RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (Full Version)

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Icarys -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/5/2010 7:44:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i just read a profile where a woman said she wants a dom with a sense of humor because d/s was not real

so the question is do you find your sense of commitment any less than you would or have in a marriage

does being socially sanctioned make marriage more real?

I haven't read the rest of the replies maybe someone has said this already.

All relationships are based on the people involved in it and their seriousness about it. Paper to me doesn't make a difference..Legal worries? If I wasn't happy not a law of any land could make me stay nor any consequences from it.

The seriousness of it to me would make me think hard and long about doing such a thing. Either way. Staying or leaving.



lucylucy -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/5/2010 8:15:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
only through marriage are there consequences for the relationship ending.

I think you mean legal consequences. In my experience, there are always consequences when a relationship ends, regardless of whether it was a marriage or not.

As for whether a D/s relationship is more or less "real" than a marriage . . . it depends entirely on the people in the relationship. osf, why do you care so much about what one woman said on her profile? To her, D/s isn't real. Don't like that attitude? Don't try to be her Dom. Problem solved.



osf -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/5/2010 8:57:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
only through marriage are there consequences for the relationship ending.

I think you mean legal consequences. In my experience, there are always consequences when a relationship ends, regardless of whether it was a marriage or not.

As for whether a D/s relationship is more or less "real" than a marriage . . . it depends entirely on the people in the relationship. osf, why do you care so much about what one woman said on her profile? To her, D/s isn't real. Don't like that attitude? Don't try to be her Dom. Problem solved.


i really don't care, but I got to wondering what others may think and I've been led to believe that was what the boards were for, I may be wrong



LafayetteLady -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/5/2010 10:14:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
only through marriage are there consequences for the relationship ending.

I think you mean legal consequences. In my experience, there are always consequences when a relationship ends, regardless of whether it was a marriage or not.

As for whether a D/s relationship is more or less "real" than a marriage . . . it depends entirely on the people in the relationship. osf, why do you care so much about what one woman said on her profile? To her, D/s isn't real. Don't like that attitude? Don't try to be her Dom. Problem solved.


Yes, lucy, I do mean "legal" consequences. Although depending on the length of the relationship, and various other things there can be legal consequences even without the "benefit" of marriage.



takemeforyourown -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 2:36:00 AM)

Marriage is pretty damn real. But when my former Dom was staring me down, ready to pounce, that was freakin' real as Hell.



lucylucy -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 8:02:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy
As for whether a D/s relationship is more or less "real" than a marriage . . . it depends entirely on the people in the relationship. osf, why do you care so much about what one woman said on her profile? To her, D/s isn't real. Don't like that attitude? Don't try to be her Dom. Problem solved.

i really don't care, but I got to wondering what others may think and I've been led to believe that was what the boards were for, I may be wrong

No, you're right. I sometimes think people take what one person says (such as the woman who wrote the profile that inspired your question) and generalize it to a large group of people, then get angry that such a large group of people are being unreasonable. This can lead to what I think is the ridiculousness of people saying, "I thought women wanted XYZ but when I did XYZ they told me they wanted ABC. Which is it?" The "they" in question is one single person.

When I read your original post last night, I thought that's what you were doing, but I just re-read your original post and it didn't strike me that way, so maybe the morning sunshine is helping me read better.



shivermetimbers -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 11:27:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i just read a profile where a woman said she wants a dom with a sense of humor because d/s was not real

so the question is do you find your sense of commitment any less than you would or have in a marriage

does being socially sanctioned make marriage more real?

I have been married multiple times.  I am in a relationship that was formed from our love of  BDSM, even though we both started on the same side of the whip.  It is not central in our lives, but a large part of what makes us tick. But it's also not the only compatibility we share.  We compliment each other so well.  Since that first night we flirted on the silly threads, we have relocated her, her UM's, have one of our own (now at the six month mark!).  Money has been tighter in this relationship for me than any other I have been in, I had no UM's in the previous marriages, yet this relationship is stronger, more loving, fulfilling, than any marriage I was in.

My sense of committment is as strong as any marriage (we do plan on marrying some day).  Though we don't get to play nearly as much as we would like, it's still a very strong element in our relationship. But though we are not "officially sanctioned" we are living proof that a piece of paper is just simply that, and a relationship that includes a strong element of BDSM is capable of thriving, love, and commitment.



