RE: Some advice please. Please. (Full Version)

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SirKenin -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (3/31/2006 4:05:10 PM)

I do not want to say that people do not have baggage on the forums, but they have serious issues in the chats.  Plenty of head games to be had there.

The way I came to look at it after the expereince I had was this.  People go to hook up in chat rooms because there is something wrong with them and nobody wants them in R/T.  I found this to be true over and over and over again.  People that are balanced do not go to chatrooms to hook up.  It is akin to fishing for a life partner in a bar.  You fish in a mud puddle you are going to catch leeches.  Now, I enjoyed running a chatroom.  Do not get Me wrong, but it was crap after crap after crap at the same time.  People's stupid little games.  One guy still plays headgames with My wife and I.  A couple more are still trying to get down My pants.  I do know what I am talking about.  I lived it.



PrinceSitri -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (3/31/2006 6:10:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
The way I came to look at it after the expereince I had was this.  People go to hook up in chat rooms because there is something wrong with them and nobody wants them in R/T.


Not at all my experience (of IRC at least) but obviously YMMV. Yes, you're going to find some weird individuals in chat, but the majority are simply there to while away an hour or two in what is - however remotely conducted - social interaction. I guess I should enter some caveats regarding my own experience however, in that I was an op on a UK-based channel, most of whose users knew each other in r/l and met regularly at channel munches and play parties. I confess that I haven't used chat rooms much over the last few years.



ivorylace -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (3/31/2006 6:22:09 PM)

Hello greg and welcome. 

Chat rooms can be tough places to be.  Be yourself if you are in them and do not expect to make instant friends.   I find the boards much better to visit and hope to see you in further posts.

~ lace



slaveladyj -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (3/31/2006 6:30:51 PM)

Got to agree, you get to know people better in the forums.



SirKenin -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (3/31/2006 6:58:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrinceSitri

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
The way I came to look at it after the expereince I had was this.  People go to hook up in chat rooms because there is something wrong with them and nobody wants them in R/T.


Not at all my experience (of IRC at least) but obviously YMMV. Yes, you're going to find some weird individuals in chat, but the majority are simply there to while away an hour or two in what is - however remotely conducted - social interaction. I guess I should enter some caveats regarding my own experience however, in that I was an op on a UK-based channel, most of whose users knew each other in r/l and met regularly at channel munches and play parties. I confess that I haven't used chat rooms much over the last few years.



I know what it is all about Sitri.  I was not just an op in channel, I was the owner.  I heard it all.  I had My pick of the women.  I have hundreds of pictures on My computer from coffee meets and chat room parties.  I have been there, done that.  I even sold t-shirts, mugs, underwear and novelties for souvenirs.  I hit over 100 people in channel at any one time every evening.  I heard everyone's chatter, everyone's gossip, everyone's complaining.  I ran an accompanying forum with it.

Believe Me, I know what I am talking about.  Chatrooms are for people that can not find a date anywhere else.  Most of them have very little life.  You find the occasional gem, but it is incredibly rare.



PrinceSitri -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/1/2006 2:28:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrinceSitri

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
The way I came to look at it after the expereince I had was this.  People go to hook up in chat rooms because there is something wrong with them and nobody wants them in R/T.


Not at all my experience (of IRC at least) but obviously YMMV. Yes, you're going to find some weird individuals in chat, but the majority are simply there to while away an hour or two in what is - however remotely conducted - social interaction. I guess I should enter some caveats regarding my own experience however, in that I was an op on a UK-based channel, most of whose users knew each other in r/l and met regularly at channel munches and play parties. I confess that I haven't used chat rooms much over the last few years.



I know what it is all about Sitri.  I was not just an op in channel, I was the owner.  I heard it all.  I had My pick of the women.  I have hundreds of pictures on My computer from coffee meets and chat room parties.  I have been there, done that.  I even sold t-shirts, mugs, underwear and novelties for souvenirs.  I hit over 100 people in channel at any one time every evening.  I heard everyone's chatter, everyone's gossip, everyone's complaining.  I ran an accompanying forum with it.

Believe Me, I know what I am talking about.  Chatrooms are for people that can not find a date anywhere else.  Most of them have very little life.  You find the occasional gem, but it is incredibly rare.


