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beej -> RE: Is Dominance An Altered Language Of Affection? (3/13/2010 11:51:24 AM)
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quote:
Have you ever read the book "Five Languages of Love"?
lol, since it was recommended twice in this thread, i will be reading it very soon. :) i would like to thank everyone for debunking the myth that there is a BDSM party line on this. i get that i'm not supposed to put up with things because Wood is the dominant. i may put up with things because Wood is Wood and i want him, but that's a different negotiable matter. thought i'd update you all on what happened because it's nice when people rise to the occasion, and in this case, i think we both did.
yesterday, Wood actually had a really bad day. some of his things were stolen. interestingly, he didn't volunteer or vent that information to me. i asked him a question about something else, and he said that he couldn't talk right then because he was dealing with his stolen stuff. i left him with my sympathy, and he said thanks. i sent him a few text msgs during the day to check how it was going, and though he always filled me in immediately, he didn't complain or like, solicit my comfort, and in turn, i tried not to bug him because he was busy obviously. then late last night, i heard from him as usual: "hey baby. how was your day?" i asked if he'd gotten things sorted, and he said that he had, as best as he could. i said that if i were there, i would rub his poor head since he'd surely had a hard time of it, and he said thanks that he'd really appreciate that. i liked that he responded well to the idea of non-sexual comfort between us, and it was a good time to crack him about my hypothetical question from before, but i didn't because, you know, way to be self-centered, beej. but he wanted me to talk about my good day because he didn't want to dwell on his bad day or complain to me about it! that's not how i do things, but i can respect that he doesn't stop the world for his bad moods and thus it doesn't occur to him to stop the world for mine either. that's how his affection is different from mine; i stop the world for my loved ones. i kind of marveled at his way and appreciated it, so then i brought up something that i needed reassurance about, a writing project that i was considering (as opposed to asking what he would do if i needed reassurance, lol. learning from my mistakes). he asked what it was about and whether he could read it. i said that i wasn't sure if it was any good; i was going to plot it out the next day. then i specifically said i what i needed him to do: i asked if i could run it by him to see what he thinks (since it proposes to be about kink). "maybe i could run it by you as a bedtime story," i said. and he said, "sounds like a good plan to me."
i was content with that as an indicator of whether or not he would take on my nonsexual intimacies and needs, but then it got better today, peeps! again, we were talking about this weekend, and he brought up my hypothetical question:
Wood: were you upset when i said that i would still fuck you if you were in a bad mood?
beej: a little. i think i misinterpreted it. i thought that meant that you wouldn't address or listen to those kinds of personal issues from me.
Wood: i would listen but not in the middle of sex. nothing should interrupt us being together.
beej: well, if i were in a terrible mood, i would need to talk about it and get it out of my head. would you want me to warm you that i was in a terrible mood, or not come just then if we had plans?
Wood: i don't need a warning; i'll be able to tell in your body language. i'd still want you to come.
beej: i might bring the frustration into the sex though.
Wood: good. i want all sides of you.
and there you have it, success in our time. :) thank you all for your helpful insights. the dual perspectives in the thread really helped me to find the right path here and build a better kind of communication for the future.
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