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LafayetteLady -> RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? (3/7/2010 6:58:52 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
quote:
ORIGINAL: Smutmonger
How is that supposed to interest a Dominant person? It comes across a lot to me like "Jump though my hoops,and I may decide to give you a crumb."
News for you: desire for a long term relationship interests tons of Dom/mes. There is nothing "jump through my hoops" about stating clearly that you're not looking for casual sex.
What does "give you a crumb" mean to you? I'm curious.
Well, well, not surprisingly, LA has jumped onto the "projection" issue, yet again. As usual, her "deductions" about me are as far from the truth as Pluto is from the sun. If one were to read other of the OP's posts and comments, they would notice that he has this tendency to think, as DesFIP put it, that a sub/slave should be a "tabula rasa" on which he can write his own story.
As jujubeeMB says above, and so many others have also said, it is unlikely that would happen. The concept of "jumping through hoops and I may decide to give you a crumb...." is the type of conclusion one reaches through bad experiences. It is very interesting to note that Icarys made the same assumption as me, yet no one seemed to notice. I have little doubts as to why that is, and the more intelligent around here I'm sure can figure that out as well.
Saying you want a "long term relationship" is not putting the "cart before the horse." Quite frankly, I find it sad that some seem to think so. It doesn't imply anyone has a "set time frame" they expect a relationship to last. What it DOES mean, is I'm not looking for a play partner, or to just hook up.
I don't think that anyone would argue that there are a significant number of people with profiles on the other side who are looking for nothing more than hook ups and playmates. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and no doubt enough for anyone to choose from.
Putting "seeks LTR," is the first and easiest way to let someone know that you aren't looking for a hook up. As I said earlier, if anyone remembers back to high school, and the boyfriends/girlfriends they had at that time, they considered them "long term." Whether they last a month or a year. It isn't putting a set time on it, it is letting people know that you aren't likely going to be playing on a first date, you want to take the time to get to know them and develop the relationship beyond what you have in common from a kinky standpoint.
The only difference between CM and say "Match.com" is that around here, people tend to list sexual/power dynamic desires. That's a good thing when one considers how many relationships do fail based on sexual incompatibility. Someone mentioned (I believe it might have been LA) they considered changing it to "preferred long term relationship." Well, one can certainly do that, but then in my own little way of projecting....how many people do you think would be knocking on your profile looking for those hook ups because although you listed a "preference," you are implying you will take less than that?
I see absolutely nothing wrong with anyone, top or bottom having STANDARDS of what they seek in a partner. That "perfect" partner might not exist, and the reality is that most of us have had to compromise on something, but usually those compromises were trivial to begin with. Perhaps you wanted someone over 6 feet tall, and the person you end up with is only 5'10". But those non-negotiable standards, such as wanting someone who isn't married or otherwise committed (this is meant to the exclusion of the poly people), should never be questioned by any "potential" partner.
People talk about "not being entitled" to anything. Really? I think that everyone here is entitled to live a life free from domestic abuse, would anyone like to disagree? The OP is not the first to imply that there is something not quite right about subs/slaves who have "requirements." I doubt he will be the last. As Juliaoceania pointed out, why concentrate on profiles where you are quite obviously incompatible? Why even question it? Simply move on to the next, or the next and eventually someone will seem more suited to you. Like her, when I was looking, I went right past profiles that had negative comment. Why bother with them? They are good for a giggle and then you move on.
Ultimately, LA will find anything I say to be insulting and she will project her own issues onto me. I've grown quite used to it. I stand by my interpretation or some variant thereof. My career has been largely based on reading between the lines to see what the real issues are, and it is really quite rare for me to be off the mark. It is also more than likely one of the reasons the OP reacted in such an hostile manner. Even when asked to rephrase things by someone, he refused. I don't doubt that his arrogance and hostility carry over into his real life and is probablely the basis for his wonderments.
In the meantime, I will go and accept my entitled right to breathe, my entitled right to freedom of speech and my expectations that tomorrow the sun will rise and another day will come. If anyone wants to think I'm arrogant for believing I'm so entitled, then so be it.
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