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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/22/2010 8:01:33 AM

Andalusite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

It's a bit like saying "I'm wondering if the level of infidelity is as high as it seems in heterosexual relationships. If so, I don't know how i feel about pursuing a heterosexual lifestyle."

Do you see how silly that sounds?

What, you've never come across someone saying 'I'm tired of [insert appropriate gender] always cheating on me so I'm taking a break from actively pursuing anyone'?

Yep, I've heard that a lot, or otherwise being sick of men/women. One woman I know joked that after her divorce, she was going to turn lesbian, then ammended it to "a lesbian who likes to suck cock."

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/22/2010 8:58:47 AM

DomBlade64

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Oh noes... you don't want to be part of the "chop a titty/slice off a sack" crowd? What will they do without you and all your deep, personal, polically correct conflicts?

Slice off a sack?

Wonder what they would do with it afterwards? Stretch it over a slice of whitebread and mayo?

Seriously though...Castration? No Way Sil Vous Plait!

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/22/2010 9:39:46 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I keep finding profiles of Doms and Dommes who seek a relationship with a sub/slave while at the same time appear to have no regard for the safety and mental health of there prospective partner and use the excuse of belonging to the oposite gender as justification. One instance is a profile where a dominate wanted to castrate the prospective sub the moment he first submitted and another dominate that wanted to make the prospective sub beg for everything even food I dont want to stir up any trouble I'm just wondering if this level of cruelty and sexism in this lifestyle is as common as it seems if so I dont know how I feel about pursuing this lifestyle any longer. I hope someone can shed some light on this for me.

So, you're believing this just because somebody typed it up on the net? Or, in some way, this is what you believe it has to be? If that's the case, take LadyA's advice and change your screen name. Obviously, you haven't mastered anything yet. Not even your own common sense.

Go out and meet some real people.

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/22/2010 10:17:09 AM

jj292

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There are lots morons, fakers, and scammers on the internet (and not just here on CM but everywhere on the net). You have to use your judgement.

I'd also like to add that if a dominant is not concerned about a submissive's mental, psychological, or physical well-being, that dominant is failing. BDSM is not a one-way street. Like any other relationship, it goes both ways.

< Message edited by jj292 -- 3/22/2010 10:20:22 AM >

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/22/2010 8:33:19 PM

slavekal

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Most of that stuff is wank fodder and exaggeration. I have found that people in our life are no more extreme than vanilla folks...well, not much anyway. You have to be careful, but if you use commonsense, you can find level headed, safe partners in our lifestyle.

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/23/2010 9:33:06 AM

RuffneckandHis

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At some point we must take responsibility for ourselves, even the most submissive slave must be assertive enough and have enough common sense to be able to distinguish between the losers/wannabes/fakes and the real life people that do exist in this lifestyle. I agree with the person who suggested that you step away from the computer and go out into your local BDSM community, I promise you won't get castrated on the first meeting....maybe the second, if you're good. ~grin~

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/24/2010 10:18:27 PM

roughleather

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Many "online kinky people" are totally out of touch with reality.

In the real life BDSM world, the goth line "Beautiful, single, sane - pick two" applies.

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/24/2010 10:39:45 PM

afkarr

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wannabes who truely have no regard for their partners well being aren't Doms, they're abusers; and their partners aren't subs, they're victims. Unfortunately, due to it's very nature, kink seems to attract a certain amount of predators on the hunt. Smart subs steer clear and find Doms who meet their needs.

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/24/2010 11:08:50 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: afkarr

wannabes who truely have no regard for their partners well being aren't Doms, they're abusers; and their partners aren't subs, they're victims. Unfortunately, due to it's very nature, kink seems to attract a certain amount of predators on the hunt. Smart subs steer clear and find Doms who meet their needs.

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/25/2010 6:16:26 AM

Jeffff

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Oh noes... you don't want to be part of the "chop a titty/slice off a sack" crowd? What will they do without you and all your deep, personal, polically correct conflicts?

All in all, I would prefer My scak remain unsliced.......seems reasonable to Me

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/25/2010 6:23:41 AM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtysubK

dominate is a verb. Dominant is a noun

No, it is not. It is an adjective.

