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Do your fantasies match your real interests and turn-ons? - 3/17/2010 11:09:19 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		This came up in another thread, but I felt that exploring it there would be a bit of a thread hijack.
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
Personally, I've never had a submissive fantasy, and my dominant fantasies are very different from my real life dynamics/style. I feel very fulfilled by the reality of serving my Master, but I don't fantasise about it.

I never thought I'd read anything like that here. You've never had a submissive fantasy - yet you're now happily submissive with a Master? What's more, you still don't have submissive fantasies?

How does that work? Presumably, you had desires to be submissive to this man before you became submissive to him. Didn't you have fantasies that were prompted by those desires? I'm baffled!

Perhaps I was using "fantasy" too narrowly. I specifically meant the kind I use when I'm alone and getting off. I have bottomed in fantasies, but with me explicitly still in control. I've added a few things here and there, but mostly, they haven't changed much in years, and I have found that sharing them, even when I get a positive reaction, tends to suck a lot of the hotness out of them. I couldn't use those particular fantasies again for at least a couple of months, and there's one that still doesn't work years later, even though it used to be quite reliable. Also, I fantasise about women at least 3/4 of the time, but in reality, I'm far more attracted to men. I bottomed for years before the first time I reacted submissively, and when I did, it caught me by surprise. My last relationship was for 3 years as a submissive, so this time, I was open to Dominants or Masters as well as men of other orientations, but I was very up-front that I couldn't know whether or not I could submit to a specific man until I'd interacted with him. I didn't fantasise about submitting to my Master - he pulled my hair, bit me, and I went weak in the knees. Of course, I submit to him in lots of other ways, outside of play. He doesn't expect me to fantasise about him hurting me when I'm not with him - if I do, that's fine, but if not, whatever works for me in my imagination is fine with him. He wouldn't expect me to get off to thinking about scrubbing the tub or cleaning the catbox or cooking dinner, either, even though I feel very submissive and useful and content when I do those things for him.

In the broader sense, sometimes just thinking about something he's done, or something he's planning to do does arouse me, or gives me a delicious feeling of submission. Sometimes I read about an activity, and want to try it, or think it sounds hot, or even get a bit turned on, but they just don't figure in the other kind of fantasy.

Anyway, I've seen a lot of people say that they fantasise about things they don't really want to do, or that are physically impossible, or that they feel would be unethical. Is there anyone else who *doesn't* fantasise about things that *do* turn you when you actually do them?

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 3/17/2010 11:43:15 PM >
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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/17/2010 11:12:28 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		I get off on Dolcett-but know I can't do that.

Especially with Martha Stewart.

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/18/2010 4:37:21 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't think I've ever fantasized about nonsexual submission. I like pairing up his socks and finding them when he complains he's out of socks and didn't he just buy some more but that wouldn't turn me on. Fantasy for me is for sexual purposes and always includes sex and bondage, but that's what I like in real life also. However I do fantasize about stuff more edgy than I can handle. In my imagination nothing goes wrong, in reality I have emotional triggers that will ruin it.

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/18/2010 4:56:19 AM   
ownedbyPF


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline 		I totally get what you are saying! I don't fantasize.... I know that sounds weird. :) I know I used to, before I was with my Master, but I stopped somewhere along the line. First of all I'm not actually allowed to get myself off.. I have to wait for him. This is actually not that difficult for me because I found in the beginning of our relationship, when I could, I stopped even wanting to.  I would "finish" and it just left me feeling all empty and aching for him. If I could now and did, I'd probably just think about stuff we do anyhow.
I noticed it at some point around 6 months and thought wow...  I don't have fantasies running through my head anymore. Like you said I might read something and think, oh that sounds kinda hot and tell him about it, but that's the extent of it. I think about sex, but again I think about things we do.... what he did to me last night etc. And yeah it's usually when I'm running around the house cleaning for him, feeling all content that my mind drifts there. And it isn't in a fantasy way, it's in a mmmmm that was so hot... hope he does it again tonight  
I think it's just because I'm so fulfilled now. I mean my reality is so great, emotionally, and physically, it's everything I ever dared to hope for and more... so what would I fantasize about?
~s

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/18/2010 4:59:27 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		The thing is that i am always in control of my own fantasies, even when i fantasise about totally submitting, my fantasy Tops obviously always do everything exactly as required... i never suffer from a character who all at the sudden starts some weird behaviour unless i think it up for them.

