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RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/5/2010 7:44:28 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i just read a profile where a woman said she wants a dom with a sense of humor because d/s was not real

so the question is do you find your sense of commitment any less than you would or have in a marriage

does being socially sanctioned make marriage more real?

I haven't read the rest of the replies maybe someone has said this already.

All relationships are based on the people involved in it and their seriousness about it. Paper to me doesn't make a difference..Legal worries? If I wasn't happy not a law of any land could make me stay nor any consequences from it.

The seriousness of it to me would make me think hard and long about doing such a thing. Either way. Staying or leaving.


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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/5/2010 8:15:21 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
only through marriage are there consequences for the relationship ending.

I think you mean legal consequences. In my experience, there are always consequences when a relationship ends, regardless of whether it was a marriage or not.

As for whether a D/s relationship is more or less "real" than a marriage . . . it depends entirely on the people in the relationship. osf, why do you care so much about what one woman said on her profile? To her, D/s isn't real. Don't like that attitude? Don't try to be her Dom. Problem solved.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/5/2010 8:57:43 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
only through marriage are there consequences for the relationship ending.

I think you mean legal consequences. In my experience, there are always consequences when a relationship ends, regardless of whether it was a marriage or not.

As for whether a D/s relationship is more or less "real" than a marriage . . . it depends entirely on the people in the relationship. osf, why do you care so much about what one woman said on her profile? To her, D/s isn't real. Don't like that attitude? Don't try to be her Dom. Problem solved.


i really don't care, but I got to wondering what others may think and I've been led to believe that was what the boards were for, I may be wrong

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/5/2010 10:14:56 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
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From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
only through marriage are there consequences for the relationship ending.

I think you mean legal consequences. In my experience, there are always consequences when a relationship ends, regardless of whether it was a marriage or not.

As for whether a D/s relationship is more or less "real" than a marriage . . . it depends entirely on the people in the relationship. osf, why do you care so much about what one woman said on her profile? To her, D/s isn't real. Don't like that attitude? Don't try to be her Dom. Problem solved.


Yes, lucy, I do mean "legal" consequences. Although depending on the length of the relationship, and various other things there can be legal consequences even without the "benefit" of marriage.

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 2:36:00 AM   
takemeforyourown


Posts: 430
Joined: 2/24/2007
Status: offline 		Marriage is pretty damn real. But when my former Dom was staring me down, ready to pounce, that was freakin' real as Hell.

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 8:02:30 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy
As for whether a D/s relationship is more or less "real" than a marriage . . . it depends entirely on the people in the relationship. osf, why do you care so much about what one woman said on her profile? To her, D/s isn't real. Don't like that attitude? Don't try to be her Dom. Problem solved.

i really don't care, but I got to wondering what others may think and I've been led to believe that was what the boards were for, I may be wrong

No, you're right. I sometimes think people take what one person says (such as the woman who wrote the profile that inspired your question) and generalize it to a large group of people, then get angry that such a large group of people are being unreasonable. This can lead to what I think is the ridiculousness of people saying, "I thought women wanted XYZ but when I did XYZ they told me they wanted ABC. Which is it?" The "they" in question is one single person.

When I read your original post last night, I thought that's what you were doing, but I just re-read your original post and it didn't strike me that way, so maybe the morning sunshine is helping me read better.

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“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 11:27:23 AM   
shivermetimbers


Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i just read a profile where a woman said she wants a dom with a sense of humor because d/s was not real

so the question is do you find your sense of commitment any less than you would or have in a marriage

does being socially sanctioned make marriage more real?

I have been married multiple times.  I am in a relationship that was formed from our love of  BDSM, even though we both started on the same side of the whip.  It is not central in our lives, but a large part of what makes us tick. But it's also not the only compatibility we share.  We compliment each other so well.  Since that first night we flirted on the silly threads, we have relocated her, her UM's, have one of our own (now at the six month mark!).  Money has been tighter in this relationship for me than any other I have been in, I had no UM's in the previous marriages, yet this relationship is stronger, more loving, fulfilling, than any marriage I was in.

My sense of committment is as strong as any marriage (we do plan on marrying some day).  Though we don't get to play nearly as much as we would like, it's still a very strong element in our relationship. But though we are not "officially sanctioned" we are living proof that a piece of paper is just simply that, and a relationship that includes a strong element of BDSM is capable of thriving, love, and commitment.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 2:19:10 PM   
DWCskitten


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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

They are both relationships...enough said. 

