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The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 7:02:51 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		When a LDR makes plans to become a 24/7 LTR--
 
Many of you have been watching the growing relationship between subtoFemDommes and Myself--I see many posts about LDR and I thought I would share some of O/our "now what" experiences so that others can learn from them as well---and don't panic, W/we are still very much in love--he is My soulsubmate for sure!
 
Ok, I am in NC and he is in Seattle, 3011 miles apart as the crow flies--so we really have an LDR!  (My first recommendation is if you have one of these--get one of the great unlimited phone calling plans---for 39.99 a month, I W/we can talk whenever- and with an unmentionable in the house--what I saved the first month alone was invaluable! OR an after hours free calling plan---W/we have both so we can do spur of the moment calling as well)--anyway--
 
We met first week of February, it was awesome, with plans to return in April but I was blessed with a Vegas trip in March for business- (so yes I sent for the boy)--this was a good test of what we thought we had and him seeing the work side of Me--well and the work side of some of My work "cronies"--this is where the hard slap of reality starts to set in, IF you haven't realized that there is a real life out there--needless to say the week was glorious--talk of relocation dances on the fringes--not IF but When--knowing that the details need to soon follow.
 
When it is time to part--separation anxiety is the ugly monster that can dance over one's bed in the night--and all effort--ALL EFFORT must be made to keep things focused, front and center--and no I don't mean the "kneel sub" part--I mean the integration and actualization of the real life things that happen day to day, moment to moment that can interfere, cause wonder, fear and anxiety.
 
I return to My world, the world that will be his, he returns to the world that must continue but also be sorted, evaluated, milestones established, timeframes implemented--oh and yes, life friends to prepare and uhm oh yeah family to uhm prepare that there is a woman in the picture--I do not make light of thise--these are real lessons to bring some light to those who lightly say "relocation"--he never did, he knew, he persists, but if you think its easy, it isn't--he is leaving friends, family--for a world that he will know before summer, but he knows little of yet visually--really and with an added element--there is someone else in My life--an unmentionable--that will be another chapter later this spring--
 
After Vegas, I return to the normal flurry of activity as does he--but the lack of the physical human dynamic knocks on the door, when least expected. I hate the word "work" it sounds like drudgery--but its the only word I can use--Work--physical and mental commitment to bridge the gap, keep things alive--D/s protocols BUT sharing of the intimacies of life--from the hated boss at work, to what's fixed for dinner, to the weather, to news--every moment must be directed to the closeness--to the bridge, to the ultimate goal--not agressive, domineering, but the development of T/two people who will combine lives--
 
W/we both know where we are at any given moment--we share daily schedules--we IM, his greets Me when I wake as does Mine to him, we talk, we IM--he gets commands, he gets hugs, I send him cards, surprises--it is My hand reaching for him--he calls, I can tell when he is welled up with O/our emotion--he also calls just to share the sunset.
 
W/we discuss the mundane--bills, packing things, fixing cars, work, the horses---he recently loss a dear friend, although we knew it was coming--he had to suffer through this without Me--he is a man of great strength who can more than fend for himself--but I wanted to be there to catch and kiss the tears--but he felt Me--he knew I was with him--he stroked the silver chain he wears that says "belonging".
 
And so he is in the midst of the beginning of " this stays, this goes, this gets cleaned"--and working and life--I am blessed, he has shared his friends with Me and we have grown close-so we can all share the activity of Seattle--but there is no reference to here for him---YET
 
At times as he said, when we are apart--it feels as if O/our time together was surreal. But 20 days from tomorrow, I will be there with him again--making him realize just how real it is. 
 
I hope this helps--and I hope we can as we go offer advice and maybe help other LDR's make it--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

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RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 7:09:44 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		This is advice for LDRs working to shortly become Live-ins or live-close relationships:

Make long term plans together.  If you're both moving to a new place together, do the house/apartment hunting together.  If you're moving into one person's place, discuss the bill paying process, discuss where particular pieces of furniture goes, discuss what sorts of group parties or activities you want to do. 

Research the area- get them maps, areas of interest, key historical facts.

Prepare for the move as much as possible.  I think moving is pretty much the second highest stressful experience we choose to put ourselves through (parenthood being the first).  Preparation is key- finances, paperwork, boxes, packing, jobs, the earlier and more thorough its done, the less traumatic it has to be.

And then give it time.  Honeymoon period followed by reality setting in.  How do you REALLY operate?  What happens when one of you REALLY gets sick?  What time rhythms REALLY work for you both when you don't have all those happy "we're together" chemicals pumping through you?  Time and shared experience will play them out.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MHOO314)
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RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 7:18:27 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		What a beautiful post.  i understand so much of what you have stated.  Your words are evidence of just how real a relationship can be, even if not in the physical presence of one another all the time.

There is something you said that i disagree with, however:  "--he had to suffer through this without Me--"  You were there, trust me.  You were there, on the phone, in his heart, in his mind, in his center.  You are always there - through the joy and the grief.  If it helps to share - Just this week my family had two very serious blows, on the same day.  i received two phone calls at work, 5 minutes apart, about two seperate and terrible situtations.  i was stunned, and sent Master a text message saying "something urgent happened and i need your help."  He immediately called and i was able to go to a conference room, fall apart, compose myself, and go tell my boss i had to leave.  He has checked on me, and guided me.  He was not physically with me, Ms Hathor, but he was with me in the most important way.

i don't want to divert from your wonderful thread.  But i wanted to say to you, from a slave's point of view - Master's/Mistress' love, power, dominance - is always there and always felt.


~ edited to scratch my head wondering what happened to my font, lol.

