RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely

RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Being Alone vs Being Lonely

cry endlessly

0% (0)

spend day and night online hoping

14% (3)

masturbate tons - cuz no one else is around

47% (10)

masterbate in malls bathrooms - cuz other people are there

0% (0)

walk a LOT

14% (3)

take up voyeurism or randomly spy on neighbors out of boredom

4% (1)

create polls - just to see how they work

19% (4)

Total Votes : 21

(last vote on : 3/6/2010 8:10:06 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

stella41b -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 4:02:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U Awesome Stella, I think I am starting to recall you from when you first came to the forums? or I first noticed you. When the transgenered issue (here) was noticed to me anyways....you always seemed pretty darn sane to me. Not sure of your age (will have to open your profile), but ..wondering, despite the moral and societal issues of your 'being/becoming/or even what has always been, ...did you always have these healthy prospects going for you? These abilities of 'compensating' and taking care of yourself in a good way, good or bad worldly events? or is this something you learned along the way (after manyyy years)?? That bohemian friendship you speak of, is not only long-term associates, or/and is it in the end--yourself? *didn't mean compensate in a bad way. I kind of evolve and develop pretty much in the same way as everyone else so part of it is my inner nature and part of it is a result of life and circumstances which have led me through experiences which influenced and shaped my character even further. However touching on a point you made lower down on the thread I don't think it's men who have that issue with love and being in love, but people in general. I feel too many people get fixated on an image of perfection in their minds, both of themselves and of other people. This isn't necessarily a bad thing in a way, especially not if it is used as a means of motivation for self-improvement and development. But the problem is often that the image of perfection some people have - and I quote a certain bearded fella as an obvious example - is unattainable or unrealistic and this effectively forms a barrier between them and other people. And even when it is realistic and attainable it sets up a series of expectations and false hopes. Another example here is that domme who started a thread about liars who after another relationship ended didn't seem to have any feelings towards the person but appeared more to be mourning the loss of his image. I find that especially sad. I suppose I've got a certain advantage here being transgendered because I've played on different sides of the dating and relationships thing, and I pretty much sense when I'm being hit on and whether its superficial or not, irrespective of the gender of the person making that sort of approach. But I still have problems working out whether someone is interested in me as a person or interested only in the image I present. But for me it's really all in the one word acceptance. If you can accept me as I accept you and actually spend time with me without going nuts then that's enough. Nothing else beyond that really matters.

VirginPotty -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 6:21:35 AM)
I picked watch my neighbors. [image]http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/1/1_4_123.gif[/image][image]http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_2_126.gif[/image][image]http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/1/1_4_101.gif[/image]

LaTigresse -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 8:41:11 AM)
I have to be honest, I have spent very little of my life completely alone. Probably moreso in the last 10 years but still.....with my family, you are not ever alone for long. Which might explain why I love being alone. I think the only time I have ever felt lonely was fairly early in life. Teens and early twenties. Yet I was almost never alone during those years. I really believe that being lonely has very little to do with whether a person is alone or not. It's more a mental state. I just love life and living way too much to get into that sort of mental state. For the most part, I adore all of the people in my life, but I would love some more alone time.[:D] Edited to add........I couldn't vote because none of the options fit me.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 8:47:07 AM)
I love being alone. I love going out to lunch alone. Driving alone. Going to the driving range alone. Doing a lot of things alone. I need it to keep my sanity. I also love doing all of those things with friends and family. I need a balance of both in my life.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 11:02:16 AM)
I think that's the problem I have living where I live now. There's ALWAYS people around. Always noise, people dropping by, cigarette smoke and smell in the air, music playing, TV blaring, people griping, ARRRGH. I have been looking for my own place, but have hit a few snags. Nothing insurmountable, but frustrating. I love my friend, and appreciate that she was there for me to rent a few rooms from while I figure out what I'm doing, but I really wasn't prepared for how much of a difficult transition it would be, living with so many people. Anyway, what do I do while I'm waiting around to be alone so that I can have the luxury of waiting around to find someone to not be alone with? I come on CM to find entertainment. I paint, badly, but I paint. I started out with water colors and now I'm trying my hand at acrylics and working my up to oils. I go out to the movies with my boys. I play cards with my friends/room mate. We used to have play parties here at the house, before Kay rented out our dungeon. I'm recuperating from illness, so most of the things I do are low key and non stressfull, which is why I like painting. I lose myself in movies. Work on my text-based roleplaying sites. Write, when my muse isn't on sabbatical. Occaisionally I build things on a whim, like a spanking bench and St. Andrews Cross. I had about an 8 year period in my life where I was happy to be alone. Separated between 2 years with one guy, and 2 years in a Poly household. I like my life peaceful and uncomplicated by drama. After 15 years in an abusive marriage, it was nice not having to stress out over every single small detail, or worry that something wasn't done correctly or timely. It was nice to be able to just learn myself, who I was, and what I liked about ME. The first 30 years of my life had been spent trying to please everyone around me, and doing my best to be as invisibile as possible. It was freeing to be on my own, and able to define myself on my own terms. Without that view being colored by others. Now, nearly 13 years after I left my husband, I'm a different person (I hope). I like the inner person I found. I found that she's a pretty quirky, funny, kind, and generous person that I could be friends with. That's not to say I'm not still a mess. There's things I want and need to get in control about myself, and I'm working on them. Anyway, it took me a while, but I think that while I'm happy being single and charting my own course, I'd like to hand the navigation over to someone and let them steer my course again. I think I'm at that stage in my life where I want someone I can enjoy growing older with, doing things with, sharing my life ith. And have mind blowing sex with. I don't know. I'm not quite there yet. I am tempted to venture out in that direction. Maybe.

