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RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/1/2006 11:39:57 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

He is not only asking you to give up your mother he is asking you to take your short person away from it's grandmother.
I certainly would not rush into to this kind of situation.
I don't trust people who want to isolate me from everything I know. I think you really need to explore the reality of the situation. Not just for you but your short one too.

*Brightspot

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(in reply to cutelinygurl84)

Post #: 21

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/1/2006 11:46:40 PM

SugarDom

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/29/2004
Status: offline

It all matters what the situation that you are going into compared to the one you are leaving. And do grow up maybe your mother and grandmother might be happy that you have finally found someone.

(in reply to brightspot)

Post #: 22

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/2/2006 12:16:29 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Being able to move away from your birth family I see as part of growing up. Your parents raise you so that you can be independent of them, find a partner and start a life of your own. Whether that is close or near to parents shouldnt be an issue, its about what you and your partner want, you have your own lives now. You two and your children are the closest "family" from this point on. Doesnt mean you cant visit your birth family, but the family you have created with your partner and children becomes top priority now.

_____________________________

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

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(in reply to SugarDom)

Post #: 23

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/2/2006 12:51:26 AM

tendergirl

Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline

My Dom is actually moving Himself and His family to me even as we speak. I am a really lucky girl.

(in reply to cutelinygurl84)

Post #: 24

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/2/2006 6:03:41 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Hi I was just wondering if any of you subs out there would give up your families or relocate for your master/dom if he asked you too.

I do not think you have to give up your family and friends to relocate. Many are the vanilla folk who are separated by distance yet remain in contact with each other due to marriage, work etc.
I am at varying distances from family and friends yet remain in daily contact with my family and friends via email, phone, and letters.
Master and Mistress are taking me to visit my home town to visit and take care of practical matters in less than 2 weeks.

As to relocating it is often done by many who live the lifestyle.
I flew 2000 miles to meet my pair (trust me it was worth the trip).

Just a few words of advice here, leave yourself a backup plan. Have someone you are to call after you arrive. Safety 1st.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to cutelinygurl84)

Post #: 25

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/2/2006 8:21:20 AM

fullofgrace

Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline

i would move in a heartbeat, in my own situation, but i know that my Dom would do what is in my best interests. after i get my ba, i know He wants to distance me a little bit geographically from my remaining family, because they have been very controlling over me, but He would never ask me to give them up. my mother passed away in november and He knows how much that has affected me...due to my tenuous relationships with my dad and stepdad, the only family i really have left is my sister and her children. all i can say from the perspective of one whose mother was, yes, overprotective and annoying, is that i WISH she was here to nag me. i wish every day that i could fight with her again. she'd probably disapprove heavily of the relationship i am in right now, but i wish she WAS here to disapprove. she's your mother. she's irreplaceable. some people have really bad histories with their parents (abuse, etc.) and in those cases, i can understand why they would never want to speak to their mothers again. but if you just have a few bumps in the road, please do not give her up, because you'll probably miss her terribly when you can't have her back. i would be reluctant to follow a dom who did not value my relationships with my friends and family as important. you shouldn't -have- to choose. that said, you CAN move and, as others have said, retain those family ties. but you may wish to discuss with your dom that this is what you'd feel more comfortable doing.

after reading your other posts, i would agree with some here that even aside from giving up your family, you might wish to focus on your other unresolved issues before you move anywhere. listen to your instinct. you have not only yourself but a little person to take care of...if it doesn't feel right, it might not be. think about where you see this relationship going. if it doesn't feel very much long term to you, be careful about making these huge life changes and burning bridges.

as i see it...there is nothing weird about moving to be with your dom and being away from your family. but i'd be hesitant about his wanting you to "give up" your relationship with your mother. especially if it doesn't feel right to you, and especially because you have a child.

_____________________________

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(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 26

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/2/2006 10:34:50 AM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SugarDom
And do grow up maybe your mother and grandmother might be happy that you have finally found someone.

The OP said that her mother and Dom (bf) fight all the time, etc. I hardly think a mother (and I speak to this b/c I AM one) would be happy that her daughter is in a relationship that she finds troubling in some way. (jmho)

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13th doughnut

(in reply to SugarDom)

Post #: 27

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/2/2006 10:45:05 AM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fullofgrace

my mother passed away in november and He knows how much that has affected me...
i WISH she was here to nag me.
i wish every day that i could fight with her again.
i wish she WAS here to disapprove.
she's your mother. she's irreplaceable.
please do not give her up, because you'll probably miss her terribly when you can't have her back. i would be reluctant to follow a dom who did not value my relationships with my friends and family as important.
you shouldn't -have- to choose.

