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RE: Is it possible? - 3/18/2010 8:04:03 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

Is it possible for a Dom and a Sub to have both a normal relationship and a Master/sub relationship?

As you express it - no.

Your statement applies abnormal to the 'Master/sub relationship'. Is that the image you have of that part of your relationship? Why isn't a Master "kind and caring, loving and supportive" while putting "a slut in her place..."? Why is that outside what you, or your partner, consider "normal"?

The problem with having that concept in mind and segregating distinct characters to portray in roles is that both characters have to time it so that they are both in the mood to act in accordance of the role compatible with their partner's desires and moods. The relationship relies on synchoronicity.

Satisfying a partner's 'forbidden' fantasies, seeing them as abnormal, or on some level feeling guilty for enjoying a sensation regarded by others as 'abnormal' ultimately generates a feeling of resentment. Perhaps it could be achieved for a short period of time; but long term, as long as even one side distinguishes one of the roles as 'abnormal' it won't last.

What you and your partner share and enjoy should be considered by both of you as 'normal' regardless of what it is.

Giving only my opinion of course.

Good luck!

(in reply to confused0992)

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RE: Is it possible? - 3/18/2010 8:21:25 AM

confused0992

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Joined: 3/17/2010
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I think i worded something wrong. Im not just looking for a bedroom thing. Hmmmm how can i put this... A Master, but a marriage. I Want someone to serve, full time, but i also want to get married, and have kids.

And as for the bf i have right now, he isnt a Dom, i think he is quite submissive himself... I love him very much, but i need more than the normal 50/50 relationship...

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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Post #: 22

RE: Is it possible? - 3/18/2010 1:51:25 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

OP, you just described a situation in which you have a bedroom D/s dynamic. While I do agree that it is possible, I suspect that you just need to experience more, both vanilla and BDSM, before you get your ideal. And before you truly understand what you want.

Whoa, I think you're interpretting that waaaay too literally - and maybe negatively, too....

I said 'yes' because it's defined by the mood I happen to be in; NOT which room I'm standing in.

Focus.

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Post #: 23

RE: Is it possible? - 3/18/2010 8:49:41 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: confused0992

Is it possible for a Dom and a Sub to have both a normal relationship and a Master/sub relationship? For a Master to be kind and caring, loving and supportive in everyday life, but to put a slut in her place and make her feel used in the bedroom? Is it possible to have both with the same person?

Yes, it is possible. My relationship is like this...we fulfill each other's needs no matter what area they are in with the underlying structure of D/s. He leads, I follow, we love each other, we have each other's best interests at heart, and we absolutely tear the bedroom up when we get the chance. We live the way you described and it works very well for us.

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Post #: 24

RE: Is it possible? - 3/18/2010 9:38:06 PM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: confused0992

I think i worded something wrong. Im not just looking for a bedroom thing. Hmmmm how can i put this... A Master, but a marriage. I Want someone to serve, full time, but i also want to get married, and have kids.

And as for the bf i have right now, he isnt a Dom, i think he is quite submissive himself... I love him very much, but i need more than the normal 50/50 relationship...

You can definitely find that. My Dom and I have a loving, wonderful, committed relationship, but he's still the boss 24/7.

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Post #: 25

RE: Is it possible? - 3/19/2010 4:36:17 AM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
OP, you just described a situation in which you have a bedroom D/s dynamic. While I do agree that it is possible, I suspect that you just need to experience more, both vanilla and BDSM, before you get your ideal. And before you truly understand what you want.

Whoa, I think you're interpretting that waaaay too literally - and maybe negatively, too....

I said 'yes' because it's defined by the mood I happen to be in; NOT which room I'm standing in.

Focus.

Focus, I agree with you on this. My relationship is ALWAYS D/s and yet I think it does fit what confused is talking about. In no way is our dynamic limited to the bedroom (or any other room). My Owner is always my Owner and I am always his property. Sometimes that's apparent by what we're doing physcially, but often it's not apparent at all to anyone else because it's happening invisibly.

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“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

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Post #: 26

RE: Is it possible? - 3/19/2010 8:09:43 AM

PrimalConsonance

Posts: 463
Joined: 7/11/2009
From: Southern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: confused0992

Is it possible for a Dom and a Sub to have both a normal relationship and a Master/sub relationship? For a Master to be kind and caring, loving and supportive in everyday life, but to put a slut in her place and make her feel used in the bedroom? Is it possible to have both with the same person?

I have a few quotes I wanted to share:

"My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I'd hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit." ~Jerry Hall

"Marriage, n. A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two." ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

and one I don't know who coined it first: " A lady in public and a whore in the bedroom..."

As with any relationship, I'm more than confident that you can have both...

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

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Post #: 27

RE: Is it possible? - 4/27/2010 2:32:58 PM

dragon200070

Posts: 93
Joined: 2/9/2010
Status: offline

Absolutely it is possible. My sub does call me "sir" in public sometimes. But we exist as equals, untill we're in the bedroom then it's "Master".

Jeff

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Post #: 28