came4U -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 11:25:51 AM)
All of you girls seem to have your shit together. That rocks! totally. good to see.

NYLass -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 11:37:58 AM)
I was married at 19, divorced after 20 years (and 14 months' separation, but who's counting...) it took me some time to adjust to being me again. My son is an adult, so for once, I'm not concerned with being someone's daughter, wife or mother. I liked learning to be me again. I go to work, rent my own apartment, pay my bills on my own, and enjoy it. I date when I want to, not because I have to. Now, to politely decline my matchmaking relatives. (No thanks, Mom, I don't want to meet your neighbor's cousin's accountant. And please tell Aunt Penny I'm not interested in the new bank manager, either.....)

came4U -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 11:47:59 AM)
NYLas, very nice. Hmm wondering, if people don't appreciate their time alone as much as they should. Taking the pressure off yourself to be accountable to others for a lil while might be a good thing. I just don't want to be in too deep, wait too long. Seems the longer I am alone, the more I don't want to be responsible for another. It is a deep hole. Not sure I could adjust again, to sharing space, money, stuff, again. Well, can't say I couldn't, just seems far fetched/unimaginable.

antinomy -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 11:48:04 AM)
It's a good question. I had a really overwhelming loss a while back, both of my parents passed away around the same time, and my relationship of MANY years dissolved without me knowing it was going to happen. I went from being surrounded by a loving family to a single mom in the course of a two year period. I was not right for a long, long time. I mean, I shut down, and if I did not have a child that relied on me, I'm not sure I would have made it through to the other side. While I was going through it, I pushed people away, even people I cared about- because it was easier to be alone. There were no questions, no expectations, no explanations. I could wallow if I wanted, and I DID want to, for a long time. I was so stuck, so mired in self pity, and felt so entitled to that existence that it never crossed my mind that it was unhealthy or that I needed to move on. I really don't even know what changed, but there was a shift, and it came slowly. I started realizing that yes, I'd lost a lot, but it was up to me if I wanted to lose more. I could slip away, allow the despair to swallow me whole. Or, I could deal with it, and get back to the business of living. I picked that latter, and I remind myself every day now how lucky I am to be on this side of the abyss. Most of all, I learned that I never need to go back to that place, it's all about my perspective and the choices I make. Even now, life's not easy, but that just makes me appreciate it even more.

came4U -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 11:49:30 AM)
quote: Even now, life's not easy, but that just makes me appreciate it even more. haha you are psychic, I almost said the same thing at the same time.

FukinTroll -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 12:01:04 PM)
There wasn't a clicky I felt good about. I spend a great deal of time alone, however I am very rarely lonely. I am very comfortable with myself, which a lot of people are not and this breeds loneliness. I am often busy and when I don't have a zillion things to do I have a zillion words to write. I suppose the caveat here is; I live a very busy and sometimes spontaneous life and finding a girl that can live such a spontaneous life, traveling from place to place and then spending a chunk of time static, wondering off into a forest, mountains or jungle on whim, and just gliding through life as the universe throws things in your path is a challenge and I am kinda lazy and just haven't held the auditions yet. Eventually I will bump into her or them and it will all be wonderful and majikal (insert fluffy goodness here) I am just remiss of the actual drive to wade through the do-me girls, co-dependents, micromanage required etc... and just come here from time to time to spread discontent and paranoia. YMMV

