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Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 7:51:47 PM   
phoenix6666


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing that here.  I understand there's a whole D/s life here but if I'm meeting someone for the first time on this site, shouldn't I treat that person respectfully?  After all they are a stranger?  I'm not going to take control of a complete stranger after all.  In my other life, I'm just a regular nice guy.  You want my D-side, I need to get to know you first.  Is there anything wrong with that?  I'm sorry for ranting slightly but I just got brushed off for being kind to a stranger....

If I'm trying to meet people here, am I supposed to be in 'D-mode' the entire time???
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 8:01:52 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		Hello, and welcome,

Actually, my policy is just to be myself, which is what I did for years.  Yes, I got all the you're not real, and you're a fake, blah blah blah....even though it took a while I finally ended up with mine so it wasn't so bad after all...lol

At the end of the day you just need to be true to you and what you believe.  If someone wanted the "online" treatment then I would respectfully take my leave and wish them good luck on their search. 

I never understood why they expected otherwise, especially when it was all over my profile that I was r/t only and was in no way shape or form interested in online...but there's the big problem...a lot of people rarely read profiles..lol

I treated everyone just like I wish to be treated, which was like we are just two people talking,no orders, no tasks, no nothing... because until that collar is placed on someone's neck, then that's all we are.

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to phoenix6666)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 8:06:21 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Actually, my policy is just to be myself, which is what I did for years.


Mine as well. People who try to be in D mode with everyone end up looking like asshats ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 8:07:38 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenix6666

I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing that here.  I understand there's a whole D/s life here but if I'm meeting someone for the first time on this site, shouldn't I treat that person respectfully?  After all they are a stranger? 

OP, you state in your profile you're only looking for online interaction so I'm a bit confused.  Yes, respectful is the way to start when meeting anyone for the first time.  It doesn't matter what label you give yourself.

I'm not going to take control of a complete stranger after all. 

I should hope not.

In my other life, I'm just a regular nice guy.  You want my D-side, I need to get to know you first.  Is there anything wrong with that? 

In your other life?  Just a quick side note...this talk of "other life", both here and on your profile, leaves me curious and not in a good way. 
No, there's nothing wrong with getting to know a person before you go all "D" on them.  Many women prefer it that way.

I'm sorry for ranting slightly but I just got brushed off for being kind to a stranger....

Meh, you can't please everyone and if they aren't pleased with a person being kind, do you really want to be bothered with them?  Let it roll like water off a ducks back.

If I'm trying to meet people here, am I supposed to be in 'D-mode' the entire time???

You're supposed to be in "You-mode"...be yourself...unless we're in a Sims meets BDSM video game.
 
Like I always say... Be a person of character, not a character.



_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to phoenix6666)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 8:15:13 PM   
phoenix6666


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		CarrieO, could you elaborate on your confusion because you're confusing me with it.  What is the source of your confusion?

(in reply to CarrieO)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 8:15:17 PM   
ncbabe


Posts: 1060
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline 		If someone brushed you off for showing them kindness, then are they really the type of person you want to be with?  My advice, as I suspect most people's will be, is to just be yourself.  Don't try to be something you're not because you believe it is expected of you.

_____________________________

As we think, so we become.

Nichts ist unmöglich


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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 8:20:51 PM   
atractivenuisane


Posts: 30
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Never with the "D-mode", please. I am infinitely more likely to respond to a well-worded, respectful message that shows the sender actually read my profile than some Dom bullshit. I don't think "Get on your knees!" actually works with anyone.

(in reply to ncbabe)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 8:22:21 PM   
takemeforyourown


Posts: 430
Joined: 2/24/2007
Status: offline 		I prefer to be approached respectfully. My submission is a gift that I'm not going to give just any asshole who tries to order me around.

(in reply to ncbabe)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 8:24:35 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenix6666

CarrieO, could you elaborate on your confusion because you're confusing me with it.  What is the source of your confusion?


Sure...
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenix6666
I understand there's a whole D/s life here but if I'm meeting someone for the first time on this site, shouldn't I treat that person respectfully? 


