CarrieO
Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WantingToServe11 I have one of those friends which is one of those guys that know how to pick up a girl in almost any situation. I asked him how he does this and he says he does this by always being some what cocky, showing a lack of interest in the certain parts of the conversation, being humorous, and being charismatic. There were two things that I found to be very interesting in what he said. The first is being "cocky." I've always thought that women don't like men that are too confident. So I asked him how being being arrogant helps. His reply is " you can't let the girl think she is the prize rather make her think you are the prize." Then I asked him how showing a lack of interest in the girl helps. He said " For instance, if you walk up to a group of girls. Talks to all the other girls other than your main target. Let the one you want work to gain attention from you then act accordingly." I wanted to address the bolded portions above. You mention your friend's use of "cockiness" and lack of interest, I would like to share something with you that might help you to see why in the long run this behavior could yield less than expected results. My "something" is from an article on confident vs cocky in Sales... (I apologize for the length, I have cut out the obvious business-related bullet points) - Confidence is being honest and upfront regardless of the consequences. Cockiness is only disclosing the good stuff (and hiding the bad).
- Confidence is focused outward. Cockiness is focused inward.
- Confidence is being yourself. Cockiness is being what you want others to see.
- Confidence is giving a new contact your attention at a networking event. Cockiness is constantly scanning the room for better prey. (This point relates to your friend's suggestion of showing lack of interest)
- Confidence is asking the right questions. Cockiness is making big statements.
- Confidence is laughing at your own mistakes. Cockiness is laughing at your own jokes.
- Confidence is knowing you're a great salesperson. Cockiness is making sure everyone else thinks you are within the first five minutes of meeting them. (I left this one in...simply remove the sales reference)
Confidence is sexy....cockiness, regardless of how the person identifies themselves, is not. Now, I'm not saying that all women find this guys charm to be irresistible. But, he knows how to get a phone number; he knows how to pick girls up at the clubs, and he's very fast acting in his actions to every response the girl gives him. I mean, he knows how to pick up women, and it's obvious. Being a pick-up artist is easy...anyone can sharpen those skills and get a number or two. Will he still be talking with that person 2 or 3 months down the road? What is the goal of the player? Now my question to you ladies is. Have you ever fallen for this sort of man but with him being a submissive version of this? Would you find this type of "submissive" to be attractive? Have you ever ran in to this type of submissive before? I've known men like this, they've usually identifed as dominant (this IS NOT a blanket statement against all dominant men). The men I've know who say they identify as submissive and act this way still have fallen under the label of player. No, I don't find this type of behavior attractive in anyone...regardless of how they identify. The reason why I ask is because all of you claim to be normal women (which I believe to be true) but there must be some differences between what you all want in a man vs. a vanilla women other then the man having interests in fetishes. I can't speak for other women. What's "normal"? I think you'll find most women are attracted to men who can think outside of their fantasies and fetishes...unless what they want is strictly play and no relationship of any kind, even friendship. It would be so much easier if there were some set of guidelines or a definition that fit ALL women, regardless of orientation. Men could turn to page 75 in some book and read the desires and expectations of all dominant women....but it doesn't work that way. Regardless of kink...you're still dealing with an individual. *edited for clarification*
< Message edited by CarrieO -- 3/7/2010 9:45:14 AM >
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"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~
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