RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (Full Version)

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KnightofMists -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 3:26:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Funny, i used to really abhor weak people.....even more so when i was one.



Do not confuse the weak person with being in a weak situation.

A weak person is not one that just takes immoral/wrong actions.  It is the person takes such actions when there are very capable and in a situation that they can take a moral/right action, it's just harder that is all.

A person in a weak situation, finds no options.  The capbilities and the ability to succeed is seen to be only one way.  In fact in the moment... there is no Other way.  In fact the very sitaution takes strength from the person.  Strong people are brought to their knees in this situation.  The strong come out it eventually, heal themselves, forgive themselves for what they needed to do to survive.  The strong have no need to justify it... They know it.  The weak person never comes out of the situation.  Even when the conditions change... they still live in that situation... it follows them in new relationships like thief in the darkness.  A weak person is never rid of the experience and trama of being in a weak Situation!

so really girlie... where you ever a weak person?... or where you a strong person in a weak position.?

... the latter seems to be the case from my perspective.



cloudboy -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 3:41:21 PM)


One question a married person needs to ask is: Where does a sly affair lead you?

So, yes I do think its valid to ask probing, challenging questions about another's marital behavior, but in the end I leave it to "the party in interest" to decide what is best. Nine times out of eleven, that person will know better than me what's the best path to take.

I don't believe in pre set answers or moral absolutes here.



la90066 -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 5:06:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

It's not only women that can feel this way but many men as well could never handle a poly wife.  
 


BINGO... I'm a MAN and a DOMINANT and there's no way in Hell I'd EVER be involved with a woman who was seeking "poly".  I seek a submissive/slave to take as my WIFE in a 100%, fuck-off world, she's MINE and ALL MINE, till death do us part, monogamous relationship/marriage.

And yes, I DESPISE cheaters -- irrespective of gender.




toy4Doc -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 5:07:46 PM)

You're right. I don't have to be married to you, but I can see you're always right. It's amazing so many can misconstrue so few words. That's all I need. Looking to have a little fun, I'm smacked in the face with fuckin' christians! Yes, I AM obviously in the wrong place. Virtuous and holier than thou fetishists? Fuck this. Ladies & gents, good luck. "You won't have this little black duck to kick around anymore."



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 5:11:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

It never ceases to amaze me that people keep going on about honesty. Sex and honesty don't mix, they never have and they never will.



Sure sex and honesty work together. I am honest with joeseph my bf about what I want out of sex and we work it out.

Honesty is the only way for me to get what I need. I don't know how you operate or others do. But honesty is paramount in our relationship.



alexus -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 5:21:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: toy4Doc

You're right. I don't have to be married to you, but I can see you're always right. It's amazing so many can misconstrue so few words. That's all I need. Looking to have a little fun, I'm smacked in the face with fuckin' christians! Yes, I AM obviously in the wrong place. Virtuous and holier than thou fetishists? Fuck this. Ladies & gents, good luck. "You won't have this little black duck to kick around anymore."


Some People are like slinkys.  Not really good for anything.  But bring a smile to your face as you push them down a flight of stairs"



la90066 -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 5:26:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alexus

Some People are like slinkys.  Not really good for anything.  But bring a smile to your face as you push them down a flight of stairs"



I'm soooooooooo gonna steal that -- but is it "slinkies" or "slinkys"???

[8D]



alexus -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 5:33:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: la90066

quote:

ORIGINAL: alexus

Some People are like slinkys.  Not really good for anything.  But bring a smile to your face as you push them down a flight of stairs"



I'm soooooooooo gonna steal that -- but is it "slinkies" or "slinkys"???

[8D]


I am possitive it is "slinkys"  but I could be wrong....lol.....



LordKhensu -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 6:23:31 PM)

Wow so much anger and angst. So many emotions and revelations. We all try and live our lives in one way or another to the best of our abilities. We may not always be right, we may not always know the right thing to do but we try and move forward. At least I do!

Will I ever cheat on my wife? I can not say honestly. The hunger burns deep to have a little one at my feet submitting herself totally to me....and yet then comes the feeling of do I have the right? Do I have the right to take all she wishes to give and not be able to return it if she wishes for a permanent relationship. I don't and so what do I do?