The bolded part in the above quote from your op and the fact you mention in your profile you're looking for online interaction only is what has me confused.  Do you mean emailing someone here for the first time...an introductory email exchange...or do you mean actually meeting with someone from CM?  Maybe it's just your choice of words. 

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 8:33:11 PM   
JeykllnHyde


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/14/2009
Status: offline 		In general, being in "D-mode" all the time is bad juju for most any dealing your might have with any kinksters on here. I've been given the "Your not acting dominating enough.." brush-off line exactly once over 5 years and a couple of CM accounts, including some extremely painful growing pains those first few years. And before you ask, yes, I speak from personal and painful experience being in D-mode all the time (which lasted about a week before I saw the light of reason and stopped doing that).

Frankly, off-hand comments about a particular point in a potential interests profile works best for eliciting a conversation, especially if the profiles been active for a bit. If you spend any time whatsoever reading profiles, you'll figure out most fem subs deal with "message fatigue" and ick factor from a large portion of the emails they get. A lot of times the conversation goes nowhere, but provided you have desirable qualities they like, it's not hard to get them interested in talking to you and you go from there.

(in reply to takemeforyourown)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 8:41:40 PM   
phoenix6666


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		Ah, sorry for the confusion, CarrieO.  It was a bad choice of words on my part.  I "met" the other person online via chat and email.

I guess I'm just frustrated with life in general.  I'll spare you the "nice guy" standard text here but that's pretty much who I am in my regular life and it's not an act.  This "D" part of me isn't an act either but I understand that it's not for everyone and I keep that to myself.

(in reply to JeykllnHyde)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 8:58:38 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		You've made a good start by asking others.
I read your profile and would be surprised if you get the results you want. You come across as paranoid about your identify being discovered (you will not provide photos or vocally speak to a sub). Many will take that to mean you are married or in a relationship and does not bode well for garnering a sub's interest. I wish you the best in your search.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to phoenix6666)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 9:04:24 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		wow...I hadn't read the profile....just on the first paragraph alone I will run for the hills.

I kind of see what others are saying...your profile kind of contridicts itself.  Also, seems like you want an awful lot from the person you pick but not seeing in there where you will be giving the same.  I don't know, maybe I'm reading it wrong?  All the focus on no one knowing is kind of a turn off as well, no one wants to be a dirty little secret, which is what it seems like the person would be in your life.

I am married to mine, and we just don't go around telling people our business, no need to be paranoid about it.  We know what goes on in our home and that's all that needs to know

Gonna be hard to find what you are looking for...I do wish you luck though

< Message edited by DrkJourney -- 3/21/2010 9:10:07 PM >

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to MsLadySue)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 9:11:02 PM   
atractivenuisane


Posts: 30
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Oh-ho, yeah, definitely looks like you're either in a pre-existing relationship and looking to cheat or wildly paranoid and embarrassed about your kink interest. I think you'd have better luck on Craigslist or adultfriendfinder or some other "Discrete encounter" site. The desire to keep your sexuality a bit under wraps is understandable, but yours seems to go considerably beyond that.

(in reply to DrkJourney)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 9:11:57 PM   
phoenix6666


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		Yeah, as I was writing my profile (on the advice that filling one out would garner more attention), I had a feeling that what I had to say wouldn't get too many 'takers', so to speak.  Problem is that if one doesn't establish these 'guidelines' upfront, one gets accused of lying, being fake, etc., as I'm sure many people here have encountered.

(in reply to DrkJourney)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 9:22:59 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		Actually, that is something you establish when you actually talk to them, which I see you won't do. 

Your profile is just a ramble about how bad the world has treated you, and all the cloak and dagger....so the only thing a person can get about you is a feeling since you really don't say anything. 

And as far as establishing guidelines, you really haven't unless you tell them why..you state it's because no one in your "other" life can know....is it because you are married?  You're in the senate?  what?  It makes a difference.

I have friends, even some on here, that state that they are married and must be discreet...that attracts others that are married and must be discreet and they have a good old time doing what they do.

You don't really give any explaination, you just sound really paranoid...you want all these feelings and emotions and total packages from this person, but you aren't even willing to leave your secure little world to talk to them? not even on computer, where no numbers would be exchanged?  Surely you are not asking for a pic or voice from them since you are unwilling to give.

