My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle...

My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (Full Version)

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MasterK13 -> My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 4:05:30 PM)
I keep finding profiles of Doms and Dommes who seek a relationship with a sub/slave while at the same time appear to have no regard for the safety and mental health of there prospective partner and use the excuse of belonging to the oposite gender as justification. One instance is a profile where a dominate wanted to castrate the prospective sub the moment he first submitted and another dominate that wanted to make the prospective sub beg for everything even food I dont want to stir up any trouble I'm just wondering if this level of cruelty and sexism in this lifestyle is as common as it seems if so I dont know how I feel about pursuing this lifestyle any longer. I hope someone can shed some light on this for me.

Fitznicely -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 4:14:33 PM)
I'm hoping that the profiles you're seeing are fakers or inexperienced wannabe's. as far as my own experiences go, a disregard for safety or common sense is rare, not unknown, but also far from the norm.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 4:16:58 PM)
Those are wankers. Block and delete. D/s is has its share of assholes and fools, of course. Use your good sense. Welcome to the fray! [:)]

VaguelyCurious -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 4:19:46 PM)
FR Get out from behind your computer, go to a munch and have a pint with some sane kinky people. 1) Collarme is not representative of kinksters as a whole. Neither are munches but the normal:nutcase ratio is much higher in a RL scene, as far as I can tell. 2) I often suspect that the writers of the castration profiles aren't entirely serious; don't believe everything you read on the internet-people big themselves up. For these two reasons you shouldn't allow CM to overly influence your lifestyle...

DWCskitten -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 4:25:27 PM)
i have never been with a Dominant Who did not care about my safety or mental health. i'm not saying They aren't out there, because i did say "No" to a relationship with more than One like that & run in the opposite direction. However, i am inclined to feel that P/people who are like that are whack jobs and wannabe's living in their own fantasy world. That's just one more reason for getting to know S/someone first before putting oneself in a compromising position with them. There will always be some people who are unsafe whack jobs (in my opinion), but please don't judge the rest of us by them. There are lots of people involved in BDSM who totally believe in SSC. [:D] ~kitten~

Rochsub2009 -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 4:30:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterK13 I'm just wondering if this level of cruelty and sexism in this lifestyle is as common as it seems if so I dont know how I feel about pursuing this lifestyle any longer. i'm a little confused about why other people's behavior has any impact on You. It's a bit like saying "I'm wondering if the level of infidelity is as high as it seems in heterosexual relationships. If so, I don't know how i feel about pursuing a heterosexual lifestyle." Do you see how silly that sounds? You have complete freedom to choose what you want to be a part of your BDSM dynamic. If you don't want to be castrated, then don't allow anyone to castrate you. See how easy that was? [;)]

littlewonder -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 4:44:04 PM)
For every dom/me who posts such things there is a sub/slave out there who wants that to happen to them. It's not your kink so just read it and move on to the next one.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 4:50:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 It's a bit like saying "I'm wondering if the level of infidelity is as high as it seems in heterosexual relationships. If so, I don't know how i feel about pursuing a heterosexual lifestyle." Do you see how silly that sounds? What, you've never come across someone saying 'I'm tired of [insert appropriate gender] always cheating on me so I'm taking a break from actively pursuing anyone'? It's not so silly.

naughtysubK -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 4:55:11 PM)
dominate is a verb. Dominant is a noun

LadyAngelika -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 4:57:51 PM)
Just saying, if people are always cheating on you (not you VC, the generic you) or you are always getting duped by fakes, then you need to look at your screening process. I've been cheated on once to my knowledge in 37 years and almost duped once by a fake. I can usually smell both of those a mile away and in hindsight, I had high doubts about each case in the beginning. To the OP, you have given yourself the monicker of Master. One doesn't become a Master overnight which would lead me to presume that you've been around BDSM for longer than just this site, right? If not, I would consider rethinking your moniker as it presupposes many things, such as a Mastery of this lifestyle. Then again (and this is not a jab at you), we have learned to not take a self named Master here so seriously. This is, after all, the InterWeb ;-) - LA

DesFIP -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 6:04:51 PM)
Those profiles belong either to trolls or to people with no experience except for porn. Real and sensible people care about their partner's well being. If for no other reason than a broken toy isn't any fun to play with.

beej -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 6:24:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder It's not your kink so just read it and move on to the next one. word. it's like moving to a region. there are gangs in LA but that doesn't mean that you should walk out your door expecting everyone you meet to be a G. you wouldn't cheat yourself of California because there could be gangsters in South Central, would you? just maybe be careful where you hang out at night. :)

MstrDark1 -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 6:38:35 PM)
If you stay away from the garbage, you'll be fine. A Dominant has enough wisdom and know-how to pursue what is good for him. If he or she is wrong for your dynamic then you can kick them to the curb. You don't have to humble your self or say your sorry. As they say the "Dominant is always right" and who is going to go against his wishes??..When you find the journey that your looking for ...you will know what to do and how to present your self. You have to be the man with the plan. Understanding and listening to people and not judging them is the key to longevity. I know this because I spent 21 years with a submissive and the only thing that stopped our Dynamic was her death......now new horizons....and i wouldn't give up this lifestyle for anything. You have good and bad in everything. And you also make your own way. I wouldn't worry about the other people you here about. I'd worry about myself and make sure that i got out of this life style exactly what i wanted!! MstrDark1 owner of Wisdomtogive

GotSteel -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/21/2010 7:45:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterK13 I dont want to stir up any trouble... Yes...yes you do. But since the only people you're looking to stir up are those who have no concern for the wellbeing of their partners, have fun. Can somebody pass the popcorn?