My background is this and I will not accept leaving or divorce at this point no matter what anyone says as I refuse to have my daughter burned through my actions. She is too dear to me in my heart and hurting her would just about destroy me. Yes I have a deep deep bond with her and no, not in any sexual aspect at all,ever.

My wife years back when I was working full time and going to school nights to make a better life met someone on the internet. He was 21 and she 40, full of vim and vigor and chatted with her through the long hours of the night. They were "friends" He needed her help. She went to visit him and the rest is history, as they say. I found out about it about 3 years ago. Almost lost my home and my children through the fights, anger, betrayal, more pain than any man has the right to go through. See I thought she was my soulmate. I was wrong! But I stayed as I could not destroy the hope of my daughter and her upcoming college years. I stayed to assure them that everything was going to be alright and their lives would be ok. They are just starting their lives! They need a secure future!

So I remained! Am I foolish? Is this a lie? Of course it is but which lie do I adhere to, the one about being a Dom with no way to play but the children having their future looked after or the Dom who plays and destroys his marriage just so that he can have what he needs deep inside. I obviously have made that decision and sit on the fringes whiling away the time until the children are set and I can move forward. Would anyone honestly blame me if I met with a sub and played and yet I still will not do that which I wish.

Don't get me wrong! I am not an angel!!!!!!! God in heaven only knows that lol. I did play once or twice after the whole situation blew apart. But then it hurt to see the sub say that she could not continue because she wanted something more! She hurt and that pain was as hard to face as my wife's betrayal.

So the whole point to this little story. None of us know!!!!!! None of us know what life will hand us and how we will deal with it until it happens. We may think we are strong and moral and just and true but until something is placed before you, you can not know how you will handle it. Everyone has his/her price!!!!!!!!!! So let's not judge how we each deal with a given situation. I still do believe in being honest from the beginning. that part will never ever change for me but wether I will cheat or not, to be honest I can not say as holding back the dominance is at times as frustrating as anything else I have ever know!

Ok now back to our regularly scheduled programming. LOL



MsBlackheart -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 9:09:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alexus

Or, wait, the one I like is "I really love her, she just isn't into the things I am. 


I don't think they realize that they're *really* saying to us when they tell us that ("be my whore, I've got nothing else for ya") but it sure does make it easy to spot the losers. 

MsB



ownedgirlie -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 9:22:35 PM)

Thank you for your last post, KoM.  It was very touching to me.



pickypetite -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 9:31:17 PM)

there are alot of married one seeking outside their marriage for this lifestyle i have met few from here and other website that i cant name name those websites so forth... and im sorry to say i couldnt go out with a married one... this one could not go for someone married i would feel like im creating hmmm a mess into their marriage life,,, well thats just how i feel.....i dont even want to find someone whos into poly. i dont share me with anyone other then myself and my dom/master. 



mossy -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 9:51:15 PM)

 
Ten pages of feelings and emotions, carried over from each of our seperate Life experiences.
what ever happened to treating others the way we want to be treated? simplistic view, i know.
slinky's were great,,,but hard to navigate,,,for me. i could never have fun with something so out of control as a kid!!! :) today i welcome the challenge. just as long as it's A toy and i am alone with it!!! After these last ten pages do you blame me?
ooooooooo getting slight SOH back,,,yay!
getting hurt stinks,,,whether you are the one doing the hurting,,,or the one getting hurt,,,both eventually hurt,,,and both stink. So there. Also i prefer to judge myself only. Once i start handing out judgements my Life better be squeaky clean, and even though it is right now? Show me one person who has never, ever hurt another person. Yet that i suppose is not the same as prolonged deception, i want my needs met, but not at anothers expense. i believe, that would be very greedy and thoughtless of me. Speaking for myself, of course. What others do in their own Lives? Isn't really my business,,unless they do it to me, or someone i Love, and even then, my Loved ones if over 21, have to take care of themselves. i feel empathy for those in this post for those that have been hurt.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/3/2006 10:18:59 PM)

\
quote:

had your views. She was so big on honesty, ethics and integrity and turned out to be
quote:

ORIGINAL: toy4Doc

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119for anyone, Dom nor sub.

