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Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 7:33:43 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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The key question in this post is ... if You have to make a choice ...

between pursuing a real life potential relationship ... that on the first meeting ... holds the promise of real life intimacy .. and the Lady is NOT into D/s .... but You connect on a real life basis ...

Or seeking Ladies of similar caliber in other cities who enjoy D/s and seek a Female led Relationship ... what do You do ...

i am interested in opinions here .... so feel free to share ..

Post #: 1

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 7:47:11 PM

Lockit

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No one can answer that for anyone. But if you look at all the people who tried to go for the connection and not the d/s as well, and how many come unhappy and wanting it once other things are filled... it might say something.

Still, if one can really live without it, I see nothing wrong with going for a wonderful relationship. Just be very sure.

Personally, I could go a vanilla relationship, but that is just me. Would I miss things? Sure, but believe me, something wonderful would be happening if I were to give things up. And I wouldn't change my mind. Been there before and was totally happy with it. I can add sexy/kinky stuff to any relationship. lol

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RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 8:32:32 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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Lady Lockit ... thank You for sharing Your thoughts ... they are really appreciated

i feel You have a good handle on this question ... and understand it, too! :-)

Your contribution ... is really appreciated!

Intimacy is really important to me ... personally ..................

yet really so is D/s .... but i think to a lessor extent.

Then again, i am unsure .....

Thank You for sharing !!!!!!! big :-) :-)

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 3

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 8:34:04 PM

LadyAngelika

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Well I'm not seeking a Lady ;-)

But I changed the word Lady for man, I'll say that I will only date local as ong distance relationships do not work for me for a multitude of reasons, most importantly that I don't believe that I can develop the necessary intimacy, and feel the relationship out in real time.

I don't mean to offend anyone with my opinion, but after having had two (yeah, I didn't learn my lesson the 1st time) long distance relationship, I realise that they are unbalanced and unrealistic because they exist in a world of possibilities rather than a world of realities.

I'll just wait patiently for the man that's right for me. Being single isn't that bad ;-)

- LA

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RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 8:37:27 PM

Lockit

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You are very welcome darlin! I wish you well in deciding what to do and know you will think it over very carefully! That's just who you are.

Just ask yourself one thing. Am I doing this because of loneliness or fear that I won't find a d/s relationship as good. I've been there too! lol

Life is a bunch of choices/risks, but remaining true to who you are, I don't feel you can go wrong.

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Post #: 5

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 8:40:23 PM

Andalusite

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I haven't had a vanilla relationship since I was 20 years old.

Not all of them have involved D/s, some were egalitarian kinky ones instead. I met all but two of them through vanilla hobbies. Granted, I live in an area that has a higher percentage than usual of kinky folks, but I think that if you are willing to communicate and hold out for what you need, that you can have both intimacy and D/s.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 6

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 8:45:59 PM

DarlingSavage

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quote:

Being single isn't that bad

Having been single for 10 fucking goddam years, no, it's not that bad after the first year or so. Being single definitely has its advantages. There is no one to answer to. You can do what you want. But I don't like going to bed alone every night. I fucking hate it. I'm very picky. I only want to be with someone I'm attracted to. I know a lot of people put that down, but if I'm not attracted to the person, then I have no interest in them. I don't know why that is, it just is for me. Is that wrong? Maybe, but all I know is that that is just the way I'm wired. I can't help it.

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Post #: 7

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 8:55:54 PM

MsMillgrove

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I think that a single first meet as you have described is just that--a first meet.

There's so much more to learn about the person. I'd say hang in for awhile and see how things develope...a first meet is hardly a lifetime commitment. It's way too early to make any decisions on .. is this the one for me. At best you'll discover it's worth all you want to put into it, at the least, maybe a good local friend.

As a sub male, it's nowhere near as easy to develope a kinky relationship with a woman...how can I say this--men can be eased into so many things.. as a sub male trying to convert a vanilla lady is a lot harder. But for right now, you don't even know that much about the new gal.

