RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible?

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RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 4:13:35 AM

MstrssPassion

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From: West Palm Beach, FL
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Please & thankyou are words that come to me quite naturally. My saying please & thankyou do not seem to get the response that some other very polite & natural words get... just imagine the look on the faces of the subs when they hear me say Sir or Ma'am. LOL!!

Those two words really hold no D/s meaning to me. They are words that were ingrained in me from a very early age. I hear my Father's voice ringing in my ears about using those two words... "the one time you slip & not say Sir or Ma'am will be the one time you wish you had!"

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 3/30/2006 4:14:22 AM >

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Post #: 21

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 4:25:19 AM

SimplyV

Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
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I say keep on being polite. Be yourself, you're not going to be happy if you're not.

But you will also find some subs/slaves who will have trouble adjusting to you. Most of these will be new subs/slaves who have that perfect "Master" or "Mistress" still in their heads from their fantasies. Some will be subs/slaves which have been in abusive relationships before and don't know how to handle someone saying it nicely, but are perfectly comfortable with you yelling a command using cusswords.

Its more a matter of being clear about what you want and making sure they're clear about it as well. I like to make most of my "orders" stated politely. It is just how I am. If its not done, or I have to get "rude" to get things done.. I will also get angry.

I've had subs challenge me on it. Telling me I need to state it as an "order" or in my mind be "rude" about it. Personally, I think its a matter of just needing to learn to please their Mistress. I get more pleasure from a sub doing something because I asked nicely, than when I "order" them to do it in a harsh manner. Sure I expect it done either way I state it, but I get more pleasure from the less "threatening" kind of treatment. I think for me.. its a matter of my own perception.. when I'm polite, I percieve them doing it because they want to do it. When I'm not polite or rude or harsh in my words, then it taints their actions as it hints at a severe consequence if its not done, aka done in fear. And I don't want anyone serving me out of fear.

I dunno.. Just how I work.

(in reply to DigitBox)

Post #: 22

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 4:27:03 AM

Submotive

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i enjoy Master's politeness and i definitely enjoy it when He's not polite - It's His call - and that is my desire - His desire.

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RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 4:40:40 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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I love reading these discussions but have not until now felt a reason to add my opinion. My first reaction, was an "Oh My God!" My biggest pet peeve in the world we live in, is the loss of manners. Like many people that are in this lifestyle, I am a complex individual. I have always said they really did try to raise me to be a lady, wether they suceeded.......wellllll, that probably depends on your idea of such. However, I whole hearted believe that this world would be a MUCH more pleasant place if there were alot less rude borish "assholeishness" ( smiling....gotta love that ) and alot more manners and kind gestures. Neither requires "submitting" but spreading some positive energy around this revolving ball in the sky. Being a rude bitch is easy, taking a moment to let someone know their efforts are appreciated does not have to be difficult. Personally, if someone is a rude ass, my esteem of them only decreases. I have never EVER thought, "Oh what an impressive powerful person!" rather the opposite actually. My eyes will narrow, thoughts will enter my head like.......that nasty (fill in the blank) could use a good attitude adjustment in my dungeon.....see how full of themselves they are when I get done with them.........!

(in reply to CAROLF)

Post #: 24

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 5:44:47 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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No they are not compatible, however, a lot of male AND female slaves get off on being used, not in a polite way, manhandled and ordered about. As I said in another post, a lot of women want someone half barbarian and half falling over themselves for the woman- so when a man is perceived to be ALL falling over themselves, the women believe they don't have that "grab by the hair and tell you to get the hell on their knees and suck their masters cock like the hot little slut they are" edge to them. It's underestimation at its finest.

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Post #: 25

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 5:51:15 AM

greenamethyst

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/12/2006
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yes they are compatible,, i personaly am human and being treated as a human and having a submissive polite is the first things i look for online and real time, i have something like this posted in my profile and journel. manners is what catches my eye. it may not be everything but its a start.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 26

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 5:56:38 AM

wild1cfl

Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

Please & thankyou are words that come to me quite naturally. My saying please & thankyou do not seem to get the response that some other very polite & natural words get... just imagine the look on the faces of the subs when they hear me say Sir or Ma'am. LOL!!

I was raised in the same way, basically ot show good manners. I see nothing contradictory about having good manners and being Dominant. in fact I feel that the best Dominants that I have ever known were quite respectful and mannerly. What has happened to manners? we expect our slaves or submissives to have manners saying Please and Thank you to us, why can we as Dominants show respect for anyone else by offering the same pleasantries. I have had experience in a Victorian type of household where no matter what position you held respect was offered to all.

Those two words really hold no D/s meaning to me. They are words that were ingrained in me from a very early age. I hear my Father's voice ringing in my ears about using those two words... "the one time you slip & not say Sir or Ma'am will be the one time you wish you had!"

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 27

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 6:06:59 AM

MsAlexaandJack

Posts: 11
Joined: 1/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

No they are not compatible, however, a lot of male AND female slaves get off on being used, not in a polite way, manhandled and ordered about. As I said in another post, a lot of women want someone half barbarian and half falling over themselves for the woman- so when a man is perceived to be ALL falling over themselves, the women believe they don't have that "grab by the hair and tell you to get the hell on their knees and suck their masters cock like the hot little slut they are" edge to them. It's underestimation at its finest.

