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Is it possible? - 3/17/2010 6:34:25 PM

confused0992

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Joined: 3/17/2010
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Is it possible for a Dom and a Sub to have both a normal relationship and a Master/sub relationship? For a Master to be kind and caring, loving and supportive in everyday life, but to put a slut in her place and make her feel used in the bedroom? Is it possible to have both with the same person?

Post #: 1

RE: Is it possible? - 3/17/2010 6:42:30 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
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quote:

ORIGINAL: confused0992

Is it possible for a Dom and a Sub to have both a normal relationship and a Master/sub relationship? For a Master to be kind and caring, loving and supportive in everyday life, but to put a slut in her place and make her feel used in the bedroom? Is it possible to have both with the same person?

Yes.

I don't do the "slut" thing personally but my husband and I have a wonderful, caring relationship and we both respect each other very much, and then we have violent primal fight sex and we both love it.

For me it's a sexual role, I tried being a lifestyle sub waaay back when we first met and it didn't work out, I didn't want to give up control and he didn't want to work toward taking it, and I'm glad it didn't work, because I would have ended up leaving what is now a wonderful relationship.

Just work out the boundaries with your partner ahead of time, and remember - what you do in the bedroom is for both of your mutual pleasure and satisfaction. If you get off on being treated a certain way it doesn't make you less of a person.

(in reply to confused0992)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it possible? - 3/17/2010 6:42:37 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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Absolutely, positively YESSSSS!!!!

luci

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(in reply to confused0992)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it possible? - 3/17/2010 6:52:14 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Only if that's what both of you want.
However there is a percentage of men who have that whole Madonna/whore thing going on. And those men aren't capable of acting on their base desires with women whom they love and respect. I would suggest a great deal of communication as to what both of you seek and if you are interested in the other's desires.

Just because some men can do it doesn't mean the man you're seeing can. Better find out.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it possible? - 3/17/2010 6:59:10 PM

confused0992

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Joined: 3/17/2010
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As of right now I’m not with anyone who would be in that kind of relationship with me. I am in a relationship but he isn’t interested in any of this BDSM stuff. I love him very much… but this lifestyle is a part of me, a part I cant ignore.. so im very confused right now…

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it possible? - 3/17/2010 7:10:55 PM

Kana

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If it works for you....

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HST

(in reply to confused0992)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it possible? - 3/17/2010 7:13:49 PM

SadistAndSlave

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Joined: 2/4/2010
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Of course it is! I live that very life! Master not only owns me, but he cares and isn't afraid to show it. He is by far the best snuggler I have ever met and takes time to let me know that I'm appreciated. I absolutely adore the way we can be cuddling on the couch, watching a movie and then all of a sudden he gets the look.. his eyes get darker and it makes me shiver in the best of ways. He takes care of me when my health is bad and I return the favor, taking care of him the rest of the time. I wouldn't have it any other way.

-Mia
the slave

_____________________________

A Sadist and his slave

" Being your slave what should I do but tend upon the hours, and times of your desire?" - Sonnet 57 William Shakespeare

(in reply to confused0992)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it possible? - 3/17/2010 7:20:30 PM

DWCskitten

Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: confused0992

Is it possible for a Dom and a Sub to have both a normal relationship and a Master/sub relationship? For a Master to be kind and caring, loving and supportive in everyday life, but to put a slut in her place and make her feel used in the bedroom? Is it possible to have both with the same person?

OMG, Yessssssssss!!!!

_____________________________

formerly sweetsub1957.

New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

Proudly Owned property of MasterDWC.

(in reply to confused0992)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it possible? - 3/17/2010 8:01:51 PM

InvisibleBlack

Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: confused0992

Is it possible for a Dom and a Sub to have both a normal relationship and a Master/sub relationship? For a Master to be kind and caring, loving and supportive in everyday life, but to put a slut in her place and make her feel used in the bedroom? Is it possible to have both with the same person?

Of course it's possible. Is it possible with anyone? No. Is it possible with everyone? No.

But is it possible to find someone who will both care for you and be supportive of you in your day-to-day existence but want a submissive at home or in the bedroom? Of course! For some, that's the ideal world!

_____________________________

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

(in reply to confused0992)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it possible? - 3/17/2010 8:12:24 PM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SadistAndSlave
Of course it is! I live that very life! Master not only owns me, but he cares and isn't afraid to show it. He is by far the best snuggler I have ever met and takes time to let me know that I'm appreciated. I absolutely adore the way we can be cuddling on the couch, watching a movie and then all of a sudden he gets the look.. his eyes get darker and it makes me shiver in the best of ways. He takes care of me when my health is bad and I return the favor, taking care of him the rest of the time. I wouldn't have it any other way.

