RE: Can I have some guidance?

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RE: Can I have some guidance? - 4/4/2006 4:27:38 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessShawnie

I have been in a relationship with a man who is a few years older than me for the past few months. When we met, he told me that he was into foot worship but did not mention anything else. I had very little previous experience with anything other than vanilla sex. He keeps telling me he wants me to be his Mistress and calls me this when we are in bed. He tells me everything he wants me to do and he seems to be very concerned of his own needs. He tells me to train him and discipline him. I have yet to have an orgasm but he has had many. I feel like I don't want to play with him anymore as I feel so cheated.

If I continue going out with with him, I need to figure out a way to make this work. I feel totally frustrated and upset with him and I continuously wonder what I am doing with him.

Help!!!

He's Topping from the bottom. Don't let him do that, put him in his rightful place which is at your feet doing what you tell him to do! It's ok for him to express ideas but to be telling you what to do? That's just wrong. He's a *Do me* guy, retrain him or dump him.

~Lashra

(in reply to GoddessShawnie)

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Post #: 21

RE: Can I have some guidance? - 4/4/2006 5:07:50 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

Incredibly articulate answerers here, not much to add except welcome to the forums.

It may take you a few weeks to get your sea-legs in all of this, my first exp was like yours, a "do me" sub who liked to be wrestled into submission, ugh, it was like deciding that I wanted to learn to ride a horse and getting a bucking bronco. Luckily I also had met the most lovely trail horse, sweet, attentive, obedient, ect and he showed me something amazing in that first week, the less he asked for, the more I wanted to give, and the more the other fellow begged for the less I wanted to give.

And suddenly there it was, I got it, and once you get it it never goes away.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to subrob1967)

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RE: Can I have some guidance? - 4/5/2006 2:07:36 PM

fiddlegirl

Posts: 43
Joined: 9/17/2005
Status: offline

Hello Goddess - I'm glad to see you here, and to know that you're benefitting from the input of other dominant women. I do think, though, that the "dump him" advice from several is a little hasty, and that you're being more fair in giving him a chance to live up to your new (or newly articulated) expectations.

Very curious to know how this will turn out - will he find that genuine domination is more than he bargained for, and back out? Or maybe he's been deliberately acting selfish in order to provoke you into getting strict, and he'll now be happier...

Cheers,

Nosey Fiddlegirl

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

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Post #: 23

RE: Can I have some guidance? - 4/5/2006 11:45:55 PM

ServiceNTucson

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Sounds to me like you are really trying to be a top here, not a dominant, and that frankly, he seems content with that.

You could try to explore stuff on your own (being on this group is part of that) to see what you like. Maybe you are vanilla and in that case really you need to stand up for that and demand good old-fashioned vanilla orgasms. If you are kinky, you need to stand up for what turns you on and makes you come.

I'm hoping here you haven't faked any orgasms with him... you need to be honest about that regardless of the flavor of your relationship.

Personally, I wouldn't be in a sexual relationship if I didn't get as many (if not more) orgasms as my partner.

I have to agree with this assessment. He thinks he's a submissive looking to be dominated. In fact, he's a bottom looking to be topped. I don't believe there's anything inherently wrong with that, as long it fulfills the needs of both parties. However, from your post, Goddess Shawnee, it's obviously not doing that.

While I can't provide any links, I'm there's an active and vibrant, real time BDSM community in Toronto. Heck, there's one in Tucson, there must be one in Toronto. My humble advice would be to seek it out, join it and get to know people of all stripes there, Dominants, submissives, Tops, bottoms and switches of every shade. I think you'll learn a lot more there than you'll ever learn online.

_____________________________

Harry

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

Groucho Marx

www.desertdominion.org

(in reply to thetammyjo)

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Post #: 24