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RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 8:14:12 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		You might be luckier than most predict here, discreetsubnyc.

When I was single and not wanting to be in a relationship, most of my subs were simply play partners. While we didn't have intercourse, there was release. I was getting what I wanted out of it so it was all good.

I didn't charge because I didn't need the money and I wanted everything on my terms. Mind you, I personally didn't play with married men because I would not be second woman to any woman.

Every woman is different and you might find one who may be willing to over look that you are married.

I'm not going to lecture you for what you do as I don't know your circumstances. You are a grown man who is responsible for your actions. But I would recommend that you play out the scenario in your head and try to picture the consequences of your actions. I was a cheated on a few years back and it felt like he put a knife through my heart. I'm sure you would never intentionally want anyone to go through this.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to discreetsubnyc)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 8:37:56 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		We rush to judgement, and feel the need to share with our our ethical commentary, because what you are doing seems to be against the basic principle that most people in BDSM live by: consensuality. If your wife doesn't know about your "extra-curricular activities" then she can't consent to them, correct? And if you lie to one person, who is to say that you won't lie to another? You still haven't answered the question of whether or not your wife knows about your affairs ... if she does, then you would get much less negative feedback - and if she doesn't, then (as far as I'm concerned) you deserve every bit of negative criticism you've gotten.

In my opinion, if you're wanting kink with conditions, your best bet is to go with a pro. Like it or not, that's pretty much how it's going to be.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to discreetsubnyc)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/15/2010 8:45:58 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiel
OMG, is there really a ONLINEBOOTYCALL.com ?! LOL, I have to go google it... har har!

Heh.  Yeah, I did too.  Looks like a junior AFF.  Did you know AFF is one of the top 50 most heavily trafficked sites on the internet?  That's the OP's problem right there.  Kink is a niche.  He's the going from massive numbers of people interested in vanilla flings -- where no matter how low your standards are, someone else's are even lower -- to the world of hen's teeth called kinky online dating.

Do you have money, and can you afford a monthly allowance?  That's how you should be thinking, discreetsub.  I just don't see you garnering much interest otherwise.  Why on earth should a femdom beat on you, for any reason?



I wanted to add that RedMagic1 is right and you might find what you are looking for more on alt.com or adultfriendfinder.com.

Here you will more likely, but not exclusively, find women looking for D/s relationships or Dominatrix. You might also find play partners on FetLife (they actually have that as an option in their drop down menus) though it's not optimal for finding people based on specific criteria.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 5:20:30 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		You whine because you can't find anyone on here, yet your profile is totally blank, how is that supposed to attract anyone? Your screen name reads like someone who is looking for a way to fool around on your wife, so again, what is there to attract a women? There is a thread about FAQ at the top of the ask a mistress section. I suggest you read that and it may answer some of your questions.


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to discreetsubnyc)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 6:38:04 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

You whine because you can't find anyone on here, yet your profile is totally blank, how is that supposed to attract anyone?


To be fair, he only wiped his profile after he got totally slammed for it in the thread, so that's not really a fair question.


_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 8:38:21 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I was basically trying to point out to the guy that any woman he actually found to "do him" would be a grave disappointment and likely leave him bruised in ways he couldn't explain, unable to shit comfortably for days (which is no less than he deserves) and at no point would he be getting his dick sucked or get to put it anywhere, which I'm pretty sure he believes would be the culmination of his little "excursion."



The highlighted above is something that I've pointed out in other threads and is actually a huge advantage to any Domme who happens to be sadistic.  I might even go as far as to say it is a great method for a female Dominant to quickly eliminate interest from anyone who might not be in the position of being honest with the little woman at home.  By telling them up front that, if you do play with them, they will have marks on them as a result, those who might have the marks seen by a SO tend to vanish quickly.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 9:43:19 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

You whine because you can't find anyone on here, yet your profile is totally blank, how is that supposed to attract anyone?


To be fair, he only wiped his profile after he got totally slammed for it in the thread, so that's not really a fair question.



Ok, thanks. I must have looked after that.


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 11:09:32 AM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		As a lifestyle dominant, most of us don't just want kinky sex.  I personally am not going to look at someone who lives out unless he can make 90% of the local play parties and give me at least two to three evenings a week in my house doing housework and running my errands. Most of the time this is incompatible with being married. While I am not against having a married male as a sub, I insist on sitting down and talking to your wife and discovering what her parameters for our interactions are. If she's fine with you dating, then she won't object to this. For that matter, you would meet my husband before anything took place as well.

I tried being the other woman, and I decided I didn't like it. So now I personally don't play that game.

You may have to go for someone pro, OP, to get the type of minimal time demand you want plus the kink.


_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 5:14:01 PM   
MissBeautiful2U


Posts: 98
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I was simply asking if anyone knows of any resources that I might use to find what I am looking for


It's a real long shot: but you make it clear that you are married and what you are willing to do and are not.  There may be someone who will not mind. 

The fact that you are getting hit up by pro-dommes is because that's what many married men end up turning to when they want their kink fix.  What you didn't seem to understand through the first page of responses is that lifestyle Dominant ladies have no problems in finding someone to play with.  Finding a partner to fill what they are truly seeking is more difficult, but a boy to tease and play easy.  If a boy in your situation is accepted, it is because there is something special about you that the woman is willing to play with you anyway.  What that might be depends on the woman.