Yes underestimation is the keyword. Im polite and I treat my sub like the dirty little slut that he is. I manhandle him, I make him service me and when he is done he I grab him by the chin, stare into his eyes and say "thank you slut". Alot of times being polite can be a mask for the *hidden beast within*. It throws alot of peeps off.

~MsAlexa

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 28

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 6:17:09 AM

johnxinxscruz

Posts: 53
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

There are many people that confuse dominance with assholishness (ok, I made it up). Being rude or domineering does not make one dominant, it just makes them rude or domineering.

Something I've been saying as I meet people through collarme lately, and they mention the rude messages they often get:

I'm in the process of becoming a Dom, not a Jerk.

Unfortunately, there are people who take one as a license to freely be the other.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 29

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 6:45:15 AM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

Beautifully put. I was brought up to have manners... Please and Thank you are a natural part of my vocabulary. I bring the subject up with subs right at the beginning. Just because I may be polite, does not mean that I am any less dominant. As such, when I phrase something as a civil request, it is nonetheless a command, and My slave knows that. Should he forget, he will discover his mistake immediately!

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
Being rude or domineering does not make one dominant, it just makes them rude or domineering.

< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 3/30/2006 6:46:40 AM >

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RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 6:53:46 AM

sklegmichael

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Joined: 9/6/2005
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Some of us love making mistakes and pretending we do not undrstand courtesy so we might spend more time on tptoe...

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 31

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 7:12:35 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

The sub is right: you don't HAVE to say please. But, aren't we all tired of a rude society? You are a real person, not someone who's in a role in order to fulfill someone's fantasy. Do as you wish and those who are a fit will seek you out.

Politeness is appropriate in almost every situation.

Fire

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RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 7:13:31 AM

artglfr

Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline

NORMAL ??? Polite laughter here. We are Normal ?

If being Yourself interferes with a submissives perception of how a Domme should be, I recommend a discussion with the person and finding out if it is the persons Kink to be treated impolitely and if it is then YOU must make the decision...Do You change for this person. I ask a sub here at the Museum if she responded well to "HEY B.... DO THIS NOW!!!" and she said NO. I then ask her what if We "negotiated" that for say the next 2 hours I was going to treat you like this? then it could be fun she said, knowing it is "negotiated".

Being Yourself is the best advice I have ever recieved or I can give,

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Post #: 33

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 7:26:10 AM

TheTopHat

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAlexaandJack

Yes underestimation is the keyword.

Lol. Seeing this in a string about the loss of proper form absolutely made my day! :>

(in reply to MsAlexaandJack)

Post #: 34

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 9:15:06 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

Dominant is not synonymous with mannerless.

"While it can be said a Master's natural place above his slave does not require him to observe her with consideration to traditional manners, this is not to say he is at his core devoid of culture, class and refinement. ...Ignorance, childishness, commonality and vulgarity are surely paths to be avoided."

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 35

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 9:51:50 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DigitBox

Hi everyone in General BDSM Discussions. I'm sort of new on CM, I'm a switch but I've been more in the Domme mode for the last little while although I'd still classify my level of experience to be between newbie and intermediate.

Something I've been told by a sub that I was seeing is that I didn't have to say please when I wanted something. But the thing is for me being polite is just something I do for everyone.

Saying that, if I'm given a reason to, I can stop being polite and be insistant or demanding. But usually I will say "Could you do this please?" or "Give me your arm please.". It's just something that kind of comes naturally to me.

But I dunno, is it normal for the Domme to be polite to the sub?

Or will I always seem weird for this habit?

If its normal for you, then asking you to stop seems both unlikely to work and bit like someone has an ideal or fantasy of what you should be like.

As the dominant I think you need to do what is most empowering and comfortable for you first and foremost.

Over time what is comfortable may change for you but do what feels best to you. If you have to think about how to say something then you might get bogged down in the techniques and miss the attitude.

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(in reply to DigitBox)

Post #: 36

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 2:07:17 PM

Real0ne

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in my little corner of the world its not only compatible but a requirement!

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(in reply to DigitBox)

Post #: 37

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 4:07:42 PM

truesub4u

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Please will get a better response from this one most times. Specially when I am serving one that is not my owner.

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RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 4:08:41 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DigitBox

But I dunno, is it normal for the Domme to be polite to the sub?

Or will I always seem weird for this habit?

I really don't think the issue is whether or not you are too polite. I think the issue is why let someone else's perception of what you should be color or call into question your living the way that feels most comfortable and right to you. It seems to me that is the issue more fundamental to being dominant than degree of courtesy or formality.

From a personal perspective I think manners and courtesy, especially in unexpected places, are almost always appropriate (whether we choose to participate or not). I tend to enjoy spending my time with people who agree and see value in manners.

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(in reply to DigitBox)

Post #: 39

RE: Being the Domme and being polite, are they compatible? - 3/30/2006 6:57:54 PM

dedicated2her

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/20/2005
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From my experiences, a Woman isnt always in "Domme" mode. If we're just sitting watching a movie and I hear "Can you please get me a drink" im up and off to the kitchen in no time.
If that's your personality then I don't see why it would be a problem. The '24/7' bitch is mostly fantasy anyway.

(in reply to MizSuz)

Post #: 40

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