Toy4Doc, you aren't even claiming you let anyone know you are married.  Seems like you are just looking for a little on the side and don't really care about the person you are seeking. 


Since there seems to be alot of verom & hatered involved in this discussion, here goes. You seem very eloquent for a dyslexic. You can read, and seem to be able to write, but you don't seem to recognize the words.  Earth to duh! We're involved in something very kinky, very out of the mainstream here. Yes, doofus, it starts out as something on the side. We are all looking for something very specific. It's hard to find total compatibility in a partner. I've been married 19 years, and on alot of things, we're not compatible at all! Like BDSM, for example.
 My wife is a massage therapist that I found out the hard way like to have sex with black male clients. I found out the hard way, because she brought me home a STD. I like BDSM, she does not. I have had a few subs that grew into wonderful relationships, on the side. One lasted for several years, through two of her marriages. Both of her husbands knew about me, and my wife knew about her.
 Look, I know this is a very emotional, very polarizing issue. I just can't believe the level of intolerance somewhere where I'd think the participants would be open minded. I've NEVER lied to a prospective sub. I have 14 & 18 year old children. Financially, I'd be ruined if I tried to disolve my marriage right now. Do I need a note from my wife to share my kinky interests with a willing sub? NO. Do I need your permission, too? I don't think so.
 Go look in the mirror. You're very pissed at someone at somepoint in your life. Why you're so angry at us is an effect, NOT a cause.
 Sorry about my hostility. Someone got my goat, and I didn't think she knew where it was tied. 




My bigest non sym mpathy thing is if someone knows x y and x behaviors are not compatible with their spounce. yes KNEW IT GOING IN why marry someone you're so uncompatible with.
 
It'd be like me knowing my bf is a junk food aholic couldn't eat healthy to save his own ass and then marry him and spend the rest of our lives bitching cause he refuses to eat right. I know / knew that before making a commitment for life, why should I then get to use it as a reason for poor choices.
 
If he's not a healthy eater and I marry him then later on go find someone who is healthy cause he's not and I knew he wasn't  nothing excuses that I chose to look the other way on things I knew then wanted to justify cheating because we're not compatible.



meatcleaver -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/4/2006 1:10:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: la90066

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

It's not only women that can feel this way but many men as well could never handle a poly wife.  
 


BINGO... I'm a MAN and a DOMINANT and there's no way in Hell I'd EVER be involved with a woman who was seeking "poly".  I seek a submissive/slave to take as my WIFE in a 100%, fuck-off world, she's MINE and ALL MINE, till death do us part, monogamous relationship/marriage.

And yes, I DESPISE cheaters -- irrespective of gender.




Then you despise between 50-70% of ALL adults in the USA. I'm not saying you shouldn't, you have your own values, just pointing out the figures research keeps coming up with.



candystripper -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/4/2006 3:24:50 AM)

i can say i've never cheated, but i am not innocent as a lamb either.  i think cheating covers alot of ground and at its core is an emotional betrayal of another whom one urged to trust.  in such cases, the hurt can be incalculable, lasting forever, and the cheaters take their pleasure at such a high price to everyone else.  but i agree with mossy; i feel great empathy for those whom life has cast as the "cheated on" but i also withhold judgment apart from my own life.  No one act renders a person worthless apart from murder, etc.
 
candystripper



SubmissiveEntity -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/4/2006 3:04:19 PM)

Going through these posts I have to say my heart goes out to those who have been unfaithful, to those who are in an affair now and to those just getting out of one. Especially to people like sskitten and sublizzie and (and others, sorry if I missed your names).
I was unfaithful to my wife years ago. I was in love with another woman and that relationship lasted for several years. The whole experience nearly ended my life from years of sitting on the fence and all the turmoil associated with living in two worlds. 

I'm sorry I'm not to articulate in my writing...I'm trying to leave most of the details out. I'll reserve that for those who have gone through an affair and need somebody to talk to. What I did was not right but I didn't wake up one day and say "I think I'll have an affair today" either.