Maybe it's a cultural difference then because what you're saying really doesn't match my experience at all: the gulf between the UK and North America is - as I learn anew at frequent intervals - wider than the ocean which separates them.



greg2serve -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/1/2006 1:50:12 PM)

Thank You, Simply V. 

greg~ ....as intimidated as ever



greg2serve -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/1/2006 2:03:12 PM)

Maybe i did not express myself properly which would not surprise me, but i was referring to the possibility of a D/s relationship online. i love the forum here and trust me, i appreciate all the help Y/you A/all have offered, but i am vrey familiar with chat rooms and i understand people have issues there. People have issues everywhere, as far as i see it. It's just that there are a LOT of people who use chat rooms to CHAT, not necessarity to find their lifetime O/other. i just enjoy the cameraderie and whatever happens happens. It's not for everyone, for sure. i will surely visit the forum here. After all the advice i received, i feel much better about things.

You all must remember that real life situations are not possible for a lot of people and i think that's why so many are in chat rooms. i have issues with it as well, but to hang around with a Domme? Simply wonderful.

i also might add that i was advised to work on my profile. Actually, i did not know the forum had profiles here. i did one for the chatrooms, which is not done yet. i am working on one for here as well. Thank You all so much for your advice, help, suggestions and ideas. i won't bother to ask what a horny sub should do when he reads these responses from the Ladies.
greg~.....as intimidated as ever.  



greg2serve -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/1/2006 2:09:09 PM)

~gulp~....thank You ivorylace, very much. i will be around for sure. Please know that i am not all that forward and very afraid to strike up conversations with Dommes. It's the constant fear of making a mistake, being bashed, creating wrong impressions, turning people off, looking like a total jerk and on and on.

i just hope that some day, i will come across one Domme in here who will understand that there are some of us who do not make advances out of respect and for fear (that word again) that Dommes will get wrong impressions. i could go on and on, but i won't. i'm not very thick skinned, either, which causes issues.

Many thanks,
greg~



MissyRane -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/1/2006 2:19:31 PM)

quote:


ORIGINAL: SirKenin
Chatrooms are for people that can not find a date anywhere else.  Most of them have very little life.

I like to read the boards..and post once in a while, I used to be hooked on this other forum I'm even an admin there lol I was completely hooked on it :P but then I quit that one n now I only look in there occasionally, I haven't been on forums for years but I just discovered this forum n now I'll probably be hooked on it for some time. But apart from that I like chatrooms..and actually forums are more interesting than chatrooms (my opinion) the reason why..I don't know, I just somehow find them more fun. But yes I like it here but yet I have a great life tyvm[:)] but the "most of them have very little life" well that's so fitting me now lol since I'm studying for my final exams (so I have a legal excuse[:D])..yay I'm escaping college wohoooo..but usually no I've a very good life and social life[:)]



LittleKitten1986 -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/1/2006 3:06:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: greg2serve

i am a submissive male who is new to collarme. No disrespect intended, but is it worth my time to search for an online D/s relationship? i have been in the chat room (lobby) and it seems like E/everyone knows E/everyone and when a newbie comes in, it seems like there are cold shoulders everywhere.i realize the fact that the BDSM crowd is tough, but there are some of us who have a sincere desire to learn.
i see so many double standards and i am never sure as to how to approach things in a chat rom. Sit there bored to no end? Chance saying something that may be misunderstood? Honestly, i wish i was a Dom. i watch the female subs banter with the Doms and T/they really have those nice D/s relationships. Sub females love to be loved and i really enjoy hanging around with them. Naturally, shortly after i am attracted to one, i find out she is already involved with someone.

There is just so much i do not understand and am afraid to ask. i think i can safely say that i never understood Dommes and never will. One time a Domme in a chat room told me "Don't even try to understand us because we don't even understand ourselves". i just thought i would toss this out there in case anyone has advice, opinions and suggestions. Many thanks.
~greg~




Honestly you should never be afraid to ask a question, yes the people in chat can be very stuck up, cold shoulder like, but you know what screw them, i think it was about two or three months after i joined that i finally felt i was welcome there i simply went in and spoke, they didn't like it, i didn't care, it was not the end of the world.
Now i frequent the chat on a daily basis when certain people are in there, but when someone is new i am always open for discussion because i know i was there once.. Don't be afraid is my advice.



MistressSassy66 -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/1/2006 3:49:21 PM)

I also stay away from the chat rooms.
I like the forums and a nice profile is a definite plus.
Being honest will get you honesty.

Have fun!



sophia37 -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/1/2006 4:14:55 PM)

To MichaelGA. You crack me up guy when you say this, "there are some on here that are overly brutal and cruel..."