This very much describes my relationship with my Owner. It's possible and quite delicious.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to SadistAndSlave)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it possible? - 3/17/2010 8:40:34 PM

ricken

Posts: 261
Joined: 1/11/2010
Status: offline

I have to add another YES here. My relatioship is very much like that. We taked about this very thing early on. So far this is one of the most caring, positive relationships I've had, and I just love slaping that little sluts ass.

(in reply to lucylucy)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it possible? - 3/17/2010 9:41:03 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I think the underlying presumption you are working with is one that many new subs/slaves have; that the expected default type of M/s relationship is one where the M-type is aloof, detached, emotionally reserved and overtly stoic.

Some of the most inspiring M/s relationships I'm familiar with are precisely the antithesis of that.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to confused0992)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it possible? - 3/17/2010 10:15:23 PM

alhamdullilah

Posts: 81
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline

I think the question is whether it's possible for you to have that kind of relationship with one person and whether he is that person. Does that describe the ideal relationship, as far as you're concerned? (Oh, and I wasn't being rhetorical. I'm curious. You're confused, I'm curious... so, you know, I thought I'd inquire! :)

(in reply to confused0992)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it possible? - 3/18/2010 2:34:02 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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It's working quite well in my world...

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to alhamdullilah)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it possible? - 3/18/2010 2:59:56 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: confused0992

As of right now I’m not with anyone who would be in that kind of relationship with me. I am in a relationship but he isn’t interested in any of this BDSM stuff. I love him very much… but this lifestyle is a part of me, a part I cant ignore.. so im very confused right now…

There's no law saying you HAVE to call it BDSM, M/s or anything else. I'm assuming you want things to extend beyond the bedroom into all aspects of your life...

Why does it have to be fetishistic? Why not talk to him about how you know it's old fashioned, but you really enjoy just looking after him and doing little favours and stuff?

Bedroom-wise, you're on your own, pretty much. If he's not into the rough stuff, maybe he'd enjoy roleplay, if not that, then how about some light bondage? The possibilities are endless without googling for gimp suits, dungeons and local munches.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to confused0992)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it possible? - 3/18/2010 3:44:45 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

For me, absolutely yes - in fact, for me it's pretty much essential, that said.. DesFTP is on the nail here...

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Only if that's what both of you want.
However there is a percentage of men who have that whole Madonna/whore thing going on. And those men aren't capable of acting on their base desires with women whom they love and respect. I would suggest a great deal of communication as to what both of you seek and if you are interested in the other's desires.

Just because some men can do it doesn't mean the man you're seeing can. Better find out.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it possible? - 3/18/2010 4:14:49 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Define 'normal'.... the M/s dynamic is normal for THIS household. The Dynamic is no less in place when We are getting the shopping than when I have her tied to the bed.

If you are asking about "Bedroom only submission"... of course it is possible, you just need to find someone compatible.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it possible? - 3/18/2010 5:07:35 AM

FelineFae

Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Define 'normal'.... the M/s dynamic is normal for THIS household. The Dynamic is no less in place when We are getting the shopping than when I have her tied to the bed.

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(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it possible? - 3/18/2010 5:14:54 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: confused0992

Is it possible for a Dom and a Sub to have both a normal relationship and a Master/sub relationship? For a Master to be kind and caring, loving and supportive in everyday life, but to put a slut in her place and make her feel used in the bedroom? Is it possible to have both with the same person?

As much as I abhor the word "slut", yes, that pretty much sums up what I look for in an M/s relationship....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to confused0992)

Post #: 19

RE: Is it possible? - 3/18/2010 7:03:41 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

OP, you just described a situation in which you have a bedroom D/s dynamic. While I do agree that it is possible, I suspect that you just need to experience more, both vanilla and BDSM, before you get your ideal. And before you truly understand what you want.

You can serve in numerous ways, and not all of them are sexual. Simply making up a breakfast is a submissive, giving act. And yet it's completely vanilla.

Note that there is a dynamic called Domestic Discipline (aka HoH, TiH) in which he sets the rules outside the bedroom and you follow them or face punishment, but it looks vanilla to the outside world.

Try things. See what works for you and him. Experiment till you get it down.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 20

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