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Long Distance - 3/20/2010 7:39:39 AM   
Kapenakpua


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/15/2010
Status: offline 		First Posting -- W/we are new to this, so many Questions.Some background, I am in the military, W/we have been married for 29 years, no kids in the house, so I'll start with what has Me most concerned, and go from there. This started for U/us several months ago, she being the one who brought it to my attention, that she had been desiring this for quite sometime, but was afraid to brooch the subject of being a sub or slave to me or anyone else. I was'nt made aware, fully, until October of her wanting this as a fulltime way of life (24/7) I deployed shortly after this "discovery". So First question: How does one relate to His slave from a long distance point of view? she already "updates" Me everyday with daily routine things and I do chat with her almost everyday.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Long Distance - 3/20/2010 7:45:40 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		You can have her order her day according to your wishes, so that she's low maintenance for you. That's what I would do, since you're a little busy right now. I'll PM you, hooah.

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(in reply to Kapenakpua)
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RE: Long Distance - 3/20/2010 7:48:55 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Just get in the military mindset, you communicate with troops by radio, right? How do you know what you want done is done? Your information can be in any form you wish, and perhaps several media at once, phone sattellite pics, letters... when is the last time the car chrome and windows have been polished with fine steel wool to a high luster? Dude, that home and ALL property including that woman should be wicked strak when you get home or else.

See this too:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2977945/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#2977945

Hope it helps.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Kapenakpua)
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RE: Long Distance - 3/20/2010 8:08:45 AM   
Kapenakpua


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/15/2010
Status: offline 		Ron I did check the link you sent all good advice. she does take very good care of my vehicle while its not being driven by Me. As for the military mindset< I have that and have, upon occasion used that as a means to an end. As stated this "came out of the closet" shortly befor I deployed, and I still have 9 months befor I re-deploy. Thanks so far

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Long Distance - 3/20/2010 8:51:26 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		First, thank you for your service.  We're a military family too, so I understand the issues that you face.  It's a little early for Me, so I'll try to cover what I think you're asking. 

I'm not quite sure by your follow up comment if you are currently home or not.  If the two of you are separated by distance currently, My first suggestion to you would be to look at ways you can implement your M/s electronically.  For example, if when you are home, the ritual you have for her to greet you each day is to kneel in front of you, have her express that to you in some way as a greeting at the beginning of each email she sends.  Rather than saying "Dear Loving Husband" have her begin all of her emails by saying "Master, I wish I was kneeling in front of you".  It may sound silly to some, but what you are actually doing is keeping her in a submissive mindset.

Since she's the one at home, I'd suggest that you keep her routine as much as the same as when you are together as possible.  Give her tasks that remind her that she is submissive and specifically submissive to you.  Give her instructions such as, on Thursday of a given week, she's to cook your favorite meal or Saturday she's to bathe with your favorite scent of oil.  Give her task such as quiet contemplation of ten minutes in the evening at a certain time where she is to think of you and only you.  Tell her that you want her to masturbate on a specific night of the week.  You specifically mentioned that you have no kids and you've been married to this woman for years.  You know her and you know her schedule.  Find the things that you know will work.  Every time she does one of these tasks for you, she drops you an email to let you know that your wishes were carried out.

By the way, this kind of stuff is actually good for you, too.  While deployed, it helps to ease your boredom and it allows you to be creative.  It's a heck of a lot more fun to think of your wife doing the things that please you rather than the tedious stuff that happens in the sandbox, right? 

One other suggestion that I would throw your way is for each of you to do some reading.  There's a great list of books on this thread http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm   You might be interested in reading some of them while you are away so you can get ideas of the things you would like to put into place when you come home.  Have her do some reading too, so she can convey to you what interests her in all of this. 

I'd like to wish you the best of luck and a safe return home.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Kapenakpua)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Long Distance - 3/20/2010 9:31:02 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		You can relate to her by guiding her and giving her structure - the long distance doesn't really matter in some ways.

Set up whatever chores you want her to do or personal things she is to do...shaving, wearing underwear, how to keep her hair...and then follow up on it from time to time. I lose interest if the things I'm asked to do don't seem to matter at all to my Dom and after he asks me to do something...he never checks up on it again. Have you gotten a collar for her yet or looked at them? Ask for her input on what she'd like and make it a mutual choice or just order one and have it sent to her. Tell her when you want it on her neck- like whenever she's home in the house alone and then make sure to ask her from time to time if it's on or comment on her wearing it if you get cam time.

Show concern for her personal welfare - like if you notice she's staying up too late then set a bedtime. You're not there to help her fill her time so ask her to read a book and give you a short report on it, or take a class at the local community college to better her skills in something. I'm not sure if she works or how much extra time she has but my Dom has pushed for me to go back to school and besides making my own life better by paving the way to a new career this shows me how much he cares about me and reinforces his leadership position in our relationship. He checks with me on if I do my homework, and how my papers/tests were graded...it's very satisfying for both of us.

