RE: Forgot you have a wife??

RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (3/31/2006 8:41:03 PM)
To Bitatruble......Well said...Thank you!.....tempting

toy4Doc -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 5:46:03 AM)
Please forgive me. I'm only a man! Yes, I have a simple mind, but I'm good for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. After thinking about it as a concerned partner, not as a guy, I do understand the need that many people have for commitment. If you give someone your heart & soul to command, you should expect some level of commitment from that person. I guess my problem is the gray area. How much of a commitment someone expects for what they are willing to give. Hey, I'm not cold & heartless here, just genetically male, so it takes longer. Kinda like a Poleroid...

meatcleaver -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 6:29:28 AM)
It never ceases to amaze me that people keep going on about honesty. Sex and honesty don't mix, they never have and they never will. Just a cursory scan through any psychology book on the subject informs you that each sex employs all sorts of strategies to get, keep and CHEAT on their sex partner. I've read many posts on here about those claiming to be the most honest ending up being the biggest cheats. In my own experience the woman who defined herself as being honest and full of integrity was in fact the biggest cheat of all. I was pissed off but not surprised as that is how people are.

LordKhensu -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 6:58:20 AM)
Am I in the minority of married Doms who realise that a submissive's heart is going to be involved? Emotions and feelings always enter the foray into this lifestyle. I am in my situation as I have children in college and divorce would cost me too much and college would be in jeopardy for them. I do not have the right to just destroy their lives as they build to their future no matter what others may say. Sorry, no way, no deal!!!!!!!! So I wait and watch and stay online with submissives who request such. No it is not the perfect situation! I would most love the touch and taste and feel of a little one kneeling at my feet as I enjoy her sweet flesh but this I shall not do unless she completely understood I can not leave for at least 4 years. Not many wish to wait that long and I honestly, though with a sad heart, can understand that. So no. I ask for no pity nor render complaints. I accept who I am and where I am with my station in life and deal as best I can! I am married but that does not mean I am a liar or cheat. Nor does that make me a player as some have named me in their hurt or ignorance! It makes me human at a wrong point in my life!

yourMissTress -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 7:18:58 AM)
quote: If I may play Devil's Advocate for a minute here, why do so many men hide they are married? Perhaps because so many women state in their profiles No Married Men? Kinda puts the guy on the spot, as he can choose to be honest, and lose the chance to meet the majority of the people who might enjoy him otherwise, or he can lie to give him a fighting chance at meeting people in a lifestyle where there are already far more men than women. I'm not condoning dishonesty, but I am saying I understand why a lot of guys do it. So I'm curious, how many of you feel that someone is married is the issue? Or is it that they hide that they are married. Now, Be honest. If it is the latter, then being married should in of itself not be a deal killer, as long as a guy is up front about it. The majority of the time, that does not seem to be the case. Therefore, it seems to me, the issue isn't really that men lie about it, it is that most women do not want married men! I have nothing against married men, as long as their wife is completely in the know and I can talk to her, meet her face to face, I'm just fine with married men. What I will not have any part of is a cheating man. My play is very sexual and even though in most instances there is no intercourse, the nature of the play in my eyes is still sexual. If the wife doesn't know, IMO he's cheating and I won't have anything to do with him.

Daddysredhead -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 7:41:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: urnotworthy The last one ... forgot he was married... My ex-husband forgot he was married to me once... but we were in a regular, vanilla, (supposedly) monogamous marriage... He also forgot to tell me that he had acquired a girlfriend on the side... until I found out... Did I mention that he is my ex-husband?