My wife came from a "broken" home, her father an abusive alcoholic. Her childhood was devoid of affection and other traditional family virtues. My upbringing was just the opposite. We had a "normal" marriage.We got along fine until the birth of our daughter and then things changed forever after that.
Generally speaking, my wife lacked affection on any level. She denied me fairness in our communication, was insensitive to my needs as a person, never mind being her husband. I was at the time a good husband, perfect? No, but I know I didn't deserve the way I was treated mentally and verbally. To me there was no balance in our relationship. In my wife's eyes there was little I could do that was right. So the situation was ripe for an affair only I didn't know it at the time. Again I am leaving out a ton of details but you get the idea.

Along came a woman I worked with (I'll call her "Linda"). Linda was single and  knew from day one I was married. She started to pay some attention to me, flirting at first then it became more of a friendship. She made me feel like a person again. Linda accepted me. She was kind and gentle, caring. We could talk and laugh and well ...long story short she fulfilled all those things that my marriage lacked. It took me by surprise as I didn't know what I was missing in my marriage until "she" came along. It felt so good that somebody cared about me. Gradually my thoughts and emotions were consumed by this woman. I fell in love with her. She loved me. This was all before we had sex. 

My affair lasted for several years. My life took a downward spiral after Linda and I slept together. At this point I felt I broke my wedding vows. I was unfaithful. Over the course of time, day after day the deceit, lies, and guilt ripped my mind and soul apart. My only sanctuary was Linda. It was like a catch 22. I was living in two worlds and I was powerless to decide to end the affair or leave my wife for the one I loved. I felt isolated from the world and starting to drink a lot. I lived through this everyday. I had nobody to talk to because I was ashamed even to tell my family or friends. I couldn't leave my wife and I couldn't go with Linda. I didn't understand why I couldn't make what appeared to be a simple decision. Every single day I sat on the fence hoping God would push me over, one way or the other. It was like Meryl Streep in "Bridges of Madison County" she couldn't open that door....neither could I. The affair went on. The emotions were extremely high. One night I couldn't take it anymore and decided to tell my wife I was having an affair. I told her everything. She was in shock and crushed to say the least...We stayed awake the entire night hugging, crying.

My story continues...There is so much more to this but I will stop it here. 

So what's the point to my little off-topic sob story?
First if you are in an affair right now, for whatever reason, and need somebody to talk to, feel free to private message me. I've been through the fire and back. I wished I had somebody to talk to at the time. It's been ten years since ... Some of the things sskitten wrote touched my heart.

Secondly if you are contemplating having an affair, think again. I can't justify what I did was right. My affair hit me by surprise in comparison to deliberately putting out an ad to satisfy my sadistic/masocist needs. To me there is a difference. I have very strong submissive needs, desires.. but my wife is vanilla. Sadly I've accepted "not in this life time". Maybe what I wrote can help somebody or make them think twice before deceiving others. As the old cliche' goes if I can stop one person from making the same mistake I did then it's worth it.  

Thirdly I'd be supportive of a forum for those that are unfaithful.  If you ever want to talk about it.... I'm here.


KnightofMists your post on "A person in a weak situation finds no options.... was excellent. So true.
Thanks!



proudsub -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/4/2006 4:07:21 PM)

Thank you for sharing your story Entity.



fastlane -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/4/2006 4:10:23 PM)

Keep coming back!



Smythe -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/4/2006 4:11:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion



My bigest non sym mpathy thing is if someone knows x y and x behaviors are not compatible with their spounce. yes KNEW IT GOING IN why marry someone you're so uncompatible with.

It'd be like me knowing my bf is a junk food aholic couldn't eat healthy to save his own ass and then marry him and spend the rest of our lives bitching cause he refuses to eat right. I know / knew that before making a commitment for life, why should I then get to use it as a reason for poor choices.

If he's not a healthy eater and I marry him then later on go find someone who is healthy cause he's not and I knew he wasn't nothing excuses that I chose to look the other way on things I knew then wanted to justify cheating because we're not compatible.




This is a spurious argument. People change all the time, and things that are important at 40 may not have seemed important at 25. Ideally a marriage should adapt to continue to suit both partners, but we know this is not always the case. What if you love your wife or husband but your desire to submit/dom/x-dress/play doctor becomes undeniable? Should you suffer deprivation for the rest of your life?

Limited options are available, some honest, some not so honest. But this is human nature, we do our best. Where did this rigid, moralistic, holier than thou attitude come from?
Smythe





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