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 8

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 8:59:02 PM

Andalusite

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I don't think there's anything wrong with that, and I certainly wouldn't date someone if I were *unattracted* to him. Until we had at least some biting and hairpulling and kissing, I usually didn't know whether or not I'm attracted to them! I guess I fit the "crock-pot" model - it usually took 2 or 3 dates to figure out if there was any chemistry or potential D/s interaction, back when I was looking.

LA, I wouldn't go quite *that* far, but I had similar feelings about local vs. long-distance relationships. It wasn't so much that I felt it wasn't based in reality, although a lot are *not*, as much as that I simply don't think of anyone sexually or romantically if we haven't even touched yet. I don't think it's a slight against anyone who does pursue them, that we aren't interested, they simply just don't meet our needs.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 3/13/2010 9:01:39 PM >

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 9

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 9:05:36 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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Lady Angelika, thank You for sharing.

No … You did not offend anyone (well at least the OP) with Your opinion.

And as i recall, the OP asked for opinions …. LOL … So Yours is welcome.

As the Op knows, intimacy in real life is critical to any relationship … and he is aware that maintaining intimacy is key …

Nonetheless, the Op has had interactions with magnificent Dommes on several continents .. including North America … interactions where he wished he lived in their city! :-)

But just tonight … the OP met a similar type Lady out of the clear blue … yet She is not into D/s whatsoever … so he is looking for insight from Dommes on exactly how to proceed …

Although his gut instinct is real life intimacy … and he would relocate if there was really something with an out of town Domme .... he is leaning toward intimacy as being more important than finding a Female Led D/s relationship.

So every one ... please feel free to share Your thoughts!

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 10

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 9:14:37 PM

Andalusite

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The thing is, our thoughts and opinions only matter to our relationships - your decisions are valid no matter how many people agree or disagree with you, other than the woman you're involved with.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 11

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 9:18:59 PM

peppermint

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A friend of mine gave up D/s for a lady who had everything in common with him except that. They've been together and married for years and he has never regretted his decision. I guess it all comes down to what you find most important in your life.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 12

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 9:19:16 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

between pursuing a real life potential relationship ... that on the first meeting ... holds the promise of real life intimacy .. and the Lady is NOT into D/s .... but You connect on a real life basis ...

You don't know just how timely your question is. i have been struggling with that exact same question.

i go back and forth between vanilla and D/s relationships. But i have a definite preference for a female-led D/s relationship. recently, i have been wrestling with the same question that you just presented.

i was in a relationship with a wonderful vanilla lady. Unfortunately, no matter how i tried, i couldn't get past the fact that what i really desire is D/s. i tried to be happy in the vanilla relationship. i really did. But i just couldn't shake the empty feeling. It was like i was pretending to be something that i wasn't, and i knew that i could never be happy, no matter how much i pretended.

So i broke up with the vanilla lady. Despite all of her wonderful vanilla qualities.

Now i find myself in the initial stages of building a new relationship with an amazing lady in another city who is deeply into D/s. Things are going well so far, but there are definitely challenges (the distance being one of them). But i find the challenges of the new D/s relationship to be more desirable than the vanilla relationship (which was local and did not have similar challenges).

So that is the answer that i came up with. Search deep within your soul, and i think you will find the answer that is best for you. But that's the only place where you'll find it. You certainly won't find it on a message board.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 3/13/2010 9:25:57 PM >

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RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 9:30:10 PM

DWCskitten

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~Fast Reply~
If i were still looking, i would not choose one over the other. i have had loving vanilla relationships, D/s relationships without intimacy, and loving D/s relationships with intimacy. i would hold out for the third.....D/s AND intimacy all wrapped up into one wonderful package. i want it all and i'd be willing to wait for it, rather than settle and not be really happy. Besides, the first meeting is just that, a first meeting. It's full of possibilities rather than promises, and possibly some wonderful surprises. At least that's my humble opinion.

kitten :)

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Post #: 14

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 9:30:57 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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Ms Millgrove,

As always, thank You for Your brilliant insight.

As i have known You here ... You are incredibly penetrating with Your insight .... and always have great insight!

Thank You !