The things that turn me on in real live are generally much tamer than the things i fantasise about. I think that is rather good.

A while ago i saw link here to a webpage with pictures of tentacle rape (first time i encountered that phenomena) ... i got strangely turned on looking at the pictures...
I would not even know where to start making that a reality, thank god... the last thing i fancy is being raped by a weird creature with lots of willies... the thought is ok though.

Then again there have been real life encounters that were so steamy hot i still use them on occasion to get off, and these encounters were indeed not necessarily occasions that i had fantasised about before they happened.

i like diversity though, i could never just have one fantasy and always use that to get off... that is just a bit too samey for my taste and would not reflect my different moods.

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/18/2010 5:04:11 AM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

However I do fantasize about stuff more edgy than I can handle. In my imagination nothing goes wrong, in reality I have emotional triggers that will ruin it.


I agree with that part, though sometimes for me it's emotional triggers and sometimes it's just a question that I don't think the reality could live up to the fantasy.

Now getting back to the OP's very specific question:

quote:

Is there anyone else who *doesn't* fantasise about things that *do* turn you when you actually do them?


I think I can relate to this on a certain level. I'm not saying it never happens, I'm just saying that I'd most likely fantasize about something that is unlikely to happen and focus on actualising something that I actually want to happen.

That doesn't mean that I won't have a moment of reverie, it just means that I'll spend very little time dwelling on how lovely it would be or building it up in my mind and spend more time on trying to find a way to do it.

Now what about that initial spark, that initial desire that pushes me towards wanting to do something. That might defined by some as a fantasy as I'm using my imagination, I'm conceptualizing, I'm conjuring something up. But that is likely to not remain a fantasy for long and will become a reality soon.

Which brings me to the next point of how soon is soon. I'm currently single and have very little desire for casual play. So for now, most of these ideas will be shelved. I guess I could say that I don't fantasize about them as I'm not dwelling on them. But they are there, waiting to be unleashed.

- LA

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/18/2010 5:14:47 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Can't say there are any fantasy's I have where the actions involved are things I wouldn't do.. or don't do... or have done. ... Can't say the same about the people in them though... I think the chances of Me having pink or liv tayler on their knees at My feet are likely to remain in the realms of fantasy.

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/18/2010 5:42:37 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hell, I fantasize about whatever is turning me on at that moment. I don't know about anyone else, but my fantasies run in grooves. An idea or act will get stuck in my head and hold tremendous appeal to me (It can even be a body part-I spent a year obsessed with that curving line of bone right over a womans hips) for a limited time before I move onto the next one. Recent kicks have ranged from gangbangs, bukkake,lesbianism, sever caning and/or public displays of humilation.
Now some of these I do or have done and plan to do again (Whips, chains, screams, bondage, anal, oral, clamps, etc...). Others fascinate me but I wouldn't do for various reasons, mostly having to do with social diseases. Then there are the fantasies that in a million billion years I would never consider making a reality because frankly they are just way the fuck to far out there.


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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/18/2010 5:46:02 AM   
FelineFae


Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline 		The actions within my fantasies are pretty standard, things Master and i do IRL, but the wardrobe and settings are a tad more interesting.

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/18/2010 6:17:16 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		my fantasies are mostly rough sex, capture and capitulation, or being seduced into doing things that hadn't occured to me. Submissive fantasies rarely do a thing for me. I never get off on dreaming I am in servitude. My real life is rough sex, capture and capitulation, and being seduced into enduring things that would not have occured to me. And I find that if I am partnered with someone who sparks the submissive cues, those feelings of finding submission hot are overwhelming. But, I don't fantasize about them. The rough sex, capture... ect are still what get me going.

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/18/2010 7:07:52 AM   
afterforever


Posts: 315
Joined: 6/12/2008
From: Belfast, NI
Status: offline 		Ooh, I like Missokyst's fantasies. Most of mine are the same, capture, rough sex, bit of light pain. There are a few that are a bit out there though, likely to cause permanent damage that I'm never likely to try. Someone biting off my labia during rough sex has no appeal in real life, but it's a regular occurence in my head.

quote:

Is there anyone else who *doesn't* fantasise about things that *do* turn you when you actually do them?


