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RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 3/31/2006 8:59:44 PM

Angeni

Posts: 88
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

PlantLady64, I am sorry to hear of your release. As for lables; I have to agree with everyone else here, why limit yourself with a single label? My late Master was Gorean; I was trained to be his kajira, and yet, I don't label myself as such. Our life together was poly; and yet, I do not label myself as poly. I look at it as I am what ever my next relationship places me as. If it be a submissive only, then that is what I will be; if it be as slave/kajira, then that is what I will be. There is no reason why one should put restrictons on what you could be. Be what feels right for you, not what everyone else 'thinks' you are. Just my humble opinion.

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 21

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 3/31/2006 11:45:19 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

I burned my 'Box' a long time ago.

Hope you figure out what works for you.
Also the best to you in figuring out your current relationship issues

.

Hummmm...Post 1234(just noticed that

)

*Brightspot

Edited to add > P.S. I does seem like you have let WIITWD take over your Being. I agree that I don't find it wise to move in with someone without long contemplation. Maybe you need to stand back and take a good and wise look at things and re-evaluate life and how WIITWD fits in as a Part of the Whole?
Bringing it back to a healthy place. Yes, I think the lifestyle can become unhealthy under certain circumstances. Gee didn't mean my P.S. to be this long

. Anyway I wish you the best and it is good to see you back.

< Message edited by brightspot -- 3/31/2006 11:58:51 PM >

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

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(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 22

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/1/2006 4:47:09 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: knotnilla

I don't know where to begin, oh wait, yes I do...

"I've even converted 6 vanilla people I knew when I discussed this new side of me with them. "

You sound like a Jesus freak. You've been "in the lifestyle" a year and your mission is to convert people? Have you "converted" any gays to being straight? Perhaps that should be your next goal...

Stop worrying about announcing your "lifestyle" to people in order to convert them to THE ONE TRUE WAY... stop moving in with someone within a year of finding "the lifestyle".

Your entire post was about contracts and conversions and breech of contract.

Why not just try to have a relationship?

Waht is your point and how does it relate to me? My post was a direct question to KoM regarding his post???? When amd if you evere learn anything about me you may be qualified to make such an assinine post.

Hi Iron Bear,
I think the poster was talking about me & was not considering your post in this line of thought.

I'd also like to say in no way is it my position to go out and try to convert people into being kinky. What I'd said was taken out of context. My point was I know this life fits me, I'm proud of the new knowledge I have. I'm not afraid to allow others to know my choice. I wanted to share my new joy with those around me. In sharing the new part of me I'd found with friends and co-workers they too thought about it for themselves and started seeking their own path in the lifestyle. Overall the point I was making is I don't live this life in secret for fear I won't be accepted by people who think differently. I'm proud to be into BDSM.

Suzanne

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 23

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/1/2006 6:17:43 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: knotnilla

I don't know where to begin, oh wait, yes I do...

"I've even converted 6 vanilla people I knew when I discussed this new side of me with them. "

You sound like a Jesus freak. You've been "in the lifestyle" a year and your mission is to convert people? Have you "converted" any gays to being straight? Perhaps that should be your next goal...

Stop worrying about announcing your "lifestyle" to people in order to convert them to THE ONE TRUE WAY... stop moving in with someone within a year of finding "the lifestyle".

Your entire post was about contracts and conversions and breech of contract.

Why not just try to have a relationship?

Waht is your point and how does it relate to me? My post was a direct question to KoM regarding his post???? When amd if you evere learn anything about me you may be qualified to make such an assinine post.

Hi Iron Bear,
I think the poster was talking about me & was not considering your post in this line of thought.

I'd also like to say in no way is it my position to go out and try to convert people into being kinky. What I'd said was taken out of context. My point was I know this life fits me, I'm proud of the new knowledge I have. I'm not afraid to allow others to know my choice. I wanted to share my new joy with those around me. In sharing the new part of me I'd found with friends and co-workers they too thought about it for themselves and started seeking their own path in the lifestyle. Overall the point I was making is I don't live this life in secret for fear I won't be accepted by people who think differently. I'm proud to be into BDSM.

