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his secret.. - 3/22/2010 11:56:25 AM

GoddessSpitfire

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hey ya'll a certain subbie here on collarme told me he is unhappy in his relationship with his Domme. he has also told me he has cheated on her. hes always complaining about how she doesnt push his limits. what would you do with this information? would you keep it a secret or tell her? thanks for your input.

Spitfire

< Message edited by GoddessSpitfire -- 3/22/2010 11:58:45 AM >

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RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:01:14 PM

KITTYLECTRO

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~Deleted by Kitty~

< Message edited by KITTYLECTRO -- 3/22/2010 12:02:37 PM >

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Post #: 2

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:05:03 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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My basic reaction is to stay out of it. You don't know how things will impact your own life and you don't really know everything about them and what's going on. I guess there could be some extenuating circumstances like if the person he's cheated with has some disease and the Domme stands to catch it - but really unless you know something like that it really isn't your call.

(in reply to GoddessSpitfire)

Post #: 3

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:06:27 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
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From: Portland Metro, Oregon
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Do you know the Domme personally? Is she a friend? Would she WANT to know?

If you don't know her personally, it's wise to stay out of it - even if you do know her, unless you know she'd want to be informed, I'd still stay out of it. That said, personally, I'd stop communication with that particular sub as well, for I have no desire to be involved with cheaters - even as friends.

Good luck, I hope you come to a decision that sits well with you.

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Post #: 4

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:10:42 PM

GoddessSpitfire

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Joined: 3/25/2009
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no I dont know her personally. I would hope that any Domme would like to know if her sub is cheating but from who is the question? I agree with not wanting to be friends with cheaters though. I personally would be rather pissed if everyone knew except for me...

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Post #: 5

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:10:53 PM

domiguy

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I would tell everyone. This cannot be allowed to stand!!!

Little subby boys going around and cheating on their Dommes?

Just who does he think he is? What gives him the right?

I would spill the beans. Which Domme is incapable of hanging on to a little wormy subby boy?

Out with it woman!!!

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RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:13:10 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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And exactly why is he telling you this? Do you know them? I'm going to guess that they aren't protocol folks because if they were, you really should be conversing with her rather than him in the first place.

What I would honestly do is encourage him to tell his Dominant himself. That would probably end My communication with him. If he's cheating on her, that's honestly not who I want to be associated with, even on a friendship level. If he wants to maintain the dynamic and work on it, he needs to make those decisions without anyone else interfering. If not, he needs to have the courage to end the dynamic and find someone he is more compatible with. Either way, if he's the type of person to cheat, lie to the person he's involved with (though telling you about all of this), and do all of this behind someone's back, this person isn't someone that I would want to be involved with at all. It says way too much about his character. (It might even say a little something about yours, considering you're having such intimate discussions with someone else's submissive.)

With that said, I have told someone in the past that, when they were cheating with unprotected sex, that they had two options. Either they could tell their SO or I would. For the record, yes I did.

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Post #: 7

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:13:57 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

hey ya'll a certain subbie here on collarme told me he is unhappy in his relationship with his Domme. he has also told me he has cheated on her. hes always complaining about how she doesnt push his limits. what would you do with this information? would you keep it a secret or tell her? thanks for your input.

Hey, i told you that in secret. You weren't supposed to come on here and announce it to everybody!

No, but seriously, i don't see how it is your place to get involved in someone else's relationship. The sub in question has shared his dissatisfaction with you. That sounds to me like he trusts you with that information. Friends share information like that with one another all the time. But the reason they do so is because they trust their friend to keep the information private. Why would you betray that trust?

Since you and the sub in question obviously have some type of friendship, the only reason i could see for violating his trust would be if you are also friends with the Domme in question (or if his behavior is endangering the Domme in some way). Otherwise, you are betraying a friend for a complete stranger.

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Edit: BTW, i am not saying that infidelity is right or that i approve of it. i am simply saying that people sometimes share sides of themselves that they are not proud of with their friends. Sometimes they just need someone to talk to. They don't expect the friend to go and blab what they shared in confidence.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 3/22/2010 12:19:12 PM >

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Post #: 8

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:19:31 PM

GoddessSpitfire

Posts: 45
Joined: 3/25/2009
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he contacted me on here over 6 months ago. we have chatted on and off since then. I have intimate conversations with people in the real world if they are friends. no matter if they are dominant, submissive, switch, vanilla, married or single. although I do sometimes have a problem with boundries I certainly am not meaning to step on anyones toes. I am not here to cause drama or the like. just an ethical question.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:22:24 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

With that said, I have told someone in the past that, when they were cheating with unprotected sex, that they had two options. Either they could tell their SO or I would. For the record, yes I did.

It have have to be someone that I truly valued and knew inside and out in order to approach the cheater and force them to confess. Otherwise you are just being a busy body and putting your nose where it truly does not belong.

To the op...She should expose the cheater as well as the Domme so we can all have a good laugh. It will be fun. It will, I promise.

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Post #: 10

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:23:27 PM

GoddessSpitfire

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Joined: 3/25/2009
Status: offline

well rochsub he came to me about it not vice versa. sometimes the truth just has to come out sometimes its supposed to stay a secret, thats why I was asking.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 11

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:25:21 PM

GoddessSpitfire

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Joined: 3/25/2009
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I am smarter than that, there is no way I would post that here domiguy

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Post #: 12

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:27:04 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

no I dont know her personally. I would hope that any Domme would like to know if her sub is cheating but from who is the question? I agree with not wanting to be friends with cheaters though. I personally would be rather pissed if everyone knew except for me...