Truer words were never spoken.

Fullofgrace, I wish you well as you still grieve your loss. I understand as well, my mom has been gone for one year. As they say, time helps lessen the sting, but allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Peace and compassion to you.

Daddysredhead

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 28

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/2/2006 2:07:29 PM

cutelinygurl84

Posts: 84
Joined: 3/29/2006
Status: offline

Me and my dom talked alot today about all the issues we have to resolve. We decided to wait at least 2 more yrs till we move to chicago. As for him and my mom getting along I dont think that will ever happen. He said once we move I can come home to see her whenever I want he just does not want her calling us everyday or butting into our lives. He feels she is saying things she has no right to say since me and him are grownup and can make our own decisions about our relationship. He also felt it was wrong for my mom to threaten me and say I cant move without her say. I am 21 and old enough to do as I please so the way I see it is if my mom dont like it to damn bad. She is my mother yes and I love her but she is oversteping her boundarys. Honestly I dont approve of the way my mother is acting at all. So me and my dom decided to do our own things and forget about her. We allready told her off and it did not go as planned but oh well. I think its good she knows exactly how we feel. Thank you everyone for all your advice on this.

Cutelinygurl84

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 29

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/3/2006 12:53:02 PM

starymists

Posts: 139
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Me and my dom talked alot today about all the issues we have to resolve. We decided to wait at least 2 more yrs till we move to chicago. As for him and my mom getting along I dont think that will ever happen. He said once we move I can come home to see her whenever I want he just does not want her calling us everyday or butting into our lives. He feels she is saying things she has no right to say since me and him are grownup and can make our own decisions about our relationship. He also felt it was wrong for my mom to threaten me and say I cant move without her say. I am 21 and old enough to do as I please so the way I see it is if my mom dont like it to damn bad. She is my mother yes and I love her but she is oversteping her boundarys. Honestly I dont approve of the way my mother is acting at all. So me and my dom decided to do our own things and forget about her. We allready told her off and it did not go as planned but oh well. I think its good she knows exactly how we feel. Thank you everyone for all your advice on this. [\quote]

Just my own two cents here, which you can feel free to take or leave as you choose...

My mother is an incredibly difficult woman to get along with. She says things she ought not be saying, butts into my life, violates boundaries, tries to tell me how to live my life. In the time that I’ve been with Mowerman, she has tried to sabotage the relationship, went out of her way to be disagreeable, went out of her way to do a whole heck of a lot of things she had no business doing.

At one point this fall, I wanted to throw my hands up and say ‘forget it’. But all during the difficult period, Mowerman remained in control of himself, his actions...made the choice of remaining polite. When I asked him about this he responded something along the lines of your mother chooses her behavior, but I choose mine. My behavior is not dependent on her behaviors. As we moved through the fall, and into the winter, he made active attempts to encourage me to view my mother through different eyes. When I came complaining about something she said or did, he would point out different points of view, including the fact that she was acting out of love, even if I didn’t like the way she was demonstrating her love. As we’ve moved through the spring, things have settled in. My mother eventually *after nearly a year of Mowerman’s consistent efforts* began to come around. As he demonstrated his commitment to me, to my well being, as she saw my happiness grow, she began accepting his place in my life and our choices.

I can’t tell you what you should do about your mother. But someday, she won’t be here anymore. You don’t have to like a way a person is behaving in order to love the person that they are. You will have many friends in life, you may have many boyfriends/Doms in life, but you will only have one mother...is it really worth the rift?

(in reply to cutelinygurl84)

Post #: 30

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/3/2006 1:29:53 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The fact is that you both have a child together. Whatever decision EITHER of you makes needs to have that as the number one priority- how will this help the child to be raised in a stable, thriving, loving environment with all its parental models in its life?

The fact is that you want what you want- you want him with you and you want to stay close to your family. The fact is that he doesn't really feel close to your family and wants to start a life together with you and your child somewhere else.

Moving is a big deal, and luckily you've got time to talk out the details and short term/long term details. Where are jobs more available? Where do you each feel like you are "home"? You're both young- making this choice now does not throw you into a jail cell for life. The only commitment you've both made that cannot be dismissed so far is to be good parents.

