BDSM and abuse

BDSM and abuse (Full Version)

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fadedshadow -> BDSM and abuse (3/16/2010 11:50:20 PM)
I have been pondering this for a while now so i'd like to ask you here. It seems that everyone in the lifestyle that i've become good friends with has suffered from abuse in the past. I'm not exception. This got me thinking, is there a link between BDSM and abuse? Like are people who have suffered like this more likely to become more involved in the lifestyle? And i know the lifestyle isn't abusive at all, this was just something i was pondering. Please offer your opinions.

Smutmonger -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/16/2010 11:52:02 PM)
Not me,I am perfectly normal! Wanders off to throw darts at picture of mother.[:D] quote: ORIGINAL: fadedshadow I have been pondering this for a while now so i'd like to ask you here. It seems that everyone in the lifestyle that i've become good friends with has suffered from abuse in the past. I'm not exception. This got me thinking, is there a link between BDSM and abuse? Like are people who have suffered like this more likely to become more involved in the lifestyle? And i know the lifestyle isn't abusive at all, this was just something i was pondering. Please offer your opinions.

fadedshadow -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/16/2010 11:55:38 PM)
so what's your opinion of my post, Smutmonger?

BeMyProperty -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/16/2010 11:56:15 PM)
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2952550/mpage_1/key_abused/tm.htm#2952550 http://www.collarchat.com/m_2769178/mpage_1/key_abused/tm.htm#2769178 http://www.collarchat.com/m_648816/mpage_1/key_abused/tm.htm#648816 http://www.collarchat.com/m_475351/mpage_1/key_abused/tm.htm#475351 http://www.collarchat.com/m_299233/mpage_1/key_abused/tm.htm#299233 and more

myotherself -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/16/2010 11:56:39 PM)
nope, no abuse in my past. Ordinary loving family, lovely 'nilla boyfriends, lots of good, supportive friends. But now I'm a submissive, possibly even slave, masochist. Maybe I'm the exception that proves the rule [:D]

Smutmonger -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/16/2010 11:57:58 PM)
I've seen broken birds and healthy people in this-why do you attract only losers?

fadedshadow -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 12:01:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Smutmonger I've seen broken birds and healthy people in this-why do you attract only losers? i wouldn't call someone who's suffered from abuse a loser. i've been there and i'm flawless =] and i'll reiterate, this is just something i was wondering

WyldHrt -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 12:03:26 AM)
quote: Maybe I'm the exception that proves the rule [:D] Sorry to disappoint, Myo, but you aren't the only one [;)]

Smutmonger -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 12:05:06 AM)
It's the people who spend the rest of thier lives being "professional victims" of it that are the losers dude. quote: ORIGINAL: fadedshadow quote: ORIGINAL: Smutmonger I've seen broken birds and healthy people in this-why do you attract only losers? i wouldn't call someone who's suffered from abuse a loser. i've been there and i'm flawless =] and i'll reiterate, this is just something i was wondering

fadedshadow -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 12:07:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Smutmonger It's the people who spend the rest of thier lives being "professional victims" of it that are the losers dude. if you say it like that then i agree with you. in my case i try not to let it affect who i am now. and personally the people that constantly play the victim kinda piss me off

Smutmonger -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 12:09:44 AM)
The professional victim usually seeks to repeat the past-so they have a continued excuse to not deal with the issue-annoying the living shit out of everyone they meet along the way. quote: ORIGINAL: fadedshadow quote: ORIGINAL: Smutmonger It's the people who spend the rest of thier lives being "professional victims" of it that are the losers dude. if you say it like that then i agree with you. in my case i try not to let it affect who i am now. and personally the people that constantly play the victim kinda piss me off

fadedshadow -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 12:12:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Smutmonger The professional victim usually seeks to repeat the past-so they have a continued excuse to not deal with the issue-annoying the living shit out of everyone they meet along the way. precisely and that's why it kinda pisses me off lol

came4U -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 12:13:35 AM)
quote: I have been pondering this for a while now so i'd like to ask you here. It seems that everyone in the lifestyle that i've become good friends with has suffered from abuse in the past. I'm not exception. This got me thinking, is there a link between BDSM and abuse? Like are people who have suffered like this more likely to become more involved in the lifestyle? And i know the lifestyle isn't abusive at all, this was just something i was pondering. Please offer your opinions. I don't know what you mean by abuse??? Do you imply childhood? or other? If so, no, I was never even spanked as a child, nor punished, pretty well a spoiled brat (go figure lol) , marriage, well, to most he would be considered abusive but I see it as dominant. Always craved only the dominant, perhaps because I never had it from males around me... so, no, not all are abused although if you look for it, sometimes that is all you ever notice. But, I do notice a high number of former child abused (male and female) members., it is disturbing so I tend to avoid it (there are professionals in the real world for that). I personally don't want to have to deal with it., so if it bothers you, avoid it.

itsmeinLV -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 12:20:36 AM)
Hm, speaking strictly about myself, I wasn't abused, per se. At the time I was growing up, corporal punishment wasn't a big thing, everybody I knew growing up at that time was punished almost the same way or another, and it wasn't considered "abuse" but I know that maybe, just maybe, that is why I like spankings so much? Why the question mark? Because I can't self-analyze myself 100% accurately, haha! [:D] I'm sure I'm pretty subservient because of my family though. Now that I am pretty sure about. :p

fadedshadow -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 12:23:51 AM)
came4u, i mean like any kind of abuse. physical, mental, childhood or adult. and istmeinLV, i don't see corporal punishment as abuse as long as it's done correctly. if someone does it to someone else because they're just in a bad mood or whatever and it's against their will then i'd consider that to be abuse. so like yeah

myotherself -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 12:29:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt quote: Maybe I'm the exception that proves the rule [:D] Sorry to disappoint, Myo, but you aren't the only one [;)] you mean this place is full of...of....normal people???? EEEEEWWWW!!!! [:)]

itsmeinLV -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 12:31:11 AM)
So like yeah, nowadays though, a lot of people consider corporal punishment as abuse. And I gotta admit, alot of times I was being "disciplined" now that I look back on it now, I don't think I was being disciplined for the right things, haha. I totally agree with your statement, make no mistake about that. [:D]

Smutmonger -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 12:31:42 AM)
I always thought normal was a setting on the washing machine-wrong again! quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt quote: Maybe I'm the exception that proves the rule [:D] Sorry to disappoint, Myo, but you aren't the only one [;)] you mean this place is full of...of....normal people???? EEEEEWWWW!!!! [:)]

willowspirit -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 12:35:36 AM)
It depends on whether you are talking about people who play at this bdsm - D/s stuff, or if you are talking about people who have solid dominant or submissive personalities. I don't know about people who identify as true sadists or masochists, or Dominants, but from my birth-personality as a submissive female -- yes, I have been abused. I liken it to a flock of sheep... I was the little oddball sheep, who never ran with the flock, circled out around the fringe as they ran, pondered everything which slowed me down, didn't act on typical "flock" instinct, overly patient and tolerent, eager to please, inherently trusting... --- all traits that pedophiles, date-rapists, and other abusive people look for. Finding out who I am and coming out in the lifestyle was the very best thing for me. Self-knowledge is power too. [Edited to add to the list, and to ask about sadists and masochists]

fadedshadow -> RE: BDSM and abuse (3/17/2010 2:05:06 AM)
I'm talking about people who's involved in the lifestyle as much as i am. And though this isn't related to the topic, finding out who i am and coming out in the lifestyle was great for me as well. i feel more whole

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