Suzanne

Hi Suzanne,

Thanking about you comment I've highlited... Good on you lass that's the way to go.. I endorse brightspot's comments about taking a opace back and re-evaluation everrything and thingk thrice before moving in together at any time with anyone..... It is indeed good to see you back posting.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 24

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/1/2006 12:27:30 PM

enthralled

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline

Oh wow . . . if I had to pick just one label or box to identify myself, I would be in so much trouble! I am always learning and growing- evolving into my own. I went through a period where I thought I had to pick a label, that something was 'wrong' with me if I didn't fit nicely into one box or another.
What I learned? The only thing that was wrong with me was that I THOUGHT something was wrong <smiles>

Respectfully,
~enthralled

_____________________________

A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 25

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/1/2006 12:41:05 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Wouldn’t you agree KoM, that for example, if a girl labels herself as a slave, she is already restricting the type of relationship she is seeking? If she further adds to the label so it shows as either “kajira” or “Gorean Slave”, she has defined specifically the type of lifestyle and relationship she seeks? Do you feel this is wrong? If so why? People in any lifestyle evolve, as they evolve their needs and requirements change. Is it not more honest to reliable yourself in accordance to your stage of development? I can tell you from personal expe5rience that once a Male Dominant identifies as Gorean you are “Branded” with that label and are severely restricted to relationships you are able to have and severely restricted to those who will be ready to share your lifestyle with you. Yet for the few, it is a price worth paying… Do you believe we are wrong in doing so?...... I’m just curious as to your line of thought. No criticism, I find your comments usually enjoyable and enlightening….

I would agree in some cases that a particular label may appear that one is restricting them self. However, I would say it only appears that the label is restricting them. Often to me we are restricted in the type of relationships we have from something that is routed deeper than from just a label. For example, I have the label of Master/Dominant (choose your preferred label). Does this label restrict me. Not really, it is actually reflective of the personality dynamics of who am and it is these very personality dynamics that restrict me and not the label. The make up of who a person is in their core and will restrict us in what labels are appropriate to our nature. My personality makes it highly inappropriate to ever label myself as a slave or submissive. Not because I am called a Master/Dominant. There is many that actually have both labels of Dominant and submissive that are reflective of the relationships they have. It is their personality dynamics that allow such freedom to have these different relationships structures. But, at the same time their personality dynamics very likely restrict them or make it inappropriate to their nature to have other labels.

Look not on to the label... but to the personality and their various relationships!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 26

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/1/2006 1:57:19 PM

knotnilla

Posts: 47
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

IronBear, I thought it was clear that I was referring to the OP. I'm sorry you felt my comments were directed to you, they were not. The inanity of my comments remains debatable. ;) Often times on boards such as this, we are so busy being "kind" that we allow people to continue to make the same mistakes rather than pointing them out and being called out as "attacking".

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 27

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/2/2006 4:39:51 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello knotnilla,
I just wanted to say I thank you for your posts in this thread. I don't expect all to agree with me here. If I did I would also think the advice would be less educational if all wore kid gloves. I appreciate you took the time to voice your opinion & did not feel attacked.

Suzanne

(in reply to knotnilla)

Post #: 28

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/2/2006 10:58:17 AM

QuietDom

Posts: 255
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline

After having read over your profile, I believe that you do fit in a box.

You're 5'9" and not especially heavy. I think that if your knees were pulled up to your chest and your head somewhat bowed, a 3x2x2' box would be sufficient.

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 29

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/3/2006 7:36:03 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: QuietDom

After having read over your profile, I believe that you do fit in a box.

You're 5'9" and not especially heavy. I think that if your knees were pulled up to your chest and your head somewhat bowed, a 3x2x2' box would be sufficient.

Thanks for adding this light hearted playful response. It made me giggle.
Suzanne

(in reply to QuietDom)

Post #: 30

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/3/2006 11:46:46 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

I checked your profile and it seems to be fine, other than the fact that you do not mention you are are in a vanilla relationship. You are already identifying as a submissive female, and you make clear you are seeking mentors and play partners. Good enough for Me.
I am having a hard time with the fact that this was such a serious transgression that you cannot remain in his collar, but you can continue to live with him in a loving vanilla relationship. I do recall you writing about this a few weeks ago...being released, that is. You also mentioned then that you were told you could only be a vanilla girlfriend and this was some sort of punishment? Maybe I am recalling incorrectly, and I apologize that I cannot find the post.
This is where I am going to go with this. You are now in a committed "vanilla" relationship with this same man. You say you love him. I don't have the impression, however, that vanilla is what you want. How will you, on a personal level, reconcile your D/s or M/s needs with the fact that you are in a relationship now? Is he willing to have you continue to explore with other partners? Not as a bottom, but as a potential slave? This seems akin to the many questions we get from married boys who can't or won't submit to their wives, but still have a need to submit. Just ignore My musings if you had already agreed to be poly. (Never mind...I see it now in your journal.)
As you say, the rest is private, and only you and he can decide if the transgression was so serious that the trust can never return. Yet you can trust him enough to remain in the vanilla relationship. It's just not computing for Me.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 31

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/3/2006 12:29:02 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

We can be lots of things, we can be creative, intelligent, humorous, helpful, sweet, insightful, submissive, dominant, harsh, unyielding, stubborn, forgiving, naughty, good, depending on each situation that we come across in life and how we deal with it......