As in... He is a dominant man. Her behavior shows she is the dominant personality in the relationship.

However, "dominant" is used as a noun in a few very specific cases (music, genetics, ecology)

To the OP:
There is a difference between fantasy and reality, between mental illness and BDSM. You may have found the line.
Remember, this is supposed to be FUN!

Best,
sunshien

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/25/2010 6:25:42 AM

Jeffff

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Ron is Dominate!!!!!

Also He doesn't whine a whole lot. Ya gotta like Ron.

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/25/2010 6:27:34 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Ron is Dominate!!!!!

Also He doesn't whine a whole lot.

Jeffff...you gotta get on-line a lil more often.

just sayin'

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/25/2010 9:49:33 AM

fadedshadow

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I keep finding profiles of Doms and Dommes who seek a relationship with a sub/slave while at the same time appear to have no regard for the safety and mental health of there prospective partner and use the excuse of belonging to the oposite gender as justification. One instance is a profile where a dominate wanted to castrate the prospective sub the moment he first submitted and another dominate that wanted to make the prospective sub beg for everything even food I dont want to stir up any trouble I'm just wondering if this level of cruelty and sexism in this lifestyle is as common as it seems if so I dont know how I feel about pursuing this lifestyle any longer. I hope someone can shed some light on this for me.

i think people that have the profiles saying they don't care about their subs and want to harm them are fakers...or very terrible people.

me personally, i wanted to find a dominant who was geniunely caring and friendly and actually having someone like that in my life has been wonderful for me

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 3/25/2010 11:06:22 AM

Lockit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

All in all, I would prefer My scak remain unsliced.......seems reasonable to Me

What's a scak? I promise not to slice it if you tell me what it is I won't be slicing. I can't promise not to laugh though!

OP... When you meet up with someone in society that is clearly off their rocker, do you align with them or feel some relation? There are whacked out people in every aspect of life, in every region. You can't blame the whole because of them.

This is something that you have to digest yourself and determine what your life will be without being based on other people's lives, well run or not. There are a lot of people who claim to be into bdsm that I wouldn't have as friends and would turn my head and get a bit sick because of what they might do, but that has nothing to do with me or the people I am involved with. Just because of a title or subject matter doesn't mean I am a part of that. If society feels that bdsm on a whole is a group of people all doing insane things to one another, it is an area I can shed a little light on with those I meet that feel that way. Other than that... it's not my job, not my thing and I focus on what's important to me. I will not take on the sins/insanity/stupid/whatever of another.

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 5/22/2010 6:16:54 AM

realcoolhand

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 i'm a little confused about why other people's behavior has any impact on You.
It's a bit like saying "I'm wondering if the level of infidelity is as high as it seems in heterosexual relationships. If so, I don't know how i feel about pursuing a heterosexual lifestyle."

That's a fair point, but not entirely accurate. Since sexual orientation isn't generally chosen (though persons of a particular orientation can certainly choose to engage in sexual acts inconsistent with that orientation), everyone in this "lifestyle" has chosen it, for a variety of personal reasons. The more analogous statement might be:

"I'm wondering if the level of hypocrisy, bigotry, and cynicism is as high as it seems in Christianity. If so, I don't know how I feel about joining this religious community."

The answer is: I don't know how high it seems, but however high it is, it is the same amongst every other population. In any otherwise undifferentiated group of people, you will find precisely the same statistical spread of elbows, assholes, creeps, and dick-lickers (I mean that in a purely pejorative sense; my apologies to all the literal dick-lickers out thers) and chauvinists. You can't avoid them by switching teams.

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 5/22/2010 6:28:43 AM

DesFIP

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The castration thing is one that the subs usually bring up. I've never seen a profile from a dominant about doing this.
As far as begging goes, many people (not me) find it hot. Thus doing it imbues everyday life with a certain level of sexual tension. If this works for you, go for it.

But just because other people do needle play for example, doesn't mean you're required to. Your fear of not being a true dominant if you don't do all these things that others do confuses me. I will say that confidence is very attractive in a dominant, your lack of it may well prevent you from finding a sub to practice this lifestyle with. Which would solve your problem, after all.

