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RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/21/2010 10:29:03 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaffeineOverRide

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shyla

However, since you are so adament about doing this only with your current partner who is submissive to you, I'll continue on. If my Master/Sire/Daddy casually mentioned one day that he might like me to top him, I would suddenly feel distrustful and insecure. Although it really depends on the dynamics of your own relationship. However, if you are hesitant to bring up your desires with your slave then I would offer that exploring this hesitancy is the FIRST item on the agenda, instead of coming to a group of strangers on how to proceed anyway. Why are you hesitant to express your desire to the person who submits to you? What is the fear that causes you to pause and come here instead of sitting down and talking with him? Are you concerned that even bringing up the topic will change dynamics that are working in your relationship now or in some way be detrimental to your continued interaction with your slave? My polite and concerned suggestion to you would be to do a lot of inward searching on why you are hesitant. Then when you have an answer to that question, you will know how to proceed further.



He is my husband now, so thats why no one else.
I asked strangers because I would like insight.
I do not understand how he gets off on what I do to him really...
I just know it means a lot of trust and he loves it.
He knew when I met him I was not interrested in being bottom, so we have never talked about it.
I'm doing some soul searching, I just thought it would help to think about those on his end, since I have no experience I thought I could ask those who do.
I do not feel he will leave me just because I asked him to take control sometime.... But I know how emotional this stuff gets and just wanted to understand the strength of those emotions. Some people do not seem to care, while others say they will leave the relationship.  We have a strong relationship outside of the lifestyle, guess I am just nervous about how to go about it (like accidently insulting him or something)


If he's your husband, i would think you should be able to honestly talk with him about your desires to be topped, and how you could safely do so with another Dominant.

Being topped doesn't have to be sexual, or "cheating" - it can simply be a physical act of submission and release, especially if you're just interested in "how it feels."

You are correct that there can be a lot of emotion tied up in Dominance and submission, and Ownership - i think if any Owner of mine ever asked me to do this i would always feel different about him from that point on - and i can't say if that's a good thing or not. Having clearly defined roles in the relationship is very important to me, and one of the reasons that i am slave - and him blurring the lines around those roles would be a challenge to wrap my head - and my heart - around.

If i may suggest, it sounds like no matter what you decide, an honest conversation is on the horizon. Good luck to you.

_____________________________

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My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to CaffeineOverRide)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/21/2010 10:37:10 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaffeineOverRide

To be dominated, by you.
I know he has it in him, and I'm interrested, but am not interrested in anyone else.
Curious about how I should go about mentioning it, how he may react, if there is anything I should take into consideration.
Thank you

Edit:
I am the Master, he is my Slave.
I would like him to dominate me every once in awhile.



For me, it depends on what you mean by dominated. Sexually, if he desires it, i can initiate, even be aggressive. But beyond sex, i dont think i have it in me.

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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to CaffeineOverRide)
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RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/21/2010 11:53:28 AM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline 		my reaction would be silence for a moment or so before asking how i should dominate person

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RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/21/2010 12:36:39 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		I"m curious, is this a recent desire to be topped that you haven't had before?

< Message edited by osf -- 3/21/2010 12:37:43 PM >

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RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/21/2010 4:35:37 PM   
PrimalConsonance


Posts: 463
Joined: 7/11/2009
From: Southern New Jersey
Status: offline 		It is vitally important to both of us that we are able to be our authentic selves with each other.  Together we have explored some fairly deep, dark places that would not be possible without the level of trust that we have developed.  So to answer the question, if my Master came to me and wanted me to top him, I would be surprised, certainly, but would gladly do it.


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(in reply to CaffeineOverRide)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/21/2010 4:40:19 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		If he wanted me to dominate him???   *snort*  I'd think his body had been taken over by aliens, lol. 

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/21/2010 7:11:54 PM   
Dominasola


Posts: 582
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Ottawa, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

If he wanted me to dominate him???   *snort*  I'd think his body had been taken over by aliens, lol. 


I second this notion, haha.

If he asked me to dominate him - even if it was just "topping" him ONCE, I think I would run for the hills (in my mind, at least).  I would sincerely try to do whatever he may want me to do, but it would make me so worried and anxious that I wouldn't be able to serve this desire of his well enough because I know that I can't top.  It would just be a bad experience for both of us.


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The measure of a man is what he does with power.

—Pittacus

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/21/2010 8:39:25 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

To be dominated, by you.


genuinely suprised...followed by, probably, more than a little wierd.

it would be a majorly uncomfotable, anxiety-laden "act"...but, His satisfaction and pleasure are paramount...so if that's what He wanted, this slave would do her best to bring Him satisfaction with a stunning performance if begging NOT to be the one chosen to dominate Him didn't change His mind.

(in reply to CaffeineOverRide)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/21/2010 10:32:20 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline 		lol, that reminds me when I suggested it to C-Dom last time ... where he said something a la that this person would have to be extremely good at it (something like that, though he didn't chose the word "good" itself...), so I asked something a la "So?" and got the answer "you ain't one of them "

That being said I doubt that anyone could dominate him...he is too fucking good at it and doesn't give away that power, nor would he ever consider to physically suffer However, if he would ask me I would be very cautious that this might be a trap or so...it's just beyond a possibility with him.

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 3/21/2010 10:33:25 PM >

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(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/22/2010 1:11:51 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaffeineOverRide
OK, I was just corrected on my wording, apologies.
I do not want to be dominated, I just want him to act as top..... I'm seeking advice on how to bring this up and how to go about it.

