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Slaves and their toys - 3/14/2010 6:02:12 PM   
DomBlade64


Posts: 105
Joined: 3/14/2010
Status: offline 		Should I let my slave/sub (when I get one) choose her toy or should I surprise her with what I want her to have?

What do you think?
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RE: Slaves and their toys - 3/14/2010 6:21:46 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		C. Both of the above
Unless you are planning to only have one toy, why not let her choose some, and you choose others for her?



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RE: Slaves and their toys - 3/14/2010 7:05:29 PM   
DomBlade64


Posts: 105
Joined: 3/14/2010
Status: offline 		Makes sense. I just thought it may appear as a weakness to a slave to let her choose something and that she would loose respect in me as a Dom if I did that.

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RE: Slaves and their toys - 3/14/2010 7:13:51 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Well, I'm not a slave, so I guess it depends on the dynamic you wish to have. I will say that it would make me wonder if the simple act of instructing her to make a choice made her lose respect for you. Do you really plan on never asking her what she prefers in anything? 

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"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

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RE: Slaves and their toys - 3/14/2010 7:37:32 PM   
takemeforyourown


Posts: 430
Joined: 2/24/2007
Status: offline 		There is only one toy that does it for me. Do you want to do it for her?

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RE: Slaves and their toys - 3/14/2010 7:43:46 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		My Dom has an extensive toy selection he uses on me but will tell me if there is something personal he wants me to have - like a gag. He asked me to get whatever I preferred, he felt it was up to me that I have something I found comfortable. I did my research and chose what I thought would be the best. It didn't make me feel that he was less Dom-like because I made the end choice of what to get....after all I'm the one with the gag in my mouth, not him. And he was right...it was a good move on his part that he asked me to get what i thought was best. My mouth is very small, I know that maybe more than he does...I also preferred having something I could bite so I got a smaller sized ball and post design out of soft rubber. Because he asked me for my input we ended up with something that worked better for us both in the end. Also, before I ordered it I asked him for his approval - so it was still something we worked together on even till the end. As for the loss of respect...as I said I'm the one with the gag in my mouth and he decides when it goes in...no loss of respect there toward the man who is deciding when and where to gag me.

We make some joint decisions on other things. Another example...he brought up the subject of a remote controlled vibrator egg and I did some research and sent him a few recommendations on what I thought would work best. He further narrowed it down by looking at what I presented and adding some insight of his own.

If you're new and looking to build up a collection a good rule of thumb to use is that if it's something you want to keep and it won't necessarily be involved with intimate bodily fluids then you pay for it and you choose what you want to use. Floggers, restraints, whatever 'tools' suit you. If it's an insertable and will come in contact with her in that manner then she should get what is preferable to her and that way it is hers if you choose to part ways. Gags, dildos, vibrators, butt plugs...etc.

< Message edited by lizi -- 3/14/2010 7:45:22 PM >

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RE: Slaves and their toys - 3/14/2010 7:48:23 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Simple thing....

Have her go to a website you like (such as extremerestraints.com) and make a list for you of everything that appeals to her. Specify that she chooses a minimum of 20 items. She gives you the list, and then you get to pick. That way you know it's something that she will enjoy, but you made the final choice about whether you like the item or not, and which item it will be - and she gets the suspense and the "surprise" of which item you choose.

Or, if you don't care and just want to use something on her, just pick something out and buy it. That has its place too......

< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 3/14/2010 7:49:25 PM >

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RE: Slaves and their toys - 3/14/2010 9:16:53 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		We do both. No respect lost on either or our parts. If respect for you is lost that easy then you have more problems going for you than who picks out a toy.

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RE: Slaves and their toys - 3/15/2010 7:46:36 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not entirely sure what you mean by toy. If you're talking about a dildo, butt plug or some such personal item that shouldn't go from one relationship to the next then sure let her pick them out. I've had plenty of fun shopping at adult stores and events with my girl.

If you're talking about you're gear in general, then I'd advise you to do a lot of research and pick it out yourself. I've always felt that being skilled and well equipped has added to my attractiveness as a potential partner. Having the extra gear and skills to take someone backpacking, rock climbing or do things in the bedroom that she had never even dreamt of…..well, it's not the sort of thing that will make a relationship work but it might pique a girls interest to find out.


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RE: Slaves and their toys - 3/15/2010 4:06:56 PM   
BalletBob


Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with WyldHrt. Do what ever feels more enjoyable.

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RE: Slaves and their toys - 3/15/2010 6:02:20 PM   
DomBlade64


Posts: 105
Joined: 3/14/2010
Status: offline 		Im new, I was just thinking scenarios. I dont really think that would make me loose any amount of respect but I wanted to see some opinions.

I liked the "pick from a list of stuff she likes" idea ALOT.

Now all I have to do is find a place that doesn't charge an arm and a leg for good gear.

(in reply to BalletBob)
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RE: Slaves and their toys - 3/15/2010 11:20:01 PM   
domistressx


Posts: 13
Joined: 3/15/2010
Status: offline 		She's your slave, do what you want, that's what I think...

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RE: Slaves and their toys - 4/10/2010 7:30:22 PM   
rubberGay


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/10/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomBlade64

Should I let my slave/sub (when I get one) choose her toy or should I surprise her with what I want her to have?

What do you think?

if you are the dom she should accept what she gets!

(in reply to DomBlade64)
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RE: Slaves and their toys - 4/11/2010 12:40:06 PM   
monywildcat


Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, and yes. 

Either option would work, and there wouldn't be any worries about you losing any authority-points for allowing your girl to have a choice in the matter.  She may be able to pick out the toy, but you get to decide if and when you will incorporate it into play.  And the "wish list" is an excellent idea, I may have to work on one in the near future!  (after I get my sock-monkey, of course.  Nothing happens without me getting to cash in on the "IOU one sock-monkey card) 

If you get to lay down the law on what toy is used and when and your girl has no say, then she gets the excitement of pondering what it is, how are you go at it with this toy, etc.  Delicious!

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