Um Michael, What kind of site is this anyway? For some people, isn't that the point? I love when us posters bring in our political correctness to the board. In some ways posters say, anything goes! Slap me! Clothes pins on my nipples please! But if you will,  lets be polite and civil about it. LOLOLOL

PS Michael. You are very charming in every way. Dont change a thing.



LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/2/2006 1:31:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: greg2serve

~gulp~....thank You ivorylace, very much. i will be around for sure. Please know that i am not all that forward and very afraid to strike up conversations with Dommes. It's the constant fear of making a mistake, being bashed, creating wrong impressions, turning people off, looking like a total jerk and on and on.

i just hope that some day, i will come across one Domme in here who will understand that there are some of us who do not make advances out of respect and for fear (that word again) that Dommes will get wrong impressions. i could go on and on, but i won't. i'm not very thick skinned, either, which causes issues.

Many thanks,
greg~


I think that when you start accepting that Dommes are humans and capable of having regular everyday conversations with subs, your fear might subside.  However, if it's a case of continually putting forth that fear to subconsciously keep yourself from forming an ongoing relationship with a Domme, then it will take longer to find someone, in my opinion.
 
I wish you luck,
Julie



greg2serve -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/2/2006 9:12:20 PM)

very politely, you are one reason why i wish i was a Dom. i'd do anything to be involved with someone like yourself, littlekitten. i am so sick of certain things that i'm afraid to mention, but i understand what you're saying. Thanks. 



greg2serve -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/2/2006 9:15:00 PM)

but Mistress Sassy, i can't have a relationship with Someone in a forum. It's nice to learn, exchange ideas and things, but i don't see how i could ever please a Domme in here. That's been a main objective which i can see i might as well trash.



greg2serve -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/2/2006 9:17:40 PM)

Lady JulieAnn, you hit the nail right on the head. It's a never ending struggle for me. Yet here i am at 12:16 A.M., Monday morning peeking in here. i get up for work in 6 hours, soooo....i must be nuts.



Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/3/2006 2:23:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

some are overly persistant in making me feel like i should not exist due to my strong opinions. yes, i may be a little passionate about my opinions, but, shouldn't i be allowed to express them without someone berating me for them?

Michael, i presume that this behaviour is occurring in private messages, because it does not seem to be happening in the forums. What i have observed, repeatedly i might add, is your misinterpretation of others words, your catastrophising and negativism in your thinking style. You are it appears, a bucket that has a whole in it, and you seek others to help you fill it. Now why would anyone wish to take on a unacheivable task? Fill the whole first, change your negative ways of thinking, and maybe, others would be more willing to help you achieve the now achievable task -of filling your bucket. Seek help from a professional. Because you do not appear to be able to see your own negativism, nor your blatant passive aggressive manner that runs consistently through every post you make. And i doubt that this strong a trait is only characterising your on line posts. It probably occurs in day to day life also.

Im not sure how a perspective domme perceives your 'style' but it annoys the fuck outta me as a fellow human. You actually have so many good qualities, that it really pisses me off to hear you constantly beating yourself up. Your qualities and all that you would offer, are hidden behind a screen of passive aggressive behaviour, over and over again that put people off. Is that deliberate on your part?. As a therapist, i find this would be the one area id home in on. The consequence of your passive aggressive behaviour, is that you perceive your self as isolated by others. When in fact, YOU are the one creating your own isolation. Why?

I wish you would just realise what a nice guy you are. Talk more of your great points, and leave your enemies to do the character assasination. Take it easy on yourself. Please.
littleone



Level -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/3/2006 2:32:17 AM)

Well said, little one. There are others here that would benefit from leaving negativity out of every other post, as well.



Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Some advice please. Please. (4/3/2006 2:48:29 AM)

When i first began to explore bdsm, i went into chat rooms. Personally, i quickly found i was learning little. So i came over to  literotica and collarme bdsm forums, and that is where my education began. The vast majority of posts, are discussing real life issue that we encounter in our lives, be they as a 24/7 power exchange relationship, to a kinky vanilla perspective.
Chat rooms are useless as a meeting place. So filled with people who live a fantasy life of bdsm, which is fine, but rarely are they in a position to activate their fantasies, which is what you seem to wish to do.
I would highly recommend this style of forum, plus a personal add. Also to look into your local group and joining in a munch.
welcome to the boards,
welcome to the lifesyle,
enjoy
littleone



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