namasteguardian -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 7:47:46 AM)
Knew my last post was going to strike some nerves. Just cannot help myself, lol, it is the Dom within me always pushing to see where the limits are. I'm going to respond to bitatruble, as she is one of the few who countered with a coherent response. Those of you who simply added a "ditto" to bitatruble, wish you would have added your personal thoughts and feelings instead. I would rather have liked to hear your own opinions. Anyway, bitatruble, from the anger and bitterness in your reply, I can see that you have deep feelings about this issue. The four letter additives were a subtle hint. And you obviously, are not alone. For the record, remember I was not condoning cheating, I was putting it in perspective within the reality of the scene. You also said: a lot of people aren't searching just for play or for any play, they want a relationship with some potential for some permanence. As I alluded to, I had a part time, but long term relationship with a wonderful sub. Our relationship lasted for nine months, and only ended when her job moved her out of state. Why was that not permanent for all intents and purposes? Just because it wasn't 24/7? Do you think the commitment on both of our parts were not just as strong as a full time relationship? I also found it interesting that everyone ignored toy4doc's comment: When a woman talks about a married man being dishonest, but she's not looking for kink as much as a husband, or life partner at least, then who's being the most dishonest?? This is germane to the discussion, because it does seem to me that a lot of women in the lifestyle are looking for a permanent vanilla relationship with kinks. Now there are some who do state that specifically in their profiles, and that is being honest, but how about the many others who don't and then are outraged when men aren't honest. Seems like it should cut both ways. My point in all of this, I guess, is that most women feel monogamy is the only correct relationship. That is, of course, their right, and I think it is sad only because it is so limiting. If you are honest with yourself and with everyone else involved, there is no reason why you can't have emotionally powerful relationships with more than one person at a time. Namaste, Sir Dominic "Life wasn't meant to be easy, but it was meant to be fun!"

yourMissTress -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 8:02:48 AM)
quote: My point in all of this, I guess, is that most women feel monogamy is the only correct relationship. That is, of course, their right, and I think it is sad only because it is so limiting. If you are honest with yourself and others, there is no reason why you can't have emotionally powerful relationships with more than one person at a time. Sadly, your point is as off the mark of the conversation as it is insulting. Your comment here infers that anyone who is interested only in monogamy is lying to themselves and others. Also, you are confusing the difference of married and cheating with married and poly. Polyamory is not something that one partner decides to make the relationship without the informed consent of the other partner. Cheating on your wife does not make you or anyone poly. Your comments about monogamy being limiting, sad, and unreasonable are offensive. Monogamy is a choice, a preference and for many people the only way that they feel safe and secure inside a relationship for various reasons. It's not only women that can feel this way but many men as well could never handle a poly wife. You are simply saying that what doesn't work for you is unreasonable for anyone. How openminded of you.

meatcleaver -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 8:18:42 AM)
The title of this thread could equally be FORGOT YOU HAD A HUSBAND? The idea behind the title of this thread that men are the only ones that have a talent for infidelity is absurd. I've been told twice by a women after the start of an affair that they were married. I'm not sure it would have made a difference to me, in fact both times it made me feel better because I was not after a long term relationship and neither were both women.

theRose4U -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 8:36:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: knotnilla It really would be nice if the married guys could REMEMBER they are married rather than advertise themselves as single, date you for a few months and then remember... they may be seperated... or um, still living in the same house but in different "wings".... lol... or um perhaps they sometimes share a bed when family visits for the holidays but nothing happens... or maybe YEAH this is the ticket, they sleep together but only have sex when she THRUSTS herself on him ... I had one of those. was a darn shame too because my floors have never been so clean. Precious pony liked killing dust bunnies. But "oh mistress I like to stay in with you, let me bring dinner and stay home with you." Turned into, no the hairbrush is my wifes um I mean ex-wife...when it was curiously laying right next to a man's wedding ring. Very soon after he was dismissed as 1+1+1= MARRIED. He faught complained even stalked me for a short time leaving notes on my door and car, sending gifts and the like. Not long after he was indicted for securities fraud and during his trial they postponed because his wife had died of cancer. The thing about married men and lies...they tend to travel in packs.

