Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Topping from the bottom


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Topping from the bottom Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 11:17:58 AM   
swaybackgirl


Posts: 11
Status: offline 		I've had the pleasure of talking with two potential Dominants, with hopes of a stimulating mental connection and real time meeting.  With each potential partner everything seems to going along smoothly until the question or in these cases demand of my phone number. Their reason being, so that they can call me to hear my voice or pursue this to the next level.In one case there was maybe a few exchanged emails, very causal banter and very sporadic with time frames, a few days  passing  between emails, we had not even moved to messenger yet. This all was within about a weeks time.Then I get, GIVE me your number I want to call you.If  and  when I resist, stating my reasons why I am uncomfortable in giving out my phone number.I then asked if He could offer me his number to call to easy my fears, perhaps easing the way to the next level.  I was then told that I was trying top from the bottom, no further converstation would be required of me.  Almost the same exact thing from the next potential partner, again I found some intelligent conversation we chatted via email for about 3 weeks, once or twice a week, feeling comfy I gave out the YIM messenger. First chat went well lasted many hours. Second chat a few days later starts out with " When you are comfy I would like to move this to the next level and talk on the phone "   I agreed.Before I knew it not even 10 minutes went by, He was demanding me to allow him to call me and to make a decision to pursue him or not. I was in shock, I again stated my reasons .. one being I did not feel comfortable giving out my number to him, I at this point had not even seen a photo of him (  I was told to trust he was going to be a good looking man to my pleasing ) and I asked again for him to offer me his number to call to ease my fears. Once again, was told that I like to top from the bottom, and that I was making a big mistake in not pursuing this at the speed of his comfort.  What is proper protocol in matters of next level of communication here in the cyber world ? My view is, I keep it here until I feel comfortable in giving out my  YIM or my phone number.If being protective of my personal privacy  is topping from the bottom, I am doomed to be alone it seems.   Can you share your views of that topping from the bottom is ?Thank You, in advance for any replies.  
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 11:31:59 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Just move on. You were not compatible with them. Take your time and wait until you find someone you *are* compatible with. When little boys don't get their own way, they like to point fingers and call names. That's what happened here.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to swaybackgirl)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 11:34:11 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Just move on. You were not compatible with them. Take your time and wait until you find someone you *are* compatible with. When little boys don't get their own way, they like to point fingers and call names. That's what happened here.


Just tell them a 'weal and twue' dommy boy would not be worried about such things.

edited because I got stuck on my dubyas.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 11:38:09 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Yup, IMO you did exactly the right thing.

You had two lucky escapes there - I wish you many more!

To save grief with future 'potentials', why not invite them to skype with you? Free and disposable...

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to swaybackgirl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 11:39:25 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

If I am very interested in the person despite their pushing, I offer them my skype handle and get on the mic so that they can hear my voice and carry on a conversation with me. In fact, I can them on skype on my cell phone without them ever getting the number so I'm a big fan of skype. Right now, I'm particularly jumpy about giving out my phone number so anyone pushing for it would get a big "Oh FUCK no".

I do run into folks who feel after X amount of time, I should be comfortable giving it out and because I'm not, we just aren't compatible. I respect that, even if it's disappointing. But those people never push or try to make me feel bad - they are simply honest about their needs and desires.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 11:42:33 AM   
swaybackgirl


Posts: 11
Status: offline 		I basically did, there is no more communication with either of them.
I don't feel that I was topping from the bottom in any way, but I could be wrong.

Then my question is:  What is topping from the bottom ?
When does that level of  for lack of a better word (disrespect or independence) happen or change within the realm of getting to know each other in order to see if there is anything worth pursuing.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Just move on. You were not compatible with them. Take your time and wait until you find someone you *are* compatible with. When little boys don't get their own way, they like to point fingers and call names. That's what happened here.


Just tell them a 'weal and twue' dommy boy would not be worried about such things.

edited because I got stuck on my dubyas.


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 11:44:32 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swaybackgirl


Then my question is:  What is topping from the bottom ?
When does that level of  for lack of a better word (disrespect or independence) happen or change within the realm of getting to know each other in order to see if there is anything worth pursuing.


When you have given a certain level of control to someone and you try to manipulate the situation to your own advantage. (unless you happen to be a brat like me, and your toppy one understands that!)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to swaybackgirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 11:45:14 AM   
beej


Posts: 145
Joined: 1/24/2010
Status: offline
quote:

What is proper protocol in matters of next level of communication here in the cyber world ? My view is, I keep it here until I feel comfortable in giving out my YIM or my phone number.If being protective of my personal privacy is topping from the bottom, I am doomed to be alone it seems.


don't get drastic, lady; you're not doomed, you just don't want to trust your submission to a dude who can't walk you through communication 101. good thinking. anybody who comes out of the gate making pissy little demands doesn't really want your trust just your obedience.

if you actually would like to talk to them but want to protect your number, there are services that act as phone number middle men that you can use. your beau would call a number, and the service would call your number, and you can talk all you want in safety.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 11:48:44 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Proper protocol is to do things at YOUR pace... someone will eventually be ok with it, or match it.. do not be bullied by bullshit "topping from the bottom" accusations.. there is no "protocol" this isn't a leather or BDSM thing.. its a people thing...

don't be pushed

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to swaybackgirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 11:57:03 AM   
beej


Posts: 145
Joined: 1/24/2010
Status: offline
quote:

When does that level of for lack of a better word (disrespect or independence) happen or change within the realm of getting to know each other in order to see if there is anything worth pursuing.


personally, i don't think it should ever be considered disrespectful to explain what you're uncomfortable with. it's just being hasty about your number now, but it could be something bigger later. your dom is looking to stage a show with you in a starring role; he'll want to know what gives you stage fright, and he'll work with you. he'll tuck you under his wing, bring you into his vision, gain your submission instead of demanding it.

my guy takes all questions and addresses all concerns. i have a smart mouth and a prickly personality, but that doesn't throw him off, and that's a big part of why i trust him as the dominant. in the end, he's folding my independent spirit into our thing as opposed to trying to squash it or exclude it, another reason why i give him sway over me. maybe it would help you to think of yourself that same way, as folding yourself into your Dominant, as opposed to thinking that you are supposed to lose yourself. lol, i'd be trepid too if that were the case.

