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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

As to your last question, I would say that My gender and skill level do play a part in this.

I'd have to disagree with you when you say that skill level plays a significant part-I went to my first ever party last month, completely alone, and was made to feel totally welcome and accepted-these people had never seen me play, had absolutely no idea what my level of skill/experience might be, and they were lovely regardless.

Please note that I included gender in My response.  I've said this on other threads before.  I tend to think that females get a better reception than males and that hold regardless of which side of the kneel.

The experience part I am basing on settings where people have known Me, known My style of play, and are more likely to want to bottom to Me with that in mind.

I included LP's post in my answer because what she said, mixed with what vaguely curious said, and uniquely raven said earlier, made me curious about several things.

Lady Pact, is it your gender that is more acceptable to others or is it your orientation or is it just the "you" that you are...or is it a combination of factors?  I would ask the same question of vaguely curious and uniquely raven...and here is why:  as a top/dominant and a strong woman, you have no problems asking, or with being asked about play.  This is to be expected in the clubs most times...you are the dominant and from what I have seen, most people expect the dominant to ask.  Does the fact that the dominant is female make a difference or is it you? 

Now then, come to Vaguely Curious.  Is it possible that one of the reasons you are made to feel welcomed and accepted is, as Lady Pact said, the fact that you are female rather than male? AND a lesbian female dominant at that? 

Finally, I come to unique raven.  A submissive woman.  She states "i totally understand this feeling - and agree. It is easy for me to get overwhelmed too, in general - and when at a party just go into "pleasing" mode. " in response to something beth said.  In an earlier post, she noted that "i have never been inclined to go to BDSM play parties, group meetings, events, etc. as an unowned slave. This is for several reasons, one being that i'm a very private person, and two, that i have a very hard time saying "no" when someone wants to play with me - i have a very strong internal need to be pleasing, and saying "no" is difficult. i have gotten into situations before in the past where i really didn't want to be played with, but i did it anyway, for that reason. So i've set a rule for myself against such play while unowned, in order to protect myself as my future Owner's property. " 

In this case, is it the fact that she is a submissive woman that brings on the suitors?  Is it the fact that she is attractive to boot?  Is it the fact that she has a hard time saying "no" to dominants whose force of will/desire/want is stronger than her own need to do what she would rather do versus being pleasing "to the dominant"? 

Is part of what comes into play in making a decision to attend this notion?  That even in "tolerant, forward-thinking" D/s BDSM clubs/munches/events, it is still more common for the male...dominant or submissive...to be doing the asking and for the woman...dominant or submissive...to either be saying "yes" or "no" and so, when you come across a woman who does the asking, how many potential male partners...submissive or dominant...are likely to say " "no"?

So...what does determine whether you go alone or with others?  Is it the gender?  Your personality?  Your orientation?  The knowledge of self and being able to do what you want as a single unpartnered individual, whether dominant or submissive, and not be overtaken by a stronger force of will when you didn't want that at the start of the night?  For me, I have gone to events alone as both a single and someone who was partnered and I have gone to events with my partner or with a friend.  What determined what I did was who I am as an individual and the significance of where I stood in My life with/without someone else at the moment.

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Now then, come to Vaguely Curious.  Is it possible that one of the reasons you are made to feel welcomed and accepted is, as Lady Pact said, the fact that you are female rather than male? AND a lesbian female dominant at that?

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ORIGINAL: Tayr

@UniqueRaven (and others who avoid the events): I can't speak for other areas, but around Austin there are many different types of groups. Some have no play whatsoever (happy hours or coffee house get-togethers), or limited play (like Austin Voyagers or SAADE meetings). So, if you DO enjoy socializing with other kinky folks, you might try one of those kinds of get-togethers instead. That way you don't have to worry about anybody trying to get you to play with them.

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

For me it was like going to a bar alone to sulk in your beer. It's lonely, depressing and pathetic, at least for me.

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I always hated going alone so I rarely ever attended events. I don't like people staring at me like a piece of meat (unless I'm in a relationship with him)