And many of us object to the term lifestyle. It's my life, whether I'm being spanked or we're going out for ice cream, it's still just us living our life. If he's fixing the car or I'm cooking dinner and doing laundry, it isn't a lifestyle, it's just life.

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 5/22/2010 6:39:05 AM

realcoolhand

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP And many of us object to the term lifestyle. It's my life, whether I'm being spanked or we're going out for ice cream, it's still just us living our life. If he's fixing the car or I'm cooking dinner and doing laundry, it isn't a lifestyle, it's just life.

That's why it goes in "quotation" marks.

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 5/22/2010 6:43:00 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I keep finding profiles of Doms and Dommes who seek a relationship with a sub/slave while at the same time appear to have no regard for the safety and mental health of there prospective partner and use the excuse of belonging to the oposite gender as justification. One instance is a profile where a dominate wanted to castrate the prospective sub the moment he first submitted and another dominate that wanted to make the prospective sub beg for everything even food I dont want to stir up any trouble I'm just wondering if this level of cruelty and sexism in this lifestyle is as common as it seems if so I dont know how I feel about pursuing this lifestyle any longer. I hope someone can shed some light on this for me.

its not you - right? - thats not how you feel about any prospective sub or slave - correct? - then dont worry what other people want or say they want or fantasise about wanting.

you will realise in time that a relationship in Ds or Ms is all down to how you want it to be. there is no formula here, nothing set in stone. just stop reading those profiles and find ones that make sense to you.

im confused though - why are you reading and/or caring what other Dominants want - you call youreself MasterK13 which suggests that you are a Dominant - if you are then work out what you want and go find it. avoid the subs/slaves who want to be treated in that way and find one that wishes to serve a loving, caring Dominant, they are out there, you just have to look

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RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... - 5/22/2010 7:18:42 AM

SocratesNot

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quote:

So, you're believing this just because somebody typed it up on the net? Or, in some way, this is what you believe it has to be? If that's the case, take LadyA's advice and change your screen name. Obviously, you haven't mastered anything yet. Not even your own common sense.

Go out and meet some real people.

We should better believe it! There are sociopaths! There are sociopathic doms and self-hating subs who REALLY want such things as castration and even something worse like cannibalism:

quote:

This is quote from Wikipedia:

Armin Meiwes (English pronunciation: /ˈɑːmiːn ˈmaɪvəs/ AH-meen-MYE-vəs, with a silent R; born December 1, 1961) is a German man who achieved international notoriety for killing and eating a voluntary victim whom he had found via the Internet. After Meiwes and the victim joined forces to eat the victim's severed penis, Meiwes killed his victim and proceeded to eat a large amount of his flesh while listening to "Against All Odds by Phil Collins.[3] Because of his deeds, Meiwes is also known as the Rotenburg Cannibal or Der Metzgermeister (The Master Butcher). Since entering prison, Meiwes has become a vegetarian [4] and has joined a prisoners' group favoring Green Party politics.[5][6]

Such things DO exist.
Even if most of people who claim such things on the Internet are fakers, you can never be sure, and even when someone is just faking and joking with some idea there is a grain of truth in his joke. Every joke is a half truth, it's an old saying.

Also,

I am very bothered by the general attitude on this forum that we should ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT care AT ALL what other people do!
Like, live your life, do what works for you, what the hell you have to worry what other people do!

I think this is extremely wrong attitude. If we didn't care what other people do, then there wouldn't be places like prisons, mental hospitals, safe houses, homeless shelters etc.

While I agree to be tolerant to other people's kinks, I also think that we must have a little stricter guidelines about what is and what isn't acceptable to ANYONE.

If we care for other people's well being we will sometimes give them advice even if this is against what they declare to be their wishes.

Where is the WISDOM? Is the only wisdom in BDSM that everyone choses his way and that the every way is right? Well, every way is NOT right, and in ancient times there were wise men and women who would try to deter people from wrong ways, and these wise men were held in very high regard in society.

< Message edited by SocratesNot -- 5/22/2010 8:15:33 AM >

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