DWCskitten -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 2:19:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

They are both relationships...enough said. 

Edited to add:  Words like "more real", "stronger", "more intense", "more loving", or any such comparison inferring that one is superior in some way to the other are utter nonsense, in my opinion. 


i agree. It's just a matter of choices which one a person prefers. They are BOTH as real, strong, intense, etc, as the participants make them. And, if the participants want it, why not have BOTH?



DWCskitten -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 2:25:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: takemeforyourown

Marriage is pretty damn real. But when my former Dom was staring me down, ready to pounce, that was freakin' real as Hell.

~Laughing my ass off here~



Elisabella -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 4:16:21 PM)

-FR-

I personally believe that marriage is more serious than a non-married LTR, whether D/s is involved or not.



CalifChick -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 4:46:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i just read a profile where a woman said she wants a dom with a sense of humor because d/s was not real



Perhaps this is as simple as her idea of "real"  is the definition of "not fraudulent, artificial or illusory" and NOT the definition of "solid, permanent, having importance" which many people answering this thread seem to be thinking of. 

In other words, for her, d/s is a role-playing game. 


Cali





lucylucy -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 8:22:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
I personally believe that marriage is more serious than a non-married LTR, whether D/s is involved or not.

Elisabella, why? Is it because of the social recognition of marriage? the legal standing? religious beliefs? something else? Do you think a marriage is always more serious than a non-married LTR?



Smutmonger -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 8:32:37 PM)

D/s has no legal support,marriage does.

If the sub goes away,you get depressed and she takes her stuff.

If the WIFE goes away-she takes YOUR stuff too.

Marriage is more important.



lucylucy -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 9:34:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger
If the sub goes away,you get depressed and she takes her stuff.

If the WIFE goes away-she takes YOUR stuff too.

I have to question your logic here. The relative importance of a relationship is based on who takes what if the relationship ends?

(Also, I know of lots of instances of non-wives leaving and taking their ex's stuff--that's not just a scorned wife thing.)



Smutmonger -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 9:35:37 PM)

What does logic have to do with marriage?



FukinTroll -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 9:35:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i just read a profile where a woman said she wants a dom with a sense of humor because d/s was not real

so the question is do you find your sense of commitment any less than you would or have in a marriage

does being socially sanctioned make marriage more real?


It has as much, or as little, validation as we give it.



mikeyOfGeorgia -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 9:39:35 PM)

i've always thought of it as being just the same as a marriage (minus the nasty divorce)

*GRINZ*



Smutmonger -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 9:40:29 PM)

Ahh,no sex,but you have to take the garbage out?
quote:

ORIGINAL: mikeyOfGeorgia

i've always thought of it as being just the same as a marriage (minus the nasty divorce)

*GRINZ*





Elisabella -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/6/2010 10:07:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
I personally believe that marriage is more serious than a non-married LTR, whether D/s is involved or not.

Elisabella, why? Is it because of the social recognition of marriage? the legal standing? religious beliefs? something else? Do you think a marriage is always more serious than a non-married LTR?


The legal standing, yes, the fact that both partners are making a legally binding vow to spend forever with that person.

Of course there are exceptions, there are people who will get married for a better citizenship on their passport for example, and on the other side of the coin there are people who are legally unable to get married in many parts of the world, which is just sad. In general though, if two people are legally able to be married, I think that all other things being equal, the couple that gets married and legally joins their lives together as a family is in a more "serious" relationship than the couple who are identical in every way except unwilling to take that last step.



osf -> RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real than marriage (3/7/2010 5:30:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella


quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
I personally believe that marriage is more serious than a non-married LTR, whether D/s is involved or not.

Elisabella, why? Is it because of the social recognition of marriage? the legal standing? religious beliefs? something else? Do you think a marriage is always more serious than a non-married LTR?


The legal standing, yes, the fact that both partners are making a legally binding vow to spend forever with that person.

Of course there are exceptions, there are people who will get married for a better citizenship on their passport for example, and on the other side of the coin there are people who are legally unable to get married in many parts of the world, which is just sad. In general though, if two people are legally able to be married, I think that all other things being equal, the couple that gets married and legally joins their lives together as a family is in a more "serious" relationship than the couple who are identical in every way except unwilling to take that last step.


Also in that vein a legal marriage give each a legally binding claim on the other that doesn't exist in a LTR.


Even the term LTR does not connote the permanence that marriage does.



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