(in reply to discreetsubnyc)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 7:40:55 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		Most lifestyle Dominant women are not interested in being used to help you cheat on your wife or your girlfriend. Why don't you ask your vanilla fuckdollies to spank you? They obviously don't care that you're married, and since you have swarms of them, you can just ease out the ones who won't.

(in reply to MissBeautiful2U)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 9:29:23 PM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		3 pages of our time wasted on one pathetic man who, after cheeting on his wife, decides he wants to find a Domme to do what he wants. Likely he has perused internet porn and thinks we are like what he sees there. How little he knows about our lifestyle.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 9:54:16 PM   
azjojoba


Posts: 513
Joined: 2/1/2007
Status: offline 		Collarme isn't the place to find play partners. As you noticed, the young ones are pros and the older ones just want a slave to do housework. Most of them make it clear that you won't get sex.

I had some success meeting female dommes on craigslist. It's very surprising who might answer your ad. The problem with CL is that it has been taken over by spam bots. You can count on getting lots of replies now but they are all bots or scams, or both. My guess is that most women have given up at CL because the bots and phoneys are even worse for them.

Like Collarme, CL has very low participation from women over 40.

I can't recommend CL until they can solve the bot problem.

(in reply to discreetsubnyc)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 9:56:22 PM   
azjojoba


Posts: 513
Joined: 2/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: discreetsubnyc

I appreciate your observations.
I am actually specifically looking for an older woman; and it is those of you "who are into that" that I am trying to find (and the nickname and hosting limitations are meant to put all the cards on the table, as it were). I suppose I will keep looking on collarme then.
Thank you


Older female dommes just don't hang out at collarme, except for chatting and complaining about guys like me that want something besides sterile married sex.

Do a search in your area and restrict your search to female dommes over 50 and you will see what I mean. Filter by last time at the site.

(in reply to discreetsubnyc)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 9:59:04 PM   
azjojoba


Posts: 513
Joined: 2/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

It is much better to just come out and say you are married in your profile than to hint at it.

I just had two situations with married men. One I have talked to for some time and one I got involved with. Right on my profile it says no married men. Both presented as single. One says I never asked if he was married and the other said he had never been married and had been married twice and was still married.

I always ask in some way. What is your living situation, who do you live with, what relationships have you been in and when were they. I ask what they are seeking and always, they say they are seeking the same thing I am seeking. lol

So be upfront and forthright with everyone involved, including your spouse. Why cause trouble for any dominant you do find that will be only a bedroom dominant to you, when the spouse finds out and goes on the warpath? Hinting at cards on the table isn't enough.



I agree with you, except for the spouse part. There is no way to have a casual relationship with a dominant woman by hiding marriage status. She will decide if a married man is OK, and if she discovers you are lying it could be big trouble. I would rather be up front in my profile even if it means most women reject me.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 9:59:46 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

quote:

ORIGINAL: discreetsubnyc

I appreciate your observations.
I am actually specifically looking for an older woman; and it is those of you "who are into that" that I am trying to find (and the nickname and hosting limitations are meant to put all the cards on the table, as it were). I suppose I will keep looking on collarme then.
Thank you


Older female dommes just don't hang out at collarme, except for chatting and complaining about guys like me that want something besides sterile married sex.

Do a search in your area and restrict your search to female dommes over 50 and you will see what I mean. Filter by last time at the site.



Yea well I'm sure all the Dommes are lining up to play second fiddle for free. But in case they arent you should pay a ProDomme.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to azjojoba)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 10:01:44 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

Collarme isn't the place to find play partners.

Except that many people do find them here.  Just because no one wants to play with some guy who is cheating on his wife doesn't mean everyone will have the same luck here that you do.

~stef


_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to azjojoba)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 10:03:26 PM   
azjojoba


Posts: 513
Joined: 2/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

Except that many people do find them here.  Just because no one wants to play with some guy who is cheating on his wife doesn't mean everyone will have the same luck here that you do.

~stef



You might be right. I can only speak from my own experience. No doubt there is no tolerance for married men here.

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 10:06:25 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		When the foundation for most of this is trust-cheaters have it hard-since they are liars by default. How would you expect to be treated any different than they do a primary partner?

The only thing that really amazes me is the self deceit they propogate on THEMSELVES in thinking any different. The vast majority here think they are whaleshit.

quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

Except that many people do find them here.  Just because no one wants to play with some guy who is cheating on his wife doesn't mean everyone will have the same luck here that you do.

~stef



You might be right. I can only speak from my own experience. No doubt there is no tolerance for married men here.



_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to azjojoba)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 10:06:34 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		We have all the tolerance in the world for people in poly or open marriages. We dont like liars and cheats is all. We even have 2 married people in a relationship with the consent of their spouses on here and a host of other arrangements where all involved know. Thats all above board and not cheating.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 3/16/2010 10:07:24 PM >

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to azjojoba)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Resources for finding a bedroom domme? - 3/16/2010 10:08:36 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

You might be right. I can only speak from my own experience. No doubt there is no tolerance for married men here.

It's not the marred men who have the problem, it's the married mean cheating on their spouses that do.  What's the upside of getting into a relationship with someone you cannot ever hope to trust?

~stef


_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to azjojoba)
Profile   Post #: 60
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