(in reply to MsMillgrove)

Post #: 15

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 9:38:54 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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Ms. Andalusite,

Thank You for Your comments ... the OP has read them ... and ... he appreciates them ... they are good ... otherwise ... he would have something to say! LOL

You are 100% right in Your comments about opinions ... but the OP still wants to ask for them get an understanding of others experiences .....

:-) .. the OP may be submissive .. but he is still a tough man ... Big Smiles

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 3/13/2010 10:00:36 PM >

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 16

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 9:46:44 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

The key question in this post is ... if You have to make a choice ...

between pursuing a real life potential relationship ... that on the first meeting ... holds the promise of real life intimacy .. and the Lady is NOT into D/s .... but You connect on a real life basis ...

Or seeking Ladies of similar caliber in other cities who enjoy D/s and seek a Female led Relationship ... what do You do ...

i am interested in opinions here .... so feel free to share ..

Only YOU can decide what is going to be best for you for the long haul. I'm like Lockit and could easily live without D/s in my life for the right person. In my current relationship, it is more kinky than D/s, although my boyfriend is definately of the dominant variety.

Like LA, I would never be able to deal with the long distance thing. Many people are perfectly willing, happy and even anxious to relocate when they find someone and that works for them. Obviously, Rochsub is able to deal with the long distance and having the D/s in his relationship is very important to him.

You just met this woman, and it doesn't sound like right now you have other women that you are interested in. Whenever we first meet someone we "click" with, it is always so exciting to think of the possibilities. If I were you, I would casually get to know this woman better and see how it goes. I say "casually" because that leaves you open to look at other opportunities (as long as you are honest with her about it).

Maybe the connection you have with her will be worth giving up for you, maybe it won't. Only you can make that decision. Just realize that whatever decision you make, it is the right one for you.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 17

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 9:47:49 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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Rochsub2009,

Thanks for your comments and insight. i appreciate what You say ... and, i think, am in the mitts of a similar dillemma! LOL

But i do not have a Lady i can even drive to! ROFL ....

Yes, i too, have met soooo many magnificent Ladies here, although they are few and far between. So do value Your relationship and treat it like gold ....

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 18

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 10:08:45 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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peppermint ...

Great insight ... and my gut tends to agree ... although ... Hell ... i would hate to be laying in bed .. a year later ... and think about the time a Lady was tying me down ....

Just a thought ...

But thanks for sharing

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 19

RE: Intimacy versus D/s - 3/13/2010 10:20:38 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Only YOU can decide what is going to be best for you for the long haul. I'm like Lockit and could easily live without D/s in my life for the right person. In my current relationship, it is more kinky than D/s, although my boyfriend is definately of the dominant variety.

Like LA, I would never be able to deal with the long distance thing. Many people are perfectly willing, happy and even anxious to relocate when they find someone and that works for them. Obviously, Rochsub is able to deal with the long distance and having the D/s in his relationship is very important to him.

You just met this woman, and it doesn't sound like right now you have other women that you are interested in. Whenever we first meet someone we "click" with, it is always so exciting to think of the possibilities. If I were you, I would casually get to know this woman better and see how it goes. I say "casually" because that leaves you open to look at other opportunities (as long as you are honest with her about it).

Maybe the connection you have with her will be worth giving up for you, maybe it won't. Only you can make that decision. Just realize that whatever decision you make, it is the right one for you.

You just met this woman, and it doesn't sound like right now you have other women that you are interested in. Whenever we first meet someone we "click" with, it is always so exciting to think of the possibilities. If I were you, I would casually get to know this woman better and see how it goes. I say "casually" because that leaves you open to look at other opportunities (as long as you are honest with her about it).

Maybe the connection you have with her will be worth giving up for you, maybe it won't. Only you can make that decision. Just realize that whatever decision you make, it is the right one for you.

Lafayette Lady ... You are really on the money here ... although ..

i do make fast decisions .. and they hit like lightning ... yet given my experience in life ... really should be expected! LOL i know that may sound wild but ....

i agree the long distance thing seldom if ever works ... Although i assure You ... if six months from now i am saying i am moving to another continent ... do NOT be surprised! LOL

my mind shifts like the weather! LOL

That said ... thank You for Your insight!

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 20

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