So this person is supposed to "give" all of this, to you, and serve you, through emails only? 

I'm as confused as CarrieO.

I understand you only want online, but the things you are asking for I'm not sure how you are going to get all that with what you are willing to give, or shall I say what you are not willing to give.  I'm not trying to flame or anything...I'm just not getting what you are trying to do.

As far as creating the profile and the computer messing up....type it in a word document, when it's to your liking, just copy and paste to the profile, that way you only have to write it once. :>

edited because of these dang nails..lol

< Message edited by DrkJourney -- 3/21/2010 9:25:40 PM >

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to phoenix6666)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 9:33:47 PM   
DWCskitten


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
OP, i see nothing wrong with just being a regular nice Guy. i would always just be myself as a person first when meeting Someone, and i much prefer Him to do the same. Until there is an agreed-upon dynamic in place, it's just two people getting to know each other and, if Someone tried to Dom me at the first meeting, He'd be history.

The one thing that really jumps out at me about Your profile, though, is that You want everything to be so secretive. i know we don't necessarily want other people to know about our kink, and i don't know about other people, but there is no way i would be Someone's "dirty little secret." Been there, done that, never again. For me, if i can't even be acknowledged as Someone's 'nilla g/f, forget it. Anyway, good luck in meeting Your "one."

~kitten~

_____________________________

formerly sweetsub1957.

New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

Proudly Owned property of MasterDWC.


(in reply to phoenix6666)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 9:54:09 PM   
phoenix6666


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks for the input, DrkJourney.  I can 'hear' the geniune non-flaming thought in your 'voice' which I do appreciate very much.  I see your point about not stating the need for my secrecy would cause concern.  It's funny though.  I can update my profile but I every time I do, I feel it's 'for someone else' which seems to run counter to lots of the advice offered about 'being myself.'  Not trying to be rude or anything.  Just extremely frustrated (not just because of this but other things going on in my life).

As far as the 'one-way' street nature of my post....well....I don't really have a good answer for that one other than in the profiles, there's the selection for "Eye Contact Restrictions" and I thought maybe there would be some 's' who wouldn't mind having the similar restriction via online.

Thanks for the advice here.  I really appreciate it. :) Perhaps I'm better off going back to my regular life and just repressing this part of me like usual

(in reply to DrkJourney)
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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 10:02:15 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		Not saying that at all, whether you participate in this lifestyle or not is totally your decision...was simply telling you what I see, so maybe you can get what you are looking for one day.  I don't think telling you about your profile and what others might see when they read it, was telling you not to be yourself...if your profile is getting you what you want from this site, then who am I to say

Not understanding your eye restriction comment...not seeing what that has to do with what I said, but ok

I won't bother you any further...I guess I made a mistake, I thought you posted because you weren't getting the kind of people that you are looking for...so I was trying to help

good luck to you

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



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RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... - 3/21/2010 10:22:37 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenix6666

I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing that here.  I understand there's a whole D/s life here but if I'm meeting someone for the first time on this site, shouldn't I treat that person respectfully?  After all they are a stranger?  I'm not going to take control of a complete stranger after all.  In my other life, I'm just a regular nice guy.  You want my D-side, I need to get to know you first.  Is there anything wrong with that?  I'm sorry for ranting slightly but I just got brushed off for being kind to a stranger....

If I'm trying to meet people here, am I supposed to be in 'D-mode' the entire time???


I agree with Carrie.  I wouldn't especially call it 'meeting' if your doing online.  Also, what you might be calling respect, I would probably call courtesy.  Which, when it comes to courtesy on the other side (the email part of CM), I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always courteous.  That includes things such as, I put the word "local" in My profile three times.  If I'm in CA and someone in NY who I've never seen on the forum side decides to contact Me anyway, they aren't going to get a pleasant response.

I'm not in D-mode all of the time, but I am in Me-mode constantly.  That means that I can be a hard ass at times, but I'm absolutely being Myself.  More often than not, people do tend to like it when you are not trying to put on an act for someone. 


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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