Have her join a gym or use the treadmill in your house that's gathering dust somewhere then set up a schedule for how you want her to use it and follow up to see if she is. Have her write a daily journal and specify what types of things you want to see in it. She can post it here on CM if she has a profile or somewhere else that you'd have access to read it. If it were on CM or something like that you could write to her there once in a while about something she posted so she has the idea that you're reading it but she isn't sure exactly when.

Tell her to volunteer on base for something that is meaningful for the both of you. Have her drop in and visit a buddy's wife/gf once a month who is also deployed...good for her to have company, good for the other guys wife too. Ask her to plant some flowers to spruce up the yard, and also go around and make a 'honey-do' list of things you can help her with when you get back. Ask her what she had for dinner, if it was fast food then tell her you expect her to be eating something better than that and you want the menus posted in her journal. If she has a fondness for something...art, photography, woodworking...see if you can't encourage her to start looking into learning more about it and eventually taking a class or just go out and do it.

If she's up to it have her attend a local munch to get some ideas for the both of you and become more familiar with things as you are both new. This would be nice if she had someone to go with, see if she could strike up a friendship with other local people. Or if there is a local group for submissives that meets in her area. 

The general idea here is to deepen your leadership role and give her structure while improving both of your lives. A happy, productive person makes a happy, productive submissive which in turn gives all of this back to her Dom. Most of the ideas here were either given to me to do by the man in my life or things we have discussed doing in the future.

(in reply to Kapenakpua)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Long Distance - 3/20/2010 2:31:16 PM   
Kapenakpua


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/15/2010
Status: offline 		LadyPact, thanks for the advice and for Your service too. No Im not home at this time, and when this unfolded it was only a week or two befor I left, so there are no routines....yet! she calls me Kapena and she is My kpua.(she is part Samoan so these have special meaning for U/us) W/we do have children but both are grown adults. I do have "The Topping Book" and have arranged for more to be sent(your link wouldnt open for Me) and lizi she does "socialise" with another of the wives from My unit,they take the dogs to the park and go out to the mall etc, she works from the house doing jewelery for Renn faires, and SCA events. I do make her send Me reports on her daily tasks and, yes she sometimes slips and forgets to do things. which woud lead to a Question...how do I handle "punishment" from 10 timezones away?

(in reply to lizi)
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RE: Long Distance - 3/20/2010 2:36:28 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		I think given that He is married to her it will be very easy. The love of a wife to a husband should cover it plenty. In a way I think thats the best long distance relationship you could have. I dont think long distance between two strangers who have no relation to each other at all could ever work well maybe it could for some but it seems illogical to me. But his marriage to her will mean it will definitely work
Kevin

(in reply to Kapenakpua)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Long Distance - 3/20/2010 3:20:54 PM   
DWCskitten


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
W/we are long distance right now, but will be seeing E/each O/other when i fly to FL next month. Right now, i do things like put myself in a certain position and meditate on my relationship w/ Him at least twice a day, He has given me a set bedtime, i wear/do not wear certain articles of clothing because He tells me to, i check in by text at certain times each and every day, i keep my webcam and sound on constantly so He can keep track of me whenever He wants, i am not to leave my apartment without permission, W/we talk on the phone each night at a certain time & i anxiously wait all day for that time to come, and i keep a journal that i send to Him every day by 9 p.m. (NO later!). There are lots of ways to make the distance seem shorter, You just have to be creative. Good luck!

~kitten~

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RE: Long Distance - 3/20/2010 3:38:19 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kapenakpua

LadyPact, thanks for the advice and for Your service too. No Im not home at this time, and when this unfolded it was only a week or two befor I left, so there are no routines....yet! she calls me Kapena and she is My kpua.(she is part Samoan so these have special meaning for U/us) W/we do have children but both are grown adults. I do have "The Topping Book" and have arranged for more to be sent(your link wouldnt open for Me) and lizi she does "socialise" with another of the wives from My unit,they take the dogs to the park and go out to the mall etc, she works from the house doing jewelery for Renn faires, and SCA events. I do make her send Me reports on her daily tasks and, yes she sometimes slips and forgets to do things. which woud lead to a Question...how do I handle "punishment" from 10 timezones away?

The link was to a book list that is on this site.  Go to the "Alternative Lifestyles in the News" section.  The thread is titled "BDSM Book List" and is a couple of pages back.  (I'm a fan of "The Topping Book" Myself.  LOL.)