namasteguardian -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 10:41:28 AM)
yourMissTress, you have the right to find my words insulting, but I wish you wouldn't twist them into meaning something other than I said. I never said monogamy is sad and limiting. My words were: "I think it is sad only because it is so limiting". That's me expressing my own opinion. I'm not telling anyone else how they should perceive it. As a point of fact, I stated quite the opposite by pointing out that everyone has the right to think differently. You also think I have a problem with people who prefer monogamy. Again, my words were: "If you are honest with yourself and others, there is no reason why you can't have emotionally powerful relationships with more than one person at a time." I never said, therefore those who don't choose this path are in the wrong; you chose to infer that yourself. Finally, if you are capable of discerning my openmindedness or lack thereof from one post, my congratulations on your psychic skills, which are far superior to mine.

BitaTruble -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 10:52:37 AM)
quote: As I alluded to, I had a part time, but long term relationship with a wonderful sub. Our relationship lasted for nine months, and only ended when her job moved her out of state. Why was that not permanent for all intents and purposes? Just because it wasn't 24/7? Do you think the commitment on both of our parts were not just as strong as a full time relationship? I can't help but chuckle at this. Nine months might seem like it's long term.. and trust me, when you're pregnant, that feels like it's, indeed, forever, but in my book, that's a drop in the bucket. I certainly wouldn't call anything that doesn't last past the honeymoon stage, long term. And, no, I don't think your committment to one another was just as strong as a full time relationship because it's ended now, hasn't it? You two didn't get past the first blush of lust and newness. You have no idea if it would have gone long term because it wasn't put to that test. You don't know if illness, financial trouble, or not putting the toothpaste cap back on would have ended things. When Himself got a new job and had to transfer to a new state, I came with him and got my own company to transfer me as well. We've got 10 years invested in our relationship. We already know that financial issues and toothpaste caps aren't going to end what we have. We've put the time and effort into each other. We've seen each other at both our best AND our worst and we are committed, legally and more importantly, ethically by our vows to one another. So, no. I don't equate a temporary 9 month relationship that ended because of a job to a relationship that is enduring, weathers the ups and downs and continues growing even after 10 years and which no job on Earth could end. But that's just me and how I feel. Whether or not you felt the same way for your lady as I feel for Himself and he for me, is for you to say, not me. Celeste

angelic -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 11:15:30 AM)
quote: As I alluded to, I had a part time, but long term relationship with a wonderful sub. Our relationship lasted for nine months, and only ended when her job moved her out of state. Why was that not permanent for all intents and purposes? Just because it wasn't 24/7? Do you think the commitment on both of our parts were not just as strong as a full time relationship? it wasn't permanent as she is gone. Therefore, no permanency. You already HAVE a pemanent relationship, You married her. :)

namasteguardian -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 1:54:49 PM)
Ah, I see, nine months is not long enough to be considered meaningful. Sure seemed meaningful to us. I'm glad for your ten year relationship. I have 20 years invested in my relationship with my wife. So at what point is it long enough to be considered meaningful? Perhaps it is not the time frame, but the quality of the relationship that is what matters?????? Never mind. I can see that the divide in opinions is too emotionally charged for any further input on my part. As no useful purpose will be served, I will bow out of this thread gracefully. Adios! Namaste, Sir Dominic "Life wasn't meant to be easy, but it was meant to be fun!"

angelic -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 1:57:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: namasteguardian Ah, I see, nine months is not long enough to be considered meaningful. Sure seemed meaningful to us. I'm glad for your ten year relationship. I have 20 years invested in my relationship with my wife. So at what point is it long enough to be considered meaningful? Perhaps it is not the time frame, but the quality of the relationship that is what matters?????? Never mind. I can see that the divide in opinions is too emotionally charged for any further input on my part. As no useful purpose will be served, I will bow out of this thread gracefully. Adios! Namaste, Sir Dominic "Life wasn't meant to be easy, but it was meant to be fun!" unfortunately, that is a typical response from someone who gets irritated when they are disagreed with...just leave... pity... but eye opening nonetheless. [:D]

