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letting a Mentor go - 3/4/2010 10:03:50 PM

leadfoot33

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it is normal to feel like a sub is losing a part of her when she tells the One who brought out the slut in her that He has to be out of her life.?

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/4/2010 10:24:29 PM

GreedyTop

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breaking up is ALWAYS difficult if you have any emotional investment. It sounds like you did. DO what's best for YOU.

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 6:52:09 AM

DarkSteven

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It is very difficult to let a Mentor go. If it was a full D/s relationship and not only mentoring, that's even more difficult.

My condolences, and a wish for quick healing.

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 7:19:21 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadfoot33

it is normal to feel like a sub is losing a part of her when she tells the One who brought out the slut in her that He has to be out of her life.?

i think it is very normal. Give yourself time. It might seem as if the pain will never lessen, but it will.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 3/5/2010 7:20:02 AM >

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 7:47:35 AM

wisdomtogive

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Yes, it can be and most likely is normal. Gentle (((()))) to you.

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 8:46:34 AM

PrimalConsonance

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The emotional investment that a submissive puts in, can be stronger and deeper than what a dominant contributes at times. It's built in where a submissive wants to please the dominant in a specificness of that dominant's needs or wishes. The learning process sometimes comes to an end for whatever reason when relationships have gone either enough for one or the other. Many reasons are given, but you will survive, and one thing to think about is the positive aspects of where your relationship has brought you to at this point.

Without delving into the cause of the breakup, which is something between you and your dominant; it is important to deal with that reason and address how you feel about it and how it affects you. It's not good to go off with an doubts or fears about if it was something that went wrong or if fault should be placed into the mix. It may not be so. It may be for other reasons that don't concern you directly. It also could be that this level is as far as the dominant is willing to emotionally, and it would just deteriorate the relationship from here...who knows but you and your dominant. But you can exit this relationship with the knowledge that you did all this with no fault and a good experience to build on and grow with. Good luck, and take care.

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 9:41:01 AM

CalifChick

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Are we speaking of a mentor here, or a dominant? If you're the one telling your mentor that they have to go, then the mentoring relationship has already exceeded its useful life. They are supposed to be guiding you, not the other way around. Generally, at the end of a successful mentoring relationship, there is some sadness but the overwhelming feeling is one of great accomplishment. The end is on a positive note. If this isn't happening, it stopped being a successful mentoring relationship at some point in the past.

As far as breaking up with a dominant - just like breaking off any other intimate relationship with another person. Mixtures of happy, sad, frustrated, anxious, relief... the emotions run the gamut. If you're having difficulty, pick up a copy of the book "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken". It's a bit sappy on the "you have to get over this person so you can find your true love" stuff, but there is still lots of good info in there, and reality-check moments.

Cali

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 10:41:59 AM

juliaoceania

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fast reply....

I would think that the end of a mentoring relationship would be the beginning of a friendship as equals....

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 11:03:29 AM

domiguy

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I just want to know how many times your "mentor" banged the bejesus out of you.....Hooooray for mentors!!!!!

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 11:05:00 AM

LaTigresse

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"Be a mentor."

Laura Bush

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 11:06:39 AM

domiguy

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did he mentoring you in the time honored, old guard tradition of cock sucking and anal? What about fisting?...There is no way you can be a worthwhile sub without having been fisted.

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 1:10:43 PM

mnottertail

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And the master spaketh, saying, 'Let my mentor go!'.

I tell them

my cock is thy mentor,
thy shall not want,
I maketh you lie down on your asses.....

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 1:45:52 PM

Musicmystery

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It was mentor be.

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 1:57:28 PM

Jeffff

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It is good that you are not mentorly retarded

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 2:34:24 PM

kiwisub12

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I think you are all a little de-ment-ed.

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 5:57:35 PM

Huntertn

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why did you kick him...? that has a lot to do with how you feel.

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 6:24:03 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadfoot33

it is normal to feel like a sub is losing a part of her when she tells the One who brought out the slut in her that He has to be out of her life.?

First, in the interest of full disclosure, I think the whole "Mentor" thing is a crock of shit.

Second, with regard to your post, my answer would be... it depends on WHY said sub feels the other person needs to be "out of her life".

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/5/2010 7:57:00 PM

laura2161

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I just took a look at your profile and read your journal entries. You're having a bit of a hard time right now arent you? Maybe slow down just a bit and hopefully the next one you meet you won't feel 'played'. I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/6/2010 12:43:56 AM

aldompdx

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Moving forward is only difficult if the mentor failed to maintain appropriate boundaries and clearly establish realistic expectations.
There is a reason it hurts. Learn from your pain.

BTW... The mentor thing is not a crock. It is only an inadequate mentor who is full of it.

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RE: letting a Mentor go - 3/6/2010 12:53:11 AM

Ialdabaoth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

Moving forward is only difficult if the mentor failed to maintain appropriate boundaries and clearly establish realistic expectations.
There is a reason it hurts. Learn from your pain.

BTW... The mentor thing is not a crock. It is only an inadequate mentor who is full of it.

That said, we're all human, and we all have different levels of experience and understanding.

And everyone messes up their first time around, and some people take longer to learn than others. And some people are never given an opportunity to learn.

An inadequate mentor is not necessarily full of it; they may merely be new, or have emotional needs of their own that they do not fully understand how to regulate.

We are all finite beings.

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