RE: Topping from the bottom

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RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/11/2010 11:57:15 PM

LittleKittenSub

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"you're topping from the bottom" to me is a form of bullying right up there with the high school "but if you loved me you would..."

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RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/12/2010 3:13:08 AM

Darkmike

Posts: 76
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As a dominant i like to cut to the chase, especially considering how many fakes and flakes there are out there.
I realise submissive and shy people are a lot more hesitant about initiating contact and giving out personal details, however if i feel a subbie is to hesitant over initiating contact im just going to move on.

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RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/12/2010 3:38:22 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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I expect people to keep their word which means when someone says he would want my phone number when I feel comfortable giving it, that he then waits until I do feel comfortable.

One thing I will say is that if you had felt any real connection, the chat and email would not have been sporadic. When someone really is interested they keep in contact.

Also if you don't want someone you met here to have your regular number, get a second cell phone. One of those you pay for minutes could work great for first contacts. Having this would let you feel more comfortable giving it out. But again, stick to your guns.

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RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/12/2010 9:45:26 AM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

...if you don't want someone you met here to have your regular number, get a second cell phone. One of those you pay for minutes could work great for first contacts.

I wouldn't go through all that. As a rule, I feel the person iniating taking things to phone should give THEIR number, and if the other person doesn't want their number revealed when calling, simply "call block" your number (by dialing *67, then the number) before you call. Simple.

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 3/12/2010 9:46:20 AM >

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RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/12/2010 1:25:02 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swaybackgirl
. . . and I asked again for him to offer me his number to call to ease my fears. Once again, was told that I like to top from the bottom, and that I was making a big mistake in not pursuing this at the speed of his comfort.

. . . What is proper protocol in matters of next level of communication here in the cyber world ? . . .

I usually need "proof of life" on second or third contact. That includes mutual disclosure of phone numbers, she calls me and gives me her number.

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RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/12/2010 1:43:04 PM

Phoenixpower

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quote:

ORIGINAL: swaybackgirl
at this point had not even seen a photo of him ( I was told to trust he was going to be a good looking man to my pleasing )

right

and if I tell you I am a smurf

then I expect you to just believe that, too

Just move on from those folks...in the very beginning also one guy expected me to meet him at another part of the UK without ever seeing a picture from him...we talked on the phone and I liked his voice, however, I disliked his fuss about seeing a picture from him as after all it does not take much to get a cheap cam these days to get pics up or to use a webcam....so at the end I stopped that involvement...

apart from other folks advice to use skype...I would add on top of it to make him walk...just to ensure he is not hiding further facts such as being a wheelchair user or whatever other problems he might have with his leg.

(No issues with a person having a disability...however, I DO have an issue when such facts are omitted before I meet someone and that did happen in the past some years ago.

)

No need to bother about such folks, really....move on

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Post #: 46

RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/12/2010 2:13:46 PM

DarlingSavage

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I agree with Phoenix. When they come up with a photo and beat around the bush about showing a picture, something is wrong. They're not being straight up, they're trying to hide something. You did the right thing, IMO. And no, it's not topping from the bottom.

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RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/12/2010 5:36:20 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

...if you don't want someone you met here to have your regular number, get a second cell phone. One of those you pay for minutes could work great for first contacts.

I wouldn't go through all that. As a rule, I feel the person iniating taking things to phone should give THEIR number, and if the other person doesn't want their number revealed when calling, simply "call block" your number (by dialing *67, then the number) before you call. Simple.

That's an option also. However the first phone call isn't enough to know if you want him to have the same number you call your family from. "I had to get a new number because some nut I met online was stalking me" may not be what you want to say.

A secondary number allows you to be sure you won't have problems using your regular one. And that your friends or family won't answer when you're in the bathroom to hear some guy ordering you to finger fuck yourself.

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RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/12/2010 5:39:33 PM

domiguy

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I send out so few pictures and yet demand more than my fair share of gash shots. Puzzling.

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RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/13/2010 2:10:41 AM

weaselwelder

Posts: 72
Joined: 6/22/2009
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"Topping from the bottom" is a code phrase. From a submissive, it means "I want you to read my mind and make my fantasies into perfect reality." A vanilla translation would be "If you really loved me, you'd know what was wrong."

From someone taking a dominant role, "topping from the bottom" means "I don't give a shit about you" or "I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm too stubborn to ask, so I'll just damage you until I figure it out."

Why yes, I am jaded. Thank you for noticing.

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RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/13/2010 4:34:45 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: swaybackgirl

I basically did, there is no more communication with either of them.
I don't feel that I was topping from the bottom in any way, but I could be wrong.

Then my question is: What is topping from the bottom ?
When does that level of for lack of a better word (disrespect or independence) happen or change within the realm of getting to know each other in order to see if there is anything worth pursuing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Just move on. You were not compatible with them. Take your time and wait until you find someone you *are* compatible with. When little boys don't get their own way, they like to point fingers and call names. That's what happened here.

Just tell them a 'weal and twue' dommy boy would not be worried about such things.

edited because I got stuck on my dubyas.

I haven't read the entire thread but here is my take on this.

A person that wont give out their number whilst expecting yours should always be treated with caution. What is he hiding or who does he have to hide you from?

No, you were not topping from the bottom! At this stage you were weighing someone up to see if you wanted to start a D/s relationship with them, nothing more. They were no more your dominant than you were their submissive.
An easy way out for any dominant that comes unstuck is to accuse someone of topping from the bottom. Don't let them take you for a fool. At this stage there is absolutely nothing wrong with remaining firm and insistent.
It sounds like your looking for real life and so my advice is, don't let any man start to dominate you online. If you do then your giving them the impression that your already theirs and then there is probably going to be great disappointment on your part when you do meet them. Think of it as them interviewing you and you interviewing them but keep in mind and remind yourself often that at this stage they are not 'your dominant'

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RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/13/2010 8:22:14 PM

Andalusite

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RS, I usually talked with someone fairly close to the 3rd e-mail, back when I was looking. If anyone had a defined "proof" required though, I nixed them. If someone had approached me with that requirement, I'd assume they were an internet faker who was going to try next to get me naked on webcam to "prove" that I was a woman.

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RE: Topping from the bottom - 3/13/2010 9:13:26 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

RS, I usually talked with someone fairly close to the 3rd e-mail, back when I was looking. If anyone had a defined "proof" required though, I nixed them. If someone had approached me with that requirement, I'd assume they were an internet faker who was going to try next to get me naked on webcam to "prove" that I was a woman.

I totally agree with you on that one. I see a lot of people talking about how it is so inexpensive to buy a webcam these days, but that is totally irrelevant. I don't have a webcam and don't intend to get one. I also don't have a cell phone that takes picture, and I won't be getting one of those in the future either. When I was looking, I would talk with people first through email, then moving on to a messenger and then on to phone calls. Somewhere along the way before moving to phone contact, pictures would be exchanged. If they didn't give me one, they weren't getting one of me, and nothing was going to go beyond messenger.

I have had more than my share of guys tell me I was trying to top from the bottom, that I was not real, fake or any number of other things. I just ignored it and moved on.

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Post #: 53