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RE: When is enough enough? - 4/12/2010 6:01:45 AM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
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Good luck, I hope things work out for you one way or the other. My only advice is don't take the advice of people you meet on the internet very seriously.

(in reply to MonicaLeigh)

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Post #: 41

RE: When is enough enough? - 4/12/2010 7:16:18 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Monica Asked:
Am i not right that By being a Dom "You set the standard that you expect your sub/love to follow? And if you yourself cannot live up to your own standards Does is still give you the right to have such expectations of your girl?

Not exactly but close.

As the dominant, it is his job to, in some way or another, inspire, influence and motivate the person you seek to lead. That is the only source of actual "power" between humans. For whatever reasons, he is apparently failing to do so. Really, when you get down to it, it hardly matters why. Whether your expectations are unrealistic or his leadership skills are weak doesn't change the equation any. Searching for blame will not help... it never does. What you two need to do is to sit down together and speak frankly. An informed discussion on the topic is going to require a deeper understanding of how a dynamic is formed than simply "he's the dom and you're the sub".

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MonicaLeigh)

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Post #: 42

RE: When is enough enough? - 4/12/2010 1:11:19 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MonicaLeigh

i have one other question that pertains to this whole situation, in the beginning stages of our relationship i made alot of mistakes and fucked up pretty bad for the first two months.

I finally made the desicion that the things i was doing were not important enough to me to lose the man i was in love with. So i pretty much took a 360 turn for the better.

Ive appologized for what i put him through numerous times and also made a huge turn around (actions speak louder than words) and i feel like he thinks since i screwed up that it gives him a "free all acsess pass" to do anything he wants in this relationship.

Sometimes when i confront a situation, he will remind me of what i did,

But i remind him that the difference between me and him is i made a change when i saw where things were headed, and he on the other hand is still doing the same stuff and sees no wrong in any of it.

In my mind its wrong for someone to hold somthing that happened months ago against them to this day, Maybe thats just because i dont believe in grudges and i forgive more than i should. I dont know.

Im just asking if my past mistakes "that i am not repeating" should be his excuse for his behavior that he is still continuing?

this is going to sound a bit harsh, but he really doesnt sound like a healthy person for you. you have put a lot of effort and thought into changing youreself around and instead of giving you credit for that, instead of responding positively and helping you to reinforce this change in you he is still trashing you for the past - the thing is, where is the incentive for you to keep this change maintained, i dont see any incentive. so what will happen in the long run when he continues to behave like a big baby, selfish and actually destructive and not a little abusive to be honest.

i dont think hes really responding as a Dominant should be responding. he isnt giving you any reason to maintain this change in you, if anything he seems to be challenging it and when you finally revert maybe, just once, he'll turn around and say 'there you go - i knew it wouldnt last'

he needs to grow up a bit.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to MonicaLeigh)

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Post #: 43

RE: When is enough enough? - 4/27/2010 1:37:17 PM

dragon200070

Posts: 93
Joined: 2/9/2010
Status: offline

I believe mutual respect is required for a long-term relationships. The problem is that he seems not to fully respect you. I would find this very difficult to deal with. The norm for Doms and subs is to respect each other to the max.

Jeff

(in reply to MonicaLeigh)

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Post #: 44