Despite the odd fantasy that is too edgy and a bit weird, I find that my fantasies generally include less pain than turns me on in real life. I don't usually fantasise about prolonged sessions of impact play, I think it's too repetitive when it's only happening in your head, but in real life gets me totally wet.


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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/18/2010 8:29:01 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		ranja, of course you're in control of what happens in your fantasies! I meant that when I have bottomed in my fantasies, I specifically ordered the other person to for example, pull my hair, or hit me in a particular way as part of the fantasy, rather than submitting or even just bottoming the way I usually have. The only time that I've micromanaged it that way is with a newbie who felt they needed direction/encouragement to start out.

Raven, I didn't mean fantasies that didn't match reality in *that* sense, otherwise it would apply to everyone who is single!

ownedbyPF, thank you for sharing that - I hope the two of you have many wonderful years together! Missokyst and afterforever, I also found your posts particularly helpful.

LA, I think that makes sense - why bother fantasising about things that you can actually *do*? ;

For me, I think it's more that submission is so linked to the specific person, and combined with such a sense of *not* being in control, that it's hard for me to re-create that mindset in fantasy where I am in control of what is happening. I'm not sure why I don't even fantasise usually about bottoming, even the things that really do it for me in person just don't make it in there. I might try experimenting with it a little deliberately, to see if I can expand my range a bit. I just hadn't really thought about it much until Peon asked me to clarify.

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/18/2010 3:02:57 PM   
MsMillgrove


Posts: 260
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline 		To answer OP's question, are there things that you don't fantasize about that turn you on when you can actually do them... I'd say that the things that turned me on.. which I had not fantasized were those that I had no idea would be exciting.

In my community I go to demos and seminars on topics that I have zero interest in pursuing--or at least that is what I think Before I go. So I've never fantasized for example that i would cut someone. This did not appeal to me. But when I had a chance to hold a scalpel, to see what carving on someone is really like. All of a sudden I am passing out.. and Not at the tiny bits of blood.

Becuase i discovered as others probably knew, you can tape the scalpel edge, it prevents you from cutting any further than the depth you've set with the tape, this means that if you want to decoratively 'scratch' a design, chances are pretty good there won't even be a scar later. (depends on individual)

My point is that I had no idea how 'hot' this activity was, once the danger of doing damage had been removed. I've hurt myself more on rose bush thorn scrapes, or cat clawing.. than I could ever do with a taped scalpel in hand. This just amazes me. Everything I've observed or tried in these ventures into the educational
opportunities of my community, has taught me something important, and has added a lot of rich fantasies to my life... that I didn't have.. before.

The fantasies that entertain me the most are impossible... even tho I live in a virtual world where many "impossibles" can be achieved.. even there I cannot have the kind of super powers that I bestow on myself for the best fantasies. For example, I have the superpower to make anyone, in the world, get down on their knees before me and do whatever I wish. This comes in handy during those very tedious meetings where someone is an asshole. I immediately get them down on their knees (in my mind) and many tortures appropriate to their crime of boring the shit out of me..or whatever.. will proceed. hehehehe

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/18/2010 3:30:37 PM   
AmHypnotic


Posts: 12
Joined: 8/1/2008
Status: offline 		I would actually say that yea, my real interests and fantasies, for the most part, match.

Most who are hypno-enthusiasts like myself have fantasies that gear toward mind control, with the knowledge that it can't be taken that far, and shouldn't even if it could.  One can "simulate" mind control by playing to the subject's fantasies, if the subject so chose, but the hypnotist can never live that fantasy as a reality, it's always an illusion to the hypnotist.  Personally, I'm fine with this, my fantasies are actually quite down to earth.

The independent submissive woman that no one would offhand think "Oh, she's a sub" willingly submitting to me and enjoying her hottest fantasies as reward.  Every fantasy getting a little more specific and unique to her, rather than a general "passionate BDSM and/or sex session," with various forms of training thrown into the mix.