TexasMaam -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 2:23:35 PM)
I haven't had the trouble here at Collar Me. Married subs have been straight up front with me. I've met one major jerk who I think is just an alcoholic rather than any kind of BDSM wannabe. Only one. I've met three very nice potential subs here at CM. I've corresponded with several others. For one reason or another, if something doesn't click, we simply end our correspondence. It usually comes down to a lifestyle issue, either a difference in orientation, or limits, etc. If you want to go to the party, you have to get up and get dressed. Keep getting up, keep getting dressed, keep trying. Just use your delete button a bit more effectively. When something ain't quite right, there's always a red flag that pops up somewhere in intitial conversations if you're listening closely enough. Good luck. TexasMaam

Sunshine119 -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 2:26:42 PM)
Geez....I haven't seen such a load of crap being pushed around here in a long time! To the OP, GREAT topic! After reading three pages of replies here, there are several themes in common. No one is condemning those who are married, honest and are engaged in play or a relationship in the BDSM world, as long as the spouse knows too. Otherwise its just dishonest and that is not an endearing trait for anyone, Dom nor sub. There are others that are whinning too, that all of the people who don't want to play with a married person have narrowed their field of prospective choices. Truth is, it HAS been narrowed. There are quite a few people here that are looking for the 24/7 relationship which will consume them. They may have more than enough play partners in their local BDSM group, but no one that they can truly match up with. They are here looking for the ONE who will either serve them or be served by them. They want the ONE who they can love, cherish and care for. So, let's be real....they don't want you. Too bad, so sad....move on to the next possibility. There are others here who come only to find play partners and don't care if they are married or not. Maybe they are married themselves. If they are upfront in regards to their marital status and then the other gets hurt after engaging in that relationship with higher expectations, again, too bad. You knew what you were getting into. And then there are the deceivers. Namasteguardian, you claim that everyone you play with and your local BDSM group knows that you are married, yet you do not post that on your profile. Why? Toy4Doc, you aren't even claiming you let anyone know you are married. Seems like you are just looking for a little on the side and don't really care about the person you are seeking. Meatcleaver, there is nothing on your profile about being married either. Sorry, I see this kind of dishonesty as being among the lowest. People do get attached. People do get hurt. Then there are people who are truly honest and up-front about their marital status. In this category, so far I've seen Lordkensu and johnxinxscruz. Are they depriving themself of people by defining them such? Are they the stupid ones? I think they are among the most courageous. Two men who are struggling with their current situations and being honest about them. Will they have less "play" opportunities? Probably, but it doesn't look like they are seeking one night play. It's all about what you are really seeking. For the record, well over a year ago I met a man in Lordkensu's current position who had one teen still left at home and couldn't financially or emotionally leave. Yet his wife and he had both already assumed different lives. He was honest about this before meeting me and letting me know that he couldn't get into a 24/7 relationship for at least a year. He appeared to me to be trustworthy and I was willing to just play to begin. His wife knew about me, even to the point of how to get in touch with me in case she needed to speak to him regarding their joint responsibilities. Then we wanted more than just play but both of us knew we had to wait until he could be free. We now live together in a D/s relationship 24/7. Honesty is the key. If you are honest and you get less replies, at least you still have honor. If you are willing to be in a poly relationship and it works for you, great! If you are willing to just play or have sex with someone who is married and all parties know about it, fine. It's just the lies that I find despicable.