OK, I'm perhaps confused. You are the master, yes? He is the slave, right? Assuming I've gotten that right then the way you go about this you say to him, "Tonight you will top me in bed." Isn't that the whole gig? The master says do X and the slave does it?

_____________________________

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to CaffeineOverRide)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/22/2010 4:45:35 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		FR

i might be a bit shocked at the request... when i was younger i might not have liked a suggestion like that.

i might need a little time to get used to the idea, but i am open to any sexual activity, so i would definitely give it a shot

i would be a bit nervous as to how to go about dominating, i would probably be a bit insecure and rely heavily on topping from the bottom

ETA after reading thru, i would not advice going outside your relationship at all unless you feel you have no other option, always approach your husband first!!

< Message edited by ranja -- 3/22/2010 5:10:05 AM >

(in reply to CaffeineOverRide)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/22/2010 5:03:54 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaffeineOverRide
OK, I was just corrected on my wording, apologies.
I do not want to be dominated, I just want him to act as top..... I'm seeking advice on how to bring this up and how to go about it.

OK, I'm perhaps confused. You are the master, yes? He is the slave, right? Assuming I've gotten that right then the way you go about this you say to him, "Tonight you will top me in bed." Isn't that the whole gig? The master says do X and the slave does it?


The problem here is that too often we hear of people claiming to be dominant who actually seek to be a  bottom. And they get into a relationship with certain rules and then do a bait and switch.

What if the op decides she wants to submit full time? Telling her husband that she's ordering him to be the dominant won't make it happen. He will feel betrayed and lied to. Beyond that, if he doesn't enjoy being in charge he will resent her and distrust her for lying. Not to mention that some of us aren't sadistic and can't hurt others.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/22/2010 5:19:59 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have no issues topping someone I love if that is what they want. My partners have always been dominant but I don't see anything wrong with taking a top role to please my partner. Notice I said top, not dominant. No part of me wishes to dominate my mate but I will happily beat them if it will bring them pleasure. My role is to make my partner happy, not to prove that I am submissive or that he is and can only be on the top side of our relationship. As I see it it is just another act of service.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/22/2010 5:41:03 AM   
atractivenuisane


Posts: 30
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		"I do not understand how he gets off on what I do to him really... "

That would be you starting point. If he is really into the psychological pieces of things, and things of you as his dominant full-time, the sudden switch may be a problem. You being submissive changes his idea of who you are in his head...it might be like a professed vegan suddenly showing an interest in cheeseburgers.

If he gets off on the physical stimuli, and just really likes the feeling of your hand against his ass, then he may be more open to topping you.

Again, this is an incredibly personal thing. Like many others in the thread, if I was in a relationship with a dominant, it would be a problem for me. If I was just in a relationship that we just happened to have kinky sex once in a while, that would be different. Talk to him, figure out how his mind works a bit, and go from there.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/22/2010 4:44:04 PM   
trueshadow


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		I REALLY dislike such requests.  I am a slave.  I am NOT a top, a Dom or anything close to it.  If I were, I'd be flogging women at parties and having my way with them.

I was born to serve my Superior.  Nothing more, nothing less.  If she wants to be dominated, I'd ask her to ask a Dom she likes to do so.  I wouldn't be happy about it, I suppose, but it's better than acting in a way that I am NOT.

(in reply to CaffeineOverRide)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/24/2010 3:25:38 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		Spoken like a true slave

(in reply to trueshadow)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/24/2010 3:44:04 AM   
delicatelydirty


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/7/2010
Status: offline 		I currently serve a married Dominant , with his wife is also present, although she is neither submissive nor masochistic, she will bottom occasionally to appease him but they chose to look for a submissive play partner (ie myself) so that he could fulfill his truly deliciously evil sadistic urges, when we were discussing our arrangement he discussed how he does on occasion like to bottom but he will have already negotiated the scene with me. I was fine with this as I see it as akin to him requesting a massage or other similar service... If however he just handed me a flogger and some rope and said *have at it* I would probably just look at him like he was from another planet.
My point is as a submissive I see it like someone else mentioned, as providing a service (this is possibly the reason it doesn't work so well when his wife attempts it being neither Dom nor sub she just isnt comfortable with it) just as long as I don't have to come up with the scenario or provide much in the way of pain, I can inflict a little but then I start to feel bad lol.

So if you really want your partner to top you, maybe try suggesting a scenario, keep it fairly simple intially and work you way up. Or you may find that he is like some of the others on here that simply could not top, in which case you either miss out, or you find another to provide that service for you.

(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 3/24/2010 5:00:22 AM   
CaffeineOverRide


Posts: 22
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

If he wanted me to dominate him???   *snort*  I'd think his body had been taken over by aliens, lol. 


This si exactly my worry,LoL.

quote:

I"m curious, is this a recent desire to be topped that you haven't had before?


I've always been interrested about it, but never actually wanted to be topped.


< Message edited by CaffeineOverRide -- 3/24/2010 5:11:59 AM >

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 5/13/2010 7:08:03 PM   
kateindenver


Posts: 35
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline 		i do not know if i can answer you completly but my husband and i are both subs, he has a mistress ans i have my master. At times my husband tops me at the club. my master and his mistress both respect the boundarues of our marriage

(in reply to CaffeineOverRide)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How Would You Feel If Your Master Wanted.... - 5/14/2010 2:35:53 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		I couldn't dominate my man, but I could top him if that was what he wanted.  It would be more painful to me than it would be to him.

OP: What is it you want, to be dominated, or to be topped?

(in reply to kateindenver)
Profile   Post #: 40
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