The only difference between the fantasy and reality, really, is that the reality requires negotiation, while in the fantasy the negotiation "already happened."

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/18/2010 3:55:12 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		There are several things I love to fantasize about but dislike in real life.  Similarly there are many things that work well in real life, but not so much in fantasy.

Often, people have fantasies about more pain than they actually enjoy.  Or like he idea of anal sex but seriously dislike it in real life.  Then there are the slave/mind control things that work great in people's mind but just plain get BORING in real life.



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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/19/2010 8:12:52 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		MsMillgrove, a lot of the things I've loved have taken me suprise, I hadn't expected to like them so much! Others were sparked by a post like yours, where something sounds particularly wonderful. My Master and I have had some interest in cutting play, but haven't engaged in it yet due to safety concerns, and not wanting permanent marks, so that might be something that we can research and find a class or someone to work with us locally.

AmHypnotic, that's just it, though - a lot of my fantasies *aren't* ones I want fulfilled, and just sharing them in detail makes them pop like soap bubbles!

Thanks, StrongSpirit! I agree, sometimes things are boring in reality but not in our heads, or the other way around.

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/19/2010 8:27:34 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		This is an interesting question for me.

My personal fantasies often match my realities pretty well, when i get to experience them. However i find that i adopt other's fantasies, and find them really hot, pretty easily - to the point where i wonder if it really is one of my own that i just never recognized before - or if it's just that i have such a deep rooted need to please.

Case in point - i was chatting with a friend the other night about a fantasy that he has, and it was something i had never even thought about as "hot" before. i had never even considered his fantasy before at all. But as we were chatting i found myself thinking up new and different spins to it, and offering them to him to consider - it really got him very excited, and me too. And he asked me, "is this really a fantasy of yours, or are you just assisting me with my fantasy because you are so wired to be pleasing?"

And i couldn't really answer him. i'm still thinking about it.

i do wonder if being pleasing is my core fantasy (and need) and as such every other fantasy just feeds into that, whether i've held it myself or not. i've always considered myself pretty open - but i think that may just be from that core fantasy need of being pleasing, and loving seeing other's having their fantasies fulfilled, especially if i can assist in some way.

As a result, yes, i have experienced many things which i never fantasized about before and loved them - but again i think it is because i love being pleasing in general, not because that the fantasy itself actually pushed my buttons. Still thinking about it though.

~Edited for clarity~

< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 3/19/2010 8:42:44 AM >

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"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/19/2010 11:24:13 AM   
HeathenMa1am


Posts: 48
Joined: 1/29/2010
Status: offline 		My current interests in doing things real time and my current fantasies coincide. However, when I read a story I wrote when I identified as a sub (which I do when I'm trying to edit them for publication) they still turn me on. After I read that I might fantasize about the characters for a bit, and that would place me in the position of fantasizing about things I would no longer actually want to do. However, left to my own thoughts without such input, I don't generally imagine things I'm no longer interested in actually doing.

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/19/2010 11:38:07 AM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		I consider myself very lucky that I've done most of my fantasies.
Now I'd like to go back and do them allllll over again . . . with yesterday's body but with today's experience!
The favourite that will likely remain unreplicated is two str8 guys: just not as safe as it was in college: le sigh! It was an ideal situation since each of the pairs were friends with each other, and ended friends. Probably not so much luck as carefully choosing good men.

Two fantasies left which will likely remain unfulfilled: Taking Henry Rollins and a str8 Kiwi rugby lock: separately or together!
But to paraphrase Browning: A woman's reach should exceed her strapon/Or what's a heaven for?

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RE: Do your fantasies match your real interests and tur... - 3/19/2010 5:26:18 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I've stuck with a cute little saying that I've had for some time.  I don't have fantasies.  I have goals.

That is rather specific to the way I fantasize.  It's generally related to what I've done or an obtainable situation that is possible to do.  The impossible, say a dozen cabana boys on the moon, doesn't do it for Me.  I'd have to say that I'm the same way regarding people.  Random guy on the street, even if he's extremely attractive, doesn't really do that much for Me.  Someone that I know I can seduce...... Way hotter for Me.  (What can I say?  I like power.)


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