(in reply to beej)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 11:57:32 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Using fast reply....

I have been communicating with a young lady from the other side via email. She considers herself slave material and has shown a marked interest in me. Several things have occurred in our communication that some one could consider an attempt to TFTB.

Because she had my email, she found me on facebook. She attempted to add me on facebook even though I had already told her in conversation that it is only for my family and a very few close friends. I ignored it. She has several times asked for my phone number. I have not given it. Neither thing upset me, I am just not going to allow her to push me to do something I am not in the mood to do just quite yet. I do not have any reason to believe there is anything wrong with this person, I am simply not ready to do either......yet.

If she gets upset and fades away, or tosses a little hissy fit............she isn't the one for me. Pretty simple stuff really.

The fact is.....If I am not bottoming, she isn't topping.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 12:09:21 PM   
Bootstraps


Posts: 17
Joined: 9/29/2009
Status: offline 		No matter what side of the paddle someone is on respect is critical, so is trust.  I don't think its imperative for someone to give out information they are not comfortable with unless there is obviously a common ground and "getting to know period".

For the slaves, submissives, bottoms, what you have is a gift, do not give that away to just any one. 



(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 12:21:09 PM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		Hi swaybackgirl
You did the right thing for you, and this has nothing to do about topping from the bottom. It would be a cold day in hell before I give my number out to a stranger. That is exactly what they were. Be happy you have smarts and are smarter then them:). Just from my own experience in life, the Doms always gave me their phone numbers first.

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to swaybackgirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 12:28:56 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Nine times out of eight, when someone accuses you of "topping from the bottom" it means "I am a bottom trying to top"....

I get the whole "I want to hear your voice to see if you are female" thing...but the way to do that is to offer up your number and allow her to block hers and call. I actually accused BSB of being a man and blocked her when she refused to call me...only to later realize she had left a voice mail and was rather spectacularly female.

The guys didn't want to give out there number because they are involved with someone more important and only want to call you when they need a fix so tell them to fuck off.

(in reply to wisdomtogive)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 1:22:20 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		..... well it makes a change from - 'youre not a submissive' -

i happen to be someone who hands out their mobile number fairly soon.  talking on the phone is better than IM, it cuts to the chase more quickly.  a persons voice, the way they talk, how they express themselves can tell you an awful lot about a person very quickly that IM doesnt do.

but, just for the record - i dont believe you were topping from the bottom by refusing to give out personal information.  they pushed off more than likely because they were after some phone sex, when they realised you werent up for that particular party piece they went.  absolutely no loss on youre part.

topping from the bottom is when a submissive tries to control/lead/direct/manipulate a Dominant.  you werent doing that at all - you were refusing to provide information to someone who wasnt, in fact, youre Top or Dominant and therefore their comments were doubly erroneous.

no sweat - no loss - keep going as you are - youre fine.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 2:01:25 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I would say it wasn't a terribly unreasonable request they made, but it was one that clearly showed a difference in the emotional realm of the relationship.  They clearly thought you were to a point that they could expect to have this information.  Your trust hadn't caught up to that level yet.  Demanding anything without a good foundation built seems pretty ridiculous in my book.  Demanding (to my mind) is petty anyway.  I get requests from my partner and I get outright commands, but he isn't going to demand anything.  Demanding means a mandate that one expects will not be carried out.  It means the person knows they have neither the right nor the ability to expect it, but try for it anyway.  It is a known encroachment into areas that the person hasn't attained access.

I personally wouldn't have too much issue with giving out a phone number.  I usually give my cell, which has little information that can lead to me and that I know is easy to change if necessary.  I also have no issue from excessive calls because it is set to be unlimited.  You clearly had a BIG issue with giving out a phone number and I don't blame you.  People don't realize how easy it can be to trace someone by their phone number and especially if it is a landline.  Skype is an options as is voice chatting on some of the other IM providers.  I think yahoo still has a voice program.  If their intent was sincere and they gave a crap about your safety, they wouldn't mind getting to hear you and you protecting yourself for just a little longer.  Sometimes people show you more than they think.  Take care, continue staying safe, and I hope someone worthwhile is waiting in the wings.

lovingpet

PS:  There's no such thing as topping from the bottom.  Either someone's in charge or they're not. 

< Message edited by lovingpet -- 3/11/2010 2:03:13 PM >

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 2:01:44 PM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		sway, these men had no respect for you and absolutly NO concept of what a Dominant is. you are your own person until you make the voluntary decision to be submissive to another person. Until you and another decide to enter into a relationship for play or more long term, they do not rule you. Even when they do rule you they never have the right to make you do what you do not want to do. Simply, they were wrong.

(in reply to swaybackgirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 2:07:49 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		When most of the time we have newbie subs coming here not heeding our warnings and telling us of all their stupidities, its quite refreshing to see a woman who has a good head on her shoulders. You just keep doing what you're doing.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to GraciousLady)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 2:29:15 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		Another thread where we can slam people in absentia. Oh yay.

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to swaybackgirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 2:39:03 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		But your here now. Yay.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Topping from the bottom Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094