....the Master makes the slave.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 32

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/4/2006 1:01:13 PM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I don't have the impression, however, that vanilla is what you want. How will you, on a personal level, reconcile your D/s or M/s needs with the fact that you are in a relationship now? Is he willing to have you continue to explore with other partners? Not as a bottom, but as a potential slave? This seems akin to the many questions we get from married boys who can't or won't submit to their wives, but still have a need to submit. Just ignore My musings if you had already agreed to be poly. (Never mind...I see it now in your journal.)
As you say, the rest is private, and only you and he can decide if the transgression was so serious that the trust can never return. Yet you can trust him enough to remain in the vanilla relationship. It's just not computing for Me.

Hello There,
Actually none of this is what I want. I did not want him to break our contract several times, or lie to me (dircetly or indirectly) I also did not ask to be released, but rather begged him to keep me and be the Master he'd portrayed he was. He felt to live by our contract and be a man of his word was not worth the effort of having me as his slave.
I had no chioce in him releasing me.
As far as him being able to be my Master at a future date the answer is NO WAY IN HELL!!!!! Why would I give myself to someone who threw that gift away before?
If he broke our first contract what would give me any faith in him honoring another one long term?
I would have worked with him in any way he needed me to to keep being his slave as I would have never given up on us.
I am still living with him as I don't believe you just give up on people. I feel he does see how much his actions hurt me and that he's trying to correct his errors as they relate to me and our relationship.
.
Things at this time are completely up in the air. If we can find a way to get beyond all the multi level problems we now face maybe one day we'll know we will have a solid future together. At this point I'm trying to pick up the peices of me, find things I want to do to make myself happy, and seeing if a vanilla relationship is possible for us.
I stay because I love him & his kids, not because I trust or feel safe with him at this time.

You also say

quote:

I don't have the impression, however, that vanilla is what you want. How will you, on a personal level, reconcile your D/s or M/s needs with the fact that you are in a relationship now? Is he willing to have you continue to explore with other partners? Not as a bottom, but as a potential slave? This seems akin to the many questions we get from married boys who can't or won't submit to their wives, but still have a need to submit

You are right. I have no idea in hell how to be in a vanilla relationship living with a Dominant man. I'm trying to figure out what that even means.
I have no idea of how to balance my desire to submit & play with others and also maintain a vanilla primary partner.
This is all new to me. I'm just taking things one day at a time as trying to figure out how it's going to be just makes my brain smoke.
WIthout a person I'm considering there is no way to know how they will fit in anyway. Mostly I'm focusing on what my primary relationship is, needs to be healthy, and trying to work out some sense of respect and peace. Before I look for other relationships I feel mine at home needs to be more balanced.
He'd hasno right to decide if I could be someone elses slave, he gave up the right to control me in D/s situations when he released me. I live with him but my choices in life are all mine again.
In my opinion to be someone's slave means you have no right to reserve any part of your life to your own control. Since I love another I don't think I could make a Master the full center of my universe like I feel I should. I just accept I don't get a Master unless I leave Rick.

Overall your take on thing seem very confused is very acurate. I at the moment feel very lost. I'm not sure what allthis means or where I am right now either.
I know I can depend on me to make it through no matter how it goes. I'm a survivor. I also feel I can trust myself to make good choices as they need to be made. In time lots of the confusion will work itself out.

It's a huge transitional period at this point. The only thing I'm sure of is I'm blessed with lots and the burdens I carry are not too much to bear. The load is very heavy, but I'll get through.
Suzanne

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 33

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/4/2006 2:07:27 PM

OneX2

Posts: 157
Joined: 1/3/2006
Status: offline

To many people say think outside the box. I say throw the damn box away! We are often to concerned with labels that simply distract us from who we are.

Joseph

(in reply to SpaceForMore)

Post #: 34

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/4/2006 7:02:36 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Thank you for sharing, Suzanne. There is no doubt you are in a tough spot. I do hope all works out for the best and in the way that will make you happy.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 35

RE: Do you have to fit in a box? - 4/4/2006 10:38:02 PM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

In the end, we _all_ fit in a box.

Well, okay... some of us will fit in a decorative urn. At least until we get scattered, lathered, plunked and dunked...

Sorry... I was confusing Waffle House with the Funeral Home again.... Neeeevvermind...

Yours In Kink,
- Geoff

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 36

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