Edited to add:  Words like "more real", "stronger", "more intense", "more loving", or any such comparison inferring that one is superior in some way to the other are utter nonsense, in my opinion. 


i agree. It's just a matter of choices which one a person prefers. They are BOTH as real, strong, intense, etc, as the participants make them. And, if the participants want it, why not have BOTH?

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 2:25:08 PM   
DWCskitten


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: takemeforyourown

Marriage is pretty damn real. But when my former Dom was staring me down, ready to pounce, that was freakin' real as Hell.

~Laughing my ass off here~

_____________________________

formerly sweetsub1957.

New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

Proudly Owned property of MasterDWC.


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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 4:16:21 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline 		-FR-

I personally believe that marriage is more serious than a non-married LTR, whether D/s is involved or not.

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 4:46:54 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i just read a profile where a woman said she wants a dom with a sense of humor because d/s was not real



Perhaps this is as simple as her idea of "real"  is the definition of "not fraudulent, artificial or illusory" and NOT the definition of "solid, permanent, having importance" which many people answering this thread seem to be thinking of. 

In other words, for her, d/s is a role-playing game. 


Cali




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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 8:22:26 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
I personally believe that marriage is more serious than a non-married LTR, whether D/s is involved or not.

Elisabella, why? Is it because of the social recognition of marriage? the legal standing? religious beliefs? something else? Do you think a marriage is always more serious than a non-married LTR?

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 8:32:37 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		D/s has no legal support,marriage does.

If the sub goes away,you get depressed and she takes her stuff.

If the WIFE goes away-she takes YOUR stuff too.

Marriage is more important.

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I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 9:34:25 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger
If the sub goes away,you get depressed and she takes her stuff.

If the WIFE goes away-she takes YOUR stuff too.

I have to question your logic here. The relative importance of a relationship is based on who takes what if the relationship ends?

(Also, I know of lots of instances of non-wives leaving and taking their ex's stuff--that's not just a scorned wife thing.)

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to Smutmonger)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 9:35:37 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		What does logic have to do with marriage?

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I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 9:35:41 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i just read a profile where a woman said she wants a dom with a sense of humor because d/s was not real

so the question is do you find your sense of commitment any less than you would or have in a marriage

does being socially sanctioned make marriage more real?


It has as much, or as little, validation as we give it.


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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 9:39:35 PM   
mikeyOfGeorgia


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline 		i've always thought of it as being just the same as a marriage (minus the nasty divorce)

*GRINZ*

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 9:40:29 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		Ahh,no sex,but you have to take the garbage out?
quote:

ORIGINAL: mikeyOfGeorgia

i've always thought of it as being just the same as a marriage (minus the nasty divorce)

*GRINZ*




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I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/6/2010 10:07:30 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
I personally believe that marriage is more serious than a non-married LTR, whether D/s is involved or not.

Elisabella, why? Is it because of the social recognition of marriage? the legal standing? religious beliefs? something else? Do you think a marriage is always more serious than a non-married LTR?


The legal standing, yes, the fact that both partners are making a legally binding vow to spend forever with that person.

Of course there are exceptions, there are people who will get married for a better citizenship on their passport for example, and on the other side of the coin there are people who are legally unable to get married in many parts of the world, which is just sad. In general though, if two people are legally able to be married, I think that all other things being equal, the couple that gets married and legally joins their lives together as a family is in a more "serious" relationship than the couple who are identical in every way except unwilling to take that last step.

(in reply to lucylucy)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Do you think a d/s relationship is any less real th... - 3/7/2010 5:30:22 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella


quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
I personally believe that marriage is more serious than a non-married LTR, whether D/s is involved or not.

Elisabella, why? Is it because of the social recognition of marriage? the legal standing? religious beliefs? something else? Do you think a marriage is always more serious than a non-married LTR?


The legal standing, yes, the fact that both partners are making a legally binding vow to spend forever with that person.

Of course there are exceptions, there are people who will get married for a better citizenship on their passport for example, and on the other side of the coin there are people who are legally unable to get married in many parts of the world, which is just sad. In general though, if two people are legally able to be married, I think that all other things being equal, the couple that gets married and legally joins their lives together as a family is in a more "serious" relationship than the couple who are identical in every way except unwilling to take that last step.


Also in that vein a legal marriage give each a legally binding claim on the other that doesn't exist in a LTR.


Even the term LTR does not connote the permanence that marriage does.

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 60
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