TexasMaam -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 2:54:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordKhensu Am I in the minority of married Doms who realise that a submissive's heart is going to be involved? Emotions and feelings always enter the foray into this lifestyle. I am in my situation as I have children in college and divorce would cost me too much and college would be in jeopardy for them. I do not have the right to just destroy their lives as they build to their future no matter what others may say. Sorry, no way, no deal!!!!!!!! So I wait and watch and stay online with submissives who request such. No it is not the perfect situation! I would most love the touch and taste and feel of a little one kneeling at my feet as I enjoy her sweet flesh but this I shall not do unless she completely understood I can not leave for at least 4 years. Not many wish to wait that long and I honestly, though with a sad heart, can understand that. So no. I ask for no pity nor render complaints. I accept who I am and where I am with my station in life and deal as best I can! I am married but that does not mean I am a liar or cheat. Nor does that make me a player as some have named me in their hurt or ignorance! It makes me human at a wrong point in my life! I'm right here with LK. In a perfect world, it would be lovely if we could all just walk away from our obligations and commitments and start life anew to engage our BDSM preferences. Some of us can't do that. Not that we're not capable of leaving, we just won't. One of the most permanent scars on a marriage is to be called 'pervert' or 'twisted' by a spouse who can't wrap their brains around BDSM. It doesn't mean a married sub, a married Dom or Domme does not love their spouse. It means they love them too much to break their hearts. Bash the married closet BDSM participants and you're bashing approximately half of everyone in the lifestyle that you meet. Let them live their own lives and handle their own ethical crisis issues, it's just not anyone else's business. Many of you read about My sub bobbi here on the forum; I'm nuts about him, as you know if you've read My posts. bobbi's a devoted family man, several youngsters in college, with a wife he loves with all his heart. The need and craving for submission is a terrible emptiness. If bobbi finds peace and happiness in satisfying through Me the side of his personality that his wife could never, WOULD never accept, (yes, he's tried), then so be it. That doesn't make Me a home wrecker, either. Like many Dommes who accept married subs as potential part-time submissives, I put bobbi's family and job first in all things. Don't wreck the marriage, don't put pressure on the family ties, don't affect his work. Three golden rules: ... They are sacrosanct. Ah, yes, I see your next outcry coming: 'well that must mean he tops from the bottom', or 'then he has control'. Bah. Sometimes it's frustrating and just plain painful not to see him, My Domme cravings are just as intense and agonizing as his need to submit. That doesn't mean I can't decide to walk away from bobbi, it means I accept him as he is. When we can make time to be together we do so. I'm happy, bobbi's happy, and he can go home at peace knowing I won't destroy what he's lived 30 years to build at home. Ahhhhh, here comes the selfrighteous fatal blow, I can see it swinging already: "BUT IT's NOT RIGHT!" you exclaim!!!!! Ahhhhh, here comes the CRUX of the matter: It's not your business. It's OUR business. It's for US to decide how we handle our own ethos. It ain't perfect, and it ain't easy. What it comes down to is: I'd rather have the time we share together, I'd rather have only a part of him, than not have any of him,at all. Accepting him under these circumstances is My decision. Not yours. I'll be the one to live with the consequences. Not you. It also means I never have to do his laundry. ; ) heh heh heh heh heh....... TexasMaam

meatcleaver -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 3:07:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sunshine119 It's just the lies that I find despicable. I remember those self same words being used to me once by someone who was good at being sanctimonious, even kept up her sanctimony after being found out to be lying. Sanctimony is cheap on the internet. It's a trait uglier than having feet of clay. Everyone is honest until they are found out.

Sunshine119 -> RE: Forgot you have a wife?? (4/1/2006 3:14:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TexasMaam It's not your business. It's OUR business. It's for US to decide how we handle our own ethos. It ain't perfect, and it ain't easy. What it comes down to is: I'd rather have the time we share together, I'd rather have only a part of him, than not have any of him,at all. Accepting him under these circumstances is My decision. Not yours. I'll be the one to live with the consequences. Unfortunately, his loving wife of 30 years and his entire family may be the ones to live with the consequences. If SHE knows and doesn't care, no problem. If she doesn't? Then YOU and he both only share a small part of the consequences. Not all concerned parties are informed. Glad you're having fun and don't have to do his laundry, but frankly, this isn't all about YOU.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875