RE: Total Dom or not, which is better?

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RE: Total Dom or not, which is better? - 3/20/2010 4:20:45 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

DesFIP, I disagree that it has to be "all or nothing." Many submissives give control over certain aspects of their life, but not others, or have anything which interferes with their job or kids as a limit. I think it's perfectly reasonable for the specific couple to find the specific dynamic that works for them.

Anda, you misread me. I said she could give over total control of certain areas and not of others. He could decide which panties she is to wear everyday if he wanted to and control that area. He could decide when her bedtime is to be and insist she be there ontime barring a sick kid emergency. Which doesn't mean she has to hand over her paycheck, that she should keep to herself. However if he's a better money manager she could let him make out a budget for her to stick to. Total control of some areas, not touching others such as child rearing.

What she can't do is allow him to pick panties on Monday and on Tuesday decide he doesn't have the right to do so. As long as it's within parameters that allow her to work and rear her child of course.

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RE: Total Dom or not, which is better? - 3/20/2010 7:45:34 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: twisty

I geuss I should also have said we dont live together yet, we want to make sure we fit together before we do move in together. Some of the things that I always thought was a slave- sub thing to be doing like cooking he loves to do, so he does these things.

Welcome to REAL D/s not the wanker B/s that so many are trapped in.

I love cooking, there was only one woman in my life who I let consistently cook for me, she was also the only one I had order my food for me when we went out to a fancy restaurant. I always liked what she ordered better than what I ordered so I got tired of wanting her food more than mine. In a REAL relationship, you harness the strengths each bring to the relationship rather than forcing each other into some cookie cutter stereotypical roles OTHER people created...create your own.

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RE: Total Dom or not, which is better? - 3/21/2010 12:47:21 AM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

It is better to know yourself, know your preferences, and own them.
It is better to express to your partner who you really are and what your preferences are.
It is better to accept what your partner will and will not resonate with, after being informed of how you feel.

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Post #: 23

RE: Total Dom or not, which is better? - 3/21/2010 2:25:25 AM

Fitznicely

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Joined: 10/18/2006
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We have two little ones, I love to cook and actively keep her out of the kitchen, I choose her clothes, perfumes, underwear, diet, bedtimes...pretty much everything, within reason.

Twisty, I can understand his reluctance to take the D/s out of the bedroom. It's difficult enough to being a new man into a single parent family anyway, without the chance of them seeing mum kow-towing to this "intruder". However, it is possible. My situation is, obviously, very different, but I still make it very clear that mum is very much a voice of authority, that WE are the bosses of the household, even though SHE knows I am.

It's not just a delegation of control, it's a necessary part of raising healthy, well balanced kids.

You've had some damn good advice so far, and I'd echo each piece. What I'd add is that if you both feel the D/s in your hearts, it doesn't matter one bit if your daytime dynamic seems utterly vanilla. D/s is the strong current that runs under the calm stream.

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RE: Total Dom or not, which is better? - 3/21/2010 8:26:24 AM

DomBlade64

Posts: 105
Joined: 3/14/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: twisty

I don't know what to do. My Dom says he will be a Dom in the bed room, which is I know safer to do, but I crave at time the Total Dom in all. Telling me how to do things & how he wants things. At times I don't feel like I'm a sub-slave at all with him. Which would be better?

Just keep asking him what he wants to do throughout the day and what he wants to eat/drink etc... Then keep doing it for him until he starts taking advantage of your "generosity" then you will be hearing "Go get me this." or "Bring me my....." alot more often.