(in reply to MHOO314)
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RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 7:39:54 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Mistress Hathor,

I, too, am in an LDR...two in fact. I'm working on making one at least a lot closer (she's married (yes, he knows; they're poly) and will not ever be able to live 24/7 with me). Be very, very grateful you have daily contact. my boy is in the Army stationed in Germany. Due to some unusual circumstances, we don't get to IM/email everyday. It's very, very hard.

I hope that the two of you can work to make things closer, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Congrats on find him!

Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MHOO314)
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RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 7:52:16 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		MH, having gone through this myself less than a year ago, I can empathize.  What you've posted here is a wonderful guide for others as well as a documentation of your own rope braiding.  Thank you for sharing this.
 
Adding that it was one year ago this week that I met the love of my life, online.  It was exciting and scary, and I knew that I was taking a big risk, but it's been worth it.  It's been more than worth it.  And here we are a year later I feel as though I've known him forever.  I know that it took so long to find him because we had to prepare ourselves for one another. I kissed a lot of frogs, and had my share of heartache and pain...but the possibility of great love is worth the probability of great pain.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to MHOO314)
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RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 8:01:09 AM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline 		I have to say that Y/yours is an inspirational story.  It restores my faith in how amazing (albeit not always easy) life can be when Y/you find the O/one.  Thank you for sharing this glimpse into Y/your lives. 
 
Please keep us updated as things progress.  Having an unmentionable myself, i will be particularly interested on how this transition goes.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 8:24:50 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

  I know that it took so long to find him because we had to prepare ourselves for one another. I kissed a lot of frogs, and had my share of heartache and pain...but the possibility of great love is worth the probability of great pain.


I want every impatient submissive, slave, Dom, Domme and Domina to read what Tress wrote--it is what I believe about the boy and I , we were not ready for each other until now...it takes TIME and PATIENCE.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to yourMissTress)
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RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 9:08:44 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Please, please, please, MH....although I truly wish you both the very best, don't give it up (meaning your heart!) completely until he actually DOES it!  My LDR couldn't have been more perfect with all that you posted and then some....but he still chickened out at the very last minute.  I even listened to him sob on the other end of the phone, for weeks....but he just couldn't bring himself to relocate.  I wouldn't relax until his boxes are unpacked and he's bringing home a paycheck from his new employer.

Do I sound jaded and untrusting?  I AM. lol

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 9:11:57 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		<smiles> a tad, thank you for the words.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to windchymes)
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RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 10:59:13 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		All i can say is that you must be very special to him Mistress Hathor if he is willing to leave beautiful Seattle for New York. I hope it all works out for you two.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 12:03:36 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		He's leaving Seattle for North Carolina?... WOW... lol

Lovely encouragment there... then I think of Jeff.. shake my head.. and smile.... thank you MH Ma'am for the courage and strength.


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to proudsub)
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RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 1:28:17 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

All i can say is that you must be very special to him Mistress Hathor if he is willing to leave beautiful Seattle for New York. I hope it all works out for you two.

Ooops sorry misread it, NC does beat NY but not sure about Seattle.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 1:57:47 PM   
Ariel


Posts: 244
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		What a wonderful way to share with A/all of U/us that are in that very same position...not that any of it is easy for A/anyone... butt it is a great way to help with keeping the faith... Thank You so much for sharing, it has meant alot to many of U/us...

_____________________________

Ariel

Aw inspiring beauty comes from within

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RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 2:10:28 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		Mistress Hathor- Just over two years ago I moved from NZ to Australia to live with Master. It's been a big culture shock for me, I was a country girl my whole life and now I live in a city of 4 million people, the entire population of New Zealand in one place! It's taken me a while to get confident with even driving here locally, and I'm afraid to drive on the motorways (though Master is getting me to drive a little more each day).

We had 6 weeks to get through before my move here came to fruition. Christmas and New Year was right in the middle of it - very difficult to be apart from the One you love during the holidays. We emailed and IMed every day/night we were able to - because of His health I would worry when I didn't hear from Him at least once a day. December/January is a very busy time with the speedway in Sydney and Master is involved with the crash crew, so He was very busy and would get extremely tired, but He always made sure to send me a few lines every day, so I knew He was ok.

We missed each other so much during that time. Because this is my first D/s relationship, and I'd stayed with Him for 3 weeks prior to going home, I had all these new urges to cope with. The packing up and organising the move helped keep me busy, and I had some wonderful friends who helped keep me sane My parents had moved away to be near my brother while I was visiting Master, so that was another big change to get used to as we had always lived within 20 km of each other and now they were hundreds of kilometres away. My kids.......my son was working in another city, my daughter now that was hard as she was still only 15 (almost 16) but she was happy living with her father.

Master and I have had to be apart twice since then, during the illness and subsequent death of my father last year. As ownedgirlie stated, even though He was unable to travel to NZ with me, I knew He was with me in my heart. Luckily I had computer access during both stays away so again we could keep in touch.

The waiting is so hard, but it's SO worth it in the end! Good luck to you both and hoping the move goes as smoothly as possible

(in reply to proudsub)
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RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 2:41:45 PM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		This is indeed the sweetest post and I wish Y/you both the best of luck

but then on the other hand I've to admit my ignorance when it comes to abbrevations even though I understand the post..I just can't figure out what LTR and LDR stands for..non-live-in/online relationship vs. live-in/offline relationship I guess but I can't figure out the words..

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 2:46:53 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		LTR - Long Term Relationship
LDR - Long Distance Relationship

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 2:49:03 PM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere it is thank you!!

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The Next Steps - 3/31/2006 8:22:15 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To Mistress Hathor...A beautiful and inspirational post..And possibly a good resource for many who may get into LDR and eventually LTR..My best wishes to you and yours....good thoughts winging your way....be well...tempting

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