As for punishments, I'd suggest two things.  Are you really sure they are punishable offenses that don't have underlying issues?  The other is, you've been married to her for a long time.  You know what is a bad consequence to her.  Does she hate writing essays?  Would taking away masturbation permission be something she'd dislike or would that not matter so much to her?  What privilege would she really miss for a few days if she didn't have it?  Punishments are always unique because you're dealing with a unique individual.  In addition, they have to make sense in regards to what you are punishing her for.  Make the punishment fit the crime kind of thing.  If she didn't obey in making your favorite meal on the day you specified, give her something related to the kitchen cleaning, or take away one of her favorite dishes that she really enjoys for a period of time.

However, I wouldn't get too caught up in the punishment aspects if I were you.  The thing is, you're just starting out and feeling your way.  You can't just suddenly make all of these rules and expect perfection.  Allow for mistakes and a learning period.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Kapenakpua)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Long Distance - 3/21/2010 6:51:15 AM   
Kapenakpua


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/15/2010
Status: offline 		For Me being in the military rules and regs are important, granted that W/we are just starting and those have yet to be set, its all open. I do have some very basic things she must do, like a specified bed time and wake-up, etc. because of the timing when I left she currently has no collar(I have made one to place on her when I go home on leave in 60 days, I do chainmaille!) for the time being she wears cuffs while in the house and wears them to bed as a reminder of her position. And from the suggestion I got about the favorite meal, today she is doing just that making one of my fav's for me. Thanks for all the help so far.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Long Distance - 3/22/2010 4:53:12 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		regarding punishments, you keep a list, she keeps a list, of transgressions and they better match up.

Alot of your punishments from afar are going to be like say 10 hail marys type of thing, but by example, have her wash and vacuum the car or some other such thing, scrub the bathroom, as normal stuff, for punishment she can do it again, even though it was just done.

Then you can have her take a qtip, moisten it, and rub it in 2 corners of the bathroom (lets say) for 4 circles on one end and 2 corners the other, seal it in a way you specify and have her send it to you....you know if shes goofing you.

Have her prepare a study (with graph of electricity use and cost for the last three years) something like that, a budget of spending in detail (in other words, paperwork and legwork and research you can use to better your lives when you get back). Have her arrange your clothing drawers, your shits and pants in the closet by color, sew garment bags for your dress greens and blues ........

Punishment (they called that EXTRA duty, right?) Same principle.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Long Distance - 3/22/2010 1:55:21 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Arranging your shits in the closet by color is a hard limit.

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Long Distance - 3/22/2010 3:14:37 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Backtalk is a hard limit.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Long Distance - 3/22/2010 5:02:19 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		 

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Long Distance - 3/23/2010 10:40:00 AM   
vagabonddom


Posts: 19
Joined: 7/18/2004
Status: offline 		I think it's fantastic that there is the internet now.  I remember sending mail to my sailor which would take 7-14 days to get to him.  Then he would send a reply that would take 7-14 days to get back.  No matter what was happening at home we were cautioned to send only upbeat letters so that they wouldn't worry while out to sea.  Basically for 6 months at a time they were not part of the family at all except for a picture hanging on the wall.  They certainly were not there to make any decisions on anything that cropped up.

Today you do have email and IM.  You can take part in what is happening at home.  You can make the decisions once you are given the necessary facts.  You can be part of the day to day life even while being far away. 

This is the time for you to research and discover how you want your relationship to change.  You need to find out what your comfort level is.  You are not the only couple who has discovered a new way of relating to each other after many years of marriage.  I wish you good luck. 

(in reply to Kapenakpua)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Long Distance - 3/23/2010 1:26:00 PM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline 		Allow me to be a heretic here- you could consider dispensing with the "punishment" concept all together, and trust that 29 years iof marriage will give you both the insight you need to make this work. Expressing disappointment in her may be all she needs to stay the course....... Of course, if she happens to be a masochist, and you happen to be a bit sadistic, you coould save up all the "funishment" spankings for when you get home......

(in reply to vagabonddom)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Long Distance - 3/26/2010 3:20:11 AM   
Kapenakpua


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/15/2010
Status: offline 		well things have come to an abrupt and temporary halt, seems that kpua had a doctors appt and there were some "shadows found" non cancer but tumors none the less. she goes in for the surgery(hysterectomy) on the 29th. yes she has a good support system there and will be fine. and its weird....seems everytime I went to the feild or deployed the kids were the ones having broken arms and stuff, this stuff never happens when I'm home

(in reply to afkarr)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Long Distance - 3/27/2010 5:31:58 PM   
dragon200070


Posts: 93
Joined: 2/9/2010
Status: offline 		Oh my. I've done it long distance for many many years. I do it with women who I've never met. I direct them, tell them to squeeze their tits, etc. I tell them what to wear for our next meeting. If you don't have private computer access, get a cell phone.

Have fun and let your desires roll.

Jeff

(in reply to Kapenakpua)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Long Distance - 3/27/2010 6:23:51 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		Uh-huh. Right.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2444319/mpage_1/key_tuna/tm.htm#2444463

(in reply to dragon200070)
Profile   Post #: 20
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