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 12:10:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U All of you girls seem to have your shit together. That rocks! totally. good to see. Honestly, I think it would be deceptive of me to imply I have my shit together. There have been many things in the 8 years of being alone that were not good for me. I isolated myself during long periods. There were times when it was difficult just getting the energy to get out of bed, let alone entertain. People exhausted me. Sometimes, they still do. When I felt good, and had the energy to do things, it was sad to realize that I'd pushed so many people away and isolated myself so perfectly, that when I wanted to do things with others, I had no idea who to call. It took time to rebuild friendships that I'd neglected. Something happened to me, that set me back, and changed the way I viewed the world around me. I retreated too far, into a shell of protection. It was difficult to work my way back. In some ways, I'm still working my way back. Yes, I do like myself. But, I'm not always sure I like everyone else. I'm at that point where I'm trying to decide if my peaceful, uncomplicated life of solitude is more important to me, and more healthy for me, than the risk of venturing out and widening my tiny little world of family and very close friends. For a long time, I didn't think I had anything to offer anyone. It takes energy to maintain a relationship with another, and for a while I needed to be selfish (in a way that was foreign to me) to feel better physically, enough to open myself up to others again. Sort of a catch-22. I guess I should just close now, before I talk myself into a corner. Anyway, I just didn't feel right leaving a false impression that I'm all uber together and all that. WinD

came4U -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 12:13:50 PM)
quote: Something happened to me, that set me back, and changed the way I viewed the world around me. I retreated too far, into a shell of protection. It was difficult to work my way back. In some ways, I'm still working my way back. Yes, I understand that you weren't maybe being as productive as you should have been but, if the 'lonliness' effected you, and not the situation (al) that you dove into...did the lonliness itself become crippling? or was it something else?

LaTigresse -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 12:17:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FukinTroll There wasn't a clicky I felt good about. I spend a great deal of time alone, however I am very rarely lonely. I am very comfortable with myself, which a lot of people are not and this breeds loneliness. I am often busy and when I don't have a zillion things to do I have a zillion words to write. I suppose the caveat here is; I live a very busy and sometimes spontaneous life and finding a girl that can live such a spontaneous life, traveling from place to place and then spending a chunk of time static, wondering off into a forest, mountains or jungle on whim, and just gliding through life as the universe throws things in your path is a challenge and I am kinda lazy and just haven't held the auditions yet. Eventually I will bump into her or them and it will all be wonderful and majikal (insert fluffy goodness here) I am just remiss of the actual drive to wade through the do-me girls, co-dependents, micromanage required etc... and just come here from time to time to spread discontent and paranoia. YMMV The parts I bolded, I could have written. I just do it more, stationary.

came4U -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 12:28:38 PM)
quote: Eventually I will bump into her or them and it will all be wonderful and majikal (insert fluffy goodness here) I am just remiss of the actual drive to wade through the do-me girls, co-dependents, micromanage required etc... and just come here from time to time to spread discontent and paranoia. in that case, are dames that are afraid to be alone (or maybe even men??) more likely to need micromanaged? Not to say that isn'what some want to do, but if they don't, would a person be more prone to see a quantity of clues from another's past so they can avoid that? uhhg doubt that even makes sense, doing too many things at once *^$%

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 12:31:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U Yes, I understand that you weren't maybe being as productive as you should have been but, if the 'lonliness' effected you, and not the situation (al) that you dove into...did the lonliness itself become crippling? or was it something else? I don't know that I felt lonely, exactly, at that time. I had my sons, and my dog. I had those around me that I trusted and cared about. It was the world outside that was scary. I had a job that I enjoyed, because it reached the creative side in me, and didn't force me to have to interact much with people. I guess you could say I was just letting myself heal, but at the same time, not healing, because my way of coping was to isolate myself instead of facing the who and what that really hurt me. I just sort of woke up slowly, and realized that I'd hidden myself away, and that I wanted to reconnect again. Part of that is that my sons grew up, and it wasn't until I didn't have my boys to focus on, that I started feeling the first pangs of loneliness.

came4U -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 12:33:42 PM)
quote: that I started feeling the first pangs of loneliness. empty nest syndrome or something ..else was tugging at ya?

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 12:39:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U quote: that I started feeling the first pangs of loneliness. empty nest syndrome or something ..else was tugging at ya? Nah, I keep kicking them outa the nest, but they keep coming back. I wouldn't mind an empty nest to frollick in.[:D] I don't know. I frollick quite happily on my own, but it would be fun to have someone else in my life to maybe umm...hold the vibrator! [:D]

came4U -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 12:41:08 PM)
quote: I don't know. I frollick quite happily on my own, but it would be fun to have someone else in my life to maybe umm...hold the vibrator! ha yeah, but that ain't lonliness..that is practical [;)]

LaTigresse -> RE: Being Alone vs Being Lonely (3/4/2010 1:13:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U quote: I don't know. I frolic quite happily on my own, but it would be fun to have someone else in my life to maybe umm...hold the vibrator! ha yeah, but that ain't loneliness..that is practical [;)] I love it!

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