ResidentSadist -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/22/2010 12:22:23 AM)
Oh noes... you don't want to be part of the "chop a titty/slice off a sack" crowd? What will they do without you and all your deep, personal, polically correct conflicts?

dreamerdreaming -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/22/2010 12:32:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrDark1 If you stay away from the garbage, you'll be fine. A Dominant has enough wisdom and know-how to pursue what is good for him. If he or she is wrong for your dynamic then you can kick them to the curb. You don't have to humble your self or say your sorry. As they say the "Dominant is always right" and who is going to go against his wishes??..When you find the journey that your looking for ...you will know what to do and how to present your self. You have to be the man with the plan. Understanding and listening to people and not judging them is the key to longevity. I know this because I spent 21 years with a submissive and the only thing that stopped our Dynamic was her death......now new horizons....and i wouldn't give up this lifestyle for anything. You have good and bad in everything. And you also make your own way. I wouldn't worry about the other people you here about. I'd worry about myself and make sure that i got out of this life style exactly what i wanted!! MstrDark1 owner of Wisdomtogive Welcome to the boards, MstrDark1! Great post! [:)] You must be something really special, to snag oceanwynds.

leadership527 -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/22/2010 12:32:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterK13 I'm just wondering if this level of cruelty and sexism in this lifestyle is as common as it seems if so I dont know how I feel about pursuing this lifestyle any longer. I hope someone can shed some light on this for me. Whose "lifestyle" is it that you are pursuing exactly? If it's your own lifestyle, then I'd say you have no need to worry about what others do. If you're seeking to emulate others, then I'd strongly suggesting choosing your role models carefully.

wisdomtogive -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/22/2010 1:46:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming quote: ORIGINAL: MstrDark1 If you stay away from the garbage, you'll be fine. A Dominant has enough wisdom and know-how to pursue what is good for him. If he or she is wrong for your dynamic then you can kick them to the curb. You don't have to humble your self or say your sorry. As they say the "Dominant is always right" and who is going to go against his wishes??..When you find the journey that your looking for ...you will know what to do and how to present your self. You have to be the man with the plan. Understanding and listening to people and not judging them is the key to longevity. I know this because I spent 21 years with a submissive and the only thing that stopped our Dynamic was her death......now new horizons....and i wouldn't give up this lifestyle for anything. You have good and bad in everything. And you also make your own way. I wouldn't worry about the other people you here about. I'd worry about myself and make sure that i got out of this life style exactly what i wanted!! MstrDark1 owner of Wisdomtogive Welcome to the boards, MstrDark1! Great post! [:)] You must be something really special, to snag oceanwynds. dreamerdreaming, Thank You for your very kind words. He is very special and i am honor to serve Him. wisdom aka oceanwynds

Wolf2Bear -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/22/2010 7:43:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterK13 I keep finding profiles of Doms and Dommes who seek a relationship with a sub/slave while at the same time appear to have no regard for the safety and mental health of there prospective partner and use the excuse of belonging to the opposite gender as justification. One instance is a profile where a dominate wanted to castrate the prospective sub the moment he first submitted and another dominate that wanted to make the prospective sub beg for everything even food I don't want to stir up any trouble I'm just wondering if this level of cruelty and sexism in this lifestyle is as common as it seems if so I don't know how I feel about pursuing this lifestyle any longer. I hope someone can shed some light on this for me. To you seeing a sub/slave having to beg to be allowed to eat a meal or having to beg to be allowed to go tot he bathroom may not be the way you work your D/s dynamic yet they are many who thrive being that micromanaged by their owners. I had an owner who expected me to beg for a hug or ask permission if I could watch 30 minutes of television. I found that was not an environment which I thrived in, I need a certain level of autonomy and being micromanaged wasn't it. Yes you will find there are some who are only concerned about their own gratification at the expense of the one who serves them. Yet that is also true in non kink relationships...it is a fact of human nature. As adults, we should have the tools and the common sense by now to weed through the ones who do not fit what we seek for ourselves. Realize the fact that being a kinkster does not mean we have to fit ourselves to a strict one way of doing things. We find what suits us the best and work with that. Though in the end, the final decision is yours so do whatever you wish.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: My concerns over pursuing this lifestyle... (3/22/2010 7:57:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 It's a bit like saying "I'm wondering if the level of infidelity is as high as it seems in heterosexual relationships. If so, I don't know how i feel about pursuing a heterosexual lifestyle." Do you see how silly that sounds? What, you've never come across someone saying 'I'm tired of [insert appropriate gender] always cheating on me so I'm taking a break from actively pursuing anyone'? It's not so silly. "Taking a break" is very different from writing it off completely. That's what the OP sounded like he was going to do with BDSM. Besides, that was the first example that popped into my head. Don't take it too literally.

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