove most of the questions before I get involved... That is both natural tendencied and Professional Training.. With the right people however, I'll leap in boots and all larger than life.... I'm probably a love me or hate me sort of bloke in the final analyais who often has his opponents and occasional enemies respecting me more then my friends do..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/29/2006 11:44:37 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 17

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/29/2006 11:57:28 PM

fullofgrace

Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline

i have a whole heap of things i don't really consider, or at least try to not let affect me, when i first meet someone. race is absolutely at the top, along with age and physical appearance. i'm far more concerned with what's between one's ears than the color or size of said ears. most of my extended family are of other races (primarily black) and i've never felt uncomfortable myself around other races (though i have experienced some forms of discrimination before). i am so sorry that you've had this experience...it makes me angry that things like this are still an issue, but i think they will be in the years to come. i will probably never see a society devoid of racism or classism...and that saddens me. i don't think there's a whole lot that can be done about it other than trying to change how we act as individuals and trying to affect our interpersonal relationships.

_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 18

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/30/2006 12:04:30 AM

RubberWitch

Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline

I think race is an issue. in the same way as...well, anything is an issue.
A middleclass guardian(or leftwing rag of your home country) reading white guy may have issues about taking on a black slave, because of a sort of ingrained sense of guilt regarding actions taken by his race a hundred years ago.
however, I'd just like to point out that when c is feeling grotty, I don't deny her an aspirin because I still feel guilty over that whole Opium War thing. Fuck it, we gave Hong Kong back eventually!

From the other side, I know a lot of pretty black boys and girls who actively seek white masters, because its taboo. In the same way, I know a few Jewish subs, who really get off on the bdsm/Nazi thing.

The other way round, With community leaders not forgetting the past, There can be a level of ingrained hatred and a desire to reverse history's power roles. Thats actually also ok, because this sort of play is also about gratification. Find the right sub (see middleclass guardian reading white guy), and that level of submission frees them of their guilt.

Oh, and it could also be that a couple find each other alluring purely through a sense of otherness, with that lack of understanding translating into sexual intrigue

or they could just find each other hot, and screw the psychology

J

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 19

RE: Race...living the lifestyle with head buried in the... - 3/30/2006 12:17:36 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I cant comment from what happens in the US scene or socially Lass, I live in a country which does not have the racial history like yours. Yep we have had our share but it's not as prevelent and with the people ir areas in which I move or mix I just don't see those problems... But hey that does not mean that I think you are wrong, I just dont have the same experiences.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to RubberWitch)

Post #: 20

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