He has a right to want what he wants, and you have a right to want what you want. How far is Chicago from where you are now? What does Chicago give you all that where you are not cannot give you? What if you move and agree to re-evaluate in 5 years? How easily can you visit family on holidays and vacations? Is he trying to split you up from your family or are you being selfish? Will you both be in better positions to raise a child together in Chicago? Do you want this man to be your partner in life? Does he want to be yours?

This has nothing to do with being a dom or slave or anything- and only to do with the well-being of the child involved and everyone making solid long term decisions for themselves and their own fulfillment.

I love my family, am very close to them, but if my life partner felt their place was elsewhere, and I wanted to support them, I'd make my life together with them and make sure to make visiting my family a priority.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to cutelinygurl84)

Post #: 31

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/3/2006 1:34:18 PM

Moloch

Posts: 1090
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

Chicago? isnt it that place where they send people when hell gets overcrowded?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 32

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/3/2006 1:38:55 PM

LorgromAndMiskel

Posts: 46
Joined: 6/9/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moloch

Chicago? isnt it that place where they send people when hell gets overcrowded?

No the overflow was redireced to New York, LA, and Hollywood.

(in reply to Moloch)

Post #: 33

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/3/2006 1:39:11 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Cute we are friends and i am the first to admit your mom can be a pain sometimes but you still love her. And do you really want to not talk to you grandma, dad, sister and brother anymore? What about your neice an nephews i know you will miss them. if you move he should not make you cut ties with you family. he does not have to speak with your mom but he should not try to stop you. Talk to him he really should not make you choose between him and your family.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Moloch)

Post #: 34

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/3/2006 1:44:17 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Cute we are friends and i am the first to admit your mom can be a pain sometimes but you still love her. And do you really want to not talk to you grandma, dad, sister and brother anymore? What about your neice an nephews i know you will miss them. if you move he should not make you cut ties with you family. he does not have to speak with your mom but he should not try to stop you. Talk to him he really should not make you choose between him and your family.

Matt's littleone

Since when does moving = no family?

They have phones, internet, webcams, even plain old paper mail still. And those newfangled automobiles, locomotives, and flying machines....

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 35

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/3/2006 1:48:17 PM

pickypetite

Posts: 6
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline

MMMM interesting topic about relocating elsewhere... i mean i can understand if its love that can move a person to relocate else where when all else doesnt matter. But when it comes to small kids or almost grown kids or perhaps the kids have visitations with their dads that can also complicate problems with relocating...as for me if i was younger i would have relocate. when thinking about relocating ...even myself have thought of this...is it really worth relocating so far away from all the familys and friends even the childrens friends and their familys they tend to visit so often? what about childrens time with their dads..would it be a problem for me to afford the flights to send them out to visit their dads a the parenting plans says?? theres alot to think over.... well its a thought ....

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 36

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/3/2006 2:59:41 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

He is not only asking you to give up your mother he is asking you to take your short person away from it's grandmother.
I certainly would not rush into to this kind of situation.
I don't trust people who want to isolate me from everything I know. I think you really need to explore the reality of the situation. Not just for you but your short one too.

*Brightspot

as opposed to staying and keeping the short person away from their father?

That was an ill thgought out statement.

K

(in reply to brightspot)

Post #: 37

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/3/2006 6:46:47 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Not sure id move in your situation from above posts.
Too much to sort through first.
However, i think otherwise id move. I live 10,000 miles from any of my family currently. But with sms, msn chat and letters, im fully abreast with my sisters divorce, my brothers struggles with his wife, my nephews recently broken leg, who went to my dad's 70th and seen photos all up to date here. Technology has made it possible for me to still be connected with my family, i take them with me.
littleone

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 38

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/3/2006 6:53:55 PM

kittensmailbox

Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline

i moved to LA from Ohio to be with my now Former Master... Needless to say, i returned to Ohio after 5 years... i will never leave my family again, or ever force my child to leave her grandperents and father just for my desires... It is a very selfish thing to do... For now on, my family and my child are a hard limit that can not be pushed... If the Dom is not willing to move, then why should i????

~lowers her eyes in respect

~kitten

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 39

RE: Relocating and Moving - 4/3/2006 8:09:04 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I am in my 20's yes and I do have one son who is 10 months old with my current dom(bf).

Given this information, then yes, you should move with your son's father, wherever he may be going. He and your son are your family, now. Siblings and parents are nice to have around, but they're not your "immediate" family any more, so do you give up the family you've built for the one you grew up with? I wouldn't.

_____________________________

Denise

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(in reply to cutelinygurl84)

Post #: 40

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