I've only ever accused three guys of cheating on me, each time, I was correct. I'm pretty good at being able to tell when this is occuring. Since I'm poly oriented, most men know they can discuss the option of other partners with me and don't feel a need to cheat. If someone told me that my s type was cheating on me, I'd have mixed emotions about that information. The first thing that would run through my mind is, is this person trying to create discord so they can steal my boy? Then, depending on whether or not my sub has told me he isn't seeing others, it may cause me to have doubts about his honesty (depending on how long I knew him). I would really be angry with the person who told me this if it were not true. If it were true, I'd want to know.

But based on how mixed up I'd feel over such information, I understand why others wouldn't want to involve themselves. Though, I do agree with LP, I have told many guys that I would be happy to talk further with them, once they let me speak to their wife/gf/domme. This usually causes the cheaters to run away, and it makes it known to them that I think they should be honest.

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Post #: 13

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:30:47 PM

GoddessSpitfire

Posts: 45
Joined: 3/25/2009
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that is very good advice, I will definately do that in the future so I dont have this problem anymore.

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

Post #: 14

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:31:37 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

I am smarter than that, there is no way I would post that here domiguy

Then I have no further use for you and I shall forever rue the day our paths crossed.

I hate you.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 3/22/2010 12:32:08 PM >

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RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:33:15 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

well rochsub he came to me about it not vice versa. sometimes the truth just has to come out sometimes its supposed to stay a secret, thats why I was asking.

i see where you're coming from. i just believe that private conversations should remain private.

For example, a bunch of us get together on a weekly basis to talk about VaguelyCurious behind her back. But we don't expect anyone to tell her about it.

Oops! Did i just say that out loud?

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to GoddessSpitfire)

Post #: 16

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:35:53 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

well rochsub he came to me about it not vice versa. sometimes the truth just has to come out sometimes its supposed to stay a secret, thats why I was asking.

i see where you're coming from. i just believe that private conversations should remain private.

For example, a bunch of us get together on a weekly basis to talk about VaguelyCurious behind her back. But we don't expect anyone to tell her about it.

Oops! Did i just say that out loud?

Rochsub,

You know how upset VC gets when we call her cute and stuff. That was supposed to remain a secret! BAD, Rochsub, BAD!

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Post #: 17

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:39:46 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

With that said, I have told someone in the past that, when they were cheating with unprotected sex, that they had two options. Either they could tell their SO or I would. For the record, yes I did.

It have have to be someone that I truly valued and knew inside and out in order to approach the cheater and force them to confess. Otherwise you are just being a busy body and putting your nose where it truly does not belong.

Oh, trust Me. LOL. I wasn't being a busy body. This little gem got plopped right into My lap. Had she been using safe sex practices, she may have never brought it to Me to begin with.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 18

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:41:29 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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I treat stuff like this the same way I would in a professional setting. Any conversation with me is in the strictest of confidence. The only caveat to that is when the person is demonstrating some kind of significant risk to themselves or others. By significant, I mean that the risks could endanger their health, safety, or place them in legal jeopardy. I don't, however, consider hurt feelings and such to be a significant risk. That is life.

If there are no such risks, then this is a friend trying to deal with some poor decisions and wanting some help sorting it all out. That's what friends do. And they do it not only when things are pleasant, but when times are dark and not so pretty. I have a huge problem with cheating and lies and most people know that about me. If a friend came to me and talked about such things, then I would be safe to guess that they are not proud of it and are hurting and need some support and help. These things from me would be limited due to the fact that they made their own bed and have a lot of owning up and paying of consequences to do, but I am there for a friend even when they are showing me they can suck as a person at times.

If this aspect of me was not clear to the person, I would likely not want to hear it and even be suspect of their motivations for telling me. Some people like to bond to someone new through adversities like this. They will say things like, "No one else understands me, but you do." That isn't an automatic red flag, but it is something to be wary of. Due to my concerns over the person's motives and not having any interest in coddling a cheater and a liar, I would pretend I was never told and be done with any further dealings of that nature. I might likely be done with the person and the relationship as well. Even at that, unless that risk of harm is there, I am not saying a word. It simply isn't my place.

lovingpet

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(in reply to GoddessSpitfire)

Post #: 19

RE: his secret.. - 3/22/2010 12:55:14 PM

heavenatlast

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/22/2010
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Mmmm 1st post here ..

Anyway ... If I were put into that position, being held to ransom, as it were by the confessions of a sub - I would merely question the sub about their submissive journey - Cheating on one's Domme isn't exactly sub behaviour. I would go so far as to say that any sub who cheats is acting out and demanding attention in a passive aggressive way. The sub in question should be deeply ashamed for treating their Domme in this manner and furthermore, the sub failed in his duty as a sub not to impart to his Domme that he was feeling unfulfilled.

Sorry, but I just find that a cheating sub may not be as sub as they think they are. Cheating defiles power and renders their submission worthless. The sub should confess to his Domme and be ready to accept the inevitable dismissal.

(in reply to GoddessSpitfire)

Post #: 20

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